I prefer not get weight loss comments

robynann8

I don't rely on comments like this for my validation or to reassure me, but I can still appreciate when it happens because I know how hard I've worked to get there.

I feel like this is a good way to look at it. I don't believe that people generally mean any harm when giving these sort of compliments.

xenu01

I hate them, too! For me, it always means that the other person is paying WAY too much attention to another person's body. And honestly, they are always weirdly mean.

Last Xmas, maybe 10 or 15lbs down and in front of children (therefore displaying to them that commenting on women's bodies is all fine and dandy, argh), my sister in law's father said to me, "You've lost ENORMOUS amounts of weight."

So everything your children see implies that it's a "fine and dandy" practice? Perhaps it's your job to explain to them what's right and wrong in case, you know, they aren't living in a bubble.

It's not the rest of the world's responsibility to behave the way you would like them to, even if it's in front of (gasp) your children.

But if I DID have children, it would be a teaching moment? I still don't think it's ok to comment on other people's bodies. Not sure why your perception of my desire to not have my body scrutinized by someone not even in my immediate family in front of my alleged children (who don't exist, per se) was so offensive, I guess? Is commenting on the bodies of strangers in front of their children like, a human right?

LiminalAscendance

I hate them, too! For me, it always means that the other person is paying WAY too much attention to another person's body. And honestly, they are always weirdly mean.

Last Xmas, maybe 10 or 15lbs down and in front of children (therefore displaying to them that commenting on women's bodies is all fine and dandy, argh), my sister in law's father said to me, "You've lost ENORMOUS amounts of weight."

So everything your children see implies that it's a "fine and dandy" practice? Perhaps it's your job to explain to them what's right and wrong in case, you know, they aren't living in a bubble.

It's not the rest of the world's responsibility to behave the way you would like them to, even if it's in front of (gasp) your children.

Hmm, maybe I wasn't clear. I don't have children. They're my nephews and niece, and I was in her father's house, so I really didn't feel in a position to say anything about what should and should not be said.

Which makes your unwarranted concern about someone else's kids even more boggling.

xenu01

I hate them, too! For me, it always means that the other person is paying WAY too much attention to another person's body. And honestly, they are always weirdly mean.

Last Xmas, maybe 10 or 15lbs down and in front of children (therefore displaying to them that commenting on women's bodies is all fine and dandy, argh), my sister in law's father said to me, "You've lost ENORMOUS amounts of weight."

So everything your children see implies that it's a "fine and dandy" practice? Perhaps it's your job to explain to them what's right and wrong in case, you know, they aren't living in a bubble.

It's not the rest of the world's responsibility to behave the way you would like them to, even if it's in front of (gasp) your children.

Hmm, maybe I wasn't clear. I don't have children. They're my nephews and niece, and I was in her father's house, so I really didn't feel in a position to say anything about what should and should not be said.

Which makes your unwarranted concern about someone else's kids even more boggling.

Hmm, I don't think there is any winning here. I mean, for me, I DO care about my niece, especially, not getting the idea that she should be judged on her look alone, especially because that is a message my sister and I internalized and we both ended up with eating disorders as a result. So yes, I am invested in her wellbeing because I am her aunt and I love her little face. But also, it's not my right to parent her, because I am her aunt and not her mother.

And yet, I do have the human right to have the thought that I don't like someone who is the FATHER OF MY SISTER IN LAW (who also gives creepy boob hugs) commenting on my body in front of her. Because I love my niece and I as her aunt, I want to see her get positive messages about body autonomy.

I guess I'm still engaging with you because I believe that you're coming from a good place. Maybe I said something which brought up bad memories for you, and for that I am sorry. But also, I am really confused as to why what I said offended you. Unless you're my not-father-in-law.

imvandeen

Having been on the receiving end of "fat jokes" & "sizest bullying" in the past I welcome genuine compliments now.

However I met up with some old school "mates" the other night at a funeral wake, & one of them commented that I must have lost some weight as back at school I used to be the original "butter ball". He was playing to the crowd & his comments brought memories back of the way I used to feel when bulied when I was younger.

I just looked him up & down with his 3 necks, beer belly & moobs & smiled & chuckled as I thought "yeah how's it feel to be the fattest ####er at the party & know that people are looking & talking about you behind your back because you've let yourself go so much?"

Harsh? maybe, but that one derisory look from a position of confidence exposed his own insecurities, put him in his place, & let him know his nasty comments wouldn't be tolerated.

Pay me a compliment by all means, but if you take the #### you've opened yourself up to a whole world of grief, keep pushing it & I will verbally destroy you. He shut up, tried to pull his belly in & changed the subject, job done!

LiminalAscendance

I hate them, too! For me, it always means that the other person is paying WAY too much attention to another person's body. And honestly, they are always weirdly mean.

Last Xmas, maybe 10 or 15lbs down and in front of children (therefore displaying to them that commenting on women's bodies is all fine and dandy, argh), my sister in law's father said to me, "You've lost ENORMOUS amounts of weight."

So everything your children see implies that it's a "fine and dandy" practice? Perhaps it's your job to explain to them what's right and wrong in case, you know, they aren't living in a bubble.

It's not the rest of the world's responsibility to behave the way you would like them to, even if it's in front of (gasp) your children.

But if I DID have children, it would be a teaching moment? I still don't think it's ok to comment on other people's bodies. Not sure why your perception of my desire to not have my body scrutinized by someone not even in my immediate family in front of my alleged children (who don't exist, per se) was so offensive, I guess? Is commenting on the bodies of strangers in front of their children like, a human right?

Have your body "scrutinized?" Are you being serious? You sound as if you were put on the auction block, and paraded around.

You lost weight, and find offense at someone trying to give you a compliment. I get it.

lemurcat12

they are always weirdly mean.

This is not my experience. Then again, I've learned that it's better for my mental health to interpret comments positively if at all possible.

I told what I thought was a kind of funny story on my friend's page about how the cleaning woman in my office has a habit of overly effusive complements that are very upfront about what she thought was wanting in the past. For example, last time I cut my hair (long after I should have), she went on and on about how much better it looked. So I knew what was coming when she finally saw me post significant weight loss (she is only in my office later in the evening and usually sees me behind a desk sitting down when she sees me at all). And indeed, I was right, she went on and on (in front of a male co-worker) about how "pretty" I looked (she asked the co-worker to confirm), how much weight I'd lost, how much younger I look, etc. She even asked me several times (I brushed off the question) how much I'd lost. When she saw me the next time she repeated herself (no co-worker around, at least) and asked what "name diet" I was doing. She seemed disappointed when I said "no name."

I just thought it was funny, if a bit awkward. And intended nicely.

kelleybean1

I never turn down a compliment.

This. Come on, lighten up! Most weight loss (now I said MOST not ALL) is a result of hard work that people are proud of. It is a visible sign that you've stuck to your guns and did the hard work required. And most people are just trying to acknowledge that because just about everyone knows how hard it is to lose weight. I can't understand why someone acknowledging your hard work is a bad thing. And if losing weight weren't healthier (or more attractive), why are so many people doing it?

This. When someone tells me I look great in a certain outfit, I don't take that to mean I look lousy in another. Why read too much into a compliment??? Lighten up and accept a compliment! I find it motivating when people notice my weight loss and don't find it rude at all.

j4nash

One or two spaces after a period.

caracrawford1

I believe a lot of it has more to do with how it is said rather than what . a friend said to me three weeks ago " oh you've lost weight---youre beginning to look good." Now I could have said "BEGINNING to look good?" Or mentioned the fact that at the same height she is thirty pounds more than me . but all that's unnecessary. Sometimes you just ignore it and move on, and your lack of response reveals all they need to know.

thiswillhappen

Last night a girlfriend's FIANCE said to me, "You look like you've slimmed down." I was so insulted. It came out of nowhere and I was not asking for his approval or his gaze. No thank you! I do not care about your objectifying thoughts on my body changes!

My punchline is - when my good girlfriends tell me I look good and healthy and glowing or strong/fit, I appreciate that. But when a MAN I don't know very well tells me I've "slimmed down", I get pissed. My body does not exist for his appraisal or approval! And I did not invite such a comment so I really was annoyed. I didn't want to say anything to anyone because I didn't want to start a drama, but you know how it is. Unfortunately the male gaze exists and we just have to deal with it, through all our weight fluctuations.

xenu01

I hate them, too! For me, it always means that the other person is paying WAY too much attention to another person's body. And honestly, they are always weirdly mean.

Last Xmas, maybe 10 or 15lbs down and in front of children (therefore displaying to them that commenting on women's bodies is all fine and dandy, argh), my sister in law's father said to me, "You've lost ENORMOUS amounts of weight."

So everything your children see implies that it's a "fine and dandy" practice? Perhaps it's your job to explain to them what's right and wrong in case, you know, they aren't living in a bubble.

It's not the rest of the world's responsibility to behave the way you would like them to, even if it's in front of (gasp) your children.

But if I DID have children, it would be a teaching moment? I still don't think it's ok to comment on other people's bodies. Not sure why your perception of my desire to not have my body scrutinized by someone not even in my immediate family in front of my alleged children (who don't exist, per se) was so offensive, I guess? Is commenting on the bodies of strangers in front of their children like, a human right?

So let me ask you this, you think it's not okay for people to comment on other people's bodies then why do you have 3 pictures up on your profile? 1 of them you can barely see your face. I mean in that one we have no choice but to look at your body.

Hypothetical - You lose a few more pounds. Whatever your goal is. 10, 20, 30, 50 lbs and then you think you've done it, you won. Would it bother you for people to acknowledge your accomplishment? Would you post new update pictures here? Will you go buy yourself a dress you've been eyeing or a bathing suit or some jeans? Would you prefer if no one at all ever said "Hey you look great in that dress".

Because this is a fitness forum, and I'm here for that purpose. To discuss my body and weight loss issues with people.

I guess this is why I am still a feminist.

LiminalAscendance

I hate them, too! For me, it always means that the other person is paying WAY too much attention to another person's body. And honestly, they are always weirdly mean.

Last Xmas, maybe 10 or 15lbs down and in front of children (therefore displaying to them that commenting on women's bodies is all fine and dandy, argh), my sister in law's father said to me, "You've lost ENORMOUS amounts of weight."

So everything your children see implies that it's a "fine and dandy" practice? Perhaps it's your job to explain to them what's right and wrong in case, you know, they aren't living in a bubble.

It's not the rest of the world's responsibility to behave the way you would like them to, even if it's in front of (gasp) your children.

But if I DID have children, it would be a teaching moment? I still don't think it's ok to comment on other people's bodies. Not sure why your perception of my desire to not have my body scrutinized by someone not even in my immediate family in front of my alleged children (who don't exist, per se) was so offensive, I guess? Is commenting on the bodies of strangers in front of their children like, a human right?

So let me ask you this, you think it's not okay for people to comment on other people's bodies then why do you have 3 pictures up on your profile? 1 of them you can barely see your face. I mean in that one we have no choice but to look at your body.

Hypothetical - You lose a few more pounds. Whatever your goal is. 10, 20, 30, 50 lbs and then you think you've done it, you won. Would it bother you for people to acknowledge your accomplishment? Would you post new update pictures here? Will you go buy yourself a dress you've been eyeing or a bathing suit or some jeans? Would you prefer if no one at all ever said "Hey you look great in that dress".

Because this is a fitness forum, and I'm here for that purpose. To discuss my body and weight loss issues with people.

I guess this is why I am still a feminist.

You should've said that first.

Would've saved me a lot of typing.

scrittrice

On the other hand, I have decided to make a point of telling people I know have lost weight, working out, to tell them they look great. No comment on noticeably weight loss.

That's a really good way of rewarding the effort without making it all about the scale. I really like that

I agree. The person who has handled it best (for my taste) is my sister-in-law, who's a big runner and in terrific shape. She said, "You look more fit than I've ever seen you." I've tried to keep that in mind to use with other people. It took the focus off of the weight loss and put it on the hard work, while also acknowledging that I've always worked out.

xenu01

You should've said that first.

Would've saved me a lot of typing.

LOL.

xenu01

On the other hand, I have decided to make a point of telling people I know have lost weight, working out, to tell them they look great. No comment on noticeably weight loss.

That's a really good way of rewarding the effort without making it all about the scale. I really like that

I agree. The person who has handled it best (for my taste) is my sister-in-law, who's a big runner and in terrific shape. She said, "You look more fit than I've ever seen you." I've tried to keep that in mind to use with other people. It took the focus off of the weight loss and put it on the hard work, while also acknowledging that I've always worked out.

That is a compliment I'd be proud to receive!