sabotagers... are real
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I often wonder how much of this is subconscious.
Not necessarily that friends are unwittingly trying to sabotage us...
...but that we are unwittingly looking for blame and/or excuses for why things are difficult, perhaps to have a reason for failure later.
This way it is "their" fault that we couldn't stick to it. Or perhaps that in addition to radically changing our diet, we must change friends too, that sort of thing.
But, this is just wondering is all.0 -
I wanted to add though for the OP. I have definitely encountered some weird friendship obstacles regarding weight. Your friend could be trying to sabotage you or you could be ultra sensitive right now.
I had this friend in hs; we were both the same size. She gained over 100lbs in the 10 years after hs. We lost touch, reconnected. I could tell there was something "not right" about her feelings toward me. We went out to lunch once- pizza buffet and ice cream. I ate a hella lotta food (I was 8 months pregnant). She was SO delighted that I had eaten a huge amount of food. She kept saying, "I'm SO impressed that you ate that much!" It was strange. After I had my baby and lost all of the baby weight, she would say things like, "Geez, how SKINNY do you want to be???" She brought up my weight. I never brought up my weight or her weight.
We aren't friends anymore, b/c well, things degraded from there.0 -
I would like to extend an invitation for you all to invade my fortress but I'm afraid I'd be a Saboteur
Wait. Ben&Jerry's make cheesecake brownie ice cream!? AND I just had a look at their US website, they make so much more flavours than they sell in Europe. Why won't they sabotage us more!??
More reason to come invade?
FOR DA ICE CREEEEEAM!
Yes! Send soldiers with ice cream -> world peace is coming!I live pretty damn close to these *kitten*, with their BandJ's flags waving around, cows out dancing in the field. And what about their once a year "free cone" day. It's their fault I got back in line 3 times.......nom,nom.
I can help! Just send it all here!!
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wow...there are so many unnecessarily rude *kitten* on here
Well aren't you pleasant0 -
Yeah I was thinking that. Regardless I'd be avoiding hanging around that "friend" personally.maybe she feels you would be a threat if you lost the weight! sounds ver insecure to me!0 -
:yawn: and?wow...there are so many unnecessarily rude *kitten* on here0 -
I would like to extend an invitation for you all to invade my fortress but I'm afraid I'd be a Saboteur
So you're the one...
I bought Talenti Sea Salt Caramel ice cream pops dipped in dark chocolate at the grocery store this week because of you.
Saboteur!!
BTW, does anyone else have the Beastie Boys song stuck in their head now??
Glad I'm not the only one with the earworm.
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Weird isn't it? Sabatogers are real. And they are typically people who care the most about you. They have grown accustomed to you being as you are. They don't know what a changed you will mean for them. Some of it is jealousy, some of it is just fear of the unknown, some of it is just them being an insecure mess and they want you to be that way as well. It's complicated. Ultimately, our goal is to bring them along on our journey and get them invested in our success:drinker: . OR-leave them behind.0
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Can someone tell me how to post these awesome little mini videos? I don't know how to do it and i LOVE them so much.:sad:0
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Can someone tell me how to post these awesome little mini videos? I don't know how to do it and i LOVE them so much.:sad:
You can go to websites like www.tinypic.com and upload them. Use the img code with all lower case letters to post in forums0 -
It is deliberate sabotage, and no, someone does not have to hold you down, lace your food, to do it, if that were true then marketing, propganda would never work, but it does. I have had it done to me, I have heard countless other people, men, women, tell me the same thing. I don't understand it either, the best explanation I heard from one friend is that they do not want to do the work, and do not want to see you doing it either. Jealousy. What can you do? Accept your friend (?) as she is. She is sabotaging you. Tell her, hey, stop sabotaging me, support my goals, what a saboteur you are, that's not appropriate, that's not being a friend and set your boundaries. I told my mom that I guess she wanted me dead because she knew the doctor had told me to lose weight and she knows the heart disease risk. She cut it out then. She was telling me not to lose weight because the doctor had gained weight. (Really? That's why I should stay fat, have a heart attack and die due to high cholesterol?) If they offer you food, say, are you trying to kill me, you want me to stay fat? If you say nothing, they keep on and then blame you saying they thought you were okay with it or laugh saying you were always skinny, you never had to struggle, etc. If your friend keeps it up, you keep your distance. If you dwell on it, you may go and eat as the serotin rush from sugar will make you feel better, so you need to exercise, do some push-ups or jumping jacks, etc. and say that's her, she's being jealous, she does not respect other people's goals, I don't understand it, shift your focus to your goal, and keep the image of a skinny you in a great dress or playing and keeping up with your child in mind.0
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Dude, when I tell some1 I eat LoCarb tho...0
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It is deliberate sabotage, and no, someone does not have to hold you down, lace your food, to do it, if that were true then marketing, propganda would never work, but it does. I have had it done to me, I have heard countless other people, men, women, tell me the same thing. I don't understand it either, the best explanation I heard from one friend is that they do not want to do the work, and do not want to see you doing it either. Jealousy. What can you do? Accept your friend (?) as she is. She is sabotaging you. Tell her, hey, stop sabotaging me, support my goals, what a saboteur you are, that's not appropriate, that's not being a friend and set your boundaries. I told my mom that I guess she wanted me dead because she knew the doctor had told me to lose weight and she knows the heart disease risk. She cut it out then. She was telling me not to lose weight because the doctor had gained weight. (Really? That's why I should stay fat, have a heart attack and die due to high cholesterol?) If they offer you food, say, are you trying to kill me, you want me to stay fat? If you say nothing, they keep on and then blame you saying they thought you were okay with it or laugh saying you were always skinny, you never had to struggle, etc. If your friend keeps it up, you keep your distance. If you dwell on it, you may go and eat as the serotin rush from sugar will make you feel better, so you need to exercise, do some push-ups or jumping jacks, etc. and say that's her, she's being jealous, she does not respect other people's goals, I don't understand it, shift your focus to your goal, and keep the image of a skinny you in a great dress or playing and keeping up with your child in mind.
Whether it was sabotage or not is irrelevant. Each of us need to stand on our own two feet and take responsibility for our own decisions.0 -
http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_articles.asp?id=371
Some people's self-esteem and positive self-image come from feeling superior to the people around them, including their friends and family. Your friend may deeply enjoy being thinner than you and wants to keep it that way so she can always be "the hot one" or "the skinny one". She may not realize it and she may not be doing it (in her mind) maliciously, but it most likely has to do with her own poor self-confidence.
What would I do? Spend less time with her. Not cut her off, per se, but instead of spending all day together, maybe just a few hours, and not around meal times. Don't give her the opportunity to try to sabotage you! Or, if she keeps bringing it up, I would talk to her about it...
"Hey, I've been trying really hard to change my life around and get to a more healthy weight/lifestyle. Whenever we hang out, I feel like we're always going to get ice cream or unhealthy snacks. If I'm going to make this change permanent, I need my friends and family to help me out."0 -
Surround yourself with as many positive friends or acquaintances as you can.
This. I've let some friends go to my outer circle but I've made some really awesome new close friends.0 -
It just really knocked me off balance, we had breakfast together so she knew I had eaten well... also she is slim so it's not that she wants me to stay fat with her... it really confused me
Not saying she was deliberately trying to "sabotage" you, but her motivation doesn't have to be that she wants you to be fat with her (which is normally typical for fat women).
Perhaps she likes you around to be the fat friend, so she'll look better in contrast.0 -
Not saying she was deliberately trying to "sabotage" you, but her motivation doesn't have to be that she wants you to be fat with her (which is normally typical for fat women).
Perhaps she likes you around to be the fat friend, so she'll look better in contrast.
^^^^^^THIS0 -
Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....0 -
Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
"Regain my former weight" does not necessarily mean to get heavier, despite what the previous poster thinks.
Regain means to obtain something again. If that "something" was a smaller figure, then to "regain" it is to once again become smaller.
Stop being so literal.0 -
I honestly can see both sides of the argument. I can see why some would see the poster as overreacting, but at the same time I felt shocked when I started my diet, how people I liked would ask me to take one bite, or they would ask four times for me to eat dinner when I said I already ate two hours ago.
But I also believe the poster has the right to post whatever she wants, it doesn't mean that she's playing victim.0
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