I prefer not get weight loss comments

lemurcat12

Last night a girlfriend's FIANCE said to me, "You look like you've slimmed down." I was so insulted. It came out of nowhere and I was not asking for his approval or his gaze. No thank you! I do not care about your objectifying thoughts on my body changes!

My punchline is - when my good girlfriends tell me I look good and healthy and glowing or strong/fit, I appreciate that. But when a MAN I don't know very well tells me I've "slimmed down", I get pissed. My body does not exist for his appraisal or approval! And I did not invite such a comment so I really was annoyed. I didn't want to say anything to anyone because I didn't want to start a drama, but you know how it is. Unfortunately the male gaze exists and we just have to deal with it, through all our weight fluctuations.

You cannot be serious. Please be trolling.


MFP rationality:
Comments on weight loss: creepy and/or judgemental, with the implication the subject looked like crap before
NO comments on weight loss: all your hard work has been for nothing, and everyone is a jealous hater.

Logic. Not even once

Wins the thread.

You guys realize, don't you, that there are many people here, right? Some want comments, some don't.

You not sharing one side's view doesn't make them a troll.

This,not everyone wants comments

Which is fine. I'm introverted and don't like being the centre of attention. I'm not overly fond of comments either.
That wasn't my point though.

I could be wrong, but I took your point to be that as the discussion here consistently shows that some consider the absence of comments distressing and some consider their presence distressing, it's impossible to win. Thus, the ONLY gracious response is to accept whatever you get comments or not, in the spirit meant, generally well intentioned, and the proclamations about their rudeness may be how some wish they were considered, but do not in fact represent some social norm.

Or perhaps that's just my point.

I find the insistence upon judging others who are trying to be nice in an awkward area kind of obnoxious. I get embarrassed if I get commented on too, and it's one of those areas where I also feel awkward trying to judge what others prefer from me (and there's no agreement) so I really think people should get the benefit of the doubt.

MJ_Watson

OP, I get what you're saying. I don't feel the same way (I LOVE compliments! Bring 'em on!), but I understand that some people find it uncomfortable to receive comments on their body. I was taught growing up not to make comments on things like that for the reasons listen above: They might be ill, grieving, etc. It's up there with commenting on an assumed pregnancy for me. Unless they tell me they've been trying to lose weight or something like that, I'll go with a polite "You look great!" or "You look beautiful in that dress!"

On a personal note, though, I've really had to toughen up living in Korea for these past few years, because generally, they are NOT shy about commenting on weight. I have a friend who literally greets everyone with either "Wow, you've lost some weight!" or "Oh, you've gotten fatter, I think!" Last time I saw her, she looked me over, told me I've lost a lot of weight, and then said "I think... you should lose 10 or 15 more kilos and then you can stop!" I just laughed. :laugh:

I always thought the question "How did you lose the weight" to be annoying! I know we say it but is that even correct English?

I wouldn't normally do this, but this thread seems to be going off the rails anyway and I teach this lesson at least three times a week, so what the heck?

Technically, both are correct. The use of "the" denotes a specific thing i.e. "How did you lose the weight (that you lost)?" However, we can drop the "the" when speaking because it's understood by both parties what weight you are referring to. It's just a different way of asking the same question.

It's all dependent on context. For instance, "Did you lose weight?" is correct, while "Did you lose the weight?" is not unless the other person had previously specified something about that weight. For example: "I wanted to lose thirty pounds." "So, did you lose the weight?"

So yes, it's a correctly phrased but, I agree, sometimes really annoying question.

Aaand I'm taking off my teaching cap now.

Unknown

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LaReinaDeCorazones

I totally agree

This is what gives feminists a bad name. So much so I refuse to even call myself one now. Someone gives you a compliment and you are suddenly a victim. :noway: I thought feminists were strong and independent. I thought feminists were badass biches, not someone who cries over a compliment!

This thread is BSC. I will graciously accept any and all compliments, whether it be about my hair, body or personality. I will even say "thank you"... *gasp*

Last night a girlfriend's FIANCE said to me, "You look like you've slimmed down." I was so insulted. It came out of nowhere and I was not asking for his approval or his gaze. No thank you! I do not care about your objectifying thoughts on my body changes!

My punchline is - when my good girlfriends tell me I look good and healthy and glowing or strong/fit, I appreciate that. But when a MAN I don't know very well tells me I've "slimmed down", I get pissed. My body does not exist for his appraisal or approval! And I did not invite such a comment so I really was annoyed. I didn't want to say anything to anyone because I didn't want to start a drama, but you know how it is. Unfortunately the male gaze exists and we just have to deal with it, through all our weight fluctuations.

MelodyandBarbells

I wouldn't normally do this, but this thread seems to be going off the rails anyway and I teach this lesson at least three times a week, so what the heck?

Technically, both are correct. The use of "the" denotes a specific thing i.e. "How did you lose the weight (that you lost)?" However, we can drop the "the" when speaking because it's understood by both parties what weight you are referring to. It's just a different way of asking the same question.

It's all dependent on context. For instance, "Did you lose weight?" is correct, while "Did you lose the weight?" is not unless the other person had previously specified something about that weight. For example: "I wanted to lose thirty pounds." "So, did you lose the weight?"

So yes, it's a correctly phrased but, I agree, sometimes really annoying question.

Aaand I'm taking off my teaching cap now.

Lol. I also think of it as, "how did you lose the [excess] weight", as in any weight above our ideal weight is excess weight that we might seek at some point to reduce

thiswillhappen

Damn, people on here are really mean on this site when they disagree with each other. Why all the hate MFP? Why all the hate.

amusedmonkey

I don't mind comments on my weight (be it loss or gain), but I don't place high value in them either. I don't see them as offensive (be it from men or women). I'm a little desensitized in that regard.

I mean it's just something people say to express that they notice you as a person and the changes you go through, and that's nice, but I don't let it go to my head (or offend me) because when all is said and done they're probably not spending hours fantasizing about me glorifying my achievements, or losing sleep over feeling jealous of me. It's just a passing thought, a random comment, a n observation.. etc, not an elaborate plan to offend or worship me.

MJ_Watson

I wouldn't normally do this, but this thread seems to be going off the rails anyway and I teach this lesson at least three times a week, so what the heck?

Technically, both are correct. The use of "the" denotes a specific thing i.e. "How did you lose the weight (that you lost)?" However, we can drop the "the" when speaking because it's understood by both parties what weight you are referring to. It's just a different way of asking the same question.

It's all dependent on context. For instance, "Did you lose weight?" is correct, while "Did you lose the weight?" is not unless the other person had previously specified something about that weight. For example: "I wanted to lose thirty pounds." "So, did you lose the weight?"

So yes, it's a correctly phrased but, I agree, sometimes really annoying question.

Aaand I'm taking off my teaching cap now.

Lol. I also think of it as, "how did you lose the [excess] weight", as in any weight above our ideal weight is excess weight that we might seek at some point to reduce

Haha, yes, exactly!

jenilla1

I guess we should all just stop interacting with one another. It's way too complicated trying to guess who is or isn't going to be offended in any given situation. :sad:

zyxst

I always thought the question "How did you lose the weight" to be annoying! I know we say it but is that even correct English?

I wouldn't normally do this, but this thread seems to be going off the rails anyway and I teach this lesson at least three times a week, so what the heck?

Technically, both are correct. The use of "the" denotes a specific thing i.e. "How did you lose the weight (that you lost)?" However, we can drop the "the" when speaking because it's understood by both parties what weight you are referring to. It's just a different way of asking the same question.

It's all dependent on context. For instance, "Did you lose weight?" is correct, while "Did you lose the weight?" is not unless the other person had previously specified something about that weight. For example: "I wanted to lose thirty pounds." "So, did you lose the weight?"

So yes, it's a correctly phrased but, I agree, sometimes really annoying question.

Aaand I'm taking off my teaching cap now.

Maitria

I get really "antsy" when anyone comments on how I relate to the entire Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

OP, lots of people feel the way you do. They aren't offended or angry, it's just uncomfortable for them to discuss their bodies. Just give a thanks and divert the conversation to something you are more comfortable talking about. :flowerforyou:

deluxmary2000

This is what gives feminists a bad name. So much so I refuse to even call myself one now. Someone gives you a compliment and you are suddenly a victim. :noway: I thought feminists were strong and independent. I thought feminists were badass biches, not someone who cries over a compliment!

This thread is BSC. I will graciously accept any and all compliments, whether it be about my hair, body or personality. I will even say "thank you"... *gasp*

Last night a girlfriend's FIANCE said to me, "You look like you've slimmed down." I was so insulted. It came out of nowhere and I was not asking for his approval or his gaze. No thank you! I do not care about your objectifying thoughts on my body changes!

My punchline is - when my good girlfriends tell me I look good and healthy and glowing or strong/fit, I appreciate that. But when a MAN I don't know very well tells me I've "slimmed down", I get pissed. My body does not exist for his appraisal or approval! And I did not invite such a comment so I really was annoyed. I didn't want to say anything to anyone because I didn't want to start a drama, but you know how it is. Unfortunately the male gaze exists and we just have to deal with it, through all our weight fluctuations.

Your arms are amazing :flowerforyou:
But I'm a girl so I'm allowed to say that...

kelleybean1

I brought this thread up today at lunch for discussion. I was at a table with 8 other teachers, all women of varying ages, shapes and sizes. Everyone unanimously agreed that compliments on weight loss are not only welcome, but encouraging. One of my colleagues even stated that she finds it disheartening when she loses and no one notices. I was just happy that I'm not alone in my opinions, I love compliments and am proud of my achievements. I say, hold your head up high and say "thanks!" and don't read negativity into it!

kelleybean1

That is a great idea. I know of a couple others at work that are losing weight and didn't want to say "Hey you look lost weight!" in case it came out as "Hey! You're less fat." I'll compliment the new clothes they get as they lose weight and hope they do the same for me.

Well, then you are implying that their old clothes are ugly and frumpy. It's a no win situation. I'll just continue to give compliments when I feel like it!

JVClubs

I know allot of people dig it but I prefer not get them.I don't get upset when I get them but I would rather they keep that to themselves.I use my old clothes to see if i am making progress and before and after picture so thats enough for me.Just like if I were to gain weight, I woudnt want comments on that either. Anyone feels the same?

ppl have been saying last few months i look way thinner but i dont notice the difference so i agree

tracie_minus100

What a ridiculous politically correct world we are living in now. You can compliment, you can't criticize, everything offends everyone. We might as well act like robots. Everyone is so damn sensitive.

I agree with this.

Aemely

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