sabotagers... are real

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  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    Honestly, it's probably not about your diet, and she's just being her normal kind self. Do you know for certain that she doesn't usually eat much or is this something that she hasn't done often in front of you? I'm a big eater, a huge eater, actually. I frequently eat the same meal as my husband, who is easily 70 pounds heavier. Your friend may be very active and may need those refeeds, which it sounds like she was doing. Some people do it intuitively, and some need the food scale. You're certainly within your right to say "no thanks," and I doubt she gave it much thought that she was doing something that might offend you.

    I have a relatively high TDEE because I exercise all the time and rarely sit down. My husband has a desk job that forces him to sit down most of the time. He's cutting now and I find myself offering him all sorts of goodies without thinking. I don't mean it as sabotage. In fact, I weigh and measure everything we both eat at home, and I pack his lunches. But when I eat something particularly tasty, I offer him some. Am I actively trying to sabotage him? Of course not. When he tells me no, which is ALL THE TIME, I rarely give it a second thought other than "hummmm, guess he isn't hungry."

    I'm sure that is all that was happening here. Just enjoy the company and keep saying no.

    I think I just got called fat and lazy, but it's not my fault

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  • BombshellPhoenix
    BombshellPhoenix Posts: 1,693 Member
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    I would like to extend an invitation for you all to invade my fortress but I'm afraid I'd be a Saboteur

    2s7whop.jpg
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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    A friend of mine once said "you are not an ammunition supply train in World War II. No one is trying to sabotage you."
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
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    I would like to extend an invitation for you all to invade my fortress but I'm afraid I'd be a Saboteur

    2s7whop.jpg

    let-me-in-please-cat.jpg
  • BombshellPhoenix
    BombshellPhoenix Posts: 1,693 Member
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    My wife does this to me.

    She'll fat shame me one evening and feed me chocolate and pretzels the next evening while I'm trying to go to sleep.

    Sometimes I think she's scared of me being thinner.

    EDIT; Lately I've been turning her down on the treats though, must be getting stronger.

    Ya, my SO was too. Think it pissed him off when I still lost weight eating it though.
  • BombshellPhoenix
    BombshellPhoenix Posts: 1,693 Member
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    I would like to extend an invitation for you all to invade my fortress but I'm afraid I'd be a Saboteur

    2s7whop.jpg

    let-me-in-please-cat.jpg

    j5wc4i.gif
    2pyouhk.gif
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    I would like to extend an invitation for you all to invade my fortress but I'm afraid I'd be a Saboteur

    2s7whop.jpg

    You and your fortresses must be why I'm not losing weight…oh wait…

    tumblr_lrhiwyTf4m1qdhtjho1_r1_500.gif
  • George_Baileys_Ghost
    George_Baileys_Ghost Posts: 1,524 Member
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    Honestly, it's probably not about your diet, and she's just being her normal kind self. Do you know for certain that she doesn't usually eat much or is this something that she hasn't done often in front of you? I'm a big eater, a huge eater, actually. I frequently eat the same meal as my husband, who is easily 70 pounds heavier. Your friend may be very active and may need those refeeds, which it sounds like she was doing. Some people do it intuitively, and some need the food scale. You're certainly within your right to say "no thanks," and I doubt she gave it much thought that she was doing something that might offend you.

    I have a relatively high TDEE because I exercise all the time and rarely sit down. My husband has a desk job that forces him to sit down most of the time. He's cutting now and I find myself offering him all sorts of goodies without thinking. I don't mean it as sabotage. In fact, I weigh and measure everything we both eat at home, and I pack his lunches. But when I eat something particularly tasty, I offer him some. Am I actively trying to sabotage him? Of course not. When he tells me no, which is ALL THE TIME, I rarely give it a second thought other than "hummmm, guess he isn't hungry."

    I'm sure that is all that was happening here. Just enjoy the company and keep saying no.

    Why are the best, most reasonable answers always ignored?
  • quietattheback
    quietattheback Posts: 84 Member
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    Sorry, u r right
  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
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    OP, you say this is unusual behavior for her and that she eats very little. How do you know? Do you babysit her diet all day to know this? Perhaps she works out to help burn some extra calories to fit those 2 ice creams in. Unless you're with her 24/7, there's no way you know what her own diet is like. You said it was unusual behavior for her, but perhaps it's just that you never noticed it before because you weren't all "my diet, my diet, my diet!".

    IMO, she was just trying to have a good time with her friend. She probably felt a little sad that you wouldn't participate in everything.
    To be honest, days like that are usually far and few between. It's okay to partake in events and have some fun. Those few days out of the year are a drop in the bucket, and in terms of losing weight, have very little effect. It's about moderation. If it had been me, I would have gotten the ice cream and fit it into my calorie goal. If it didn't fit, I'd eat it anyway and maybe go for an extra walk in the evening.
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
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    2pyouhk.gif

    I want to literally lick the screen how many calories are in monitor dust bunnies?. SABOTAGE! Damn you
  • George_Baileys_Ghost
    George_Baileys_Ghost Posts: 1,524 Member
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    Honestly, it's probably not about your diet, and she's just being her normal kind self. Do you know for certain that she doesn't usually eat much or is this something that she hasn't done often in front of you? I'm a big eater, a huge eater, actually. I frequently eat the same meal as my husband, who is easily 70 pounds heavier. Your friend may be very active and may need those refeeds, which it sounds like she was doing. Some people do it intuitively, and some need the food scale. You're certainly within your right to say "no thanks," and I doubt she gave it much thought that she was doing something that might offend you.

    I have a relatively high TDEE because I exercise all the time and rarely sit down. My husband has a desk job that forces him to sit down most of the time. He's cutting now and I find myself offering him all sorts of goodies without thinking. I don't mean it as sabotage. In fact, I weigh and measure everything we both eat at home, and I pack his lunches. But when I eat something particularly tasty, I offer him some. Am I actively trying to sabotage him? Of course not. When he tells me no, which is ALL THE TIME, I rarely give it a second thought other than "hummmm, guess he isn't hungry."

    I'm sure that is all that was happening here. Just enjoy the company and keep saying no.

    I think I just got called fat and lazy, but it's not my fault

    If I could figure out how to double bold the sentence, "I find myself offering him all sorts of goodies without thinking." I would point , first to a picture of your wife, and then point out that you're doing okay big fella. :wink:
  • BombshellPhoenix
    BombshellPhoenix Posts: 1,693 Member
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    I would like to extend an invitation for you all to invade my fortress but I'm afraid I'd be a Saboteur

    2s7whop.jpg

    You and your fortresses must be why I'm not losing weight…oh wait…

    tumblr_lrhiwyTf4m1qdhtjho1_r1_500.gif

    25a69lv.gif
  • Spnneil06
    Spnneil06 Posts: 18,745 Member
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    I worked with this lady that as soon as I told her that I was working out and watching what I ate she started ordering pizza all the time, telling me "one slice won't hurt" Of course one slice won't hurt occasionally, but every day?? Rude!
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
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    2pyouhk.gif

    I want to literally lick the screen how many calories are in monitor dust bunnies?. SABOTAGE! Damn you

    Just so you know - I licked it first. :tongue:
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    I would like to extend an invitation for you all to invade my fortress but I'm afraid I'd be a Saboteur

    2s7whop.jpg

    let-me-in-please-cat.jpg

    reach.gif?w=313&h=225
  • BombshellPhoenix
    BombshellPhoenix Posts: 1,693 Member
    Options

    2pyouhk.gif

    I want to literally lick the screen how many calories are in monitor dust bunnies?. SABOTAGE! Damn you

    2qvb53a.gif
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
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    Perhaps, it's just your perception. It's like when you're pregnant, you see all the pregnant women that usually escape your notice. When you get a new car, the same type of car jumps out at you.

    When we are dieting, we can see normal things as over the top. Maybe before you would have just gone along with her suggestions - not thinking a thing about it because it was who you were then. Now you think differently about your choices, your friend has probably not changed her thinking and now there is discordance.

    If she's really your friend - talk to her about it. Then keep making your good decisions.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    Options

    2pyouhk.gif

    I want to literally lick the screen how many calories are in monitor dust bunnies?. SABOTAGE! Damn you

    2qvb53a.gif

    Let-ME-In-AB.gif
  • George_Baileys_Ghost
    George_Baileys_Ghost Posts: 1,524 Member
    Options
    Perhaps, it's just your perception. It's like when you're pregnant, you see all the pregnant women that usually escape your notice. When you get a new car, the same type of car jumps out at you.

    When we are dieting, we can see normal things as over the top. Maybe before you would have just gone along with her suggestions - not thinking a thing about it because it was who you were then. Now you think differently about your choices, your friend has probably not changed her thinking and now there is discordance.

    If she's really your friend - talk to her about it. Then keep making your good decisions.

    Also a big yes!

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