"You MUST send me a message if you want to be my friend"
Replies
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I require it because people are @$$holes. And, if you're low carb, or no carb, or shakeology, or talk about this food is good and this one is bad, or how you burned 11,000 calories doing laundry, I'm going to delete you. Sending a message about how you found me tells me that you feel like you have something in common or can relate in some way. Without that, I have no idea why you want to be my friends. On the internet, I view it like real life, you don't just walk up and start standing next to someone and follow them around everywhere without saying something first.
It was only 8,000 calories I burned dammit. :grumble:
I'll myself in my paleo corner where I belong, lol.0 -
besides no message makes me angry:
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Like so many others on this list, I had accepted everyone for a time - but I stopped because I want to pay attention to my friends. I want to be a genuine encouragement and motivation to come onto this site and that means that if I comment on your wall and accomplishments it's going to be something honest and heartfelt - not a generic WTG.
That being said, I have also put in a disclaimer that I'm only on here for that reason or funnies - and no monkey business. For some reason my FR declined significantly when I put that up there. Weird.
If I wanted generic 'good jobs' - I would look back at my high school yearbook and check out the 'have a nice summer and stay sweet' messages.0 -
This isn't real life just so everyone knows.
How is it not real life? I'm real. You're real. Everyone on my friend list is real. The words I type are real. The conversations we have are real. Does the fact that the internet is facilitating our conversations somehow change these facts? Does that mean that telephone calls are also not real life? Emails? When does one cross this fictional boundary between real-life and not real-life?
The things you do and say online are just as real as anywhere else. Arguably more so, since if you do something that garners sufficient attention online it never, ever, goes away.
The people on my friend list are actually friends. Not just random strangers I accepted as entries in a database flagged 'friend'. There's not a one of them I wouldn't meet in person and get a drink with. I like them. I like what they have to say. A quick message with your friend request just helps me decide if you are likely to be someone I'll enjoy interacting with. Likewise when I send a friend request, I'll briefly describe why I think we'll enjoy being friends. Sometimes it doesn't workout, and I'll drop someone from my list, or they'll drop me from their's. No hard feelings, some people just aren't compatible.
If you would like to curate your friend list in a different way, that's fine too. None of my business. I literally couldn't care less. Just don't go around pretending like yours is the one true method and everyone else's ideas are obviously crazy.
Yes.0 -
Do you have an instagram? Do you have to know everyone that follows you there as well? You've lost 101 lbs and I'm sure you're a motivation to a lot of people that you might not even know who just stumbled upon in a thread and have never talked to. I feel like it's more creepy to say "i saw that you posted in a thread but i never talked to you" than to just not say anything at all.
I am more creeped out by silence. It is like having a conversation at a restaurant, and some stranger wearing work out gear comes over and sits next to me, then picks through my salad, asking how many carbs are in spinach. At least tell my who the hell you are first...
I choked on my salad reading this... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Could you even imagine MFP in real life? People just flashing each other, that one random guy that walks by and yells at you for not eating breakfast. A bunch of men with bleeding nipples stopping to talk about their fitbits.
OK, I'm gonna FR you, because you're hilarious.0 -
Like others have said, I want to know why you want me to be my friend. I also want to keep my friend list manageable. If you're not comfortable writing a quick note of who you are and how you found me, then find someone else to friend.0
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It's basic etiquette to introduce yourself to other people when meeting them for the first time (unless someone else starts the introductions). I mean, you're not going to go out to some public place, make BFF's with some random person, maintain that friendship for months/years/whatever without having ever introduced yourself. Even if it's a username/handle, it's still important to do.
"Hey, I was really inspired by your forum posts, can we be friends?"
"I'd love to see your journey and hopefully motivate each other."
"Your GIF was awesome, got anymore?"
"You're a meanie, and I appreciate your brutal honesty."
These things take seconds to type. It shows the person you want to friend that you're interested in them at some level, whether it's shallow or has more depth. Or it may humor them and they think your personality will mesh well with their own.
I personally have this disclaimer. I don't want random FR's with no information about the person requesting. How do I know why they want to be friends, where they are in their weightloss, or if they like GIF's if they don't provide anything to respond to? It's like holding out your hand to shake with somebody but saying absolutely nothing, no "Hi, how are you?" or "Nice to meet you." That just doesn't fly with me.0 -
I'm not about to show up on your f*cking door step and creep in your windows, I just wanna look at your diary and check out your snacks.
:laugh: :laugh:0 -
Like so many others on this list, I had accepted everyone for a time - but I stopped because I want to pay attention to my friends. I want to be a genuine encouragement and motivation to come onto this site and that means that if I comment on your wall and accomplishments it's going to be something honest and heartfelt - not a generic WTG.
That being said, I have also put in a disclaimer that I'm only on here for that reason or funnies - and no monkey business. For some reason my FR declined significantly when I put that up there. Weird.
If I wanted generic 'good jobs' - I would look back at my high school yearbook and check out the 'have a nice summer and stay sweet' messages.
couldn't have said it better myself.
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This isn't real life just so everyone knows.
How is it not real life? I'm real. You're real. Everyone on my friend list is real. The words I type are real. The conversations we have are real. Does the fact that the internet is facilitating our conversations somehow change these facts? Does that mean that telephone calls are also not real life? Emails? When does one cross this fictional boundary between real-life and not real-life?
The things you do and say online are just as real as anywhere else. Arguably more so, since if you do something that garners sufficient attention online it never, ever, goes away.
The people on my friend list are actually friends. Not just random strangers I accepted as entries in a database flagged 'friend'. There's not a one of them I wouldn't meet in person and get a drink with. I like them. I like what they have to say. A quick message with your friend request just helps me decide if you are likely to be someone I'll enjoy interacting with. Likewise when I send a friend request, I'll briefly describe why I think we'll enjoy being friends. Sometimes it doesn't workout, and I'll drop someone from my list, or they'll drop me from their's. No hard feelings, some people just aren't compatible.
If you would like to curate your friend list in a different way, that's fine too. None of my business. I literally couldn't care less. Just don't go around pretending like yours is the one true method and everyone else's ideas are obviously crazy.
This is why I like you.0 -
OMG! I had to cover my mouth to keep from yelping out loud at work! You are unfriended for nearly getting me in trouble. lolDo you have an instagram? Do you have to know everyone that follows you there as well? You've lost 101 lbs and I'm sure you're a motivation to a lot of people that you might not even know who just stumbled upon in a thread and have never talked to. I feel like it's more creepy to say "i saw that you posted in a thread but i never talked to you" than to just not say anything at all.
I am more creeped out by silence. It is like having a conversation at a restaurant, and some stranger wearing work out gear comes over and sits next to me, then picks through my salad, asking how many carbs are in spinach. At least tell my who the hell you are first...
I choked on my salad reading this... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Could you even imagine MFP in real life? People just flashing each other, that one random guy that walks by and yells at you for not eating breakfast. A bunch of men with bleeding nipples stopping to talk about their fitbits.
And a bunch of whiny babies on soap boxes in random corners yelling about mean people and how we should just love each other and exchange rainbows, puppies, and unicorn s***.
Don't forget the street preachers holding up signs about the evils of sugarz and carbz and poizin aspartame.0 -
Like so many others on this list, I had accepted everyone for a time - but I stopped because I want to pay attention to my friends. I want to be a genuine encouragement and motivation to come onto this site and that means that if I comment on your wall and accomplishments it's going to be something honest and heartfelt - not a generic WTG.
That being said, I have also put in a disclaimer that I'm only on here for that reason or funnies - and no monkey business. For some reason my FR declined significantly when I put that up there. Weird.
If I wanted generic 'good jobs' - I would look back at my high school yearbook and check out the 'have a nice summer and stay sweet' messages.
Had to sorry:
Oh almost forgot!0 -
HAHA
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I'm not about to show up on your f*cking door step and creep in your windows, I just wanna look at your diary and check out your snacks.
Also about this-- some people feel more private about their food diaries than others. I used to be that way. When I first started out wanting to look at my snacks would have seemed a little like peeking in my windows.0 -
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I decline all friend requests. However, I get more pleasure out of declining ones with a nice message. 0
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"Hey, I was really inspired by your forum posts, can we be friends?"
"I'd love to see your journey and hopefully motivate each other."
"Your GIF was awesome, got anymore?"
"You're a meanie, and I appreciate your brutal honesty."
It doesn't even have to be something flattering (boo to all of you saying this is about narcissism). If we have a similar sense of humor or life philosophy or heck, I think I sent a FR to someone once because she was an English teacher and I liked her personality and I thought we'd get along.
It's all about, "Are we compatible?" not, "why do you think I'm awesome?"0 -
OMG! I had to cover my mouth to keep from yelping out loud at work! You are unfriended for nearly getting me in trouble. lolDo you have an instagram? Do you have to know everyone that follows you there as well? You've lost 101 lbs and I'm sure you're a motivation to a lot of people that you might not even know who just stumbled upon in a thread and have never talked to. I feel like it's more creepy to say "i saw that you posted in a thread but i never talked to you" than to just not say anything at all.
I am more creeped out by silence. It is like having a conversation at a restaurant, and some stranger wearing work out gear comes over and sits next to me, then picks through my salad, asking how many carbs are in spinach. At least tell my who the hell you are first...
I choked on my salad reading this... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Could you even imagine MFP in real life? People just flashing each other, that one random guy that walks by and yells at you for not eating breakfast. A bunch of men with bleeding nipples stopping to talk about their fitbits.
And a bunch of whiny babies on soap boxes in random corners yelling about mean people and how we should just love each other and exchange rainbows, puppies, and unicorn s***.
Don't forget the street preachers holding up signs about the evils of sugarz and carbz and poizin aspartame.
I think a youtube video must be made of this.0 -
I sent myself a blank FR and haven't responded yet. I have standards.0
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Like so many others on this list, I had accepted everyone for a time - but I stopped because I want to pay attention to my friends. I want to be a genuine encouragement and motivation to come onto this site and that means that if I comment on your wall and accomplishments it's going to be something honest and heartfelt - not a generic WTG.
That being said, I have also put in a disclaimer that I'm only on here for that reason or funnies - and no monkey business. For some reason my FR declined significantly when I put that up there. Weird.
If I wanted generic 'good jobs' - I would look back at my high school yearbook and check out the 'have a nice summer and stay sweet' messages.
Had to sorry:
Oh almost forgot!
You know, it's strange...but I DO think I have the motivation now not to eat the cheeseburger and instead get the chicken tostada for lunch!
Thank you. I WILL stay sweet.0 -
I really don't care about it.0
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This isn't real life just so everyone knows.
How is it not real life? I'm real. You're real. Everyone on my friend list is real. The words I type are real. The conversations we have are real. Does the fact that the internet is facilitating our conversations somehow change these facts? Does that mean that telephone calls are also not real life? Emails? When does one cross this fictional boundary between real-life and not real-life?
The things you do and say online are just as real as anywhere else. Arguably more so, since if you do something that garners sufficient attention online it never, ever, goes away.
The people on my friend list are actually friends. Not just random strangers I accepted as entries in a database flagged 'friend'. There's not a one of them I wouldn't meet in person and get a drink with. I like them. I like what they have to say. A quick message with your friend request just helps me decide if you are likely to be someone I'll enjoy interacting with. Likewise when I send a friend request, I'll briefly describe why I think we'll enjoy being friends. Sometimes it doesn't workout, and I'll drop someone from my list, or they'll drop me from their's. No hard feelings, some people just aren't compatible.
If you would like to curate your friend list in a different way, that's fine too. None of my business. I literally couldn't care less. Just don't go around pretending like yours is the one true method and everyone else's ideas are obviously crazy.
It never goes away? Unless you are a mod and just delete the whole thread. Then it is just a rumor.
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I usually run a credit check, criminal background and insurability screening prior to accepting any friend requests.
You need to change the company you're using because I made it through and I now I will stalk you.0 -
I have no problem with asking for a message. It probably cuts down on creepy pervy types who look at your pix and send requests. I've had a few of those.0
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Do you have an instagram? Do you have to know everyone that follows you there as well? You've lost 101 lbs and I'm sure you're a motivation to a lot of people that you might not even know who just stumbled upon in a thread and have never talked to. I feel like it's more creepy to say "i saw that you posted in a thread but i never talked to you" than to just not say anything at all.
Nope creepy to send a request and not say anything.....seriously....just say "i saw that you posted in a thread but i never talked to you, but liked what you had to say...bleh bleh bleh" ain't that difficult!!!0 -
This isn't real life just so everyone knows.
How is it not real life? I'm real. You're real. Everyone on my friend list is real. The words I type are real. The conversations we have are real. Does the fact that the internet is facilitating our conversations somehow change these facts? Does that mean that telephone calls are also not real life? Emails? When does one cross this fictional boundary between real-life and not real-life?
The things you do and say online are just as real as anywhere else. Arguably more so, since if you do something that garners sufficient attention online it never, ever, goes away.
The people on my friend list are actually friends. Not just random strangers I accepted as entries in a database flagged 'friend'. There's not a one of them I wouldn't meet in person and get a drink with. I like them. I like what they have to say. A quick message with your friend request just helps me decide if you are likely to be someone I'll enjoy interacting with. Likewise when I send a friend request, I'll briefly describe why I think we'll enjoy being friends. Sometimes it doesn't workout, and I'll drop someone from my list, or they'll drop me from their's. No hard feelings, some people just aren't compatible.
If you would like to curate your friend list in a different way, that's fine too. None of my business. I literally couldn't care less. Just don't go around pretending like yours is the one true method and everyone else's ideas are obviously crazy.
It never goes away? Unless you are a mod and just delete the whole thread. Then it is just a rumor.
I'm sure someone screen grabbed it and is keeping it safe for future use.0 -
to OP:flowerforyou: ............ back in the day it was a small group on MFP and no, it was never written in the profile and ppl typically invited/accepted anyone that wanted to a be a friend. That was the old days before facebook was connected to MFP.... seems since that time, much has changed. The site is H U G E! Which is awesome in some ways... but then again a small group has it's advantages as well.:happy:
So no this seems to be something relatively new in the last number of years since MFP connected to Facebook..
I typically don't accept anymore as I have a nice small list of my peeps and we're in a small group together so we all have that in common. We've been together for a number of years... so I don't usually take on friend requests... but ya never know what the future holds.
I don't plan on reading the rest of this thread as I know how it will likely go:ohwell: ...... and absolutely ppl have the right to request or deny anyone they want to or need to. But above I was speaking for myself...ask some of the old timers (2008-) and you'll get a peek into to the beginning of MFP.
I should probably toss in that I don't have a facebook account, nor twitter or any other social media sites. Just not my thing and I don't have the time to keep up with it all. So hundreds or thousands of friends ...it just doesn't appeal to me...to impersonal.
Here's to new friends, here's to old friends!! Here's to picking friends just don't pick their noses... that's not a good way to start a friendship...just saying. 0 -
I don't have that disclaimer but I'm more apt to accept people with messages. If you include no message AND your diary and profile are locked to non-friends and I don't recognize your name from the boards, you're not getting friended. You have to give SOMEthing.0
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"Hey, I was really inspired by your forum posts, can we be friends?"
"I'd love to see your journey and hopefully motivate each other."
"Your GIF was awesome, got anymore?"
"You're a meanie, and I appreciate your brutal honesty."
It doesn't even have to be something flattering (boo to all of you saying this is about narcissism). If we have a similar sense of humor or life philosophy or heck, I think I sent a FR to someone once because she was an English teacher and I liked her personality and I thought we'd get along.
It's all about, "Are we compatible?" not, "why do you think I'm awesome?"
Seriously, I'd rather hear "I think we share a sense of humor" than "I think you're inspiring." The latter is way too much pressure anyway.0 -
Agreed!"Hey, I was really inspired by your forum posts, can we be friends?"
"I'd love to see your journey and hopefully motivate each other."
"Your GIF was awesome, got anymore?"
"You're a meanie, and I appreciate your brutal honesty."
It doesn't even have to be something flattering (boo to all of you saying this is about narcissism). If we have a similar sense of humor or life philosophy or heck, I think I sent a FR to someone once because she was an English teacher and I liked her personality and I thought we'd get along.
It's all about, "Are we compatible?" not, "why do you think I'm awesome?"
Seriously, I'd rather hear "I think we share a sense of humor" than "I think you're inspiring." The latter is way too much pressure anyway.0
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