I prefer not get weight loss comments

willodawisp85

I agree I don't like the comments either. I think it's all about context. If a friend has been talking to me about losing weight then I think I would compliment them when I started to notice. They are reaching their goals and would likely appreciate people noticing. Anyone else I'm not going to comment on their body unless they bring it up.

FitOldMomma

Not me. I like that my hard work is being noticed.

I welcome the compliments and comments.

I don't take the comments as meaning I looked awful before...just like if someone told me they liked my new short hair, it doesn't mean they didn't like it when it was long.

And come on...when someone's appearance has changed significantly it's pretty darn hard to not acknowledge it.

redmagpie91

Next time I change my hair and someone says "Wow that looks great. Did you dye your hair?" should I cry and assume they meant that I didn't look good at my previous hair color?

You are losing weight for a reason and even if your health is the main one, looks definitely play a part. Don't be so sensitive and learn to take compliments at face value. Sometimes people are really just trying to be nice.

Kalikel

It is rude. I know it. You do not comment on people's bodies except to say, "You look great." I know.

MFP, all congrats welcome. This is an online weight loss thing and has it's own etiquette, much like families. Congrats and encouragement are good here!

IRL, I usually enjoy the compliments. A few are unintentionally backhanded. Sometimes people comment on my body and I just don't want that person looking at my body, much less mentioning it. It makes me uncomfortable.

I especially hate it if someone mentions it to my boyfriend, as he has - even with me - refused to acknowledge that I look better. So it puts us all in a weird position. They usually end up saying something to me like, "Well, I (!) think you look wonderful." (The "I" is always a slam at him, like "HE may not, but I do!" But he handles it well, lol. If he'd just say, "Yes! You look better!" But, nooooooo.

Usually, though, I love it. I've worked hard and am not always sure I look much better. Call me insecure, but it makes me feel good. Like a pat on the head or a little trophy being presented, it's rewarding.

FitOldMomma

There is no winning around here. People are either offended if others mention their weight loss or offended if they don't. Maybe everyone should wear a sign to let other people know what they are allowed to say.

Personally I am delighted to accept any and all compliments. (working on my sign right now)

Right on! Make me a sign also.:laugh:

nykismile

Interestingly enough, I tend to receive more compliments about my weight from both friends and family (who know about my past struggles with an ED) and strangers alike when I am medically underweight.

So when someone compliments my weight loss, I thank them because I never turn down a compliment, but part of me feels sad.

I don't want people to be concerned or anything. But their comments are just a reminder that I look better underweight than when I'm at a healthy weight.

I guess that's just how it goes.

scorpiophoenix

I don't mind a random "Hey, you look good. Have you lost weight?" from friends and family. Especially after being called fat by the mean girls in HS all the time. It just got a little awkward when people said it a year ago when I started gaining back all the weight I had lost. :laugh:

MB_Positif

Strangely I get more comments now about how long I've kept the weight off than I got while I was losing weight. I'll take that!

RHachicho

I like it. It reminds me how far I've come. I sort of feel self conscious about it. But logically I think why can't you accept a compliment. Being insecure and bothered by stuff like that is the old me. The new me needs to know how to accept a compliment or two. I mean damn honestly I have been so slobby and fat for so long the first time it started I damn near blushed from head to toe. Realized I hadn't been complimented by anyone other than me mum in decades. That felt good.

Ang108

If you're talking about in real life, I agree, it is extremely rude for people to comment on another person's weight.

Saying, "Hey, you look great. You look like you've lost weight!" is very insulting. It implies that the person didn't look as good at a higher weight.

I often have people say this to me, even though I have not lost any weight.
Essentially, they are making the faux pas that I do not look good at the weight that I am.

I am very tired of weight stigma.
It is harmful, and it causes much pain, and even eating disorders.
No one should EVER comment on another person's weight, unless asked. And then one should be very careful to not imply that being a lesser weight is any more attractive or healthy (it most certainly is NOT necessarily healthier, it can be even LESS healthy to be of a lower weight) than to be at a higher weight.

Even when someone has lost weight, it could be due to cancer, depression, an eating disorder, bulimia, compulsive exercise, self-hate, drug use for the purpose of weight loss, smoking for weight loss, etc., etc. It should never be presumed that weight loss is healthy, or that higher weight is less healthy. Plenty of people of higher weight have healthier lifestyles, and are healthier as a result, than people who are of lower weight.

All of us know of slim couch potatoes who chain smoke and eat ramen or fast food daily. And many of us know people of greater size who work out regularly, and who eat nutritiously most or all of the time.

Healthy lifestyle is PROVEN to be a greater predictor of health than weight.

While I agree in general with what you say in your post, I also have decided to cut people some slack. I have lost over 50 pounds and people tend to comment and most of their comments are meant well, even if they after thourough analysis ( which is not always necessary ) might mean something else. I don't think that anyone gets up in the morning with plans to insult me as far as my weight loss, former weight or weight issues in general are concerned, so I take things as they are meant; in a friendly way......say " thank you " and move on. Life is already too complicated to look in all areas for something to complain about.

willodawisp85

Next time I change my hair and someone says "Wow that looks great. Did you dye your hair?" should I cry and assume they meant that I didn't look good at my previous hair color?

You are losing weight for a reason and even if your health is the main one, looks definitely play a part. Don't be so sensitive and learn to take compliments at face value. Sometimes people are really just trying to be nice.

Not everyone loses weight for vanity (nothing wrong with that though). I was getting a lot of compliments when I got ill and lost two stone in under a month so I didn't really appreciate it. If I had been talking about my new healthy lifestyle then the compliments might have been welcome. Not that I was rude about the compliments or anything, I knew it was coming from a good place.

LaReinaDeCorazones

I already know I didn't look good at my heaviest. ..but now that I'm about halfway to goal I appreciate all the compliments I can get...makes me want to work harder.

zyxst

I'd rather not talk to people about my weight loss. I don't like talking to people in general, but weight loss brings up the whole talk about what diet am I on and whether I can eat this food or not. My least favorite is "You must feel so much better now with all that weight gone!" Then I get to tell them, "No not really. I still have HBP, high cholesterol, and severe depression. The only thing that's changed is I'm a smaller version of the same person."

MKEgal

Sounds like you are just way to (sic) sensitive.
If a simple comment is going to cause you so much pain then you may need to work on your confidence. Simple words should not have such a great impact on you.
And if someone complimenting your weight loss is going to cause you to develop an eating disorder then you might have deeper issues.

I don't rely on comments like this for my validation or to reassure me, but I can still appreciate when it happens because I know how hard I've worked to get there.

If it's a sincere compliment, accept it with grace. If it's a backhanded compliment, tell 'em to f' off. Why would you put any more thought into it than that?

It's no different than "nice haircut" or "I like your new jacket"

Yes. These.

LiminalAscendance

A friend of a family member had a gastric bypass and lost a considerable amount of weight (although she's still quite big), and I complimented her on how she looked. I wasn't near her, however, so I didn't initially notice the big flaps of skin hanging off her arms. Yes, I'm sure she was healthier (assuming her procedure allows her to get adequate nutrition), but she definitely looked worse.

I can see why people like that wouldn't want a compliment, since it may be an uncomfortable reminder that there are still body issues that "normal" people will never contend with.

ksy1969

What a ridiculous politically correct world we are living in now. You can compliment, you can't criticize, everything offends everyone. We might as well act like robots. Everyone is so damn sensitive.

You beat me to it. This is exactly what I was thinking as I was reading this thread. I think it is really sad the way we have to watch everything we say because it might offend someone.

MKEgal

dieting is considered disordered eating by many health professionals in the eating disorder community

Because they're dealing with people with mental problems!
Normal, healthy people controlling what they eat in order to maintain a healthy weight is not "disordered eating"!

visit the National Eating Disorder Association web site, and the ANAD eating disorder web site. They include discussion of how common it is for eating disorders to be set off by just one comment

So because there are people with mental disorders who might be sent off the deep end into harming themselves, everybody should refrain from recognizing hard work & giving compliments on it? :huh:

People with eating disorders frequently recall one thing someone said to them that stuck with them, that set off their eating disorder

Again, blaming anyone but themselves for their problem. If you're mentally healthy, nothing I can say will "set off an eating disorder".

I don't think we should be held to the standard of relating to everyone as though they could be sick

Yes.

MKEgal

(working on my sign right now)

Right on! Make me a sign also

When I hit 50 lb lost (YESTERDAY!!!) I made this shirt.
It says the same thing on the back.
I plan to wear it (mostly at the gym) for a week every time I am down another 10 lb.
(Updating the number, of course.)

The gym I go to asked me for before and after pictures to use in marketing materials

Depending on how much they were willing to pay me, I might agree.
I'd also ask for a job on top of that.

I have someone at work who has been making daily comments

Go to your HR person, and start documenting these unwelcome comments, and the times you've told that person not to make them.
That's called creating a hostile work environment, and it's illegal.

I never felt I looked bad, even at my heaviest weight ever

I know I looked (and look) bad, and I know I was very unhealthy, am now slightly unhealthy, due to my weight.
I accept where I am, and try to make the best of it, but I know that being fat is not attractive (to the vast majority of people, including me).

willodawisp85

So because there are people with mental disorders who might be sent off the deep end into harming themselves, everybody should refrain from recognizing hard work & giving compliments on it? :huh:

I think it's about "knowing your audience". If I knew someone who was working really hard at weight loss/gym etc and was openly talking about it, I would be ready with the compliments. If someone wasn't ready with the information on why or how they were losing weight I think it's more polite to not mention it.