Keeping secrets in a relationship

2014Christina

While I might not share every little detail of my day, I don't keep secrets by omission or otherwise. My definition of secret is "would this hurt him?". If the answer is yes, it's something I wouldn't do, much less keep from him.

I like this.

yopeeps025

Well, I was going on previous posts from yesterday. It didn't seem like love entered this equation.

Doing drugs with ex-hubs and snooping each other's email and all that "stuff" doesn't paint the rosiest of pictures.

It's far from rosy, so you're right there Paige but just because something isn't rosy doesn't mean there isn't love in the equation.

In my experience of marriage/dating, it takes work sometimes and if two people want to stay together, they need to fight for it.

Didn't you say that the only reason why you were in the relationship at all is because "dating is hard."?

OP is losing track of her online persona. LOL You see what happens how you lied either yesterday or today?
Dating is hard or you love him are two completely different things. Unfortunately the just break up responses you got yesterday still apply to both answers.

Don't forget that it's an unhealthy relationship according to her. And they've had NO trust since they started dating.

Nah OP said we are doomed from yesterday thread and today she now in LOVE. OP is not good at lying. Keep trying though.

pepperpat64

We do not keep secrets from each other nor do I hide anything from him. He knows my passwords, he has access to my computer, email, phone. He has no reason to snoop. He can pick my phone up at any time and use it. answer texts for me etc. and I have no issue with that and the same goes for him and his stuff. I am always on his phone for him sending texts and I'll answer it if he's not around. I know that if I were to ever start gaining weight to a point where it is very noticeable he'd tell me and I'd be thankful for that.

When he was away for a weekend I went out to a local bar to listen to a friend who was playing there and I got picked up by a guy. I sent my husband a text telling him I still got it and when he got home I told him about it and we had a good laugh.

Heck I don't even lie about purchases I make when I go to the store (mostly because he's the one that benefits from them) I might not tell him how much something costs like when I bought a pair of shoes last week at a store that's typically expensive he asked if they were on sale and I said "Well, kind of -ish." with a shrug which he pretty much knows it meant no:laugh:

I don't know. Maybe he and I are just weird but I can't imagine hiding anything from him or doing something behind his back that I'd later have to lie about. We trust each other completely and see no reasons for secrets.

Our honesty between each other and the fact that we *gasp* talk is the main reason why he and I have never had an argument.

This sounds exactly like my husband and me. We have to trust each other, considering he's a trucker and is on the road several months out of the year. It seems like such common sense, but apparently it's not!

PRMinx

Well, I was going on previous posts from yesterday. It didn't seem like love entered this equation.

Doing drugs with ex-hubs and snooping each other's email and all that "stuff" doesn't paint the rosiest of pictures.

It's far from rosy, so you're right there Paige but just because something isn't rosy doesn't mean there isn't love in the equation.

In my experience of marriage/dating, it takes work sometimes and if two people want to stay together, they need to fight for it.

Didn't you say that the only reason why you were in the relationship at all is because "dating is hard."?

Yes, sometimes I think we stay together because dating is hard. I also said I loved him and cared for him.

Yes, it has been no picnic. He had commitment problems from day one (he was married twice). Me, well, I was left for another woman once so, past relationships were not so good for us.

Oh and to answer your question from earlier, I'm 49. I thought that showed up on my profile. Sorry.

2014Christina

Nah OP said we are doomed from yesterday thread and today she now in LOVE. OP is not good at lying. Keep trying though.

Gee thanks. I've been with him for 4 years, of course I love him.

Maybe I'm the only person I know that had effed up relationships, maybe it's me but I'm not lying here.

bugaboo_sue

Yes, sometimes I think we stay together because dating is hard. I also said I loved him and cared for him.

Yes, it has been no picnic. He had commitment problems from day one (he was married twice). Me, well, I was left for another woman once so, past relationships were not so good for us.

Oh and to answer your question from earlier, I'm 49. I thought that showed up on my profile. Sorry.

Past relationships were not good for you.

So you're basically letting what happened to you in the past rule you're future.

It's in the past. Get over it. My husband was married before me and it wasn't the best relationship but guess what? He got over it and we've been married for 8 years together for a total of about 20.

If you're staying together because "dating is hard" then that's not a reason. It doesn't matter if you love and care about him. I love and care about a lot of people but it doesn't mean I'll stay with them because it's convenient.

The two of you have major issues, none of which are good or healthy. You either need to seek counseling if you truly want to be with him or end the relationship. Sure being single is scary and a boat load of no fun but I'd rather be single and happy than in a relationship where there is zero trust and commitment issues and I'm miserable.

2014Christina

I don't know if you're in a relationship Paige but if you are, I envy you. It must be great. Good for you! :flowerforyou:

bugaboo_sue

Gee thanks. I've been with him for 4 years, of course I love him

So?

yopeeps025

Nah OP said we are doomed from yesterday thread and today she now in LOVE. OP is not good at lying. Keep trying though.

Gee thanks. I've been with him for 4 years, of course I love him.

Maybe I'm the only person I know that had effed up relationships, maybe it's me but I'm not lying here.

OP you are settling for this guy because "dating is so hard."

2014Christina

Yes, sometimes I think we stay together because dating is hard. I also said I loved him and cared for him.

Yes, it has been no picnic. He had commitment problems from day one (he was married twice). Me, well, I was left for another woman once so, past relationships were not so good for us.

Oh and to answer your question from earlier, I'm 49. I thought that showed up on my profile. Sorry.

Past relationships were not good for you.

So you're basically letting what happened to you in the past rule you're future.

It's in the past. Get over it. My husband was married before me and it wasn't the best relationship but guess what? He got over it and we've been married for 8 years together for a total of about 20.

If you're staying together because "dating is hard" then that's not a reason. It doesn't matter if you love and care about him. I love and care about a lot of people but it doesn't mean I'll stay with them because it's convenient.

The two of you have major issues, none of which are good or healthy. You either need to seek counseling if you truly want to be with him or end the relationship. Sure being single is scary and a boat load of no fun but I'd rather be single and happy than in a relationship where there is zero trust and commitment issues and I'm miserable.

It's not that being single is scary, it's just a pain in the *kitten* and as iffy as my bf and I are, we do have a good time together (sex wise too)

I agree with the counseling 100%. I wonder if he will agree too.

yopeeps025

Gee thanks. I've been with him for 4 years, of course I love him

So?

People in love a have time limit. 4 years of course she loves him. Mental note date someone for four years and I should be in love by that time. Do you hear yourself OP?

Calliope610

It's not that being single is scary, it's just a pain in the *kitten* and as iffy as my bf and I are, we do have a good time together (sex wise too)

I agree with the counseling 100%. I wonder if he will agree too.

And who needs trust and commitment when you have good sex???

skippygirlsmom

While I might not share every little detail of my day, I don't keep secrets by omission or otherwise. My definition of secret is "would this hurt him?". If the answer is yes, it's something I wouldn't do, much less keep from him.

I agree with this too. I never put myself in the position of doing something that I would have to lie about or hide from him. Well okay my nails really cost $30 to have done not $25, but that is as bad as it gets.

bugaboo_sue

It's not that being single is scary, it's just a pain in the *kitten* and as iffy as my bf and I are, we do have a good time together (sex wise too)

I agree with the counseling 100%. I wonder if he will agree too.

So you're not going to leave him because "being single is PITA and iffy". Ok . . . good reason to stay together.

I also am trying to wrap my head around how you can have a good time with someone you don't trust. I would think the times together would be very strained.

PRMinx

I don't know if you're in a relationship Paige but if you are, I envy you. It must be great. Good for you! :flowerforyou:

Having been in a miserable relationship with major trust issues I can tell you from experience that it's not worth it. It will NEVER be worth it. I am in a new relationship now and time will tell. So far, we are very open with each other. But, I guarantee if it gets to the point of the trust issues you are talking about, I will leave. Because, again, NOT WORTH IT.

Clearly, you aren't happy. Your posts today may be more optimistic than yesterday, but if you were happy you wouldn't be repeatedly posting about your relationship problems on a public forum.

Unless you are trolling.

But, if you are being serious, you really should evaluate your decisions here.

yopeeps025

It's not that being single is scary, it's just a pain in the *kitten* and as iffy as my bf and I are, we do have a good time together (sex wise too)

I agree with the counseling 100%. I wonder if he will agree too.

So you're not going to leave him because "being single is PITA and iffy". Ok . . . good reason to stay together.

I also am trying to wrap my head around how you can have a good time with someone you don't trust. I would think the times together would be very strained.

OP and guy NEED to discuss why they do not trust each other. Maybe guy knows something from ex hubs.

PRMinx

It's not that being single is scary, it's just a pain in the *kitten* and as iffy as my bf and I are, we do have a good time together (sex wise too)

I agree with the counseling 100%. I wonder if he will agree too.

So you're not going to leave him because "being single is PITA and iffy". Ok . . . good reason to stay together.

I also am trying to wrap my head around how you can have a good time with someone you don't trust. I would think the times together would be very strained.

Agreed. Been there, done that. The anxiety from the constant strain was so bad it affected my health.

2014Christina

I don't know if you're in a relationship Paige but if you are, I envy you. It must be great. Good for you! :flowerforyou:

Having been in a miserable relationship with major trust issues I can tell you from experience that it's not worth it. It will NEVER be worth it. I am in a new relationship now and time will tell. So far, we are very open with each other. But, I guarantee if it gets to the point of the trust issues you are talking about, I will leave. Because, again, NOT WORTH IT.

Clearly, you aren't happy. Your posts today may be more optimistic than yesterday, but if you were happy you wouldn't be repeatedly posting about your relationship problems on a public forum.

Unless you are trolling.

But, if you are being serious, you really should evaluate your decisions here.

What is trolling exactly?

The reason I posted this on a public forum is because who better to talk to than people who have experienced just this? You, for example, you were in a similar position as me and have knowledge in this and I thank you for giving me your input. Talking to you guys helps me more than you know.

sweetcurlz67

We do not keep secrets from each other nor do I hide anything from him. He knows my passwords, he has access to my computer, email, phone. He has no reason to snoop. He can pick my phone up at any time and use it. answer texts for me etc. and I have no issue with that and the same goes for him and his stuff. I am always on his phone for him sending texts and I'll answer it if he's not around. I know that if I were to ever start gaining weight to a point where it is very noticeable he'd tell me and I'd be thankful for that.

When he was away for a weekend I went out to a local bar to listen to a friend who was playing there and I got picked up by a guy. I sent my husband a text telling him I still got it and when he got home I told him about it and we had a good laugh.

Heck I don't even lie about purchases I make when I go to the store (mostly because he's the one that benefits from them) I might not tell him how much something costs like when I bought a pair of shoes last week at a store that's typically expensive he asked if they were on sale and I said "Well, kind of -ish." with a shrug which he pretty much knows it meant no:laugh:

I don't know. Maybe he and I are just weird but I can't imagine hiding anything from him or doing something behind his back that I'd later have to lie about. We trust each other completely and see no reasons for secrets.

Our honesty between each other and the fact that we *gasp* talk is the main reason why he and I have never had an argument.

This is how my fiance and I are. The only time he's lied to me was when we were still dating (long-distance) and he said he was going to visit his grandfather for the weekend...turns out he was really flying from San Diego to Florida to spend my birthday with me. I cannot imagine, otherwise, hiding anything from him and vice versa. We talk about and share everything.

you two are lucky! count your blessings. I pray one day I find someone I can share this type of relationship with. :flowerforyou:

2014Christina

It's not that being single is scary, it's just a pain in the *kitten* and as iffy as my bf and I are, we do have a good time together (sex wise too)

I agree with the counseling 100%. I wonder if he will agree too.

So you're not going to leave him because "being single is PITA and iffy". Ok . . . good reason to stay together.

I also am trying to wrap my head around how you can have a good time with someone you don't trust. I would think the times together would be very strained.

I wish I could explain it better.