"You MUST send me a message if you want to be my friend"

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  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    I'm picky about who I add too. I like to get a message with a FR request at least telling me why you want to add me - if we have a friend in common or something that motivated you in the forums. Saying "hey you're sexy" is NOT going to get you accepted. Not putting a message isn't either. Too random. I get dozens of requests and if I accepted all of them I'd have a thousand 'friends'. Too meaningless.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    Don't add me. Problem solved.
  • Erin_goBrahScience
    Erin_goBrahScience Posts: 1,215 Member
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    I understand if you have 60-70 requests per day, that would be annoying to deal with in a news feed. I'm clearly not internet popular like everyone else.

    I get maybe one a month.

    But if I've never seen you, and we've never had any exchange and no mutual friends...where did you even find me? Is the first thing I think.

    It's the polite thing to send a message.I mean you don't go up to random strangers and just poke them and say "FRIEND?" Or maybe you do, maybe you were raised in a barn, but I don't know that unless you tell me.

    Point is introduce yourself when sending a FR.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    Meh- I just like to know- I don't have that on my profile- but I can tell if someone says "I want to stalk your food diary" or you lift that's awesome- or your sense of humor or whatever- gives me a clue.

    A handful of people I deny out and out- but meh- it's not a crisis- it's a forum and a calorie counting site- I don't live breath and die by it.
  • Docmahi
    Docmahi Posts: 1,603 Member
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    I accept on an extremely complicated scale and formula that is totally ignored based on hotness
  • jnichel
    jnichel Posts: 4,553 Member
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    So I've stumbled on a few profiles of people with similar body type as me or just people around my age and have added a few as a friend. I've also noticed that some people have this *****IF YOU DON'T SEND ME A MESSAGE FIRST I WILL REJECT YOUR FRIEND REQUEST***** notice at the top of their profile. If you're one of those people that only adds users who you know in real life on this site as a friend, I totally understand, but I've always noticed that people have 200+ friends, and all of them are not from the same area. It's the internet. I'm not about to show up on your f*cking door step and creep in your windows, I just wanna look at your diary and check out your snacks. Does anyone else find this a little funny? Like do I really have to explain myself to be your "friend" on a website when I'm probably never going to meet you and just comment "great job" when you have a 500 calorie burn workout and have it motivate me to get up off my butt and walk around the block?

    So you want to use people. Gotcha.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,375 Member
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    I'm picky about who I accept on my FL, primarily because it's too easy to accept everyone and end up with a giant, unmanageable FL. I like to get to know people, so I set criteria. I keep my list small. If you're not mutuals with people on my list I probably won't accept; even if you are mutuals it doesn't mean that I will. If no message is included it doesn't even get considered. And even if you meet the criteria, if I don't feel like we'd be a good personality match I'll probably still decline. That may seem overly picky to some, but there have been weeks when I've gotten 60 or 70 requests. There has to be a limit, at least for me.

    ^ This. I got to the point where I had an unmanageable list. I had to cut some friends, some of them I didn't want to as they were great people, but I just couldn't keep up with my newsfeed.

    Me too. When my list started getting bigger, I had to add the disclaimer. I can't cut anymore, because I like everybody too much!
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    Do you have an instagram? Do you have to know everyone that follows you there as well? You've lost 101 lbs and I'm sure you're a motivation to a lot of people that you might not even know who just stumbled upon in a thread and have never talked to. I feel like it's more creepy to say "i saw that you posted in a thread but i never talked to you" than to just not say anything at all.

    I am more creeped out by silence. It is like having a conversation at a restaurant, and some stranger wearing work out gear comes over and sits next to me, then picks through my salad, asking how many carbs are in spinach. At least tell my who the hell you are first...
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
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    FR me? ^ :)

    What's in it for me?
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    Guilty. It's because I want friends who actually *interact* with me and have READ my profile before adding me. If they don't have anything to say, chances are slim to none that we will have much interaction after they have been added.

    If you're put off by it, that's fine, the 'x' button is right there at the top right. No skin off my nose.

    This is why I put that line in there too. It's like a test to see if you actually read about me or not. Also, reading my profile gives you a chance to know what you're getting into, and I am definitely not everyone's cup of tea.
  • _Zardoz_
    _Zardoz_ Posts: 3,987 Member
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    So I've stumbled on a few profiles of people with similar body type as me or just people around my age and have added a few as a friend. I've also noticed that some people have this *****IF YOU DON'T SEND ME A MESSAGE FIRST I WILL REJECT YOUR FRIEND REQUEST***** notice at the top of their profile. If you're one of those people that only adds users who you know in real life on this site as a friend, I totally understand, but I've always noticed that people have 200+ friends, and all of them are not from the same area. It's the internet. I'm not about to show up on your f*cking door step and creep in your windows, I just wanna look at your diary and check out your snacks. Does anyone else find this a little funny? Like do I really have to explain myself to be your "friend" on a website when I'm probably never going to meet you and just comment "great job" when you have a 500 calorie burn workout and have it motivate me to get up off my butt and walk around the block?
    Why you have such an issue with what other people decide to do. I've noticed that some people like yourself keep their profile totally private it's not as if I'm going to use that information to blackmail you so why the secrecy? (see it goes both ways)

    Personally it should matter to no one that I only accept Chinese acrobats on a macrobiotic diet as my friends. I do what I'm comfortable with and hey you do the same.
  • SassyCalyGirl
    SassyCalyGirl Posts: 1,932 Member
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    OP-so you made an effort to post this message but you can't send one with a FR?

    time well spent
  • JojoW8183
    JojoW8183 Posts: 540 Member
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    I like messages with requests so I know how they found me, lol. I think I've only got like 5 friends on here, most people steer clear
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    you want to check out my snacks....but you can't be bothered to type a note that says, "i just want to check out your snacks?" yeah, you can go away now.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    I'm picky about who I add too. I like to get a message with a FR request at least telling me why you want to add me - if we have a friend in common or something that motivated you in the forums. Saying "hey you're sexy" is NOT going to get you accepted. Not putting a message isn't either. Too random. I get dozens of requests and if I accepted all of them I'd have a thousand 'friends'. Too meaningless.

    I have a bunch accept mine for saying you're sexy.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Do you have an instagram? Do you have to know everyone that follows you there as well? You've lost 101 lbs and I'm sure you're a motivation to a lot of people that you might not even know who just stumbled upon in a thread and have never talked to. I feel like it's more creepy to say "i saw that you posted in a thread but i never talked to you" than to just not say anything at all.

    I am more creeped out by silence. It is like having a conversation at a restaurant, and some stranger wearing work out gear comes over and sits next to me, then picks through my salad, asking how many carbs are in spinach. At least tell my who the hell you are first...

    I choked on my salad reading this... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • DreamOfSunshine
    DreamOfSunshine Posts: 911 Member
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    Leaving a message takes all of two seconds...is it REALLY that big of a deal not to send one. I happen to be one of those people and yes I do in fact like to know how the person found me. if we have mutual friends or they feel I can help them in some way.

    Same here. Saying "hi" is a really small 3 seconds effort. I do have 200+ friends and I do reject blank requests... It's my personal choice to do so.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
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    Sounds like you're not the friend they're looking for and vice versa. I've met people on my FL and if I had the opportunity, there are a lot more I'd like to meet. Some I've added to FB, some I exchanged phone numbers with and we text, one has little's around the same age as mine and now our kids are friends too. I don't want to add just anybody to my list. If someone just wants to creep my diary, they can do that without being on my FL. They don't need access to my pics and personal thoughts.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    I understand if you have 60-70 requests per day, that would be annoying to deal with in a news feed. I'm clearly not internet popular like everyone else.

    When I used to be more active on MFP, I used to get about 10 per day. The message thins out the people who are randomly adding people. Plus its nice to know how they know you and what got their interest.
  • JG762
    JG762 Posts: 571 Member
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    So I've stumbled on a few profiles of people with similar body type as me or just people around my age and have added a few as a friend. I've also noticed that some people have this *****IF YOU DON'T SEND ME A MESSAGE FIRST I WILL REJECT YOUR FRIEND REQUEST***** notice at the top of their profile. If you're one of those people that only adds users who you know in real life on this site as a friend, I totally understand, but I've always noticed that people have 200+ friends, and all of them are not from the same area. It's the internet. I'm not about to show up on your f*cking door step and creep in your windows, I just wanna look at your diary and check out your snacks. Does anyone else find this a little funny? Like do I really have to explain myself to be your "friend" on a website when I'm probably never going to meet you and just comment "great job" when you have a 500 calorie burn workout and have it motivate me to get up off my butt and walk around the block?

    I denied you before you even sent the request... :laugh:

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