which parent is the jerk in this instance

morethenjustmum

It is very unlike me to post this type of thing but I am unsure of myself and don't know who to ask

I am going to recreate an interaction I recently had with a neighbour. I'd like some opinions about it. I can't ask anyone in my rl cause I really don't want to stir the s**t among this group of friends. About 4 families and we have all been really really close for about 4 years

I won't say which one I am and hopefully get some impartial unbiased opinions

preface, mom A has invited 4 local families over to her place to have a nacho off , party to take place tonight.
mom B 's son was so excited he cried cause he wanted it to happen yesterday. Cause he loves mom a's kids so much and we haven't seen a lot of each other this summer.

the first part takes place in the local park

mom A oh hey you shaved the back of your head cool , how come

mom B I have wanted to do it for a few years and just got up the guts , ha ha plus three weeks ago the kids had lice so seemed like a good time to try it.

mom A ewww did you have it too

mom B, no just paranoid and overcautious

two hours later via text ( word for word from my phone )

mom A: Husband A is concerned about possibility of nits spreading. Maybe we should postpone the nacho fest with your boys and do a last weekend before school blow out? Would that be Okay?

mom B Oh the lice is long gone. It was on them 3 weeks ago and I have treated them and checked them they are clean. I was just paranoid. Child 1 had only one adult lice and child 2 has been clean since the first treatment. I didnt even have it myself, just treated my hair in case. But if you're sure I will tell them we can't go. Its gonna break child 2 heart


mom A. Hey mom b its husband A here, even tho I shave my head we have a lot of kids coming over and don't want to risk it. My family is also coming for a visit to go Sick Kids (hospital) and just want to be safe. I'm sorry about this but we will make it up to child 2 before school starts.

mom B; So you acutally think I would have come over to your house on sunday if my kids had had lice. Thanks nice to know what you think of me

next morning

mom a I'm sorry you took that personally. It is more a fear of a contagious parasite but I understand how you feel

mom b no i understand completely. You guys think I am unable and not competent enough to deal with it and my reassurances that they are clean aren't good enough for you. I understand have fun.

mom b And how can I not be hurt when I had to hold my kid while he cried himself to sleep asking my why you guys don't like him

So long sorry I know this is lame but I really don't know whose opinion to ask and posting here I know I will honest non emotionally invested answers.

Thanks in advance.
Bonus points to anyone who can figure out which parent I am lol

YF92

Cant really give an opinion here

but I'd say your mom B

Ferrous_Female_Dog

You're Mom A.

StaciMarie1974

If its a friend, someone you've known to be responsible and they say it was an issue 2-3 weeks ago: I'd trust them on it.

Drama_Free_Zone

Papa B is an over-reactive schmuck, Mom A is also over reacting to his over reaction, Mom B is caught in the middle. No good solution other than talk it out over beers and just let it pass.

fivethreeone

One is overreacting and one is passive aggressive.

So_Much_Fab

I think you're B.

I think if it were me, I wouldn't have uninvited yo...*cough cough*...Mom B based on what was written.

BigT555

both are in the wrong, both overreacted. you (assuming you are b) overreacted to her rescheduling when she is concerned about spreading lice (valid concern) and the other parent overreacted to the lice situation when it was already dealt with, but how could she know 100% that there are no lice remaining on a hat, or clothes, or wherever else

Ferrous_Female_Dog

Family A is being paranoid.

jasonmh630

Mom B is over-reacting. Mom/Husband A is just trying to be on the safe side, just in case. But seems to be a little on the passive aggressive side.

ChelseaWelseyKins

I totally understand why they wouldn't want the kids coming over, lice sucks. But on the other hand, if it's been 2 weeks and you're positive no one has it, then there shouldn't be a problem.
You're probably mom B considering you said "and WE haven't seen THEM in a while" after talking about Mom A inviting you guys over.

YF92

^

Thats what told me she's mom B too

PlanetVelma

This conversation would have probably ended better if it was on the phone or face to face instead of text.

I think both sets of parents could have handled the situation better.

So_Much_Fab

You're probably mom B considering you said "and WE haven't seen THEM in a while" after talking about Mom A inviting you guys over.

Yep, I caught that as well.

FaylinaMeir

I dunno which one you are but lice isn't something to play with its a royal pain in the *kitten* and I think mom b is kinda being a jerk not understand not everyone would enjoy the issues that come from lice.
It's like getting rid of fleas, you have to vaccum everyday, clean EVERY little corner in your home, rewash some of your clothes if the lice is bad enough, not to mention the expense of the lice shampoos. I agree with Mom A
not to mention it usually takes more than " a couple weeks" to get rid of head lice completely as the eggs (nits) can take a long time to hatch. Family A seems responsible, Mom B seems self absorbed with the "poor me" attitude.

Veil5577

both are in the wrong, both overreacted. you (assuming you are b) overreacted to her rescheduling when she is concerned about spreading lice (valid concern) and the other parent overreacted to the lice situation when it was already dealt with, but how could she know 100% that there are no lice remaining on a hat, or clothes, or wherever else

Agree.

jasonmh630

I totally understand why they wouldn't want the kids coming over, lice sucks. But on the other hand, if it's been 2 weeks and you're positive no one has it, then there shouldn't be a problem.
You're probably mom B considering you said "and WE haven't seen THEM in a while" after talking about Mom A inviting you guys over.

What convinced me that she was Mom B was this:

two hours later via text ( word for word from my phone )

mom A: Husband A is concerned about possibility of nits spreading. Maybe we should postpone the nacho fest with your boys and do a last weekend before school blow out? Would that be Okay?

Jim_Barteck

Based purely on this description, I'd have to say Mom B is being unreasonable.

#1: Oh your child has had pneumonia really recently?

#2: Yes, but it's all better, and he's not contagious. I'm sure of it.

#1: There's no way we can be sure. So let's do this another time.

#2: Oh. So you don't think I'm qualified to tell? Forget you then!

See how unreasonable that sounds when it's something else that's contagious? Lice are no joke, and nobody wants to unnecessarily expose their families (or someone else's) to them if possible.

If they hadn't offered to make it up another time, then perhaps, maybe, possibly you could say they were being unreasonable. But it sounds like they were trying to protect their kids *AND* the fact that they would have been responsible not just for their own children, but a bunch of others (with very angry parents if they had been exposed). But they *DID* offer, so they clearly weren't trying to be mean. Just cautious. And there's not a thing wrong on the planet with that.

365andstillalive

I'm going to say you're mom B.
I can understand being upset, it's something you know is going to upset your child and so on, but at the same time, the other family has a trip planned to that hospital for an important reason I assume. My boyfriend's sister had brain surgery a few months ago and was in the hospital for months, nearly a month of which my boyfriend wasn't allowed to go see her because he had an ear infection that lasted a week and that he took antibitotics for. These hospitals are really cautious for a reason, and not only is lice annoying, but in an environment like that it would spread like crazy. They need to be cautious. They also did extend an offer to do something later on, and apologized.
I'm not a parent, but I know these things came up all the time when I was a kid, and both my parents always shrugged it off. People will always do what they feel is best for their child, in the same way I hope you would for yours.

So mom A or mom B, you're just trying to do your best.
Good luck!

randomtai

Does the B stand for something?

seltzermint555

Mom B is over-reacting. Mom/Husband A is just trying to be on the safe side, just in case. But seems to be a little on the passive aggressive side.

I agree with this.

As for me personally, I would maybe cancel a SLEEPOVER based on a fear of residual nits and/or lice but not an outdoor activity and probably not an indoor nacho fest or whatever.