Why is MFP so mean??

Sharon_C

Personally I surround myself with the "mean" people because I've found they're most knowledgable, they don't sugar coat their responses and they are almost always right. I'd rather learn and grow and lose weight and become healthier than have people toss glitter at me and tell me I'm wonderful.

diannethegeek

No one is saying anyone has to lie to someone, or sugarcoat their words. But there are more effective ways to say what needs to be said.

If you are participating in a a conversation you should care weather the recipient is able to understand things from your point of view. Hostile words and lazy snide comments do not make your point or help the recipient... If you don't care about the other person, or even if your point hits home with them, then really why are you wasting time replying at all? The only conclusion is that there must be some sort of sick enjoyment in belittling others... and that is sad.

Two thoughts on this. I really do try to be nice, calm, and straight forward. But I still get called mean, a hater, and a bully. I keep trying, but I can see how it would be easy to say "well if that response was "rude" then why bother trying to be nice?" Just look at sarauk2sf up there. She's been mentioned several times in this thread as one of the "nice" people and yet she gets called a bully all the time. If people are too liberal with calling people bullies and meanies then those words lose their meaning. If someone is truly cruel or rude then that's one thing, but there are just as many instances (if not more) of calling people mean for disagreeing.

Secondly I think most people who get called mean do care about helping people. Different people respond to different styles of communication and that's okay. Some people respond more to a gentler touch and some respond more to a slap in the face. I think those who prefer a harsher approach are also going to be the people who use that approach when giving advice. It doesn't mean they don't want to help.

The last time I was called mean, I provided some decent perspective in a post. I posted again to clarity a point that many people were making, because it looked like the person was misinterpreting what what being said. I ran the person's numbers to show why the plan was foundationally unhealthy.

Then some idiot got all supportive of the bad idea, and the OP responded "See, THIS is what I was talking about. Tell me more."

And I posted a kitty gif. I tried not to. I really, really tried. But it was too cliched and it was a moral imperative.

Sometimes when you've tried all the other tools, you're left standing there with a 2X4

My favorite is still the time I was called a troll for daring to suggest that a woman who feels ill after eating breakfast doesn't need to eat breakfast to achieve her goals (given no medical conditions, of course). How very dare I.

JONZ64

I'm only mean to beach body coaches.

:drinker:

DjinnMarie

I'm only mean to beach body coaches.

:drinker:

That better not be shakeology that you are drinking! :explode:

JONZ64

I'm only mean to beach body coaches.

:drinker:

That better not be shakeology that you are drinking! :explode:

Shakeology? WHy would I throw my money away, I have a wife, she does that for me :laugh: :laugh:

diannethegeek

It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.

except those are beliefs.

a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.

facts.

you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.

Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.

A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.

Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.

There was a response in the detox sticky yesterday that implied that using their product meant you could stop taking your prescriptions. While they wouldn't be directly responsible if someone chose to follow that thinking, yes it was probably harmful advice. It was reported and removed quietly and I only hope not too many people saw it before that happened.

Misinformation stops people from achieving their goals. We see it here time and time again. People think they can't lose weight because they're not willing to detox/starve themselves/exercise 3 hours a day/etc. You yourself mentioned upthread that misinformation was most of what you see on these boards. So which is it? Do you ignore it and let people fail? Or do you reply and become a mean person? Because I promise you that anyone who engages with misinformation in any manner will eventually be called mean.

DjinnMarie

I'm only mean to beach body coaches.

:drinker:

That better not be shakeology that you are drinking! :explode:

Shakeology? WHy would I throw my money away, I have a wife, she does that for me :laugh: :laugh:

:laugh: :laugh:

Your wife and I should go shopping!

rml_16

It's like with religion or politics. You try to shove your beliefs, be they right or wrong, down someone's throat in a mean and holier-than-thou manner and you will rarely get them to even listen to your point, much less consider it objectively.

except those are beliefs.

a lot of the mean folks dispel myths with science.

facts.

you can be any denomination or political affiliation... but you're gonna lose weight the same way as others. Calorie deficit.

Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.

A restricitve diet (this seems to be a huge ongoing argument on this site, I've learned). Necessary? Maybe not (depending on medical conditions). Harmful? Doubtful.

Yet these threads get pretty darn nasty, on both sides.

There was a response in the detox sticky yesterday that implied that using their product meant you could stop taking your prescriptions. While they wouldn't be directly responsible if someone chose to follow that thinking, yes it was probably harmful advice. It was reported and removed quietly and I only hope not too many people saw it before that happened.

Misinformation stops people from achieving their goals. We see it here time and time again. People think they can't lose weight because they're not willing to detox/starve themselves/exercise 3 hours a day/etc. You yourself mentioned upthread that misinformation was most of what you see on these boards. So which is it? Do you ignore it and let people fail? Or do you reply and become a mean person? Because I promise you that anyone who engages with misinformation in any manner will eventually be called mean.

It gets nasty because, while in most cases not harmful, it is not necessary. So people reply to say, "Hey! Save your time/money/effort and just eat healthy foods." And then others come in going on and on about how absolutely necessary it is. It isn't. It's frustrating and annoying.

jofjltncb6

if you want to know whats mean about MFP, its not the snarky comments, its the married people that will take you for a ride months at a time and then disappear when it suits them.

oh yea, then they tell you they are married.

Wait...

...what?

I have not experienced this at all in my three years here. Am I doing it wrong?

rml_16

if you want to know whats mean about MFP, its not the snarky comments, its the married people that will take you for a ride months at a time and then disappear when it suits them.

oh yea, then they tell you they are married.

Wait...

...what?

I have not experienced this at all in my three years here. Am I doing it wrong?

How YOU doin'?

Sarauk2sf

The thing that irks me no end, are the threads where someone is basically posting that they are doing something extreme/harmful/unnecessary. People come along and give them input as to why it is not necessary and/or not a good idea. One person may be snide. The OP comes back, with caps lock, and starts being downright rude to everyone (rather than addressing the one snarky comment). Then someone comes along and agrees with their 'plan'. The OP is all 'thank you' to the person who agrees with them. Not a single peep of thanks to the people who have taken their time to politely provide fact based input as to why what the OP was doing was not a good idea.

Gets on my tits to be honest.

trogalicious

The thing that irks me no end, are the threads where someone is basically posting that they are doing something extreme/harmful/unnecessary. People come along and give them input as to why it is not necessary and/or not a good idea. One person may be snide. The OP comes back, with caps lock, and starts being downright rude to everyone (rather than addressing the one snarky comment). Then someone comes along and agrees with their 'plan'. The OP is all 'thank you' to the person who agrees with them. Not a single peep of thanks to the people who have taken their time to politely provide fact based input as to why what the OP was doing was not a good idea.

Gets on my tits to be honest.

Mine too.

....miiiiiine t...


...wait.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

The thing that irks me no end, are the threads where someone is basically posting that they are doing something extreme/harmful/unnecessary. People come along and give them input as to why it is not necessary and/or not a good idea. One person may be snide. The OP comes back, with caps lock, and starts being downright rude to everyone (rather than addressing the one snarky comment). Then someone comes along and agrees with their 'plan'. The OP is all 'thank you' to the person who agrees with them. Not a single peep of thanks to the people who have taken their time to politely provide fact based input as to why what the OP was doing was not a good idea.

Gets on my tits to be honest.

Mine too.

....miiiiiine t...


...wait.

:laugh:

odusgolp

I leave for 24 hours and look at what happens!!! Sheesh!




FYI: I refuse to fart rainbows and glitter just so I don't offend an MFP'er with a stupid plan for weight loss, or any other stupid comment for that matter. If you comment that you want to wrap your body in plastic to lose belly fat, I will fart approximately 59 percent nitrogen, 21 percent hydrogen, 9 percent carbon dioxide, 7 percent methane and 4 percent oxygen right on your stupid comment. Not glitter and rainbows. Because... Science.


I don't give a hot damn if you don't like it. You're grown. Act like it.

dbmata

if you want to know whats mean about MFP, its not the snarky comments, its the married people that will take you for a ride months at a time and then disappear when it suits them.

oh yea, then they tell you they are married.

Wait...

...what?

I have not experienced this at all in my three years here. Am I doing it wrong?

Sounds like a hot cardio injection.

So cyclical.

smantha32

Fair enough. But let's take the detox mentioned earlier. Necessary? Doubtful. Harmful? Probably not.

Probably not harmful, but if someone is under the impression they need to do a "cleanse" to lose weight, they're only losing weight in their wallet.

And if they come here asking for opinions about their so called magic weight loss cleanse, they're going to get opinions they don't like.

cmcollins001

I leave for 24 hours and look at what happens!!! Sheesh!




FYI: I refuse to fart rainbows and glitter just so I don't offend an MFP'er with a stupid plan for weight loss, or any other stupid comment for that matter. If you comment that you want to wrap your body in plastic to lose belly fat, I will fart approximately 59 percent nitrogen, 21 percent hydrogen, 9 percent carbon dioxide, 7 percent methane and 4 percent oxygen right on your stupid comment. Not glitter and rainbows. Because... Science.


I don't give a hot damn if you don't like it. You're grown. Act like it.

WinoGelato

This has been an amusing thread. I just wanted to chime in to say that I have many of the "meanies" on my friends list. I happen to like logic, science, sarcasm, snark, and gifs. Oh and ice cream. By the way, most of those "meanies" are some of the sweetest, most genuinely caring, and are often quite vulnerable people themselves. They are struggling with the same things that the rest of the world is struggling with - weight loss related challenges and real life challenges too.

Anyway, what I was going to say is that if you start out as a lurker as I did , and just sit back and read the original posts and the responses that they provoke, you start to notice something. The original posters are usually relatively new. There are lots of them, from all walks of life. The topics they are posting on, are nothing new though. There is a lot of redundancy in the topics - sugar is evil, cleanses are great, whatever I saw on Dr Oz is finally going to be what I need to lose this weight once and for all.

Then you start to notice that the same people are responding, and they are saying the same thing, (usually delivered in a fairly neutral manner the first time) over and over again, in every thread. When you say the same thing again and again, and the message doesn't get through, of course your tone is going to change. Doesn't that happen in real life? When I start out telling my kids to pick up their toys, and they don't listen, and I repeat myself, after a few times, my tone and my actions are going to change. Eventually the kids do it, but by the time they do, I am exhausted and frustrated. Doesn't mean that tomorrow night, I am immediately going to scream at them and put them in time out if there are toys on the floor. I will start again with a nice tone, but maybe I get frustrated a little more quickly and have a little less patience. My tone may change more quickly.

Now - I await parenting advice, because lord knows I'm not going over to BabyCenter - those b**ches be brutal over there.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

This has been an amusing thread. I just wanted to chime in to say that I have many of the "meanies" on my friends list. I happen to like logic, science, sarcasm, snark, and gifs. Oh and ice cream. By the way, most of those "meanies" are some of the sweetest, most genuinely caring, and are often quite vulnerable people themselves. They are struggling with the same things that the rest of the world is struggling with - weight loss related challenges and real life challenges too.

Anyway, what I was going to say is that if you start out as a lurker as I did , and just sit back and read the original posts and the responses that they provoke, you start to notice something. The original posters are usually relatively new. There are lots of them, from all walks of life. The topics they are posting on, are nothing new though. There is a lot of redundancy in the topics - sugar is evil, cleanses are great, whatever I saw on Dr Oz is finally going to be what I need to lose this weight once and for all.

Then you start to notice that the same people are responding, and they are saying the same thing, (usually delivered in a fairly neutral manner the first time) over and over again, in every thread. When you say the same thing again and again, and the message doesn't get through, of course your tone is going to change. Doesn't that happen in real life? When I start out telling my kids to pick up their toys, and they don't listen, and I repeat myself, after a few times, my tone and my actions are going to change. Eventually the kids do it, but by the time they do, I am exhausted and frustrated. Doesn't mean that tomorrow night, I am immediately going to scream at them and put them in time out if there are toys on the floor. I will start again with a nice tone, but maybe I get frustrated a little more quickly and have a little less patience. My tone may change more quickly.

Now - I await parenting advice, because lord knows I'm not going over to BabyCenter - those b**ches be brutal over there.

:laugh:

So much truth.

59gi

I love the way rude, mean people justify their behaviors. There is no justifiable reason why you have to be rude and mean, in my opinion.

*holds up a mirror for you*

This comment only proves my point.