OOOH I SERIOUSLY NEED TO VENT!!

1356

Replies

  • nonacgp
    nonacgp Posts: 132
    Just remember to call him everyday at noon to wake him up from his nap. :bigsmile:

    We so think alike. I didn't know it was you, Kathy, at first! But to the OP: I totally agree with this. Take it one further and have several of your friends call him also during his nap.
  • Lumpy52403
    Lumpy52403 Posts: 187 Member
    Studies have shown, women who have a little extra weight on them tend to live longer than the men who mention it ;)

    That attempt at humor is sexist and demeaning to men, and has absolutely no place here.
  • BramageOMG
    BramageOMG Posts: 319 Member
    He should have said: Slacker with a lot of excuses....
  • Lumpy52403
    Lumpy52403 Posts: 187 Member
    Perhaps he was just teasing you, and wasn't expecting it to hit a nerve.

    If it did hit a nerve AND you go to the gym 3 times a week, maybe you should consider why it is that you were so sensitive to playful sarcasm.

    That is the most intelligent response I have seen yet.
  • littlelaura
    littlelaura Posts: 1,028 Member
    just say it to him and ask him to trade jobs for a day.
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
    You should not feel more comfortable telling a bunch of strangers you problem with your husband than you do with your husband himself.

    I would disagree with this statement - I think it would be awesome if every marriage is an open book where people communicate at a level of adulthood always - yet, sadly - because we are all just human - it's rarely the case.

    I think venting like this in a fairly 'neutral' forum allows someone to maybe take the emotion out of it - so that when she does decide to finally communicate with him she has a better grasp on what she has to say :)

    If you can't communicate openly and with a level of adulthood with your spouse, there are bigger issues involved than if he thinks she's slacking.
  • teresamwhite
    teresamwhite Posts: 947 Member
    I get you OP, you're just venting a bit. Take it or leave it on all the relationship advice your going to get.here.
    +1
  • juliet3455
    juliet3455 Posts: 3,015 Member
    So log into MFP, drag his Ar#e off the couch and let him read your vent and all the comments posted by other MFP Ops. Including this one.
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
    Studies have shown, women who have a little extra weight on them tend to live longer than the men who mention it ;)

    That attempt at humor is sexist and demeaning to men, and has absolutely no place here.

    :laugh:
    tumblr_la1h2bxJPJ1qcpyq1o1_400.gif
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Perhaps he was just teasing you, and wasn't expecting it to hit a nerve.

    If it did hit a nerve AND you go to the gym 3 times a week, maybe you should consider why it is that you were so sensitive to playful sarcasm.

    That is the most intelligent response I have seen yet.

    Thanks. I've learned to speak "guy" pretty well. Men and women communicate differently.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    After reading this again, I don't think the comment is the real issue here. I think you may be resenting him a bit for having a different schedule and it's manifesting itself here. If this is the case, then you REALLY need to address it with him because that's a problem that will do far more harm than some off-the-cuff remark.
  • TheNewPriceIsLoading
    TheNewPriceIsLoading Posts: 2,135 Member
    Tell him he's a turd for saying you're not doing enough.
  • justal313
    justal313 Posts: 1,375 Member
    Just break up.

    7 posts, 9 minutes until the slightest whiff of relationship strife prompts this post. That's actually quite a long time for this site. The general rule is to recommend that people just abandon a relationship instead of work on it and discuss their issues with their partner.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    Maybe you should say it to him, after giving yourself time to decide exactly how best to say it. Your feelings of frustration are completely valid, and it's important for him to know how what he said affected you.

    +1
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
    Tell him. Please, for the love of everything holy, TELL. HIM.

    He may have been joking, but he won't know that he upset you or why until you directly tell him why. Be an adult and use your words. It is so frustrating to have your S/O mad at you for some obscure reason, only for it to come out of the woodwork days, weeks, months, or years later.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    so, does he know you go to the gym 3 days a week? If so, was he by chance, joking? Be happy you have someone who is not afraid to tell it like it is. But, seriously, talk to him about the fact that you are so upset over his comment.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    You should not feel more comfortable telling a bunch of strangers you problem with your husband than you do with your husband himself.

    I would disagree with this statement - I think it would be awesome if every marriage is an open book where people communicate at a level of adulthood always - yet, sadly - because we are all just human - it's rarely the case.

    I think venting like this in a fairly 'neutral' forum allows someone to maybe take the emotion out of it - so that when she does decide to finally communicate with him she has a better grasp on what she has to say :)

    ^^

    This!

    My emotional reactions can start a big deal out of almost nothing, so it's far better for me to vent, than process the emotion, than let the logic set in, than it is too just react unprepared.

    Case in point... my boyfriend is in college for engineering. In theory, this is a wonderful time consuming investment in our future. We talked about it ahead of time about how there are going to be times that we can't spend as much time together to study. In theory, I'm a totally supportive girlfriend who supports his goals, and understands his investment in the future, and will not freak out when he cancels.

    So... last night he had to work late and cancelled on me at the last minute.

    I was sooooooooo mad. He promised he would come this time after several cancellations since school started.

    I was so mad I yelled in this office than refused to talk to him for 15 minutes.

    I wanted to say "You promised! Liar! You don't need to study every single day!" but that's just not supportive, is it?

    So I vented, talked him him about 20 minutes later, and tried to be supportive of his decision.

    Venting is part of processing feelings and emotions, so vent on.
  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
    You don't HAVE to go to the gym. But to be the devil's advocate, you have a goal to lose weight. At some point you figured out that something needed to change. Perhaps he's trying to remind you of that?
  • christullos
    christullos Posts: 89
    So my husband just said these words to me: " you gotta get to the gym babe. You're a slacker" .Let me break this down for everyone. I am a 3rd grade teacher. I wear my fit bit to school and log an avg. Of 3.5 miles a day. I never sit! Oh wait a minute my 20 minutes of lunch that turns into 10 wait nope gotta make copies and go to the bathroom and oh yeah here comes a kid who has to finish some work. So my 20 minute lunch has turned into scarfing my turkey burger down my throat as I pick my kids up on the playground. But yep you're right I'm a slacker. My 8 hours on my feet,not to mention my class is downstairs, is just not good enough reason to not to want to go to the gym. Did I mention he goes to work at 5:30 am and gets off at noon and comes home to take a nap? This is all the crap I would have liked to say to him. Also keep in mind that I have maintained going to the gym after school for at least 3 days a week.

    In the words of Troy from "Swamp People", "Just Choot 'em :laugh:
  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,067 Member
    i find it hard to believe he said this if what you've said about his schedule and yours is true... are you sure he wasnt just joking around? does he know that you go to the gym already?

    if he wasnt though and this is legit thats pretty sh*tty of him to say, talk to him about it
  • sseqwnp
    sseqwnp Posts: 327 Member
    i find it hard to believe he said this if what you've said about his schedule and yours is true... are you sure he wasnt just joking around? does he know that you go to the gym already?

    if he wasnt though and this is legit thats pretty sh*tty of him to say, talk to him about it

    Also ... isn't it summer vacation?
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Tell him what you just told us.
  • jenifr818
    jenifr818 Posts: 805 Member
    i find it hard to believe he said this if what you've said about his schedule and yours is true... are you sure he wasnt just joking around? does he know that you go to the gym already?

    if he wasnt though and this is legit thats pretty sh*tty of him to say, talk to him about it

    Also ... isn't it summer vacation?

    Depends on the region. Down here in AL, kids started on August 5th, teachers were back at the school prepping end of July.
  • RavenLibra
    RavenLibra Posts: 1,737 Member
    walking is a different activity... compared to goin gto the gym... when you DO.. go to the gym.. is all you do there walk?

    This I do NOT get... men... are simple... and when allowed to be.. offer women nothing but 100% honesty.. it does NOT come from a place of sinister animosity... it is almost always... meant as a helpful reminder.. nothing more... men are practical... My wife and I signed up for Gym Memberships... 2 years... and in 2 years my wife's attendance was less than 1/month.. $50/month $1200.00 dollars... so when I mentioned that maybe she ought to go to the gym.. it was more about... hey ... make use of the money we are paying this place.. BUT NO.. what did Iget... "shut up.. I get plenty of exercise at work...." okay... BUT.. WHY have a gym membership IF you are not going to use it???

    There.. I vented too :)
  • nicsflyingcircus
    nicsflyingcircus Posts: 2,840 Member
    i find it hard to believe he said this if what you've said about his schedule and yours is true... are you sure he wasnt just joking around? does he know that you go to the gym already?

    if he wasnt though and this is legit thats pretty sh*tty of him to say, talk to him about it

    Also ... isn't it summer vacation?

    Depends on the region. Down here in AL, kids started on August 5th, teachers were back at the school prepping end of July.

    Yup, my horde went back August 5th. Chaos and craziness. However, I can't wait for fall break. Hitting up the Redneck Riviera for the whole week!
  • SingRunTing
    SingRunTing Posts: 2,604 Member
    walking is a different activity... compared to goin gto the gym... when you DO.. go to the gym.. is all you do there walk?

    This I do NOT get... men... are simple... and when allowed to be.. offer women nothing but 100% honesty.. it does NOT come from a place of sinister animosity... it is almost always... meant as a helpful reminder.. nothing more... men are practical... My wife and I signed up for Gym Memberships... 2 years... and in 2 years my wife's attendance was less than 1/month.. $50/month $1200.00 dollars... so when I mentioned that maybe she ought to go to the gym.. it was more about... hey ... make use of the money we are paying this place.. BUT NO.. what did Iget... "shut up.. I get plenty of exercise at work...." okay... BUT.. WHY have a gym membership IF you are not going to use it???

    There.. I vented too :)

    I think we found OPs husband. :laugh:

    Seriously though, this is good advice. Women assume that comments are made with some hidden meaning behind them. Men usually say things at face value.
  • luvmydog2
    luvmydog2 Posts: 243 Member
    :wink: Seriously ... I would look him up and down .. next time he is standing :bigsmile: ( And say , ''Babe if you think i am a slacker , What mirror you been looking in lately ? Because i would like to borrow it !!!

    Then go to the bathroom ... when he is not looking and put kitchen detergent on the porcelain seat ..let it dry ... so when he sits down the toilet lid squeaks :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    That will have him thinking :happy:
  • richardheath
    richardheath Posts: 1,276 Member
    From the OP's profile:

    "Now the hubs and I started a great gym routine. 6 days a week : 4-5 weight training and 3-4 cardio. I'm really enjoying it as I used to be a gym rat back in the day. "

    So yeah she has a busy job, kids, still manages to make it to the gym 3 x per week. But, without knowing anymore backstory than presented here, it looks like she was trying to do 6 x. So, in that sense, hubby was correct - she is slacking. Obviously, there are ways to say that, and maybe he used the wrong one, but OP does appear to not be meeting the goals she set herself. Should he never say anything?
  • 59gi
    59gi Posts: 307 Member
    Ignore the remark and carry on. It's not what he thinks, but what you know to be true. Being reactive, is not always the right thing to do.
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    From the OP's profile:

    "Now the hubs and I started a great gym routine. 6 days a week : 4-5 weight training and 3-4 cardio. I'm really enjoying it as I used to be a gym rat back in the day. "

    So yeah she has a busy job, kids, still manages to make it to the gym 3 x per week. But, without knowing anymore backstory than presented here, it looks like she was trying to do 6 x. So, in that sense, hubby was correct - she is slacking. Obviously, there are ways to say that, and maybe he used the wrong one, but OP does appear to not be meeting the goals she set herself. Should he never say anything?

    1063153.gif

    ETA: And if he didn't say anything, would she be on here complaining that he isn't being supportive?

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