Keeping secrets in a relationship

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  • sw33tp3a11
    sw33tp3a11 Posts: 4,646 Member
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    Secrets have slowly ruined my marriage.
  • 2014Christina
    2014Christina Posts: 49
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    Is it okay to lie about my weight?? :embarassed:

    if he has eyes, he can see how big you are... not telling him the correct number doesnt make you look thinner!

    He thinks I'm 20lbs less than I am :happy:
  • ceron1234
    ceron1234 Posts: 19 Member
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    I do not believe there can be total honesty in any relationship; parent to child, friends or even in a marriage.

    Sometimes you need to instill confidence in your child and will "stretch the truth" as to their abilities.

    Sometimes in order not to hurt your partner, total honesty is not required. "Do these jeans make my butt look big"?

    Discretion is needed in so many aspects of life. Being "totally honest" is an excuse that some people hide behind just to be rude and uncaring.

    Just my opinion.

    I agree with everything you have said except the first statement. I believe there can and should be total honesty in any successful relationship. I don't mean that I believe you should go out of your way to "hide behind" total honesty " just to be rude and uncaring", but if someone I care about asks me a direct question, I believe they are entitled to an honest answer.

    I'm not going to go out of my way to tell my wife that when she gets her nails done I don't care for sparkles in her polish, but, if she asks me how I like them done, I'll tell her. I know that is a ridiculous analogy, but.....

    Agreed
  • 2014Christina
    2014Christina Posts: 49
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    Thank you everyone. All of your responses definitely got me thinking. Since he found out about the "stuff" we have had long discussions about not keeping things from one another. He's only angry that I didn't tell him about it prior.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    My boyfriend has PTSD and paranoia.

    I am careful about how I talk about my interactions with other people not to aggravate his condition. He has nothing to worry about, and I have nothing to hide, but he can take very insignificant occurrences and behaviors and blow them way out of proportion. Reassurances from me are usually not enough. I am not really lying or hiding anything. I'm just avoiding petty, unnecessary arguments.

    That being said, I am completely open with him about everything. I just color it in such a way as to not arouse his unwarranted suspicions.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    How old are you?
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    It feels better to be totally honest........even if it hurts.

    Being honest for me does not hurt anymore. It is what it is and I am who I am.
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
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    Is it okay to lie about my weight?? :embarassed:

    if he has eyes, he can see how big you are... not telling him the correct number doesnt make you look thinner!

    He thinks I'm 20lbs less than I am :happy:

    So.
  • Katie5961
    Katie5961 Posts: 48 Member
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    Only secret the bf and I have agreed to keep is when he is proposing. Otherwise we have full open disclosure. How can you trust if there are secrets? Just, no.
  • 2014Christina
    2014Christina Posts: 49
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    Is it okay to lie about my weight?? :embarassed:

    if he has eyes, he can see how big you are... not telling him the correct number doesnt make you look thinner!

    He thinks I'm 20lbs less than I am :happy:

    So.

    So? So apparently he thinks I look smaller than I am, or he's just being incredibly nice :wink:
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Only secret the bf and I have agreed to keep is when he is proposing. Otherwise we have full open disclosure. How can you trust if there are secrets? Just, no.

    She already knows she getting proposed. Now that is full open disclosure. He was supposed to have you wonder does he really want me.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    Is it okay to lie about my weight?? :embarassed:

    if he has eyes, he can see how big you are... not telling him the correct number doesnt make you look thinner!

    He thinks I'm 20lbs less than I am :happy:

    So.

    So? So apparently he thinks I look smaller than I am, or he's just being incredibly nice :wink:

    Or he has not concept of weight and the human body.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Is it okay to lie about my weight?? :embarassed:

    if he has eyes, he can see how big you are... not telling him the correct number doesnt make you look thinner!

    He thinks I'm 20lbs less than I am :happy:

    So.

    So? So apparently he thinks I look smaller than I am, or he's just being incredibly nice :wink:

    Or he has not concept of weight and the human body.

    Or he just doesn't care how much you weigh or how heavy you look because he loves you!
  • 2014Christina
    2014Christina Posts: 49
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    Or he just doesn't care how much you weigh or how heavy you look because he loves you!

    :smooched:
  • Cryptonomnomicon
    Cryptonomnomicon Posts: 848 Member
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    Keeping it a secret the number of sheets of toilet paper you use when you go to the bathroom: okay.

    Keeping it a secret that you're doing drugs with your ex-husband: not okay.

    Oa0dkP9.gif

    Oh and OP if you don't mind...

    iwMQQtc.gif

    As your threads seem quite asinine. Honestly my 13 year old daughter displays more common sense and dare I say it maturity when it comes to human interaction.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Keeping it a secret the number of sheets of toilet paper you use when you go to the bathroom: okay.

    Keeping it a secret that you're doing drugs with your ex-husband: not okay.

    Oa0dkP9.gif

    Oh and OP if you don't mind...

    iwMQQtc.gif

    As your threads seem quite asinine. Honestly my 13 year old daughter displays more common sense and dare I say it maturity when it comes to human interaction.

    Hey some people lack common sense. Plus maybe someone is just trying to pass time.
  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
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    We do not keep secrets from each other nor do I hide anything from him. He knows my passwords, he has access to my computer, email, phone. He has no reason to snoop. He can pick my phone up at any time and use it. answer texts for me etc. and I have no issue with that and the same goes for him and his stuff. I am always on his phone for him sending texts and I'll answer it if he's not around. I know that if I were to ever start gaining weight to a point where it is very noticeable he'd tell me and I'd be thankful for that.

    When he was away for a weekend I went out to a local bar to listen to a friend who was playing there and I got picked up by a guy. I sent my husband a text telling him I still got it and when he got home I told him about it and we had a good laugh.

    Heck I don't even lie about purchases I make when I go to the store (mostly because he's the one that benefits from them:wink:) I might not tell him how much something costs like when I bought a pair of shoes last week at a store that's typically expensive he asked if they were on sale and I said "Well, kind of -ish." with a shrug which he pretty much knows it meant no:laugh:

    I don't know. Maybe he and I are just weird but I can't imagine hiding anything from him or doing something behind his back that I'd later have to lie about. We trust each other completely and see no reasons for secrets.

    Our honesty between each other and the fact that we *gasp* talk is the main reason why he and I have never had an argument.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    Keeping it a secret the number of sheets of toilet paper you use when you go to the bathroom: okay.

    Keeping it a secret that you're doing drugs with your ex-husband: not okay.

    Oa0dkP9.gif

    Oh and OP if you don't mind...

    iwMQQtc.gif

    As your threads seem quite asinine. Honestly my 13 year old daughter displays more common sense and dare I say it maturity when it comes to human interaction.

    Hey some people lack common sense. Plus maybe someone is just trying to pass time.

    Common sense is not so common - Voltaire.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Options
    Is it okay to lie about my weight?? :embarassed:

    if he has eyes, he can see how big you are... not telling him the correct number doesnt make you look thinner!

    He thinks I'm 20lbs less than I am :happy:

    So.

    So? So apparently he thinks I look smaller than I am, or he's just being incredibly nice :wink:

    Or he has not concept of weight and the human body.

    Or he just doesn't care how much you weigh or how heavy you look because he loves you!

    Well, I was going on previous posts from yesterday. It didn't seem like love entered this equation.

    Doing drugs with ex-hubs and snooping each other's email and all that "stuff" doesn't paint the rosiest of pictures.
  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
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    I don't have a SO, but when I did, he didn't give a crap. another LT relationship I had, he did care but he lied to me & kept secrets anyway, our relationship was based on lying to ppl and it's now ended.

    I hope to find someone where there will be transparency, however, we'll still maintain our independence.

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