Facts about Chuck Norris:

1246

Replies

  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
  • Emdicio
    Emdicio Posts: 270 Member
    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2. No one fools Chuck Norris.
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
  • BEFORE
    BEFORE Posts: 1,291 Member
    Chuck Norris is sooo bad that he could bench press P90X Dude while P90x Dude was bench pressing 500lbs.

    Seriously P90X Dude lay off the weights your arms look like legs. (muscle envy)
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    Chuck Norris is sooo bad that he could bench press P90X Dude while P90x Dude was bench pressing 500lbs.

    Seriously P90X Dude lay off the weights your arms look like legs. (muscle envy)

    LOL, you got me there. I can't help it it's in the genetics, all the men in my family have huge arms. I think the last measurements were 181/2 inches. I think by the end of p90x I'll have them down to about 171/2 or so as long as I don't put on too much muscle.
  • BEFORE
    BEFORE Posts: 1,291 Member
    Chuck Norris is sooo bad that he could bench press P90X Dude while P90x Dude was bench pressing 500lbs.

    Seriously P90X Dude lay off the weights your arms look like legs. (muscle envy)

    LOL, you got me there. I can't help it it's in the genetics, all the men in my family have huge arms. I think the last measurements were 181/2 inches. I think by the end of p90x I'll have them down to about 171/2 or so as long as I don't put on too much muscle.

    Thanks for Replying "MR." P90X Dude - voice trembling
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    Chuck Norris is sooo bad that he could bench press P90X Dude while P90x Dude was bench pressing 500lbs.

    Seriously P90X Dude lay off the weights your arms look like legs. (muscle envy)

    LOL, you got me there. I can't help it it's in the genetics, all the men in my family have huge arms. I think the last measurements were 181/2 inches. I think by the end of p90x I'll have them down to about 171/2 or so as long as I don't put on too much muscle.

    Thanks for Replying "MR." P90X Dude - voice trembling


    :laugh: Too funny. My arms actually look like that when I wake up in the morning. It all washes away in the shower though...
  • BEFORE
    BEFORE Posts: 1,291 Member
    Chuck Norris is sooo bad that he could bench press P90X Dude while P90x Dude was bench pressing 500lbs.

    Seriously P90X Dude lay off the weights your arms look like legs. (muscle envy)

    LOL, you got me there. I can't help it it's in the genetics, all the men in my family have huge arms. I think the last measurements were 181/2 inches. I think by the end of p90x I'll have them down to about 171/2 or so as long as I don't put on too much muscle.

    Thanks for Replying "MR." P90X Dude - voice trembling


    :laugh: Too funny. My arms actually look like that when I wake up in the morning. It all washes away in the shower though...
    My arms look like that until I do wake up in the morning.
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    Chuck Norris has a yahoo account with hotmail
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    Chuck Norris website has never had a hit - Nobody hits Chuck Norris’ website
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
  • mjfer123
    mjfer123 Posts: 1,234 Member
    Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
  • mjfer123
    mjfer123 Posts: 1,234 Member
    Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries
  • mjfer123
    mjfer123 Posts: 1,234 Member
    Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries

    Hilarious :laugh:
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    Chuck Norris was born in 1940, statistics show that deaths associated with round house kicks increased by 13,000 percent after that year.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    Chuck Norris has a yahoo account with hotmail

    :laugh:
  • jlwhelan1
    jlwhelan1 Posts: 664
    In Chuck Norris veins flow a super strong, liquid metal alloy.
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    double post :grumble:
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.


    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: That is so funny!!!
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    Chuck Norris was born in 1940, statistics show that deaths associated with round house kicks increased by 13,000 percent after that year.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:


    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • emtink
    emtink Posts: 387 Member
    :cry: :laugh:

    this has made my week!!!! y'all are too funny. i think my boss thinks i'm crying though...
  • p90x_Dude
    p90x_Dude Posts: 332
    Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone

    Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

    Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

    Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

    Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano

    Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
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