Dumped for being 'TOO FAT" :(

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  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
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    Not everybody is attracted to bigger people, just like not all people are attracted to people who have a lot of muscle, it is the same thing.

    I have been told that my tattoos make me look manly and that I look too tough lol. To each their own
  • klkarlen
    klkarlen Posts: 4,366 Member
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    Screw him, the horse sounds like a better option.

    Amen. I have two horses in my barn, and one of them has been with me through two ex-husbands. The horses are never that shallow.

    In all sincerity, I have not read all the posts yet, but I wanted to say that you can do this, do it for you, the saying "looking good is your best revenge" is so true. It really does give you a great ego boost to look and be your best.
  • dcbird13
    dcbird13 Posts: 2 Member
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    Hang in there, I know it hurts but if he really cared about you he would be there for you. My wife and I have been married for 24 1/2 years. It is not what is on the outside but who you are on the inside. As we have changed physically with age, we still care and love each other as the first day.
  • Smirnoff65
    Smirnoff65 Posts: 1,060 Member
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    I haven't read through all the thread but read your story and seriously it seems to me you are better off without him, looking at your profile pic you look lovely, I'm sure you will have no problems finding someone who loves you for the lovely girl that you are
  • fullersun35
    fullersun35 Posts: 162 Member
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    Could he have been nicer about ending the relationship?

    Yeah, probably.

    Is he "vain" or "shallow" for ending the relationship?

    No. At an absolute minimum, random folks on the internet don't know enough about all that went on to make that kind of judgement. Was it really the weight? Was it all the stuff going on that lead to the weight gain? Was it the lifestyle/personality changes that often come with large weight gains (let's be honest, you didn't put on "a little weight", you added half a person)? None of us here can know.

    Bottom line, you've hit a life reset point. It's up to you how to deal with it.

    +1
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
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    Marriages used to have a "for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health..." clause.

    I know you loved this guy. The fact he left over *this* is proof he was messed up, not ready for commitment. If not "fat", he would have found some other excuse. And he'll probably do the same thing a couple of years into his next relationship, for some other ridiculous reason, unless some year or other he grows up.
  • VeganGuy23061
    VeganGuy23061 Posts: 2 Member
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    Look, I'm a young guy and I at one time in my life was a tad shallow and vain. If you end up going back to this guy after he broke up with you for a reason most would deam shallow and emotionless you would have lost all of his respect and he would just keep you around to smash. This is just honesty, I know the mentality of a man. The best thing you can do is get healthy and fit for your own satisfaction. Too often in life we do things for others that we should be doing for ourselves. Do this for you. Oh and this guy isn't worth your time so get over him too, easier said than done but don't be a statistic.
  • nykismile
    nykismile Posts: 198
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    I was dating someone for a while; it was during a rather impressionable time for me, and I was dealing with an eating disorder on top of it all. I fell rather hard and eventually he left, but he never told me why. He just cut me out, almost effortlessly. I'll never know the reason why; maybe it was my weight, or my insecurity, who knows.

    I spent a lot of time trying to recover from that, but what hurt the most is when I was in the hospital for anorexia. I found out that he was trying to sleep with my VERY thin best friend (granted, we were broken up by that point, but I was the one who introduced the two). I was asked to recover from an ED after hearing that news. Kinda killed me, on the inside.

    I feel better now than I did before. But it still stings at me from time to time. I just have to note my faults and focus on my strengths. I'll never be as skinny or pretty as my best friend, but that's not her fault, nor mine. And his ways are his business. I'm just gonna do me. This is my world, not his.

    I'm sorry for what your ex did. All we can do is better ourselves for ourselves.
  • benchsquad65
    benchsquad65 Posts: 147 Member
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    Happens all the time. I lost weight when women said I was too fat, and then they told me I was skinny. So I bulked up and have guns huggin the sleeve and everything now looking absolutely jacked and they tell me I lift too much :(
  • chilly1470
    chilly1470 Posts: 178 Member
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    I too recently had a breakup, although not for the same reason. Honestly, if someone is going to break up with you for being "fat" then you don't want them in your life. You should be losing weight for yourself, and no one else! I know it's hard to think about, but honestly that's just such a lame excuse that I bet he was already losing interest in the relationship. My advice to you would be to work on you! When everyone else fails, you're always going to have to depend on yourself! If you can't depend on YOU, then you can't depend on anything or anyone! Feel free to add me for emotional support and advice, my breakup was devastating but I am slowly picking up the pieces and moving on. Good luck!

    And this is why I am glad you are my friend!!
  • dlionsmane
    dlionsmane Posts: 672 Member
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    I didn't meet my mate until I was over 40, 35 is not too old to find your love. The key is when you are happy with you and you now what you want in a partner you will get that. Until then, focus on you, make yourself happy, do what you like doing, live your life. Be you! If you happen to lose weight in the meantime, yay for you! When you find the right guy who will appreciate all of you - you will know it.

    (BTW - I gained all my weight AFTER meeting my guy... got to my highest weight with him and am now back to where I was when we first got together... he loved me the same all the way through it...)
  • disneygallagirl
    disneygallagirl Posts: 515 Member
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    Sounds like you had a lucky escape. If he is so shallow that a bit of extra weight has made him run away then it obviously wasn't true love on his part. Better to find out now, have a little cry, dust yourself off, pick yourself off and get on with the rest of your life. Someone will come into it who will be there for you through thick and thin ('scuse the pun :laugh: ). Hugs to you, your heart will mend in time, I promise!
    +1
    You deserve better
  • melodiarentsen
    melodiarentsen Posts: 20 Member
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    Good riddance! Even if you lost the weight, you would be crazy to take such a shallow person back. Find someone who loves you for you, not how you look. Absolutely pathetic. Your heart is broken. I get it, but I bet you know deep down that he is not worth it at all. You would be lowering yourself to EVER take him back. Be strong. Find your best friend. He's out there. Concentrate on you. Best of luck.
  • MyTimeNishka
    MyTimeNishka Posts: 23 Member
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    I read that & first thought - he is an *kitten*!!!! to the nth power...& the Universe works in mysterious ways so you can thank the Universe for showing you his assininity before you made your love legal!
    Now to you ---Wooo!!! you are now free..yes FREE!!! to focus on making you stronger , healthier & more amazing than before -- you can do it! You are Worth It ! No MAN DEFINES YOUR WORTH - YOU DEFINE YOUR WORTH --therefore you ARE PRICELESS!
    You:1 LoserEX:0
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
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    I really thought we would end up together.

    Sorry to hear about this. He's a **** and doesn't deserve you. Focus on getting healthy, lose that weight, then when he comes a-knocking, tell him to do one. Or better still, get your new boyfriend to throw him off your land. :D
  • miriyummy
    miriyummy Posts: 37 Member
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    I was dumped for a model with a 23inch waist. She will probably be dumped for someone younger. These guys only want what other people value. So they really only value the opinions of other men. Maybe they should just date those other men whose values they love so much?
  • Claire8614
    Claire8614 Posts: 157 Member
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    I hope you manage to lose some weight for youself, and see your ex boyfriend in the street when you have a fitter boyfriend and then he will think wow look what i could of had :)
  • Jazz_2014
    Jazz_2014 Posts: 142 Member
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    Congrats, however much he weighed, that's how much you've lost that you needed gone. Carry on losing whatever you want to lose for your own self, but the hard part is over.

    I love this reply!!
    So ditto.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
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    I really feel for you OP it's a painful thing to have to deal with. And it might not feel like it now but the guy has done you a massive favour! Far better to have someone like that out of your life than in it.

    My daughters dad left me at 6mths pregnant for someone else. And in his words "my body looked weird" and he told me he didn't want to sleep with me anymore. The truth is it was part of a pattern of his behaviour because he's a prat. The guy you were with sounds like one too.

    Move forward and make yourself a priority.

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