sabotagers... are real

Options
1…45679

Replies

  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
    Options
    Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.

    Here's hoping she wanders by MFP and sees this thread.

    +1

    I give this thread at least another 8-10 hours and no less than a dozen cat gifs before it rides off into the sunset.

    13613545841433936324.GIF
  • astroophys
    astroophys Posts: 175 Member
    Options
    Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.

    Well, when you vent on a public forum visited by (from what I can guess) thousands of people, expect responses.
  • jazzie_red
    jazzie_red Posts: 180 Member
    Options
    I had to get rid of a friend who did this.

    I told her my doctor told me to lose the wieght. I needed to get the weight off due to a bad liver test. So I decided to fastest way to cut calories was to stop drinking them. I told her I was forgoing soda, and drinking water. So what would she do: Show up to my house with a one liter of coke. Every single time. She would do this kind of stuff, like putting snacks in my face when I would go to her home. specifically for me. I am an inpulse eater and I cannot be around food like that. I know not to keep a plate of something next to me, because I will eat it and next thing you know, the plate is empty. When I would tell her I no thank you, she would get upset and say: I think you should eat what you want. (Yes, she was very overwieght. But she was pear, I am an apple, and it's much much worse to carry weight in your midsection.)

    It hurts, but my health comes first.
  • ell_23
    ell_23 Posts: 103
    Options
    I know how you feel.

    I have a close friend who I like and care about a lot. But if there's one thing that might make me snap at her in the near future is her sabotage.

    She's a very small girl herself. She isn't ill but she does have a little obsession with food and staying thin. When she gained 4 pounds at university she started calling herself fat, saying she felt disgusting (fair enough) but she also felt like she was "so big". She went from 112 to 116 pounds.

    She's noticed me starting to lose weight, and she seems to try to subtly do everything she can to stop me from losing more weight. My other friend has noticed too, and believes that she is starting to panic that someone else will get down to the same weight as her. She wants to be the thinnest. Like I said, she seems to have a little issue with weight but nothing serious I don't think…

    She tries to persuade me I hardly eat anything and that she eats so much more than me. Or sometimes when I've eaten chocolate and crap and feel guilty she won't just reassure me that one day is fine to cheat like most people would, she will try to convince me that it's fine to do that every day as I barely eat anything anyway (this is, by the way, not true - I always eat 1250-1500 calories per day of substantial meals 3 times a day!).

    She then constantly tells me that I'm "tiny" and "if you lose more weight there will be nothing to you". This is also very untrue. And once when she said this in front of this same other friend we share, the other friend said "well, that's not really true…". I wasn't offended, she didn't say it in a mean way, she was just pointing out the obvious and sort of saying 'why are you saying that when it's blatantly not true?'. I almost find it an insult when people give you compliments that are untrue.

    She even said "your legs are thinner than mine now!". By this point of that particular day, I'd had enough. So I got up, went over to and sat down next to her, and put my leg against hers. While my thighs are about 20-21 inches, hers were quite literally and quite obviously about 17 inches. I said "see? can you stop saying I'm smaller than you please" and she went quiet and mumbled something about how she had longer legs so they only appeared thinner - ridiculous. We think she's trying desperately to stop me from losing any more weight.

    And it's quite sad, and I feel for her that she panics so much over weight and thinness and her friends being thinner than her, but at the same time it's almost getting on my last nerve. I like compliments, but not when they are made up and quite obviously exaggerated. It's a bit embarrassing and I almost find it insulting.
  • quietattheback
    quietattheback Posts: 84 Member
    Options
    Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.

    Here's hoping she wanders by MFP and sees this thread.

    Wtf... I am not scared of her and I never say anything I would be afraid to say to someone's face! Unlike you I don't hide behind cartoons... don't bother replying I have hit the ignore button on you.
  • lexluv101
    lexluv101 Posts: 5
    Options
    She is trying to trip the diet up - semantics about terminology others are raising here aside. That would bug me if she was trying THAT hard. Guess she doesn't want you to self-improve. A shame but there are so many like that out there.
  • freshstart180213
    freshstart180213 Posts: 170 Member
    Options
    Apologies as prob someone already said this but it sounds like typical female crap and exactly the reason my friends were always male she is comfortable with u being the fat friend it makes her feel attractive next to you thats why she sabotaged u complete insecurity on her part if lose the weight then u make take the attention off of her

    my advice decide how good a friend she is if she is worth it keep her if not then move on but be prepared on your journey as u reach your target she may dump u as u dont serve the comfortable purpose she had for u in which case her loss stick to your guns losing weight is so worth it lately my nsv have been fitting in smaller clothes and nothing beats that feeling
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
    Options
    Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.

    Here's hoping she wanders by MFP and sees this thread.

    Wtf... I am not scared of her and I never say anything I would be afraid to say to someone's face! Unlike you I don't hide behind cartoons... don't bother replying I have hit the ignore button on you.

    Generally speaking, if you say that you're not afraid to say it to someone's face, then you're saying that you're willing to deal with the consequences of your words, whatever they may be. Putting someone on ignore, or venting about them online behind their back, completely contradicts that.

    I hope you are able to talk to your friend and resolve your issues.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Options
    Every single time. She would do this kind of stuff, like putting snacks in my face when I would go to her home. specifically for me. I am an inpulse eater and I cannot be around food like that.

    So you know you're an "impulse eater" - and you know she'll put food out - but you went over there anyway.

    How is that anybody's fault but your own?
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Options
    Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.

    Here's hoping she wanders by MFP and sees this thread.

    Wtf... I am not scared of her and I never say anything I would be afraid to say to someone's face! Unlike you I don't hide behind cartoons... don't bother replying I have hit the ignore button on you.

    Generally speaking, if you say that you're not afraid to say it to someone's face, then you're saying that you're willing to deal with the consequences of your words, whatever they may be. Putting someone on ignore, or venting about them online behind their back, completely contradicts that.

    I hope you are able to talk to your friend and resolve your issues.

    Indeed.

    The OP seems to have forgotten she was the one who came on a public forum to talk **** about someone she claims is a "friend".
  • NatalieABH
    NatalieABH Posts: 8
    Options
    Wow ...... I am all for taking personal responsibility and all, but as someone who has worked with addiction a lot I know it's not as simple as that - environment and the people in it are a huge factor in kicking a habit. It's a perfectly plausible idea that OP may have a friend who subconsciously tried to "sabotage" her, there are a lot of people out there who feel inadequate when others improve themselves; it doesn't have to be anything to do with weight.

    OP - my advice would be to not be upset with or confront your friend, she may well be trying to distract you from the self improvement you've embarked upon, completely without thinking; keep your goals and reasons in mind at all time and remember that everyone else has their own reasons for their behaviour. I am sure your friend meant no harm.

    As for everyone else - I think it is very negative to make the individual entirely culpable for their weight gain/ loss. Of course it is only one person feeding themselves, however it is not just a case of "willpower" so much else goes into it and lacking support of friends and family IS sabotaging, whether that be the intent or not. It would be so easy for each of us to beat ourselves up over how unhealthy we have become, but I feel that just leads to a lot of unnecessary self hatred. What we all need to understand is why we got to a place we don't want to be, and sometimes the people and circumstances around us are a huuuuge contributing factor. Doesn't mean it's the fault of others, nor does it mean it isn't our own fault, it's just the way it is.

    Be kind and understanding MFP, a lot of the time it is the lack of kindness and understanding in our lives that result in comforting behaviours such as over eating :)
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Options
    Be kind and understanding MFP...

    The OP came on here and publicly trashed a "friend", ascribing all kinds of bad intentions to her/him.

    "Kindness begins at a home", etc.
  • NatalieABH
    NatalieABH Posts: 8
    Options
    Not saying we're not culpable but humans are so much more complicated that just free will ........... else we'd all will ourselves to be how we wanted wouldn't we?

    As for "trashing" a friend who isn't on the forum ; I'd say that's hardly a great crime against said friend. Think everyone ought to be a bit more compassionate. People come here when they're not getting support elsewhere. Don't go feeding them negativity here too.
  • WhatMeRunning
    WhatMeRunning Posts: 3,538 Member
    Options
    Even if you want to look at it from the addiction angle, then it is STILL up to the individual. Every...single...day!

    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    The courage to change the things I can,
    And the wisdom to know the difference.
  • Risrisris
    Risrisris Posts: 11 Member
    Options
    I think that friends and family aren't ready to handle us changing. My husband does most of the cooking and shopping and during the first two weeks in September he made fancy cheeseburgers and other delicious food with tons of fat. He also bought a bag of sour cream and onion potato chips which I tend to eat the whole bag when they are in the house. It wasn't until I took a smaller portion at dinner and got up and made a salad a few weeks in a row that he got the hint. Then he made zucchini lasagna one night and he found out that it was delicious. The next day I made a point to thank him for finding healthy alternatives and how much I appreciated his support. I think that was when he took ownership of his role in my weight loss and now feels part of it instead of an outsider seeing his best friend change. Be strong in your steadfastness and be kind to your friend. You have to guide her as to what support you need.

    That is a great answer!
  • LifeWithPie
    LifeWithPie Posts: 552 Member
    Options
    Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.

    Here's hoping she wanders by MFP and sees this thread.

    Wtf... I am not scared of her and I never say anything I would be afraid to say to someone's face! Unlike you I don't hide behind cartoons... don't bother replying I have hit the ignore button on you.

    Um...you're saying it here because you're afraid to say it to HER face. What am I missing here?

Categories