How do you handle tantrums?

Mikkimeow · August 2014

It is good to know that I am not crazy, there are judgmental people out there who haven't had to deal with children.

T1DCarnivoreRunner · August 2014

You are the one who CHOSE to wrangle a two year old. Just as I have chosen not to. The difference is that I did not CHOOSE to have to listen to a screaming brat when I'm trying to shop. The OP is asking for advice on how to best control her child... that is actually admirable and unfortunately is very very very very very rare. I am very happy to see this in contrast to the typical "victim" mentality of parents (where one feels like they have been conned into HAVING to take care of kid), or the idea that one's child can do no wrong regardless of the obvious.

When I was a kid, we didn't do these types of things... if I tried to, I would have my butt spanked so fast... has parenting gotten harder, or are parents just trying less? The OP is trying, and I would have ignored the whole thread if not for that.

SunofaBeach14 · August 2014

That's adorable

vim_n_vigor · August 2014

I watch like a hawk for toys and other shiny stuff that will distract my kids and do everything I can to keep them from seeing it. Also, in the grocery store is probably not the best place to try explaining something to a toddler. No and move on will be much less traumatic on you and everyone around you.

jigsawxyouth · August 2014

lol, dudebrah, are you mad that you're mom didn't give you bubbles?

CompressedCarbon · August 2014

I had one tantrum thrower and one who was not. The Not Child threw exactly one tantrum but it was a classic, throw-yourself-on-the-ground kind. I stepped over her and moved to another part of the house. She seemed surprised, quit crying, walked to where I'd moved, threw herself back down and continued. I laughed my guts out. She stopped.

The more regular tantrum thrower has always had a strong will and the need to learn things by experience. Until she was about 3, we had the opportunity to try all different kinds of responses. What worked the best was removing her from the tantrum inducing situation and having a time-in (we called it enforced rocking). The theory was that she was out of control and needed the reassurance that I could provide to help her get back IN control.

At the store, I would just empathize that it was sad that we couldn't get the bubbles but we'd continue on with our shopping.

Finally during one of her tantrums, when she was about 3 or early 4, I asked if she'd ever once received what she was crying for during a tantrum. She thought seriously about this, answered, "no," at which point I suggested she might want to change her tactic. And she did.

WinoGelato · August 2014

Oh the other thing I was going to say is that I think when the adult gets tense/stressed/emotional about the tantrum, that motivates the child to keep going. My husband is way more even keeled than I am, and was always better at diffusing the tantrums than me, who gets really agitated/embarrassed myself and I think the kids sense it and keep pushing. I also noticed at daycare, the teachers are so good at keeping their voices level, acknowledging what it is the kid is upset about, and quickly diverting their attention to something else. I think staying calm is probably easier said than done, at least for me it was, but it does seem to work.

IPAkiller · August 2014

My 2yo doesn't throw a lot of serious tantrums (unless she's overtired, then I'm completely effed). I don't know if it's because she's just well-behaved or because of the way I handle tantrums.

First thing you have to do is immediately separate yourself and the child from the situation. You have to do it the second the tantrum occurs. No trying to slink away or finish what you are doing. You should also do this abruptly. Pick the child up, don't say a word and quickly walk away to somewhere to the side (behind a display, around a corner, hell even through the big doors to the employees only area). Hold the child tight to you and calm the little one with back rubs and "shushing" till the tantrum mostly subsides. Once things are pretty quiet and calm, set her down, het on one knee to see her eye to eye and explain that there are bubbles at home and if she can behave for the rest of the trip, you'll break them out at home.

Ever kid is different and so is every parent. Trial and error is the only way you're going to find what works. Good Luck Kiddo.

randomtai · August 2014

This. :laugh:

waltcote · August 2014

I normally fall on the floor whenever it is necessary.Iif my wife won't let me get Captain Crunch, the cereal aisle is good and sometimes its actually cooling in the summer. :huh:

socajam · August 2014

dhall2011 · August 2014

They may not understand that you have it at home. With my daughter I would get down to her level, look her in the eye and so no. When I got home if we had what she was asking for I would show it to her and say "that's why I said no, this was here" think simple terms but it's definitely good teaching her. Sometimes I just looked people back in the eye. For every negative comment I seem to get four telling me I was doing the right thing by not giving it.

lisalsd1 · August 2014

My kids are older (3 & 6). I'll be honest my kids have never thrown temper tantrums for toys in the store (I'm not bragging, b/c they throw temper tantrums about other things). I always pulled the "yes, those are bubbles" and moved on. I was consistent about NOT buying toys.
As the kids got older, I would tell the kids ahead of time that we weren't going to the store to buy toys. If we had to get a toy for a birthday party...I would say, "ok, we are going to the store to buy a present for your friend. You are not getting a toy, BUT you can look and find a present that you think your friend would like."

lisalsd1 · August 2014

Ah..I did think of something else. I did often allow my kids to bring one of their own toys into the store with them. Something small, cheap, and not super important if it was lost. This definitely kept them distracted from other things in the store.

PlanetVelma · August 2014

My daughter was the one that was always throwing a fit in the stores. One day in Walmart she started her usual hijinks and I ended up "fake crying" to distract her (we were in the toilet paper aisle so no toys to be seen). She was SHOCKED, actually she was probably more confused than anything "Why the hell is mom acting like that?"

She did stop crying and ended up laughing.

After that, that's what I would do - I'd either do my "fake crying" or I'd make animal sounds - like a duck or a goat. Really anything to get her attention focused on something else.

Although, if it was too late to redirect her attention, it was a mad dash to check out.

My daughter's 12 now, but I still kinda miss those days where I had to park my cart in the middle of the aisle so she wouldn't grab stuff off the shelf and throw it in the basket. Awwww!

lol

Kanohane · August 2014

There's a thing called discipline and consequences...I would be giving you the evil eye as well parents need to parent and stop creating self entitled brats..

veganbettie · August 2014

a child throwing a tantrum is NOT a brat. Toddlers and small children have no control on their emotions yet. Everything is a huge deal to them.

I distract and talk through. I've also been known to have a sucker in my bag just case. Furthermore, kids are loud, they cry, and they sometimes can be annoying, that's what kids do. Most people understand that. And the people that don't....well you'll never see them again anyways. If my 2 year old gets really bad I'll take him outside to calm down, but other than that, he is a kid.

Besides...grocery stores are hardly libraries....you need peace and quiet to shop? Gotta think that hard?

Restaurant tantrums are another story. ....Tantrum starts and i'm out of there....or I just nurse. Boobs are a cure all.

SideSteel · August 2014

Having a son on the autism spectrum makes for some additional challenges in that some children (my son for example) have meltdowns when things don't go as expected.

Then things get interesting when people give rude looks, and sometimes it becomes hard to ignore, but I do my best.

This experience in parenting has taught me to reserve judgement of other people in situations where I don't have all the information. Unfortunately many people don't do that though.

As far as the OP is concerned, I think distraction would be one reasonable thing you could attempt.

enterdanger · August 2014

Your baby is 1.5 years. It will get better. My 3 year old is almost a person. lol. When they are bad like that and so young just say NO and ignore tantrums. Stay calm. The little buggers are like predators if they smell fear.

For the people talking about discipline..it is really hard to discipline a one year old. They don't understand consequences yet unless they are super advanced.

Stay calm, be consistent, and like Nancy Reagan, Just say no.

kmariet7 · August 2014

I've used the oops sorry its not on the list and continued on... You did good... said not today we already have them, finished quickly and left. It will get better as long as you don't give in. Some kids learn quickly and some take forever. Hang in there!

veganbettie · August 2014

^^^ this. And there is no reasoning with a toddler. On occasion you can get through to them, but it's hit or miss. As long as you're not completely ignoring your child then people tend to understand.

And screw the people that don't.

Lofteren · August 2014

People are heckling you because you came off as an arrogant prick

But, I have 4 kids and I agree with you. If my kids act up, I spank them. So guess what? They don't act up very often and when they do I just tell them that they're about to get spanked and they straighten right up. It's not as hard as people make it out to be and a lot of parents are incredibly lazy and crappy kids because of it.

jigsawxyouth · August 2014

^^^This,
and anyone notice how the OP said she has a 18 month old? Do you remember the way you were behaving when you were that age? Probably not... they're not manipulative self entitled brats, they're children.
Tantrums are NORMAL. Kids that age are not able to communicate with full sentences, which is why they cry... I'm fortunate enough to have a kid that doesn't freak out when we go out. But the rare occurrence that it does happen, I defuse the situation, because I have crap to do.

If being around kids at the store bothers you so much, go shopping at one in the morning. Pretty sure you won't hear any "screaming brats" then.

The_Aly_Wei · August 2014

Birth control.
Oh wait, I suppose a bit too late...

rolled up newspaper and a squirt bottle?

CrainT1 · August 2014

You need to push your cart up to the front of the store with your toddler screaming in tow and tell them to please watch this I will be back once she is finished. Take her outside and tell her, I said we have bubbles at home and you can have them when you get there, but we are not going back in to the store until you are finished with your tantrum, and then just sit and wait her out. When she calms down just say are you okay now to go back in? We are not getting bubble as we already have some at home which you can have when we get there okay? If it starts again, repeat. After a few times of this NOT TAKING IT or GIVING IN, she will understand no means no, and the people in the store will respect you for being calm and taking her outside to finish up her crying or fit then coming back in when calm.

enterdanger · August 2014

I'm not 100% against spanking, but I am 100% against spanking a 1 year old. That is still a baby and they won't understand. Besides, I would never spank for something a minor as a toddler throwing a tantrum. My 3 year old has been spanked twice. Both times because he endangered his life.

1 time by not listening and running out into the street. The other for not listening and opening my oven when it was on.

If you spank for everything it loses its importance. My parents spanked me and by 5 or 6 it was no longer a huge impact on my decisions to misbehave.

odusgolp · August 2014

Start mocking the child. Everyone needs a healthy dose of mockery.

SarahRuthRuns · August 2014

All children are different, so ignoring won't work for all children in all situations. But ignoring does work in many if not most situations; it worked for all three of my children (and worked quickly).

You are thinking not only as a non-parent, but also as an adult. Toddlers do not think the same way we do, they are just learning how to react to situations and frustrations. The only time I have seen a child respond by throwing a BIGGER tantrum was when the parents regularly gave in. If you give in to a tantrum, you are teaching them that tantrums work. If you do not give in next time, you have already taught them that screaming will work, so they scream more and louder.

If you ignore a tantrum, the child will not think, "Well, it didn't work before, so let's try again louder this time". They just learn that it doesn't work. Ignoring a tantrum teaches them that a tantrum will get them NOTHING. No toy, no bubbles, no attention, nothing.

Distraction, as others have mentioned, works as well, especially at younger ages.

Punishing kids in public is not cool. At this age it's probably not as big of a deal, but as they get older you're no longer just correcting bad behavior, you're humiliating them.

I'm standing by "ignore the tantrum, and quickly remove yourself from the public venue". Or distract her, as others have mentioned. And non-parents who have no experience raising kids shouldn't be allowed to tell parents how they should parent.

Mikkimeow · August 2014

I guess I forgot that 18 month olds are old enough to be self entitled brats. LOL.

EvanKeel · August 2014

*shrug* I'm not a parent.

The only thing I can offer is what my parents told me they did in those situations. I don't really remember that far back. They admit to spoiling me when I was 2 and they paid the price for it when I was 3. This is not to suggest the OP did anything wrong; it's just a little background as to why I might have thrown a tantrum at that age.

I'm told their solution was to just leave the store and let the tantrum run its course in a less public area, rather than placate me. And if that meant they had to go back at another point to get groceries because they left a cart behind, then that's what they did. They also kept a small stockpile of food reserved for those occasions.

How do you handle tantrums?

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