sabotagers... are real

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  • cheryl3839
    cheryl3839 Posts: 4
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    maybe she feels you would be a threat if you lost the weight! sounds ver insecure to me!
  • triathlete74nl
    triathlete74nl Posts: 4
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    Some people are scared to see you improving yourself. few are scared to lose you, many are just jealous. After i give some chances I take distance from people like this.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    So she ate 2 ice creams.. told you to try a flavor probably cause it tasted good... yea sounds like a horrible friend to me. One of my favorite things to do is go in and out of the little shops and taste test everything, even better when I'm doing it with a friend.

    Stop thinking of food as good, bad, junk and any other label you want to put on it. If she ever holds you down and forces food in your mouth you can call sabotage. Until that happens, she offered, you have the choice to eat whatever it is or not. But it is entirely your decision.

    this.gif

    I'm sorry but unless she's holding a gun to your head, it's not sabotage. Tempting, yes, I'll give you that. It can be tempting and hard, but it's still your decision.

    Also, as jwhite said don't label foods as good/bad/off limits or whatever. It's about moderation not deprivation. Also, If you go out with a friend one day and eat everything in sight it's not going to ruin your progress because it's only 1 day.
  • quietattheback
    quietattheback Posts: 84 Member
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    Jeez some people are so literal
  • troutrouter
    troutrouter Posts: 62
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    I personally think that you should talk to her about your concerns. However, it is our own responsibility to ensure that we stay on track. It is all about self-accountability. External support is great but not necessary.
  • trm68
    trm68 Posts: 55 Member
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    Surround yourself with as many positive friends or acquaintances as you can. Sounds like an old positive motivational handbook statement. I was in sales for a 100 years about 200 years ago. No, I did not sell horses and general store equipment ,lol.


    Ok, thats it.....................
  • independant2406
    independant2406 Posts: 447 Member
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    I think that friends and family aren't ready to handle us changing...Be strong in your steadfastness and be kind to your friend. You have to guide her as to what support you need.

    This ^^^
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
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    Honestly, it's probably not about your diet, and she's just being her normal kind self. Do you know for certain that she doesn't usually eat much or is this something that she hasn't done often in front of you? I'm a big eater, a huge eater, actually. I frequently eat the same meal as my husband, who is easily 70 pounds heavier. Your friend may be very active and may need those refeeds, which it sounds like she was doing. Some people do it intuitively, and some need the food scale. You're certainly within your right to say "no thanks," and I doubt she gave it much thought that she was doing something that might offend you.

    I have a relatively high TDEE because I exercise all the time and rarely sit down. My husband has a desk job that forces him to sit down most of the time. He's cutting now and I find myself offering him all sorts of goodies without thinking. I don't mean it as sabotage. In fact, I weigh and measure everything we both eat at home, and I pack his lunches. But when I eat something particularly tasty, I offer him some. Am I actively trying to sabotage him? Of course not. When he tells me no, which is ALL THE TIME, I rarely give it a second thought other than "hummmm, guess he isn't hungry."

    I'm sure that is all that was happening here. Just enjoy the company and keep saying no.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    Jeez some people are so literal

    Yup. We are. Because if you do a search for this on MFP there are quite a few threads about this very same thing. There's also just as many people that want to blame others for their choices.

    It's a public forum, you'll get lots of answers, some commiserating with you and whining that others are trying to shove food down their throats and others will say you have a choice/decision.
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
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    Jeez some people are so literal

    So you just wanted people to say oh yes your friend is horrible ... be glad you aren't on my FL here I talk about ice cream, brownies, fast food, and even show everyone pictures.

    Take some responsibility and don't play the victim role
  • BombshellPhoenix
    BombshellPhoenix Posts: 1,693 Member
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    I'm the opposite of this. My mom, when I was losing weight, would be like, "I made these cupcakes but I know you're on diet so....."

    I ate two. Don't tell me I can't have something just because I'm on a diet. Losing weight doesn't have to be deprivation and you COULD have indulged with your friend and it wouldn't have wrecked your diet.

    I also don't see it as sabotage, as the only person with the control is you, ever. In everything in life, it comes down to personal responsibility for our actions. Why does it have to be some deviate motive for your friend to want to spend time with you and indulge in noms? Maybe you're thinking too far into it.
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
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    It's only deliberate sabotage if she's lacing your food with lard while you're not looking!

    This is my favorite answer to posts about a saboteur. :laugh:
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,932 Member
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    Okay, if they're real do they get to wear cool black spandex get ups? Because, if so, I want one. Here, have a cookie.
  • _Zardoz_
    _Zardoz_ Posts: 3,987 Member
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    Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
    I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
    What is that all about??
    Shouldn't you retitle this 'Excuses are real' I'm pretty sure your friend didn't come out with the attention of making you fat. She was having a good time. Try it sometime. Either fit the ice creams into your daily calories or use the English language i find these two words really useful 'No Thankyou'
  • quietattheback
    quietattheback Posts: 84 Member
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    My friend is lovely, she is a kind and funny person. I just found this behaviour so odd and out of character normally she would never push like that if I said I didn't want something, it was almost as if I was being tested. I know that it is my choice, I didn't eat the ice cream... I am not saying 'oh no, I ruined my diet and its all somebody else's fault' I stuck to my diet, I made my choice, I am not thick or in denial, I am fully aware I am in control of me.
    The op who said she is glad she is not my friend, I have read other posts you have made... I am pretty sure I wouldn't give you the time of day never mind be your friend...
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,932 Member
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    Honestly, it's probably not about your diet, and she's just being her normal kind self. Do you know for certain that she doesn't usually eat much or is this something that she hasn't done often in front of you? I'm a big eater, a huge eater, actually. I frequently eat the same meal as my husband, who is easily 70 pounds heavier. Your friend may be very active and may need those refeeds, which it sounds like she was doing. Some people do it intuitively, and some need the food scale. You're certainly within your right to say "no thanks," and I doubt she gave it much thought that she was doing something that might offend you.

    I have a relatively high TDEE because I exercise all the time and rarely sit down. My husband has a desk job that forces him to sit down most of the time. He's cutting now and I find myself offering him all sorts of goodies without thinking. I don't mean it as sabotage. In fact, I weigh and measure everything we both eat at home, and I pack his lunches. But when I eat something particularly tasty, I offer him some. Am I actively trying to sabotage him? Of course not. When he tells me no, which is ALL THE TIME, I rarely give it a second thought other than "hummmm, guess he isn't hungry."

    I'm sure that is all that was happening here. Just enjoy the company and keep saying no.

    I think I just got called fat and lazy, but it's not my fault
  • quietattheback
    quietattheback Posts: 84 Member
    Options
    Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
    I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
    What is that all about??
    Shouldn't you retitle this 'Excuses are real' I'm pretty sure your friend didn't come out with the attention of making you fat. She was having a good time. Try it sometime. Either fit the ice creams into your daily calories or use the English language i find these two words really useful 'No Thankyou'
    I have no excuses to make I stuck to my food choices, I was airing my shock.
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
    Options
    Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
    I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
    What is that all about??
    Shouldn't you retitle this 'Excuses are real' I'm pretty sure your friend didn't come out with the attention of making you fat. She was having a good time. Try it sometime. Either fit the ice creams into your daily calories or use the English language i find these two words really useful 'No Thankyou'
    I have no excuses to make I stuck to my food choices, I was airing my shock.


    I am shocked by people in some way every day. Mostly, I am shocked by what shocks people to the point of posting about their shock.
  • BombshellPhoenix
    BombshellPhoenix Posts: 1,693 Member
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    If you wanted a place to air your shock without getting opinions and without the possibility of appearing that you're not wanting to take personal responsibility, perhaps a dear diary journal entry was in order?
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
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    My friend is lovely, she is a kind and funny person. I just found this behaviour so odd and out of character normally she would never push like that if I said I didn't want something, it was almost as if I was being tested. I know that it is my choice, I didn't eat the ice cream... I am not saying 'oh no, I ruined my diet and its all somebody else's fault' I stuck to my diet, I made my choice, I am not thick or in denial, I am fully aware I am in control of me.
    The op who said she is glad she is not my friend, I have read other posts you have made... I am pretty sure I wouldn't give you the time of day never mind be your friend...

    Maybe you should re read what I wrote. I said you would be glad not to be a friend of mine. Since I just sabotaged all of them with my plans for today: pumpkin spice bread pudding & cherry with chocolate chunk sorbet.. there will be pictures posted later.

    Awww so my other posts were mean? Not even 8 and someone already doesn't like me what will I do

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