I prefer not get weight loss comments

Chibukalu908

I know allot of people dig it but I prefer not get them.I don't get upset when I get them but I would rather they keep that to themselves.I use my old clothes to see if i am making progress and before and after picture so thats enough for me.Just like if I were to gain weight, I woudnt want comments on that either. Anyone feels the same?

doctorregenerated

Are you talking about IRL or on MFP? On MFP, you can remove the option of having your weight loss posted after weigh ins. In real life, you cannot remove the option of what people say, unfortunately.

LAHealthAtEverySize

If you're talking about in real life, I agree, it is extremely rude for people to comment on another person's weight.

Saying, "Hey, you look great. You look like you've lost weight!" is very insulting. It implies that the person didn't look as good at a higher weight.

I often have people say this to me, even though I have not lost any weight.
Essentially, they are making the faux pas that I do not look good at the weight that I am.

I am very tired of weight stigma.
It is harmful, and it causes much pain, and even eating disorders.
No one should EVER comment on another person's weight, unless asked. And then one should be very careful to not imply that being a lesser weight is any more attractive or healthy (it most certainly is NOT necessarily healthier, it can be even LESS healthy to be of a lower weight) than to be at a higher weight.

Even when someone has lost weight, it could be due to cancer, depression, an eating disorder, bulimia, compulsive exercise, self-hate, drug use for the purpose of weight loss, smoking for weight loss, etc., etc. It should never be presumed that weight loss is healthy, or that higher weight is less healthy. Plenty of people of higher weight have healthier lifestyles, and are healthier as a result, than people who are of lower weight.

All of us know of slim couch potatoes who chain smoke and eat ramen or fast food daily. And many of us know people of greater size who work out regularly, and who eat nutritiously most or all of the time.

Healthy lifestyle is PROVEN to be a greater predictor of health than weight.

radimage

I never turn down a compliment.

Mariachicat

I hear you. After about 4 months of working hard and a 30 pound loss, I'm going back to work tomorrow after the summer off (I'm a teacher at a small school with lots of catty, yenta-type women AND men.) I started losing the weight before vacation but now I have a totally different body shape and size, thank God. On the one hand, I'm prepared for comments but I'd prefer not to get them as well. Reason being, it can be a total mindf*ck when people notice and comment, especially if I don't really like the person commenting. On the other hand, it IS validating right? So I'm a little ambivalent because for me the journey's not over -- I'm still planning on working my food program, planning meals, counting calories, and getting to the gym. I really haven't "arrived" at where I want to be...either personally or professionally, so I'm just going to take any feedback with a grain of salt - being self directed, not dependent on others' feedback got me so far - so God willing, the same mindset is going to keep me fit.

sati18

I also hate comments about my weight. Whether it's up or down I just wish people would keep it to themselves. Especially since most of the time they are wrong and think i've lost when i have gained :S

LAHealthAtEverySize

Another problem with supposedly "complimenting" someone on their weight (or weight loss) is that they may very well gain back that weight. That is true of 85 - 95% of dieters.

So the compliment is temporary.

If someone gets a compliment when they've lost weight, it implies that they aren't as attractive or ok in some way when they gain the weight back, so they'll feel worse about the weight re-gain, knowing that people's approval of them is for when they are at a smaller size.

The most polite thing is to not comment. It's also healthier, because it isn't as likely to set off an eating disorder or unhealthy lifestyle practices to lose weight.

Unknown

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pkw58

I think we all agree that comments that are meant to be flattering about our weight loss progress can go South if taken in the wrong way. People were really caught off guard when I lost 46 pounds. I had only gained 15 pounds as the weight I carried around most of my adult life was about 20-30 above where I am now. So on my body frame (small / long) it really is a big difference and most people in my new home town since 2005 never saw me any thinner. So for the first two years, I gave everyone a pass. Now that I am in my third year of maintenance, and am working on strength and endurance, I get the obnoxious questions of "Why are you doing that? You look great!" Seriously, this process has taught me to never, never, never, make a comment based on weight. Actually, my stock comment is "great to see you".

On the other hand, I have decided to make a point of telling people I know have lost weight, working out, to tell them they look great. No comment on noticeably weight loss.

AllieLosingIt

I don't rely on comments like this for my validation or to reassure me, but I can still appreciate when it happens because I know how hard I've worked to get there.

LAHealthAtEverySize

[/quote]
"Sounds like you are just way to sensitive.
If a simple comment is going to cause you so much pain then you may need to work on your confidence. Simple words should not have such a great impact on you.

And if someone complimenting your weight loss is going to cause you to develop an eating disorder then you might have deeper issues."
[/quote]



There are lots of people with eating disorders, or who are on the verge of one (who have disordered eating. And dieting is considered disordered eating by many health professionals in the eating disorder community.) Hopefully you would not want to add fuel to that fire, yes?

I share the perspective that there is no such thing as over-sensitivity, just insensitivity

We can all benefit from learning ways to be more sensitive of others in various ways.

I would encourage you to visit the National Eating Disorder Association web site, and the ANAD eating disorder web site. They include discussion of how common it is for eating disorders to be set off by just one comment. it is actually quite common.

Also, please check out the story of Andrea Smeltzer, a young woman who died in the early stages of bulimia, as her story is relevant here. Her mother, Doris Smeltzer, has worked tirelessly to educate about eating disorders, ever since, and encourages weight neutrality. She has a beautiful web site and has written a book called "Andrea's Voice."

People with eating disorders frequently recall one thing someone said to them that stuck with them, that set off their eating disorder (something that added fuel to the fire within our already eating-disordered culture). That is why these national eating disorder organizations and other e.d. educators encourage people to not make comments about others' weight: and to be weight-neutral.

Also, years ago, Ann Landers addressed this from an etiquette standpoint, writing it is not polite or appropriate to comment on other peoples' weights: it really is no one else's business how much another person weighs, unless that person brings it up. One never knows why a person lost (or gained) weight, or how the comment might affect them.

It's just a way of being considerate and to avoid doing needless, even if unintended, harm.

sati18

On the other hand, I have decided to make a point of telling people I know have lost weight, working out, to tell them they look great. No comment on noticeably weight loss.

That's a really good way of rewarding the effort without making it all about the scale. I really like that

DenDweller

If it's a sincere compliment, accept it with grace. If it's a backhanded compliment, tell 'em to f' off. Why would you put any more thought into it than that?

TheWorstHorse

The trouble with making rules for other people is, generally speaking, they prefer to make their own. And unfortunately, that means it is probably easier to pay less attention to what other people say - good and bad - than to get them to only say things you'd like them to say or not say.

Perhaps remembering that (a) ninety percent of the things that people say has a lot more to do with them than you and (b) how annoyed you would be if someone told you that you should not express your opinion every time you spoke (whatever the topic) would be a good antidote for hearing something you don't like.

rrcoffey

I accept compliments with gratitude, but definitely perfer comments not be made on my weight. I'm focusing on my health for me and having others weigh in (no pun intended) on it is just extra pressure to me.

The gym I go to asked me for before and after pictures to use in marketing materials. I nearly perished at the thought - LOL!

Unknown

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Rachifloon

I love giving people compliments for encouragement and a pick-me-up, but I myself understand what it's like to feel uncomfortable about weight comments so I disguise my compliments such as "Hey, you look great in that top/skirt!" or "Is that a new foundation? You look glowing!" - playing oblivious.

gail1961

If it's someone I am close to that we talk about things such as work out programs and healthy eating, then I'm okay with it. Also just a simple you look good or really fit is nice. They only time I really HATE it is when someone says "you're too skinny" "you need to eat more" "you need some protein" "eat some meat" (I'm a vegetarian). "Look at you, you're too thin". I am within normal weight and BMI for my height (at the low end). I have someone at work who has been making daily comments. I have had other people say similar things.
So compliments are okay, but opinions and commentary are not okay in my opinion.

_Zardoz_

You can't control other people only how you react to them. A compliment is that take it as such and move on. If you don't like the content ignore and move on. Problems then solved

MelodyandBarbells

If you're talking about in real life, I agree, it is extremely rude for people to comment on another person's weight.

Saying, "Hey, you look great. You look like you've lost weight!" is very insulting. It implies that the person didn't look as good at a higher weight.

Yeah I sometimes felt that way like, "oh geez! Did I look like some sort of cow before, I haven't even dropped but 15 lbs!" But those are nothing in frequency compared to now. The main reason I wanted to comment here is I just don't understand how complimenting me on achieving or getting closer to a goal I very intentionally worked on, and that cost me blood, sweat, and tears could be considered insulting. Just like the MFP friend list they can see you getting closer to a goal and feel the need to encourage and congratulate you. Finally , I don't think we should be held to the standard of relating to everyone as though they could be sick. Au contraire, sick people are encouraged to get help so that they may interact normally with the rest of society

Liftng4Lis

I don't need other peoples validation of myself but I love when people notice. It reminds me that the work I do daily, although sometimes hard for me to notice, is paying off.

SEAFOODMAN

oh brother

mactaffy84

I never turn down a compliment.

This. Come on, lighten up! Most weight loss (now I said MOST not ALL) is a result of hard work that people are proud of. It is a visible sign that you've stuck to your guns and did the hard work required. And most people are just trying to acknowledge that because just about everyone knows how hard it is to lose weight. I can't understand why someone acknowledging your hard work is a bad thing. And if losing weight weren't healthier (or more attractive), why are so many people doing it?

Velum_cado

I know exactly what you mean. I know that the comments are meant well. The people who make them know how long and hard I've worked. So I always accept them gracefully and genuinely appreciate the sentiment behind them. However, I would prefer my body not be the focus of any conversation. There's also always the "you look so much better!" comments, which I feel are still meant well, but are much more poorly phrased. I mean, I never felt I looked bad, even at my heaviest weight ever.

In any case, people always notice changes and will comment on them. I try to focus on the feelings behind the words.

wannakimmy

People are going to talk, nothing is going to change that. Either graciously accept the compliment, or tell them how you feel.

Tanie98

I find them akward especially if they make a big deal about it.I just don't like attention

darrensurrey

Next time a woman compliments me on my physique I will knock her back by asking if she thought I looked unattractive before I started hitting the gym. :devil:

jennifurballs

I don't understand not liking a compliment that comes from a genuine place. I love it when someone says, "You look great! Have you lost weight?" I've worked my *kitten* off, literally, so acknowledgement/congrats for that feels great to me.

That said, we're all different, so if it makes you uncomfortable, that's your truth. I just can't relate.

DjinnMarie

This. +1.

Maybe instead of taking it as a comment about how bad you looked before, take it as a comment about how all the hard work you've put in is now apparent to others.

I really don't get this victim mentality. If I spent all day doing yard work, trimming, edging, weeding, and somebody says, wow..."your yard is looking great", I don't take it as them saying my yard was wrecked before. But I see it as my effort has produced results that is now visible by others.

There will be plenty of opportunities to get offended by some person's backhanded comment about your appearance, so I suggest you take the genuine compliments when you get them, as they don't happen often.

If you're talking about in real life, I agree, it is extremely rude for people to comment on another person's weight.

Saying, "Hey, you look great. You look like you've lost weight!" is very insulting. It implies that the person didn't look as good at a higher weight.

I often have people say this to me, even though I have not lost any weight.
Essentially, they are making the faux pas that I do not look good at the weight that I am.

I am very tired of weight stigma.
It is harmful, and it causes much pain, and even eating disorders.
No one should EVER comment on another person's weight, unless asked. And then one should be very careful to not imply that being a lesser weight is any more attractive or healthy (it most certainly is NOT necessarily healthier, it can be even LESS healthy to be of a lower weight) than to be at a higher weight.

Even when someone has lost weight, it could be due to cancer, depression, an eating disorder, bulimia, compulsive exercise, self-hate, drug use for the purpose of weight loss, smoking for weight loss, etc., etc. It should never be presumed that weight loss is healthy, or that higher weight is less healthy. Plenty of people of higher weight have healthier lifestyles, and are healthier as a result, than people who are of lower weight.

All of us know of slim couch potatoes who chain smoke and eat ramen or fast food daily. And many of us know people of greater size who work out regularly, and who eat nutritiously most or all of the time.

Healthy lifestyle is PROVEN to be a greater predictor of health than weight.

Sounds like you are just way to sensitive.
If a simple comment is going to cause you so much pain then you may need to work on your confidence. Simple words should not have such a great impact on you.

And if someone complimenting your weight loss is going to cause you to develop an eating disorder then you might have deeper issues.

MelsAuntie

I agree with OP... I'd rather not have people comment at all.

jkal1979

And for every one of these posts there are many more where people complain that nobody is commenting on their weight loss.

It's one of those things where people just can't win no matter what they do.