How do you handle tantrums?
Replies
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There's a thing called discipline and consequences...I would be giving you the evil eye as well parents need to parent and stop creating self entitled brats..
I guess I forgot that 18 month olds are old enough to be self entitled brats. LOL.
Soon she's going to start stealing money out of your purse and sneaking out in the middle of the night if you don't get your **** together... GEESH0 -
There's a thing called discipline and consequences...I would be giving you the evil eye as well parents need to parent and stop creating self entitled brats..
I guess I forgot that 18 month olds are old enough to be self entitled brats. LOL.
Soon she's going to start stealing money out of your purse and sneaking out in the middle of the night if you don't get your **** together... GEESH
I forced my 4 year old to join the Marines. Straightened her right up.0 -
You should have swallowed when you had the chance.
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First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.
IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.
What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.
Death stare all you want, I'm the one having to wrangle a two year old.
You are the one who CHOSE to wrangle a two year old. Just as I have chosen not to. The difference is that I did not CHOOSE to have to listen to a screaming brat when I'm trying to shop. The OP is asking for advice on how to best control her child... that is actually admirable and unfortunately is very very very very very rare. I am very happy to see this in contrast to the typical "victim" mentality of parents (where one feels like they have been conned into HAVING to take care of kid), or the idea that one's child can do no wrong regardless of the obvious.
When I was a kid, we didn't do these types of things... if I tried to, I would have my butt spanked so fast... has parenting gotten harder, or are parents just trying less? The OP is trying, and I would have ignored the whole thread if not for that.
And you don't sound bitter or rage-y or hyper critical of what abouts to minor annoyances....0 -
OP, I let me daughter hold whatever she wants while in the store. If she's not going to get it, I explain that she's just holding it and it isn't going home. I pry it out of her hands at the register after I've paid so the tantrum happens in my car going home.0
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I pick things up and put them down.... like a bottle of beer... I do drop sets on these until I can't feel my arms any more.0
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You should have swallowed when you had the chance.
Ok it took me like 5 mins to get it but that was funny!! A0 -
You should have swallowed when you had the chance.
Ok it took me like 5 mins to get it but that was funny!!0 -
Start mocking the child. Everyone needs a healthy dose of mockery.
Honestly thought that's what I always did with mine, and she'd eventually start laughing. She'd realize I had no intention of taking her seriously, then we'd just laugh about it.
Mockery is great in any and all situations.0 -
I'm nervous about these no so much about how I will handle it our how the public will react, but more so how his father will react he already likes to scream and cuss at him and he's only 7 months.0
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I'm nervous about these no so much about how I will handle it our how the public will react, but more so how his father will react he already likes to scream and cuss at him and he's only 7 months.
Wait, what? Your child's father yells at a 7 month old?0 -
I ignore them entirely.
I am not and will not ever be under emotional blackmail of my child. Like the common phrase here on MFP, "Don't feed the troll."
I have never once fed into a tantrum. I would quietly take my toddler by the hand, not make eye contact, not say a word, give him no attention and calmly put him in his crib, close the door and walk away. He is now 2 years old and NEVER has them. (He still cries, but never a full-blown "scream on the floor kicking and flailing" fest) If we are in a public place, I do the responsible good-parent thing and remove my child from public.
edited for typos0 -
There's not much more you can do at this age other than distract them a different way. Cause and effect is still something completely foreign to them and while they are slowly learning it, in a crowded place with so so much going on around them as well as being emotional distraught, they will have no freaking idea why you are punishing them there. WHICH I would could only imagine would lead to more confusion, more distress, and even fear for them. If you have to remove them from the entire situation than so be it. Just part of being a parent.
I am getting a kick out of the "we didn't do that/would have gotten spanked/yelled at yada yada" answers from non-parents. Like you honestly remember being a 2 year old and what your parents did. Older and more mentally/emotionally developed, sure. 2 year old nada. Go ahead and spank a two year old and the ONLY reason they will be quite and stop is out of pure fear of you and that's messed up.0 -
I'm nervous about these no so much about how I will handle it our how the public will react, but more so how his father will react he already likes to scream and cuss at him and he's only 7 months.
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I'm nervous about these no so much about how I will handle it our how the public will react, but more so how his father will react he already likes to scream and cuss at him and he's only 7 months.
Well, that's horrifying.0 -
As a non-parent, all I can say is, if someone was giving you the stink eye for an 18 month old, that person is just a grouchy @ss and should be ignored. And keep in mind that could have easily been my husband, and I know for a fact that he is IS a grouchy @ss and has no patience for children (although they LOVE him for some reason :laugh: ).
If the kid is five and still doing this, then I might be giving the stink eye too, and I've seen that unfortunately as well....0 -
Is his name Oscar?As a non-parent, all I can say is, if someone was giving you the stink eye for an 18 month old, that person is just a grouchy @ss and should be ignored. And keep in mind that could have easily been my husband, and I know for a fact that he is IS a grouchy @ss and has no patience for children (although they LOVE him for some reason :laugh: ).
If the kid is five and still doing this, then I might be giving the stink eye too, and I've seen that unfortunately as well....
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I'm not 100% against spanking, but I am 100% against spanking a 1 year old. That is still a baby and they won't understand. Besides, I would never spank for something a minor as a toddler throwing a tantrum. My 3 year old has been spanked twice. Both times because he endangered his life.
1 time by not listening and running out into the street. The other for not listening and opening my oven when it was on.
If you spank for everything it loses its importance. My parents spanked me and by 5 or 6 it was no longer a huge impact on my decisions to misbehave.
Then apparently your parents weren't doing it right. I know I wasn't afraid to get spanked by my mom once I was about 5 years old but when I heard her say she was going to have my dad do it I was instantly a perfect little angel. Daddy spanked a lot harder than mommy did.
I'm not saying that spanking is the only option for discipline but it definitely needs to be utilized. I see a lot of kids at Wal-Mart that could use a good spanking or 2!
Edit: or 30
Right at 12 months most kids wouldn't understand a spanking but my 18 month old knows what a spanking is and she knows to behave when her mother or I tell her she's fixin' to get one. At that age we don't spank her hard enough for it to hurt but it's an easy and effective way to communicate to her that she is now in trouble for doing whatever it was we told her to stop doing.0 -
I'm not 100% against spanking, but I am 100% against spanking a 1 year old. That is still a baby and they won't understand. Besides, I would never spank for something a minor as a toddler throwing a tantrum. My 3 year old has been spanked twice. Both times because he endangered his life.
1 time by not listening and running out into the street. The other for not listening and opening my oven when it was on.
If you spank for everything it loses its importance. My parents spanked me and by 5 or 6 it was no longer a huge impact on my decisions to misbehave.
Then apparently your parents weren't doing it right. I know I wasn't afraid to get spanked by my mom once I was about 5 years old but when I heard her say she was going to have my dad do it I was instantly a perfect little angel. Daddy spanked a lot harder than mommy did.
I'm not saying that spanking is the only option for discipline but it definitely needs to be utilized. I see a lot of kids at Wal-Mart that could use a good spanking or 2!
Edit: or 30
Right at 12 months most kids wouldn't understand a spanking but my 18 month old knows what a spanking is and she knows to behave when her mother or I tell her she's fixin' to get one. At that age we don't spank her hard enough for it to hurt but it's an easy and effective way to communicate to her that she is now in trouble for doing whatever it was we told her to stop doing.
I am finding that an 18 month old has the same understanding of spankings as a 1 year old. It is violent and scares them. Now, I am not one to judge older children being spanked. My plan is to teach my child that communication is more effective than fearing physical punishment. Other people spank their kids, that's fine. But I am not going to put my hands on a child that doesn't even know how to articulate punishment yet.0 -
Is his name Oscar?As a non-parent, all I can say is, if someone was giving you the stink eye for an 18 month old, that person is just a grouchy @ss and should be ignored. And keep in mind that could have easily been my husband, and I know for a fact that he is IS a grouchy @ss and has no patience for children (although they LOVE him for some reason :laugh: ).
If the kid is five and still doing this, then I might be giving the stink eye too, and I've seen that unfortunately as well....
HA! Pretty much, yes. He's very endearing in his grouchy.0 -
First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.
IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.
What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.
Death stare all you want, I'm the one having to wrangle a two year old.
You are the one who CHOSE to wrangle a two year old. Just as I have chosen not to. The difference is that I did not CHOOSE to have to listen to a screaming brat when I'm trying to shop. The OP is asking for advice on how to best control her child... that is actually admirable and unfortunately is very very very very very rare. I am very happy to see this in contrast to the typical "victim" mentality of parents (where one feels like they have been conned into HAVING to take care of kid), or the idea that one's child can do no wrong regardless of the obvious.
When I was a kid, we didn't do these types of things... if I tried to, I would have my butt spanked so fast... has parenting gotten harder, or are parents just trying less? The OP is trying, and I would have ignored the whole thread if not for that.
People are heckling you because you came off as an arrogant prick
But, I have 4 kids and I agree with you. If my kids act up, I spank them. So guess what? They don't act up very often and when they do I just tell them that they're about to get spanked and they straighten right up. It's not as hard as people make it out to be and a lot of parents are incredibly lazy and crappy kids because of it.
Thanks! The approach I use when I know what argument is coming is to address the irrelevant response before it is even made. That way, I don't have to have as much back and forth. The OP can take my advice or ignore it... there is no question as to why I'm offering advice in the first place, and my perspective comes from impartiality - I don't see anyone's kid as an angel or a demon based on my relationship with any child, but based on displayed behavior.
In other words, I don't have to walk a mile in your shoes to realize that your laces are untied.0 -
Studies show that spanking lowers IQ. OP, advice on handling and avoiding tantrums can change with your kid's age. For example, now I can explain to my oldest kid that today's not a toy day before we even go into a store. When she was a year and a half she would hear sentences like this: "You are not getting a toy today." I had to learn to keep things more concise, to say "no," and to move on. When she was old enough to understand time outs she also learned that I can find a timeout corner anywhere.
Source on spanking and IQ: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20090924/kids-who-get-spanked-may-have-lower-iqs0 -
Studies show that spanking lowers IQ. OP, advice on handling and avoiding tantrums can change with your kid's age. For example, now I can explain to my oldest kid that today's not a toy day before we even go into a store. When she was a year and a half she would hear sentences like this: "You are not getting a toy today." I had to learn to keep things more concise, to say "no," and to move on. When she was old enough to understand time outs she also learned that I can find a timeout corner anywhere.
Source on spanking and IQ: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20090924/kids-who-get-spanked-may-have-lower-iqs
Well it's a good thing my parents spanked me, otherwise you'd be dealing with an evil overlord instead of just an opinionated know-it-all.0 -
Studies show that spanking lowers IQ. OP, advice on handling and avoiding tantrums can change with your kid's age. For example, now I can explain to my oldest kid that today's not a toy day before we even go into a store. When she was a year and a half she would hear sentences like this: "You are not getting a toy today." I had to learn to keep things more concise, to say "no," and to move on. When she was old enough to understand time outs she also learned that I can find a timeout corner anywhere.
Source on spanking and IQ: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20090924/kids-who-get-spanked-may-have-lower-iqs
Well it's a good thing my parents spanked me, otherwise you'd be dealing with an evil overlord instead of just an opinionated know-it-all.
Could be.
We don't spank our kids because we want them to understand there are consequences for actions. We don't want them to be afraid to do something because a person four times their height will pick them up and hit them. Spanking doesn't teach you to avoid doing something because you thought about it and it's wrong, spanking teaches you not to do something because people will hurt you.0 -
In other words, I don't have to walk a mile in your shoes to realize that your laces are untied.
You cannot compare shoelaces to the behavior of a child. That's absurd.
You cannot look at how a child is behaving in one instance and assume you have any insight into that child's overall behavior, and you cannot use a child's behavior in one instance to judge parenting ability. There is far too much information that you are lacking, and this prevents you from coming to any reasonable conclusions.
You DO have to either be a parent or have some other credible source of information pertaining to child development (like a degree or excessive experience with other people's children, maybe) in order to have any useful opinion/information to share in this discussion.0 -
Studies show that spanking lowers IQ. OP, advice on handling and avoiding tantrums can change with your kid's age. For example, now I can explain to my oldest kid that today's not a toy day before we even go into a store. When she was a year and a half she would hear sentences like this: "You are not getting a toy today." I had to learn to keep things more concise, to say "no," and to move on. When she was old enough to understand time outs she also learned that I can find a timeout corner anywhere.
Source on spanking and IQ: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20090924/kids-who-get-spanked-may-have-lower-iqs
Well it's a good thing my parents spanked me, otherwise you'd be dealing with an evil overlord instead of just an opinionated know-it-all.
Could be.
We don't spank our kids because we want them to understand there are consequences for actions. We don't want them to be afraid to do something because a person four times their height will pick them up and hit them. Spanking doesn't teach you to avoid doing something because you thought about it and it's wrong, spanking teaches you not to do something because people will hurt you.
Look, I'm not going to get in to the developmental theory here because when it comes to this topic it is very much a case by case basis, but by your own description, you're confusing spanking with hitting, and there's a big difference.0 -
First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.
IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.
What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.
Death stare all you want, I'm the one having to wrangle a two year old.
You are the one who CHOSE to wrangle a two year old. Just as I have chosen not to. The difference is that I did not CHOOSE to have to listen to a screaming brat when I'm trying to shop. The OP is asking for advice on how to best control her child... that is actually admirable and unfortunately is very very very very very rare. I am very happy to see this in contrast to the typical "victim" mentality of parents (where one feels like they have been conned into HAVING to take care of kid), or the idea that one's child can do no wrong regardless of the obvious.
When I was a kid, we didn't do these types of things... if I tried to, I would have my butt spanked so fast... has parenting gotten harder, or are parents just trying less? The OP is trying, and I would have ignored the whole thread if not for that.
People are heckling you because you came off as an arrogant prick
But, I have 4 kids and I agree with you. If my kids act up, I spank them. So guess what? They don't act up very often and when they do I just tell them that they're about to get spanked and they straighten right up. It's not as hard as people make it out to be and a lot of parents are incredibly lazy and crappy kids because of it.
Thanks! The approach I use when I know what argument is coming is to address the irrelevant response before it is even made. That way, I don't have to have as much back and forth. The OP can take my advice or ignore it... there is no question as to why I'm offering advice in the first place, and my perspective comes from impartiality - I don't see anyone's kid as an angel or a demon based on my relationship with any child, but based on displayed behavior.
In other words, I don't have to walk a mile in your shoes to realize that your laces are untied.
I don't have kids but even I know enough to....
and then....
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Studies show that spanking lowers IQ. OP, advice on handling and avoiding tantrums can change with your kid's age. For example, now I can explain to my oldest kid that today's not a toy day before we even go into a store. When she was a year and a half she would hear sentences like this: "You are not getting a toy today." I had to learn to keep things more concise, to say "no," and to move on. When she was old enough to understand time outs she also learned that I can find a timeout corner anywhere.
Source on spanking and IQ: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20090924/kids-who-get-spanked-may-have-lower-iqs
Well it's a good thing my parents spanked me, otherwise you'd be dealing with an evil overlord instead of just an opinionated know-it-all.
Could be.
We don't spank our kids because we want them to understand there are consequences for actions. We don't want them to be afraid to do something because a person four times their height will pick them up and hit them. Spanking doesn't teach you to avoid doing something because you thought about it and it's wrong, spanking teaches you not to do something because people will hurt you.
Look, I'm not going to get in to the developmental theory here because when it comes to this topic because it is very much a case by case basis, but by your own description, you're confusing spanking with hitting, and there's a big difference.
I don't think truly small children see a difference, even with light spanking.0 -
Studies show that spanking lowers IQ. OP, advice on handling and avoiding tantrums can change with your kid's age. For example, now I can explain to my oldest kid that today's not a toy day before we even go into a store. When she was a year and a half she would hear sentences like this: "You are not getting a toy today." I had to learn to keep things more concise, to say "no," and to move on. When she was old enough to understand time outs she also learned that I can find a timeout corner anywhere.
Source on spanking and IQ: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20090924/kids-who-get-spanked-may-have-lower-iqs
Well it's a good thing my parents spanked me, otherwise you'd be dealing with an evil overlord instead of just an opinionated know-it-all.
Could be.
We don't spank our kids because we want them to understand there are consequences for actions. We don't want them to be afraid to do something because a person four times their height will pick them up and hit them. Spanking doesn't teach you to avoid doing something because you thought about it and it's wrong, spanking teaches you not to do something because people will hurt you.
Look, I'm not going to get in to the developmental theory here because when it comes to this topic because it is very much a case by case basis, but by your own description, you're confusing spanking with hitting, and there's a big difference.
I don't think truly small children see a difference, even with light spanking.
True, they need to have a certain level of theory of mind for spanking to be an effective consequence, but depending on the temperament of the child it is one of a variety of tools that *can* be employed effectively.
My parents used reasoning to the best of their ability, but when I *reasoned* that it was ok to climb on a chair to get to the candy in the top cupboard because they had only told me not to climb on the counter, well.......0
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