sabotagers... are real

quietattheback

Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??

cookeylady

I can totally relate to this, it really hurts doesn't it. Or when they make fun of your meals, calling it bird or bunny food

quietattheback

It just really knocked me off balance, we had breakfast together so she knew I had eaten well... also she is slim so it's not that she wants me to stay fat with her... it really confused me

burningstorm

I'd cut her brake lines.

quietattheback

Haha I will just be ready for it next time. Good thing is it really tested my resolve

burningstorm

Bake her a cake laced with pcp and dump her in Mexico...just sayin

Foamroller

How good a friend is this person? The sabotage is probably more about her own stuff than you, if that's any comfort.
You have to decide for yourself if that's a personality trait you can filter out or not.
I avoid contact with people if I feel being around them makes sticking to my goals and journey is harder not easier. A friendly negative feedback or advice is usually meant well, but sabotage is a no-no for me.

Remember no one makes you feel anything, you feel something because of this or that action. What you feel and how you handle it, is your responsibility. Cause we can't really change other people, only yourselves.

Listen more to what people in your life DO than what they SAY.

Samstan101

They're only sabotagers if they physically force you to eat. There'll always be temptations and its up to us to choose what and how much we eat. Quite why some individuals feel threatened I'm not sure but its also very satisfying to have the willpower to not over indulge but to just have a small amount if it fits your day's goal.

dammitjanet0161

It's only deliberate sabotage if she's lacing your food with lard while you're not looking!

Seriously, it's probably more to do with her insecurity, and that odd sense of unspoken competition that so many women seem to have. Did you know her when you were both slim? She might not even be aware she's doing it.

Therealobi1

Ask her and see what she says?
I must admit I have not encountered this type of person, only my mum keeps asking me to eat something.

GiveMeCoffee

So she ate 2 ice creams.. told you to try a flavor probably cause it tasted good... yea sounds like a horrible friend to me. One of my favorite things to do is go in and out of the little shops and taste test everything, even better when I'm doing it with a friend.

Stop thinking of food as good, bad, junk and any other label you want to put on it. If she ever holds you down and forces food in your mouth you can call sabotage. Until that happens, she offered, you have the choice to eat whatever it is or not. But it is entirely your decision.

shanitomorrow

They're only sabotagers if they physically force you to eat. There'll always be temptations and its up to us to choose what and how much we eat. Quite why some individuals feel threatened I'm not sure but its also very satisfying to have the willpower to not over indulge but to just have a small amount if it fits your day's goal.

Sometimes people are threatened by the idea that you are changing - taking control, taking responsibility, deciding what you want for yourself and making it happen - all scary stuff, who knows how you might change as a person!

It sounds like you are quite close, so you may be able to talk to her about how important this is to you and how you would like her support to achieve what you want to do. Sometimes I just ask outright, " is something worrying you about this?" People don't always even realise what they are doing.

Surreal2You

Truth they do exist. I find myself at times avoiding hanging out with friends due to their constant urges pushing me to consistently eat out. They would like to lose weight but they do not track their macros and micros, or even exercise enough to try and lose weight. They continue to wish that I would meet with them but, they not only continue to eat unhealthy fast food but also do not even try and any add any sort of physical activity to go with just the meetup and food outings.

wubbykid

It's only deliberate sabotage if she's lacing your food with lard while you're not looking!

Seriously, it's probably more to do with her insecurity, and that odd sense of unspoken competition that so many women seem to have. Did you know her when you were both slim? She might not even be aware she's doing it.

Trust me, people aren't innocent. They know they are doing it.

wubbykid

It's the perverse human need to rebel and go against something, even if it's good. Like losing needed weight.

skinnyinnotime

Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??

IDK. You didn't ask her?

skinnyinnotime

Truth they do exist. I find myself at times avoiding hanging out with friends due to their constant urges pushing me to consistently eat out. They would like to lose weight but they do not track their macros and micros, or even exercise enough to try and lose weight. They continue to wish that I would meet with them but, they not only continue to eat unhealthy fast food but also do not even try and any add any sort of physical activity to go with just the meetup and food outings.
[/quote

Lol or maybe they just miss having meals out with you??!

Patttience

If it comes up again, you could ask her, " you know its almost as though you don't want me to lose weight, the way you are trying to entice me off diet with all these foods that you nearly never eat normally. What's going on? "

She will of course deny everything. Maybe she's not totally conscious of what she's doing. Or maybe you don't normally notice what she eats as well as you think you do. anyway just bring this out into the open should nip any further attempts at sabotage in the bud.

quietattheback

If it comes up again, you could ask her, " you know its almost as though you don't want me to lose weight, the way you are trying to entice me off diet with all these foods that you nearly never eat normally. What's going on? "

She will of course deny everything. Maybe she's not totally conscious of what she's doing. Or maybe you don't normally notice what she eats as well as you think you do. anyway just bring this out into the open should nip any further attempts at sabotage in the bud.

This is a great idea, that's what I will do. She normally has only one meal a day, usually evening meal but yesterday was breakfast, ordinarily after having breakfast out she wouldn't eat again until the following day so the ice cream twice in one day is very unusual.

ladymiseryali

Did she tie you down and shove the food down your throat? No? Then it's not sabotage. You're overreacting IMO.

XX_Miss_RoseMary_XX

I feel you. My husband is on board with me getting healthy but he's all about me having "cheat days" ... Almost everyday.
It takes a lot of self control to not give in to offers of Dairy Queen and chocolate bars everyday.

cheryl3839

maybe she feels you would be a threat if you lost the weight! sounds ver insecure to me!

triathlete74nl

Some people are scared to see you improving yourself. few are scared to lose you, many are just jealous. After i give some chances I take distance from people like this.

_HeartsOnFire_

So she ate 2 ice creams.. told you to try a flavor probably cause it tasted good... yea sounds like a horrible friend to me. One of my favorite things to do is go in and out of the little shops and taste test everything, even better when I'm doing it with a friend.

Stop thinking of food as good, bad, junk and any other label you want to put on it. If she ever holds you down and forces food in your mouth you can call sabotage. Until that happens, she offered, you have the choice to eat whatever it is or not. But it is entirely your decision.

I'm sorry but unless she's holding a gun to your head, it's not sabotage. Tempting, yes, I'll give you that. It can be tempting and hard, but it's still your decision.

Also, as jwhite said don't label foods as good/bad/off limits or whatever. It's about moderation not deprivation. Also, If you go out with a friend one day and eat everything in sight it's not going to ruin your progress because it's only 1 day.

quietattheback

Jeez some people are so literal

troutrouter

I personally think that you should talk to her about your concerns. However, it is our own responsibility to ensure that we stay on track. It is all about self-accountability. External support is great but not necessary.

trm68

Surround yourself with as many positive friends or acquaintances as you can. Sounds like an old positive motivational handbook statement. I was in sales for a 100 years about 200 years ago. No, I did not sell horses and general store equipment ,lol.


Ok, thats it.....................

independant2406

I think that friends and family aren't ready to handle us changing...Be strong in your steadfastness and be kind to your friend. You have to guide her as to what support you need.

This ^^^

Galatea_Stone

Honestly, it's probably not about your diet, and she's just being her normal kind self. Do you know for certain that she doesn't usually eat much or is this something that she hasn't done often in front of you? I'm a big eater, a huge eater, actually. I frequently eat the same meal as my husband, who is easily 70 pounds heavier. Your friend may be very active and may need those refeeds, which it sounds like she was doing. Some people do it intuitively, and some need the food scale. You're certainly within your right to say "no thanks," and I doubt she gave it much thought that she was doing something that might offend you.

I have a relatively high TDEE because I exercise all the time and rarely sit down. My husband has a desk job that forces him to sit down most of the time. He's cutting now and I find myself offering him all sorts of goodies without thinking. I don't mean it as sabotage. In fact, I weigh and measure everything we both eat at home, and I pack his lunches. But when I eat something particularly tasty, I offer him some. Am I actively trying to sabotage him? Of course not. When he tells me no, which is ALL THE TIME, I rarely give it a second thought other than "hummmm, guess he isn't hungry."

I'm sure that is all that was happening here. Just enjoy the company and keep saying no.

_HeartsOnFire_

Jeez some people are so literal

Yup. We are. Because if you do a search for this on MFP there are quite a few threads about this very same thing. There's also just as many people that want to blame others for their choices.

It's a public forum, you'll get lots of answers, some commiserating with you and whining that others are trying to shove food down their throats and others will say you have a choice/decision.

GiveMeCoffee

Jeez some people are so literal

So you just wanted people to say oh yes your friend is horrible ... be glad you aren't on my FL here I talk about ice cream, brownies, fast food, and even show everyone pictures.

Take some responsibility and don't play the victim role