Why is MFP so mean??
Replies
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Not sure if you're aware or not, but you can block members. Just use the little arrow button next to their user name in a thread they've posted in.Because this is the internet...and people represent themselves differently in their virtual worlds then they do in their real lives.
I personally don't get it. If anything the way I interact on-line is dialed way back from how I act in my real life, because...well, this is not my real life. I come on here to log my food and exercise. I visit the forums when I have a specific question or, yeah, when I am bored and wondering who is attacking who today. The forums are informational or entertaining, depending on what I need to get out of them that day.
However, I do avoid certain members. If I see their name in a thread, I just back out and move on. I've learned that no matter how accurate some people may be, I just don't like them so I don't bother with them.
Good to know. Hate to have another experience ruined by the dysfunctional. That way but for the grace go I, you know. I'm here recovering from liver disease, and the last thing I need is to hear people justify venting anger and alcoholism, and stumping for factory farmed/sugar industry cao dung. I do hate to see them hazing the newbs, but I have to take care of me first. Thanks. :flowerforyou:
You may want to check out the very "nice" groups on here. They swear that they will not be mean to anyone. You can connect with them and not be bothered by the "meanies" (although they are knowlegeable) and have a better experience here. The main board is for the strong of heart---and other things.
these two are fab groups:
eat, train and progress
eat more to weigh less0 -
i think that the reason a lot of people disagree about certain foods is that they simply have different goals, which is ok, but they are getting them mixed up. some people are all about the best possible health they can be in and some people are only about losing weight, some are in the middle.
ofc you can still lose weight on pizza, microwave foods, sugar and other foods that are being demonised but its just not as overall healthy as cooking from scratch with high quality whole foods. i think that is that whole point they are trying to make. noone said you cant lose weight eating candy. :laugh: noone said everyone has to give it up, but some people choose to and thats ok too.
also, i dont think anyone called straight forward, truth posting people mean. its the little jabs and condescending remarks, the ridiculing and sometimes pretentious demeanor that puts people on defense, not having their truth destroyed. they do come here for advice, just not for the crap that sadly often comes with it.0 -
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Probably 98% defensiveness and all around refusal to listen to peer-reviewed studies over whatever book is being sold by the thousands.0 -
I love the way rude, mean people justify their behaviors. There is no justifiable reason why you have to be rude and mean, in my opinion.
*holds up a mirror for you*0 -
If you don't like the mean people, or you think the forums are too negative, maybe since most of you that are complaining currently have been here for under 3 months.. take some time and see exactly how much these mean people actually do to help.
I fit that criteria. I just don't see how being mean is helpful. It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
But, present that point in a friendly, helpful, manner, and the resonse may be quite different.
Not always, certainly, because the person to which you are replying may be a mean person themselves. But, someone really seeking to learn. Someone open to alternatives, is likely to pay more heed to a nice post than a rude or snarky one.
And, if someone chooses not to take your advice, that's really not a reason to be mean either. Everyone must follow their own path, be it wrong or right.0 -
If you don't like the mean people, or you think the forums are too negative, maybe since most of you that are complaining currently have been here for under 3 months.. take some time and see exactly how much these mean people actually do to help.
I fit that criteria. I just don't see how being mean is helpful. It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
But, present that point in a friendly, helpful, manner, and the resonse may be quite different.
Not always, certainly, because the person to which you are replying may be a mean person themselves. But, someone really seeking to learn. Someone open to alternatives, is likely to pay more heed to a nice post than a rude or snarky one.
And, if someone chooses not to take your advice, that's really not a reason to be mean either. Everyone must follow their own path, be it wrong or right.
Most of the time, it's not just choosing not to take advice. It's touting wild claims about miracle diets and insisting they work and/or tell other people their perfectly find diets are wrong. That needs to be corrected, if not for the OP then for others here lurking.
And if you spend more time around here you would start to learn the personalities and you would understand that, for the most part, no one is being mean.0 -
If you don't like the mean people, or you think the forums are too negative, maybe since most of you that are complaining currently have been here for under 3 months.. take some time and see exactly how much these mean people actually do to help.
I fit that criteria. I just don't see how being mean is helpful. It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
But, present that point in a friendly, helpful, manner, and the resonse may be quite different.
Not always, certainly, because the person to which you are replying may be a mean person themselves. But, someone really seeking to learn. Someone open to alternatives, is likely to pay more heed to a nice post than a rude or snarky one.
And, if someone chooses not to take your advice, that's really not a reason to be mean either. Everyone must follow their own path, be it wrong or right.
Most of the time, it's not just choosing not to take advice. It's touting wild claims about miracle diets and insisting they work and/or tell other people their perfectly find diets are wrong. That needs to be corrected, if not for the OP then for others here lurking.
And if you spend more time around here you would start to learn the personalities and you would understand that, for the most part, no one is being mean.
I have been here long enough to see mean posts. I also understand that most, if not all, of the people posting these mean responses would say they aren't being mean. IMO being right, having the popular opinion, or having friends to back you up doesn't negate being mean.
I'm not trying to be holier-than-thou myself. Everyone loses their temper sometimes when provoked or passionate, myself included. It just seems really rampant on these forums. Even in this thread. "Everyone that calls me mean is butthurt" "It's not me, it's them"0 -
If you don't like the mean people, or you think the forums are too negative, maybe since most of you that are complaining currently have been here for under 3 months.. take some time and see exactly how much these mean people actually do to help.
I fit that criteria. I just don't see how being mean is helpful. It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
But, present that point in a friendly, helpful, manner, and the resonse may be quite different.
Not always, certainly, because the person to which you are replying may be a mean person themselves. But, someone really seeking to learn. Someone open to alternatives, is likely to pay more heed to a nice post than a rude or snarky one.
And, if someone chooses not to take your advice, that's really not a reason to be mean either. Everyone must follow their own path, be it wrong or right.
Alright I'll give you an example.... Someone posts about advice on detoxing... I respond not necessary save your money with a link she could get more information... OP comes back and calls me a smart *kitten*.
Did I run off and create a mean people thread - No.... did I get my feelings hurt - No... Did I attempt to give her information that answered her question.. Yes
The other part of this is what is considered mean? Most of what people perceive as mean, is what they implied was said and is usually saying your idea is bad.. they didn't say you were bad or stupid, but the idea might be stupid.
People taking their time to answer questions is helpful enough, now you are going to tell people how they must do it.
Because those mean people took the time to explain and dispel the myths I believed most of my adult life, is a big part of why I have succeeded this time. I'm going to leave a link for you it's my success story and maybe just maybe that will help you understand.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1335478-113-lbs-lost-in-18-months-thank-you-mean-people?hl=18+months&page=10 -
If you don't like the mean people, or you think the forums are too negative, maybe since most of you that are complaining currently have been here for under 3 months.. take some time and see exactly how much these mean people actually do to help.
I fit that criteria. I just don't see how being mean is helpful. It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
But, present that point in a friendly, helpful, manner, and the resonse may be quite different.
Not always, certainly, because the person to which you are replying may be a mean person themselves. But, someone really seeking to learn. Someone open to alternatives, is likely to pay more heed to a nice post than a rude or snarky one.
And, if someone chooses not to take your advice, that's really not a reason to be mean either. Everyone must follow their own path, be it wrong or right.
Most of the time, it's not just choosing not to take advice. It's touting wild claims about miracle diets and insisting they work and/or tell other people their perfectly find diets are wrong. That needs to be corrected, if not for the OP then for others here lurking.
And if you spend more time around here you would start to learn the personalities and you would understand that, for the most part, no one is being mean.
I have been here long enough to see mean posts. I also understand that most, if not all, of the people posting these mean responses would say they aren't being mean. IMO being right, having the popular opinion, or having friends to back you up doesn't negate being mean.
I'm not trying to be holier-than-thou myself. Everyone loses their temper sometimes when provoked or passionate, myself included. It just seems really rampant on these forums. Even in this thread. "Everyone that calls me mean is butthurt" "It's not me, it's them"
i think the word mean is used to widely on the forums but i do see it from time to time. more often though its sarcasm that is used
also some people dont like to see others express their own opinion and then you get their friends on you
also the name calling instead of hashing it out or agreeing to disagree
overall though its a fantastic site, with fantastic people and i wouldnt have lost the weight if i hadnt logged on. The forums and my friends list are great. Newbies should not be put off.0 -
It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.0 -
If you don't like the mean people, or you think the forums are too negative, maybe since most of you that are complaining currently have been here for under 3 months.. take some time and see exactly how much these mean people actually do to help.
I fit that criteria. I just don't see how being mean is helpful. It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
But, present that point in a friendly, helpful, manner, and the resonse may be quite different.
Not always, certainly, because the person to which you are replying may be a mean person themselves. But, someone really seeking to learn. Someone open to alternatives, is likely to pay more heed to a nice post than a rude or snarky one.
And, if someone chooses not to take your advice, that's really not a reason to be mean either. Everyone must follow their own path, be it wrong or right.
Alright I'll give you an example.... Someone posts about advice on detoxing... I respond not necessary save your money with a link she could get more information... OP comes back and calls me a smart *kitten*.
Did I run off and create a mean people thread - No.... did I get my feelings hurt - No... Did I attempt to give her information that answered her question.. Yes
The other part of this is what is considered mean? Most of what people perceive as mean, is what they implied was said and is usually saying your idea is bad.. they didn't say you were bad or stupid, but the idea might be stupid.
People taking their time to answer questions is helpful enough, now you are going to tell people how they must do it.
Because those mean people took the time to explain and dispel the myths I believed most of my adult life, is a big part of why I have succeeded this time. I'm going to leave a link for you it's my success story and maybe just maybe that will help you understand.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1335478-113-lbs-lost-in-18-months-thank-you-mean-people?hl=18+months&page=1
Whoa! I never told anyone how to do anything. I merely said I don't understand it. I don't understand why anyone would expect to be taken seriously when they are rude or mean or snarky. In general, it just raise hackles and closes ears.
It's an open internet forum. Get as mean as you like. I still won't understand the thought process behind it.0 -
If you don't like the mean people, or you think the forums are too negative, maybe since most of you that are complaining currently have been here for under 3 months.. take some time and see exactly how much these mean people actually do to help.
I fit that criteria. I just don't see how being mean is helpful. It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
But, present that point in a friendly, helpful, manner, and the resonse may be quite different.
Not always, certainly, because the person to which you are replying may be a mean person themselves. But, someone really seeking to learn. Someone open to alternatives, is likely to pay more heed to a nice post than a rude or snarky one.
And, if someone chooses not to take your advice, that's really not a reason to be mean either. Everyone must follow their own path, be it wrong or right.
Most of the time, it's not just choosing not to take advice. It's touting wild claims about miracle diets and insisting they work and/or tell other people their perfectly find diets are wrong. That needs to be corrected, if not for the OP then for others here lurking.
And if you spend more time around here you would start to learn the personalities and you would understand that, for the most part, no one is being mean.
I have been here long enough to see mean posts. I also understand that most, if not all, of the people posting these mean responses would say they aren't being mean. IMO being right, having the popular opinion, or having friends to back you up doesn't negate being mean.
I'm not trying to be holier-than-thou myself. Everyone loses their temper sometimes when provoked or passionate, myself included. It just seems really rampant on these forums. Even in this thread. "Everyone that calls me mean is butthurt" "It's not me, it's them"
How often do you post with the expectation to come back to a thread? Think of it this way, why are you posting? If you continually come back to a thread it is really to help the OP or stroke your sense of something else. Give it some thought. And the longer you are on the site, the folks you considered 'mean' are probably the individuals actually helping people. Good luck with your goals.0 -
if you want to know whats mean about MFP, its not the snarky comments, its the married people that will take you for a ride months at a time and then disappear when it suits them.
oh yea, then they tell you they are married.0 -
It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.
Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.
A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.
Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.0 -
except you'll see more people coming in on the threads that are zealots/advocates for cleanses and detoxes because they have something to sell you.It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.
Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.
A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.
Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.
I'll argue against that mess all day because you can have success without having to go into some scheme.
They get nasty because of the above mentioned. Next detox thread you find? Ask the person what they're detoxing from and wait.
They won't be able to give you a single named toxin that this miracle is going to remove from their body... because it doesn't work like that.
again... science.0 -
If you don't like the mean people, or you think the forums are too negative, maybe since most of you that are complaining currently have been here for under 3 months.. take some time and see exactly how much these mean people actually do to help.
I fit that criteria. I just don't see how being mean is helpful. It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
But, present that point in a friendly, helpful, manner, and the resonse may be quite different.
Not always, certainly, because the person to which you are replying may be a mean person themselves. But, someone really seeking to learn. Someone open to alternatives, is likely to pay more heed to a nice post than a rude or snarky one.
And, if someone chooses not to take your advice, that's really not a reason to be mean either. Everyone must follow their own path, be it wrong or right.
Most of the time, it's not just choosing not to take advice. It's touting wild claims about miracle diets and insisting they work and/or tell other people their perfectly find diets are wrong. That needs to be corrected, if not for the OP then for others here lurking.
And if you spend more time around here you would start to learn the personalities and you would understand that, for the most part, no one is being mean.
I have been here long enough to see mean posts. I also understand that most, if not all, of the people posting these mean responses would say they aren't being mean. IMO being right, having the popular opinion, or having friends to back you up doesn't negate being mean.
I'm not trying to be holier-than-thou myself. Everyone loses their temper sometimes when provoked or passionate, myself included. It just seems really rampant on these forums. Even in this thread. "Everyone that calls me mean is butthurt" "It's not me, it's them"
How often do you post with the expectation to come back to a thread? Think of it this way, why are you posting? If you continually come back to a thread it is really to help the OP or stroke your sense of something else. Give it some thought. And the longer you are on the site, the folks you considered 'mean' are probably the individuals actually helping people. Good luck with your goals.
I don't consider any folks to be mean, at least not yet. I don't really "know" anyone on this site well enough to form opinions on them.0 -
It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.
Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.
A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.
Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.
And this is where we disagree. Because a detox diet is not only completely unnecessary, but it can be harmful. And, again, it's not just about the OP. It's also about the lurkers here who are reading bad advice and taking it to heart.0 -
Then why do it? Why keep opening and responding when it's so frustrating that you feel the need to be mean?
Many time these "mean" people are being honest, straight-forward, or just blunt. Not the same as being mean. Also having different opinions is often interpreted as being mean.
Perhaps. But some posts are just mean. Honest, straight-forward, right or wrong, is there ever a reason not to be nice?
Nice is overrated.
For real
LOL Love it!0 -
It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.
Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.
A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.
Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.
Detox = waste of money, can it be harmful yes it can. Also trying to help someone not waste money and get frustrated and give up before they even get started.
Restrictive diet - again yes can be harmful and again can be setting someone up for failure.
I think a big thing you aren't realizing, is many times answers are given to the OP, who may or may not take the advice to their question, but the responses are for the many people that lurk and just read the information without every responding. If the so called mean people didn't respond and disprove the bs threads myths that are posted, many myself included never would have been given the correct answers, links, studies so we can read and educate ourselves.0 -
except you'll see more people coming in on the threads that are zealots/advocates for cleanses and detoxes because they have something to sell you.It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.
except those are beliefs.
a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.
facts.
you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.
Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.
A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.
Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.
I'll argue against that mess all day because you can have success without having to go into some scheme.
They get nasty because of the above mentioned. Next detox thread you find? Ask the person what they're detoxing from and wait.
They won't be able to give you a single named toxin that this miracle is going to remove from their body... because it doesn't work like that.
again... science.
I get the reasoning behind many of the answers, just not the reasoning behind the tone.0
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