Facts about Chuck Norris:

mholmes
mholmes Posts: 949 Member
edited September 19 in Health and Weight Loss
The DH and I were doing MadLibs one intoxicated night at home (exciting I know) and he asked for a noun. I screamed out Chuck Norris and he couldn't stop crying to read the line that said something about stopping in "for a steaming hot cup of Chuck Norris". Anyway ,LOL, I realize I'll probably be completely alone here but I'm still gonna have fun. Join if you'd like!


Facts About Chuck Norris:

1.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
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Replies

  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    The DH and I were doing MadLibs one intoxicated night at home (exciting I know) and he asked for a noun. I screamed out Chuck Norris and he couldn't stop crying to read the line that said something about stopping in "for a steaming hot cup of Chuck Norris". Anyway ,LOL, I realize I'll probably be completely alone here but I'm still gonna have fun. Join if you'd like!


    Facts About Chuck Norris:

    1.
    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    2.
    They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take #$@* from anybody. :laugh:
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    3.
    If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    4.
    Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
    4. Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lay's potato chip.


    No way!!! :noway:
  • vickyt
    vickyt Posts: 110 Member
    HAHA i love these! Thanks for the laugh
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    5.
    Chuck Norris invented water.
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    Chuck Norris never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Chuck”. :laugh:
  • MontanaGirl
    MontanaGirl Posts: 1,251 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: Those are great!!
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.


    Didn't work for me! :grumble:
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
  • Emdicio
    Emdicio Posts: 270 Member
    It's a fact that Chuck Norris' tears cure Cancer - too bad he's never cried
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
  • Emdicio
    Emdicio Posts: 270 Member
    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
  • Emdicio
    Emdicio Posts: 270 Member
    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

    :laugh: :laugh: That's my favorite one!
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

    :laugh:
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  • Emdicio
    Emdicio Posts: 270 Member
    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
  • Emdicio
    Emdicio Posts: 270 Member
    The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
  • Emdicio
    Emdicio Posts: 270 Member
    The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
  • Ileanak
    Ileanak Posts: 343 Member
    5 out of 5 doctors prescribe Chuck Norris....
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees!
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off
  • Emdicio
    Emdicio Posts: 270 Member
    If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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