Keeping secrets in a relationship
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Is it okay to lie about my weight??
if he has eyes, he can see how big you are... not telling him the correct number doesnt make you look thinner!
He thinks I'm 20lbs less than I am :happy:
So.
So? So apparently he thinks I look smaller than I am, or he's just being incredibly nice
Or he has not concept of weight and the human body.
Or he just doesn't care how much you weigh or how heavy you look because he loves you!
Well, I was going on previous posts from yesterday. It didn't seem like love entered this equation.
Doing drugs with ex-hubs and snooping each other's email and all that "stuff" doesn't paint the rosiest of pictures.
Okay fine... he doesn't care how much she weighs because she has regular sex with him.
It's just that you two are painting him in a very bad light that really isn't fair. He's not stupid because he hasn't realized that she lied about her weight. He just doesn't care! He's a man... these things don't matter much to them.0 -
Keeping it a secret the number of sheets of toilet paper you use when you go to the bathroom: okay.
Keeping it a secret that you're doing drugs with your ex-husband: not okay.
Wait! Wut?!!! You mean it's not the kiddos using all that TP?!!
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Is it okay to lie about my weight??
if he has eyes, he can see how big you are... not telling him the correct number doesnt make you look thinner!
He thinks I'm 20lbs less than I am :happy:
So.
So? So apparently he thinks I look smaller than I am, or he's just being incredibly nice
Or he has not concept of weight and the human body.
Or he just doesn't care how much you weigh or how heavy you look because he loves you!
Well, I was going on previous posts from yesterday. It didn't seem like love entered this equation.
Doing drugs with ex-hubs and snooping each other's email and all that "stuff" doesn't paint the rosiest of pictures.
Okay fine... he doesn't care how much she weighs because she has regular sex with him.
It's just that you two are painting him in a very bad light that really isn't fair. He's not stupid because he hasn't realized that she lied about her weight. He just doesn't care! He's a man... these things don't matter much to them.
I'm not painting him in a bad light. There are a lot of people who have no concept of weight and body size. There are numerous threads here on this very topic, with people trying to identify which picture is closest to their shape.0 -
Well, I was going on previous posts from yesterday. It didn't seem like love entered this equation.
Doing drugs with ex-hubs and snooping each other's email and all that "stuff" doesn't paint the rosiest of pictures.
It's far from rosy, so you're right there Paige but just because something isn't rosy doesn't mean there isn't love in the equation.
In my experience of marriage/dating, it takes work sometimes and if two people want to stay together, they need to fight for it.0 -
Keeping it a secret the number of sheets of toilet paper you use when you go to the bathroom: okay.
Keeping it a secret that you're doing drugs with your ex-husband: not okay.
Oh and OP if you don't mind...
As your threads seem quite asinine. Honestly my 13 year old daughter displays more common sense and dare I say it maturity when it comes to human interaction.
Hey some people lack common sense. Plus maybe someone is just trying to pass time.
Common sense is not so common - Voltaire.
Touché as the forums show everyday, forgive my poor choice of words.0 -
Well, I was going on previous posts from yesterday. It didn't seem like love entered this equation.
Doing drugs with ex-hubs and snooping each other's email and all that "stuff" doesn't paint the rosiest of pictures.
It's far from rosy, so you're right there Paige but just because something isn't rosy doesn't mean there isn't love in the equation.
In my experience of marriage/dating, it takes work sometimes and if two people want to stay together, they need to fight for it.
Didn't you say that the only reason why you were in the relationship at all is because "dating is hard."?0 -
Depends on the secret.
"I secretly like knitting" is a little different from "I secretly banged your sister."0 -
This is true, cheaper than cable I guess.Hey some people lack common sense. Plus maybe someone is just trying to pass time.
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I'm not painting him in a bad light. There are a lot of people who have no concept of weight and body size. There are numerous threads here on this very topic, with people trying to identify which picture is closest to their shape.
I am merely suggesting that whether he realizes that she is lying about her weight or not, he most likely does not care. For whatever reason, he does not care. Very few men do care about a woman's weight, and the ones that do will most certainly bring it up.0 -
Well, I was going on previous posts from yesterday. It didn't seem like love entered this equation.
Doing drugs with ex-hubs and snooping each other's email and all that "stuff" doesn't paint the rosiest of pictures.
It's far from rosy, so you're right there Paige but just because something isn't rosy doesn't mean there isn't love in the equation.
In my experience of marriage/dating, it takes work sometimes and if two people want to stay together, they need to fight for it.
Didn't you say that the only reason why you were in the relationship at all is because "dating is hard."?
OP is losing track of her online persona. LOL You see what happens how you lied either yesterday or today?
Dating is hard or you love him are two completely different things. Unfortunately the just break up responses you got yesterday still apply to both answers.0 -
We do not keep secrets from each other nor do I hide anything from him. He knows my passwords, he has access to my computer, email, phone. He has no reason to snoop. He can pick my phone up at any time and use it. answer texts for me etc. and I have no issue with that and the same goes for him and his stuff. I am always on his phone for him sending texts and I'll answer it if he's not around. I know that if I were to ever start gaining weight to a point where it is very noticeable he'd tell me and I'd be thankful for that.
When he was away for a weekend I went out to a local bar to listen to a friend who was playing there and I got picked up by a guy. I sent my husband a text telling him I still got it and when he got home I told him about it and we had a good laugh.
Heck I don't even lie about purchases I make when I go to the store (mostly because he's the one that benefits from them) I might not tell him how much something costs like when I bought a pair of shoes last week at a store that's typically expensive he asked if they were on sale and I said "Well, kind of -ish." with a shrug which he pretty much knows it meant no:laugh:
I don't know. Maybe he and I are just weird but I can't imagine hiding anything from him or doing something behind his back that I'd later have to lie about. We trust each other completely and see no reasons for secrets.
Our honesty between each other and the fact that we *gasp* talk is the main reason why he and I have never had an argument.
This is how my fiance and I are. The only time he's lied to me was when we were still dating (long-distance) and he said he was going to visit his grandfather for the weekend...turns out he was really flying from San Diego to Florida to spend my birthday with me. I cannot imagine, otherwise, hiding anything from him and vice versa. We talk about and share everything.0 -
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We do not keep secrets from each other nor do I hide anything from him. He knows my passwords, he has access to my computer, email, phone. He has no reason to snoop. He can pick my phone up at any time and use it. answer texts for me etc. and I have no issue with that and the same goes for him and his stuff. I am always on his phone for him sending texts and I'll answer it if he's not around. I know that if I were to ever start gaining weight to a point where it is very noticeable he'd tell me and I'd be thankful for that.
When he was away for a weekend I went out to a local bar to listen to a friend who was playing there and I got picked up by a guy. I sent my husband a text telling him I still got it and when he got home I told him about it and we had a good laugh.
Heck I don't even lie about purchases I make when I go to the store (mostly because he's the one that benefits from them) I might not tell him how much something costs like when I bought a pair of shoes last week at a store that's typically expensive he asked if they were on sale and I said "Well, kind of -ish." with a shrug which he pretty much knows it meant no:laugh:
I don't know. Maybe he and I are just weird but I can't imagine hiding anything from him or doing something behind his back that I'd later have to lie about. We trust each other completely and see no reasons for secrets.
Our honesty between each other and the fact that we *gasp* talk is the main reason why he and I have never had an argument.
You are not weird, my relationship is the same. My friends constantly ask me whether we've had our first argument yet and I keep shrugging and replying no. Trust me, I've had plenty of crappy, argumentative, mistrusting relationships in the past so this is quite astonishing for me!
OP, with regards to secrets and honesty, we are adults that are likely to have been raised knowing what is right and wrong. You know lying and secrets are in the wrong category. That doesn't mean you have to tell him everytime you have a bowel movement, but of course he needs to know the sigificant/important/life changing things that you are doing or feeling.
For me personally I get very riddled with guilt even if it just an insignificant white lie. As also one lie then has to be covered and one white lie can very quickly snowball into a whole bag of lies! Honesty is the best policy.0 -
Everyone is entitled to have things that they keep private. There are parts of my past I have chosen not to discuss with my husband. He has asked me point blank on some occassions, and I have said, "I am choosing not to discuss that with you. It bears no consequence on our relationship, and I prefer to let it go." He has respected my right to privacy on these issues.
From the start of our relationship, I have not kept secrets from my husband. I also do not do things that would be harmful, hurtful to our relationship that I would need to keep secret from him. We are very open and honest with each other. More often than not I say things like, "In the interest of full disclosure, I ate the last cookie. It wasn't ___ [our child]." Cuz, I feel guilty if he is mislead on something - even if I have not intentially mislead him.
A healthy and stable relationship can handle honesty. It needs it to thrive.0 -
Well, I was going on previous posts from yesterday. It didn't seem like love entered this equation.
Doing drugs with ex-hubs and snooping each other's email and all that "stuff" doesn't paint the rosiest of pictures.
It's far from rosy, so you're right there Paige but just because something isn't rosy doesn't mean there isn't love in the equation.
In my experience of marriage/dating, it takes work sometimes and if two people want to stay together, they need to fight for it.
Didn't you say that the only reason why you were in the relationship at all is because "dating is hard."?
OP is losing track of her online persona. LOL You see what happens how you lied either yesterday or today?
Dating is hard or you love him are two completely different things. Unfortunately the just break up responses you got yesterday still apply to both answers.
Don't forget that it's an unhealthy relationship according to her. And they've had NO trust since they started dating.0 -
I always did these things with my wife (God rest her soul)....
Would I be ashamed if she knew what I was doing? If so, I didnt do it.
Would it hurt her if she knew what I was doing? If yes, I didnt do it.
So if I followed that, then there was no secrets to keep.
This is so true. Without getting into a long diatribe about my relationship with my wife, I will tell you that early on I had a lot of secrets. But slowly and surely I learned how bad they could be for a relationship. Now I have no secrets from her. I feel better knowing that she could look through email or phone and there is nothing there. Not that she would as our trust of each other is there.0 -
I do not believe there can be total honesty in any relationship; parent to child, friends or even in a marriage.
Sometimes you need to instill confidence in your child and will "stretch the truth" as to their abilities.
Sometimes in order not to hurt your partner, total honesty is not required. "Do these jeans make my butt look big"?
Discretion is needed in so many aspects of life. Being "totally honest" is an excuse that some people hide behind just to be rude and uncaring.
Just my opinion.
I agree with everything you have said except the first statement. I believe there can and should be total honesty in any successful relationship. I don't mean that I believe you should go out of your way to "hide behind" total honesty " just to be rude and uncaring", but if someone I care about asks me a direct question, I believe they are entitled to an honest answer.
I'm not going to go out of my way to tell my wife that when she gets her nails done I don't care for sparkles in her polish, but, if she asks me how I like them done, I'll tell her. I know that is a ridiculous analogy, but.....
I agree with the combination of these. Total honesy and transparency (maybe more important) is possible, if you disgard giving answers to questions that may just be "softer" than you really think. (does my butt look big, do you like my new haircut, etc.) An answer there that is less than totally honest I believe is ok just for the sake of making someone feel more secure or just not being a ****. Seeing ex's behind someones back or being a closet durg (or drug) user or alcoholic (without disclosing) is where I would draw a line. It is one thing not to tell someone you had a doughnut when you are both trying to lose weight and be accountible, it is another to hide that you ran into an ex and she wants to meet up. I think if common sense is used, everyone can be on the right side of this one. Good luck.
PS: I don't care what my wife weighs.
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I don't keep secrets overall. Mainly because I suck at it. I definitely don't keep secrets from my husband, I have nothing to hide. He used to, but now he understands how secrets can drive a wedge in between us. He used to keep secrets because he learned from a young age to do that to keep out of trouble and he didn't realize the damage it can cause in a marriage. Because when your SO finds out you have been keeping them, then you have lost their trust which is very hard to earn back.
Oh, I do keep secrets when it's birthday/anniversary/christmas because I want him to be surprised by what I get him. But that's a totally different type of secret. One that benefits the other person rather than deceives them.
Very well said, I think so many relationships go through this very same thing.0 -
I like thisWhile I might not share every little detail of my day, I don't keep secrets by omission or otherwise. My definition of secret is "would this hurt him?". If the answer is yes, it's something I wouldn't do, much less keep from him.0 -
Well, I was going on previous posts from yesterday. It didn't seem like love entered this equation.
Doing drugs with ex-hubs and snooping each other's email and all that "stuff" doesn't paint the rosiest of pictures.
It's far from rosy, so you're right there Paige but just because something isn't rosy doesn't mean there isn't love in the equation.
In my experience of marriage/dating, it takes work sometimes and if two people want to stay together, they need to fight for it.
Didn't you say that the only reason why you were in the relationship at all is because "dating is hard."?
Yes, sometimes I think we stay together because dating is hard. I also said I loved him and cared for him.
Yes, it has been no picnic. He had commitment problems from day one (he was married twice). Me, well, I was left for another woman once so, past relationships were not so good for us.
Oh and to answer your question from earlier, I'm 49. I thought that showed up on my profile. Sorry.0
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