Facts about Chuck Norris:

1356

Replies

  • obliged
    obliged Posts: 465
    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

    oh noes!
    what have i been doing all my life as a science student then?
    all is ruined all is ruined!:sad: :sad: :sad:


    on a side note: Chuck Norris divides by zero,
    ah take that maths students:tongue:


    *i so didnt realise this was three pages long:embarassed:
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    Superman wears Chuck Norris Underroos!
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
  • magichatter06
    magichatter06 Posts: 3,593 Member
    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
  • yoginimary
    yoginimary Posts: 6,788 Member
    If at first you don't succeed, you are not Chuck Norris.
  • jlwhelan1
    jlwhelan1 Posts: 664
    Chuck Norris is not afraid of the dark. The dark IS afraid of Chuck Norris.
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.


    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: This is my favorite so far, I laughed pretty hard after reading this.
  • pecksun8
    pecksun8 Posts: 570
    2271791597

    A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  • pecksun8
    pecksun8 Posts: 570
    1985346722

    Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    1985346722

    Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • jlwhelan1
    jlwhelan1 Posts: 664
    What came first, the chicken or the egg?

    The egg, it's what Chuck Norris has for breakfast.
  • CrystalBella
    CrystalBella Posts: 848 Member
    I just wanted you guys to know that I'm.........
    ChuckNorrisApproved.png
  • jlwhelan1
    jlwhelan1 Posts: 664
    Headline:

    Worldwide Energy Crisis Solved
    Scientists have discovered how to harness the power of the Chuck Norris roundhouse.
  • jlwhelan1
    jlwhelan1 Posts: 664
    Headline:

    Worldwide Energy Crisis Solved
    Scientists have discovered how to harness the power of the Chuck Norris roundhouse.

    Next day headlines:
    Chuck Norris won't be harnessed.
    Energy crisis back.
    Scientists involved killed by roundhouse kick.
  • jlwhelan1
    jlwhelan1 Posts: 664
    Light and sound used to be the same speed -- until light ticked off Chuck Norris and he roundhouse kicked it and now it is much faster.


    Which is why:
    Chuck Norris kicks are faster than the speed of sound and as fast as the speed of light.

    c = the speed of light = the speed of Chuck Norris.

    E = mc^2
    energy = mass X the speed of Chuck Norris squared, because all energy is directly related to Chuck Norris.
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
  • Steffykins
    Steffykins Posts: 176
    Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    HOLY CRAP!!! I'm COOL! :smokin: My Chuck thread is still going, woo-hoo!! :drinker: (although I probably just killed it with the overwhelming amount of ego) lol
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    :laugh: :laugh:
    Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times
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