OOOH I SERIOUSLY NEED TO VENT!!

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  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    You know what - none of us know anything about you or your husband: he could be a really kind and loving guy who was trying to support your training with a bit of humor and touched a nerve, or he could be a nasty, controlling *kitten* who uses snide remarks to make you feel small...

    So all I can say is - glad you got that off your chest.

    I'm going to go with this response.

    If it was my husband saying it to me, my reaction would largely depend on how it was said.
  • Snugglebunny217
    Snugglebunny217 Posts: 34
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    Ugh, It's so frustrating when you don't feel like the people closest to you really see and acknowledge all the effort you put in! It's such a basic need, to feel like the effort we put towards things is being appreciated, especially by the people we love most in the world and who are closest to us!

    And it's doubly hard when they are trying to be supportive but really just wind up putting their foot in their mouth. Like, he wants to support your goals, but doesn't know how to say the right things that don't make him sound like an *kitten* or that don't hurt your feelings.

    A better question he could have asked was: "What can I take off your plate so that you have more time & energy to go to the gym this week?" I bet that would have gone over much better!
  • _Thriving_
    _Thriving_ Posts: 29
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    So say it to him! He's your husband, you have a legislative right to tell him to pull his head out of his *kitten* when neccesary!






    THIS ^^^ ALL DAY LONG. Don't put up with that disrespect... he should be emotionally supportive, not a *kitten*.

    Really? Disrespect? You sum him up as a *kitten* because of one comment? Did I miss something? Perhaps he didn't communicate it in a lovely, delicate manner but I am sure he was probably trying to motivate the OP. At least he cares....
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
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    He worked all day what's wrong with coming home and taking a nap?


    6 hours is all day now? What are those of us that work 10 or more hours doing? Those doing 12 hour shifts are working two days at once?
    6 hours is not even close to all day.

    My full day of work is usually 4-6 hours, is it my fault that you didn't get a good of a deal as I did. You have no clue what he does
  • SingRunTing
    SingRunTing Posts: 2,604 Member
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    This
    I like that my husband and I are honest with each other, if I'm slacking or making excuses, he calls me on them. I do the same with him, if anything we say to each other bothers us, we talk about it. I don't run to strangers to vent. I communicate my issues with him.

    Complaining that your husband takes a nap after working all day, seems like your issue not his. He worked all day what's wrong with coming home and taking a nap? So you work, most people on here do, and still find ways to work out.

    and this
    I am an office worker and I get in 3.5miles at work...that isn't hard to do. You have an moderately active job...okay that doesn't make you fit or healthy. Getting out and doing purposeful exercise does that.

    A lot of people (including me, who works a desk job) get in 10k steps a day, which for me is about 4 miles. Getting 3.5 miles in at work doesn't seem like that excessive to me that you would consider it your exercise for the day.

    If I'm slacking, my husband will call me out on it. We like to joke and poke fun at each other and use it as a way to hold each other accountable. For instance, this morning I set my alarm early to do my workout, got out of bed and then decided not to work out today. I'm sore and just feel like I needed a rest day. He called me on it when I climbed back into bed.

    But, I didn't get offended by it. Yes, I'm slacking off today. I made a conscious decision to not work out today. I stand by my decision, so why would someone calling me out on it get me upset?

    I think that you getting upset by it says a lot more about you than it does about him. It reminds me of the old adage that "no one can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission". Either work out or don't, but stand by your actions. If you have a schedule (you said three days a week), then stick to that schedule and don't make excuses on the days that you don't do it. If you decide to take a day off, then stand by that decision and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. Recognize that we all mess up and forgive yourself.
  • JustAnotherGirlSuzanne
    JustAnotherGirlSuzanne Posts: 932 Member
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    My husband once told me in his sleep "Don't worry, the 30 Day Shred should help." I just laughed, because I agreed with him. Now I tease him about it endlessly. :wink:
  • Melissa_mojo
    Melissa_mojo Posts: 156 Member
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    You can drop an easy 170 lbs by leaving him weight loss fixed!
  • weedygumption
    weedygumption Posts: 9 Member
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    Just remember to call him everyday at noon to wake him up from his nap. :bigsmile:

    haha love this reply and thats just what i would be doing every day from now on :)
  • conklil
    conklil Posts: 81 Member
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    Studies have shown, women who have a little extra weight on them tend to live longer than the men who mention it ;)
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,526 Member
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    Everyone has excuses for why they can't go to the gym.
    Thing is she goes to the gym. Don't see an excuse here.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    So say it to him! He's your husband, you have a legislative right to tell him to pull his head out of his *kitten* when neccesary!






    THIS ^^^ ALL DAY LONG. Don't put up with that disrespect... he should be emotionally supportive, not a *kitten*.

    Really? Disrespect? You sum him up as a *kitten* because of one comment? Did I miss something? Perhaps he didn't communicate it in a lovely, delicate manner but I am sure he was probably trying to motivate the OP. At least he cares....




    Because calling her a slacker after all the work she does, kids, full time job, walking 3.5 miles a day, is an insult, that's why.
  • Noogynoogs
    Noogynoogs Posts: 1,028 Member
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    My hubby says I have a fat bum all the time.
  • _sirenofthesea_
    _sirenofthesea_ Posts: 117 Member
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    You should not feel more comfortable telling a bunch of strangers you problem with your husband than you do with your husband himself.

    I would disagree with this statement - I think it would be awesome if every marriage is an open book where people communicate at a level of adulthood always - yet, sadly - because we are all just human - it's rarely the case.

    I think venting like this in a fairly 'neutral' forum allows someone to maybe take the emotion out of it - so that when she does decide to finally communicate with him she has a better grasp on what she has to say :)
  • mizroxy13
    mizroxy13 Posts: 466 Member
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    The fact that you didn't directly stand up for yourself but instead vented on here tells me that you're probably afraid that he's right but don't want to believe it. You seem more resentful that you have more work to do than he does in general.

    Honestly, we don't know your husband (or you) so we don't know what his intentions were by saying that. You might be so upset because he's right...you might be so upset because he's a jerk. Who knows, except you.

    If anything, use it as fuel to re-evaluate your fitness goals and maybe find a way to workout together and make it a relationship builder.

    Best of luck and have a better day.
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
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    So say it to him! He's your husband, you have a legislative right to tell him to pull his head out of his *kitten* when neccesary!






    THIS ^^^ ALL DAY LONG. Don't put up with that disrespect... he should be emotionally supportive, not a *kitten*.

    Really? Disrespect? You sum him up as a *kitten* because of one comment? Did I miss something? Perhaps he didn't communicate it in a lovely, delicate manner but I am sure he was probably trying to motivate the OP. At least he cares....

    Agreed. We really don't have the whole picture here. What if the OP is constantly telling him how she needs to go to the gym but always finds an excuse to skip it? As some have said, maybe he's just trying to help but stuck his foot in his mouth.

    OP Could have also requested him to nudge her in the beginning if he seen her slacking off.
  • hsmaldo
    hsmaldo Posts: 115 Member
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    I'm married to a teacher and know that your workday doesn't end when you leave the school--not by a long shot! I get where you're coming from, understand your frustration and know that like you just put on your post, you "need to vent."

    your relationship is not in jeopardy because you "aired out your maritial problms on MFP".

    you should not "just break up"

    I'm sure you'll find the right time and place to discuss this with him--if you feel that it's really bothering you--because that's what married people in healthy relationships do.

    In the meantime, keep on doing what you can, when you can! Keep it up, and good luck with this school year! :)
  • CarynMacD
    CarynMacD Posts: 230
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    I'm married to a teacher and know that your workday doesn't end when you leave the school--not by a long shot! I get where you're coming from, understand your frustration and know that like you just put on your post, you "need to vent."

    your relationship is not in jeopardy because you "aired out your maritial problms on MFP".

    you should not "just break up"

    I'm sure you'll find the right time and place to discuss this with him--if you feel that it's really bothering you--because that's what married people in healthy relationships do.

    In the meantime, keep on doing what you can, when you can! Keep it up, and good luck with this school year! :)

    My thoughts exactly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with venting. In fact it can be very therapeutic. It gives us a chance to calm down an evaluate a situation instead of flying off the handle with our loved ones.

    I need to vent more.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    You should not feel more comfortable telling a bunch of strangers you problem with your husband than you do with your husband himself.

    I would disagree with this statement - I think it would be awesome if every marriage is an open book where people communicate at a level of adulthood always - yet, sadly - because we are all just human - it's rarely the case.

    I think venting like this in a fairly 'neutral' forum allows someone to maybe take the emotion out of it - so that when she does decide to finally communicate with him she has a better grasp on what she has to say :)

    It is not really "neautral" though is it? I am unsure how active you are in the community here but we have many times discovered that these threads are witholding crucial information. Making the responses one sided and unfair actually. And while many of us have done our share of venting out on the forums, thinking it is all anonymous, it isn't really anonymous. It is very easy for your SO to see these threads and if the relationship wasn't in trouble before, it would be now.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Perhaps he was just teasing you, and wasn't expecting it to hit a nerve.

    If it did hit a nerve AND you go to the gym 3 times a week, maybe you should consider why it is that you were so sensitive to playful sarcasm.

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