"You MUST send me a message if you want to be my friend"

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  • CorlissaEats
    CorlissaEats Posts: 493 Member
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    Do you have an instagram? Do you have to know everyone that follows you there as well? You've lost 101 lbs and I'm sure you're a motivation to a lot of people that you might not even know who just stumbled upon in a thread and have never talked to. I feel like it's more creepy to say "i saw that you posted in a thread but i never talked to you" than to just not say anything at all.

    I am more creeped out by silence. It is like having a conversation at a restaurant, and some stranger wearing work out gear comes over and sits next to me, then picks through my salad, asking how many carbs are in spinach. At least tell my who the hell you are first...


    I choked on my salad reading this... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
    LOL. I'm stealing this. I always say that a blank friend request is like walking up to a stranger in a mall and trying to hold their hand. This is MUCH better! :laugh:
  • 365andstillalive
    365andstillalive Posts: 663 Member
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    On the other hand...there are folks who are looking to get friends but have closed profiles.Whaaaaaa????

    THIS.

    While I don't demand a message or anything, it's nice when they come with one, but even when they do, 90% of the time I'm just sitting there like "how did you find me?"

    I used to just accept everyone, but now I'm starting to get a little pickier -- which probably has absolutely nothing to do with the creepy messages and amount of 40+ year old men hitting on me and saying inappropriate things.

    Yep... nothing at all.
  • BekaBooluvsu
    BekaBooluvsu Posts: 470 Member
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    I'm picky about who I accept on my FL, primarily because it's too easy to accept everyone and end up with a giant, unmanageable FL. I like to get to know people, so I set criteria. I keep my list small. If you're not mutuals with people on my list I probably won't accept; even if you are mutuals it doesn't mean that I will. If no message is included it doesn't even get considered. And even if you meet the criteria, if I don't feel like we'd be a good personality match I'll probably still decline. That may seem overly picky to some, but there have been weeks when I've gotten 60 or 70 requests. There has to be a limit, at least for me.

    I feel the same.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
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    leaving a msg with the FR is nice but not necessary
    if you do leave one i will be more inclined to maybe pay attention to you (lol no i wont)
  • SubZeroDude
    SubZeroDude Posts: 1,519 Member
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    leaving a msg with the FR is nice but not necessary
    if you do leave one i will be more inclined to maybe pay attention to you (lol no i wont)

    This is 98% of the people I'm sure, regardless what their profile says lol
  • njitaliana
    njitaliana Posts: 814 Member
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    It takes a few seconds to tell someone that you liked their post on a thread, or that you have a friend in common. It's a matter of being considerate and courteous toward other people.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
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    This isn't real life just so everyone knows.

    How is it not real life? I'm real. You're real. Everyone on my friend list is real. The words I type are real. The conversations we have are real. Does the fact that the internet is facilitating our conversations somehow change these facts? Does that mean that telephone calls are also not real life? Emails? When does one cross this fictional boundary between real-life and not real-life?

    The things you do and say online are just as real as anywhere else. Arguably more so, since if you do something that garners sufficient attention online it never, ever, goes away.

    The people on my friend list are actually friends. Not just random strangers I accepted as entries in a database flagged 'friend'. There's not a one of them I wouldn't meet in person and get a drink with. I like them. I like what they have to say. A quick message with your friend request just helps me decide if you are likely to be someone I'll enjoy interacting with. Likewise when I send a friend request, I'll briefly describe why I think we'll enjoy being friends. Sometimes it doesn't workout, and I'll drop someone from my list, or they'll drop me from their's. No hard feelings, some people just aren't compatible.

    If you would like to curate your friend list in a different way, that's fine too. None of my business. I literally couldn't care less. Just don't go around pretending like yours is the one true method and everyone else's ideas are obviously crazy.
  • Monkey_Business
    Monkey_Business Posts: 1,800 Member
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    Guilty. It's because I want friends who actually *interact* with me and have READ my profile before adding me. If they don't have anything to say, chances are slim to none that we will have much interaction after they have been added.

    If you're put off by it, that's fine, the 'x' button is right there at the top right. No skin off my nose.

    This is why I put that line in there too. It's like a test to see if you actually read about me or not. Also, reading my profile gives you a chance to know what you're getting into, and I am definitely not everyone's cup of tea.

    If someone takes the time to write a message, they will most likely interact with you. I have ran into a couple collectors and it become a pain to keep up with everyone.

    Oh this forum is lacking cat gifs by the way:
    tumblr_mg49wbuAA01rmugu7o1_400.gif
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
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    I require it because people are @$$holes. And, if you're low carb, or no carb, or shakeology, or talk about this food is good and this one is bad, or how you burned 11,000 calories doing laundry, I'm going to delete you. Sending a message about how you found me tells me that you feel like you have something in common or can relate in some way. Without that, I have no idea why you want to be my friends. On the internet, I view it like real life, you don't just walk up and start standing next to someone and follow them around everywhere without saying something first.

    It was only 8,000 calories I burned dammit. :grumble:
  • JojoW8183
    JojoW8183 Posts: 540 Member
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    I require it because people are @$$holes. And, if you're low carb, or no carb, or shakeology, or talk about this food is good and this one is bad, or how you burned 11,000 calories doing laundry, I'm going to delete you. Sending a message about how you found me tells me that you feel like you have something in common or can relate in some way. Without that, I have no idea why you want to be my friends. On the internet, I view it like real life, you don't just walk up and start standing next to someone and follow them around everywhere without saying something first.

    It was only 8,000 calories I burned dammit. :grumble:

    I'll myself in my paleo corner where I belong, lol.
  • Monkey_Business
    Monkey_Business Posts: 1,800 Member
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    besides no message makes me angry:
    angrypuppyangry.gif
  • Joannah700
    Joannah700 Posts: 2,665 Member
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    Like so many others on this list, I had accepted everyone for a time - but I stopped because I want to pay attention to my friends. I want to be a genuine encouragement and motivation to come onto this site and that means that if I comment on your wall and accomplishments it's going to be something honest and heartfelt - not a generic WTG.

    That being said, I have also put in a disclaimer that I'm only on here for that reason or funnies - and no monkey business. For some reason my FR declined significantly when I put that up there. Weird.

    If I wanted generic 'good jobs' - I would look back at my high school yearbook and check out the 'have a nice summer and stay sweet' messages.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    This isn't real life just so everyone knows.

    How is it not real life? I'm real. You're real. Everyone on my friend list is real. The words I type are real. The conversations we have are real. Does the fact that the internet is facilitating our conversations somehow change these facts? Does that mean that telephone calls are also not real life? Emails? When does one cross this fictional boundary between real-life and not real-life?

    The things you do and say online are just as real as anywhere else. Arguably more so, since if you do something that garners sufficient attention online it never, ever, goes away.

    The people on my friend list are actually friends. Not just random strangers I accepted as entries in a database flagged 'friend'. There's not a one of them I wouldn't meet in person and get a drink with. I like them. I like what they have to say. A quick message with your friend request just helps me decide if you are likely to be someone I'll enjoy interacting with. Likewise when I send a friend request, I'll briefly describe why I think we'll enjoy being friends. Sometimes it doesn't workout, and I'll drop someone from my list, or they'll drop me from their's. No hard feelings, some people just aren't compatible.

    If you would like to curate your friend list in a different way, that's fine too. None of my business. I literally couldn't care less. Just don't go around pretending like yours is the one true method and everyone else's ideas are obviously crazy.


    Yes.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    Do you have an instagram? Do you have to know everyone that follows you there as well? You've lost 101 lbs and I'm sure you're a motivation to a lot of people that you might not even know who just stumbled upon in a thread and have never talked to. I feel like it's more creepy to say "i saw that you posted in a thread but i never talked to you" than to just not say anything at all.

    I am more creeped out by silence. It is like having a conversation at a restaurant, and some stranger wearing work out gear comes over and sits next to me, then picks through my salad, asking how many carbs are in spinach. At least tell my who the hell you are first...

    I choked on my salad reading this... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Could you even imagine MFP in real life? People just flashing each other, that one random guy that walks by and yells at you for not eating breakfast. A bunch of men with bleeding nipples stopping to talk about their fitbits.

    OK, I'm gonna FR you, because you're hilarious.
  • lrichardson2360
    lrichardson2360 Posts: 225 Member
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    Like others have said, I want to know why you want me to be my friend. I also want to keep my friend list manageable. If you're not comfortable writing a quick note of who you are and how you found me, then find someone else to friend.
  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
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    It's basic etiquette to introduce yourself to other people when meeting them for the first time (unless someone else starts the introductions). I mean, you're not going to go out to some public place, make BFF's with some random person, maintain that friendship for months/years/whatever without having ever introduced yourself. Even if it's a username/handle, it's still important to do.

    "Hey, I was really inspired by your forum posts, can we be friends?"
    "I'd love to see your journey and hopefully motivate each other."
    "Your GIF was awesome, got anymore?"
    "You're a meanie, and I appreciate your brutal honesty."

    These things take seconds to type. It shows the person you want to friend that you're interested in them at some level, whether it's shallow or has more depth. Or it may humor them and they think your personality will mesh well with their own.

    I personally have this disclaimer. I don't want random FR's with no information about the person requesting. How do I know why they want to be friends, where they are in their weightloss, or if they like GIF's if they don't provide anything to respond to? It's like holding out your hand to shake with somebody but saying absolutely nothing, no "Hi, how are you?" or "Nice to meet you." That just doesn't fly with me.
  • thepandapost
    thepandapost Posts: 117 Member
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    I'm not about to show up on your f*cking door step and creep in your windows, I just wanna look at your diary and check out your snacks.

    :laugh: :laugh:
  • Timelordlady85
    Timelordlady85 Posts: 797 Member
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    Like so many others on this list, I had accepted everyone for a time - but I stopped because I want to pay attention to my friends. I want to be a genuine encouragement and motivation to come onto this site and that means that if I comment on your wall and accomplishments it's going to be something honest and heartfelt - not a generic WTG.

    That being said, I have also put in a disclaimer that I'm only on here for that reason or funnies - and no monkey business. For some reason my FR declined significantly when I put that up there. Weird.

    If I wanted generic 'good jobs' - I would look back at my high school yearbook and check out the 'have a nice summer and stay sweet' messages.

    couldn't have said it better myself. :smile:
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    This isn't real life just so everyone knows.

    How is it not real life? I'm real. You're real. Everyone on my friend list is real. The words I type are real. The conversations we have are real. Does the fact that the internet is facilitating our conversations somehow change these facts? Does that mean that telephone calls are also not real life? Emails? When does one cross this fictional boundary between real-life and not real-life?

    The things you do and say online are just as real as anywhere else. Arguably more so, since if you do something that garners sufficient attention online it never, ever, goes away.

    The people on my friend list are actually friends. Not just random strangers I accepted as entries in a database flagged 'friend'. There's not a one of them I wouldn't meet in person and get a drink with. I like them. I like what they have to say. A quick message with your friend request just helps me decide if you are likely to be someone I'll enjoy interacting with. Likewise when I send a friend request, I'll briefly describe why I think we'll enjoy being friends. Sometimes it doesn't workout, and I'll drop someone from my list, or they'll drop me from their's. No hard feelings, some people just aren't compatible.

    If you would like to curate your friend list in a different way, that's fine too. None of my business. I literally couldn't care less. Just don't go around pretending like yours is the one true method and everyone else's ideas are obviously crazy.

    This is why I like you.

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