Confession - Moralistic people please drop it...
Replies
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Fact.....If my husband ever cheated on me I would have a Lorena Bobbit moment.
Fact.....I would need bail money after finding the chick he slept with. And all of my married girlfriends would not hesitate to donate to the bail money fund, that is of course if they were not locked up next to me.
Just sayin....
I dont know what kind of advice it is your seeking. I think it's good your moving out of the Country. I don't think that will matter though. The next one you meet who seems great and is married will you do it again?0 -
May I ask the age of the parties involved? It sounds like you are very young and searching for something that doesn't exist in this man...
He is only 5 years older than me.0 -
hunny... been there, done that. i was young and thought i knew everything. i can tell u this much. it happened ONE time. and never again. he is still with is wife 10 years later. they now have 4 beautiful boys together. i still see him all the time. but when his wife came to my doorstep, and i saw the rage, the pain, the betrayel in her eyes... i promised myself NEVER again would i do that to somebody. EVER! and never again will i. the min i hear that word married... i RUN! the other way. so my advice to u is... when u leave that country... cut off ALL lines of communication!0
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I don't think that will matter though. The next one you meet who seems great and is married will you do it again?
No.
And no need to insult me.0 -
You know what is causing the emotional eating. Cut the cause, find your solution. Love totally sucks sometimes but in your situation I suggest that once you move you just cut all ties to him. Cold turkey. Will it hurt? Yes, but in the long run you will be better for it. I hope everything works out for you.0
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I don't think you're a bad person. These things happen. but frankly.. I've been cheated on and when I think about sleeping with that person after they'd slept with someone else the night before it makes me feel queasy. I feel like letting that go on any longer was one of my biggest mistakes. Women are so willing to stop caring about what's good for themselves for someone who isn't even worth it.
Anyway.. the post that states.. FACT you deserve better. It's true. You know what you're doing is wrong. It's up to YOU to give yourself what you deserve! The feelings for him will go away with time. He seems so great now but if the situation was different he could be a whole different person. Relationships change things, living with each other changes things. I'm sure your eating habits will recover when you being treated the way you should be. No one should have to be shared when that isn't what they want. Good luck!!0 -
WOW this is a tough one. I too have been in your shoes and Dont think for a second that some of the ones bashing you havnt thought about it them selves..Listen relationships are hard enough but when your married and the added pressure of finances, work, kids, life there comes a time when some are weaker than others and look else where for conversation, compassion, and yes sex....look at all the people on here who are married but flirt all day with others on here and why??????? because it feels good ! because maybe its something they are not getting at home and its easy to get caught up in. My only advice for you is if he truly is what you want then back off and see if he comes to you , if his marriage is that bad he will leave if he doesnt then he will just go to the next girl consider it a lesson learned ! In some cases we dont always know they are married when the flirting and the calling begins ....Woman and Men have different needs sometimes like I said earlier we look to others for what we arent getting at home...Is this right? not by any means but it happens ..... No one is perfect some try to act it and thats ok I can tell you right now I by no means am perfect. like I said before I have walked in your shoes !0
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I didnt insult you. Moving wont change your feelings at all. That was all that statement meant. Sorry if you felt insulted by it.
I don't think that will matter though. The next one you meet who seems great and is married will you do it again?
No.
And no need to insult me.0 -
FACT: You should want better for yourself. I'm sure all the people who care about you would want those same things.
And it makes me sad ANY woman, not just you wouldn't want the very best for herself.0 -
I didnt insult you. Moving wont change your feelings at all. That was all that statement meant. Sorry if you felt insulted by it.
I don't think that will matter though. The next one you meet who seems great and is married will you do it again?
No.
And no need to insult me.
Well it's just that in the construction of the phrases it looked like "you move? big deal! you can be the same cheating *** elsewhere" .
I now my feelings will be bad even away from here but at least the distance will help me to cool down and leave it behind. Then my lesson would be entirely learned.0 -
Love it! Same here. :laugh:Fact.....If my husband ever cheated on me I would have a Lorena Bobbit moment.
Fact.....I would need bail money after finding the chick he slept with. And all of my married girlfriends would not hesitate to donate to the bail money fund, that is of course if they were not locked up next to me.
Just sayin....0 -
Very well put. And SO right... no one is perfect. Be strong ladiesWOW this is a tough one. I too have been in your shoes and Dont think for a second that some of the ones bashing you havnt thought about it them selves..Listen relationships are hard enough but when your married and the added pressure of finances, work, kids, life there comes a time when some are weaker than others and look else where for conversation, compassion, and yes sex....look at all the people on here who are married but flirt all day with others on here and why??????? because it feels good ! because maybe its something they are not getting at home and its easy to get caught up in. My only advice for you is if he truly is what you want then back off and see if he comes to you , if his marriage is that bad he will leave if he doesnt then he will just go to the next girl consider it a lesson learned ! In some cases we dont always know they are married when the flirting and the calling begins ....Woman and Men have different needs sometimes like I said earlier we look to others for what we arent getting at home...Is this right? not by any means but it happens ..... No one is perfect some try to act it and thats ok I can tell you right now I by no means am perfect. like I said before I have walked in your shoes !
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It baffles me that you were on the other side of the coin before and knew how bad it made you feel that someone cheated on you,
yet knowing how bad it is going to hurt his wife if she finds out, you still do it.
I dont understand people... SMH0 -
That's my point. I know I should not do that. And yet I can't release my grip.0
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well there are two sides to every story and Im my case she didnt care becasue like he had said the relationship was over and YES he did divorce her and not for me but for himself !!! maybe seeing someone else just gave him the courage and the help he needed to follow thru . Not everyone marriage is perfect and in some cases people marry becasue they were young and someone geto pregnant nit becasue they truly were in love NOT to mention sometimes two people just fall out of love THIS IS VERY EASY TO DO , you start to like different things and your views start to change ...Listen all I can say is until someone has walked ain OUR shoes DO NOT point the finger for it may be you next time.0
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Very well put. And SO right... no one is perfect. Be strong ladiesWOW this is a tough one. I too have been in your shoes and Dont think for a second that some of the ones bashing you havnt thought about it them selves..Listen relationships are hard enough but when your married and the added pressure of finances, work, kids, life there comes a time when some are weaker than others and look else where for conversation, compassion, and yes sex....look at all the people on here who are married but flirt all day with others on here and why??????? because it feels good ! because maybe its something they are not getting at home and its easy to get caught up in. My only advice for you is if he truly is what you want then back off and see if he comes to you , if his marriage is that bad he will leave if he doesnt then he will just go to the next girl consider it a lesson learned ! In some cases we dont always know they are married when the flirting and the calling begins ....Woman and Men have different needs sometimes like I said earlier we look to others for what we arent getting at home...Is this right? not by any means but it happens ..... No one is perfect some try to act it and thats ok I can tell you right now I by no means am perfect. like I said before I have walked in your shoes !
Though i admire you girls for admitting that you are not perfect but to justify doing something because everybody else is doing it or atleast thinking of doing it, and not trying to be perfect because 'NoBody' is, appears a way of convincing oneself for the mistakes that one commits.0 -
Maybe while you are out of the country, he will make the decision he needs to make, which is whether to commit to his marriage or to you. You do deserve a person that you feel this strongly about and have that ease with, but it's up to him to decide. You can't force him and your being there is going to make it harder to give one of you up....because frankly why would he when he has both.
During your time away, concentrate on what you are doing there. Find something to keep your mind busy, hobby, something so that you won't remember to binge. And finally, and still coming from a non-judgmental and helpful place, pray for guidance and help. I hope that doesn't offend you, but I find it always helps because I DO believe that God is there for you and cares about whatever you need.0 -
Maybe while you are out of the country, he will make the decision he needs to make, which is whether to commit to his marriage or to you. You do deserve a person that you feel this strongly about and have that ease with, but it's up to him to decide. You can't force him and your being there is going to make it harder to give one of you up....because frankly why would he when he has both.
I can't imagine wanting a man that would cheat on his wife....I would never ever trust him. There has to be some underlying reason that you got involved with a man who was not free. Get some counseling, get away, don't look back.0 -
So First... (HUGS)
Second... No Judgement
Third... I would say find something else to do besides eat to deal with your feelings. I too am an emotional eater and I tend to binge especially when I feel I am not in control of a situation. Find something else to do. Dont sabotoge yourself. As for not eating... Well you are punishing your cells. They did nothing to you... Break the cycle... You are strong. YOu will make it through this. As for anything else I could say... Well I dont know you but you seem to be pretty intellegent... I think you will be able to learn from this experience and move on.
God Speed,
ANgie0 -
No. I say drop the moralistic lecture and give me FACTS and objective experiences as opinions. For example, as many people said, if he cheats on her, he will cheat on me. That is an opinion from a FACT.
FACT: A woman who involves herself with a married man does not respect herself enough to choose a better partner.
FACT: You DO deserve better! Find the strength inside you to demand more for your life.
FACT: You are involved in an act that hurts another human being. "Harm none and do as you will" What you are doing harms. Stop it.
FACT: You control your destiny. Is this the kind of life you want for yourself?
FACT: We all make mistakes, the key here is that you LEARN, move forward, and find something/someone better for yourself.
How's that for facts you are asking for?
Much better! :bigsmile:
PS this Is Quite GOOD!!! LISTEN!
(Srry I can't figure out how the qoute thingy works Had to edit....)0 -
Conversely he IS a guy to who I want to give all of myself, but life su**s.
So let me get this straight...this guy...this liar...this cheater...is a guy who you'd want to give all of yourself to??
I'm not judging you, I don't know you...but the fact is that people should probably stop replying at this point. The blinders are on...and all that is said in disagreement with the situation will be either ignored, rejected, or in some other way turned around to support 'the cause'.
I'm just thankful there is no children...all they have to hurt is themselves. That doesn't make it right by any stretch...but at least the pain will be confined to adults.
Agreed. Any response that doesn't say "go have your fun and not worry about it" is a moralist high ground. :noway: FWIW I don't see anything wrong with having "morals" there is a serious lack of "morals" and respect within our society. I don't think "morals" has anything to do with not hurting other people or one's self.0 -
Maybe while you are out of the country, he will make the decision he needs to make, which is whether to commit to his marriage or to you. You do deserve a person that you feel this strongly about and have that ease with, but it's up to him to decide. You can't force him and your being there is going to make it harder to give one of you up....because frankly why would he when he has both.
I can't imagine wanting a man that would cheat on his wife....I would never ever trust him. There has to be some underlying reason that you got involved with a man who was not free. Get some counseling, get away, don't look back.
I couldn't agree more. Just get out. This person will never be. Trustworthy0 -
It doesn't sound good for you. You should do whats good for you.0
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No judgment here.
My only suggestion is to keep on your healthy path of eating right and exercising. Those things are hard to do during stressful times but in the long run they really will help.
Be the best YOU you can be... all the other pieces will fall into place after that.
Love yourself as much as you love another.
HUGS0 -
this thread could go on forever and everyone is different and let me clarify something I never said I did it becasue everyone else did . not do I suggest that anyone else do it !!!!!!!!!0
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My response to this without needing to read everyone else is......
Don't waste anymore time with this man. I witnessed my best friend go thru 7 years of bullsh** with a guy that still has yet to leave his gf. Why on earth would you think a married man would? Things are ten times more complicated there. You should care more about yourself than to put yourself thru this. I don't care about the wife, because I have been you. But I learned quickly that nothing would come of it. I was messing with a man that was 11 yrs older than me, a wife, two kids, and was more than willing to get some booty from me, but he was not about to leave.
Get outta it while you can and spend some time with friends and family, the ones that really care about you before you leave.0 -
Love it! Same here. :laugh:Fact.....If my husband ever cheated on me I would have a Lorena Bobbit moment.
Fact.....I would need bail money after finding the chick he slept with. And all of my married girlfriends would not hesitate to donate to the bail money fund, that is of course if they were not locked up next to me.
Just sayin....
Believe Texas has a law about this, was todl it was a 'he needed killing' law .. if caught in the act, it is justified. . not sure if it's true, but sure wish when I'd caught the ex, I'd been in TX0 -
You are right, Skinnywithin. However having so many different points of view helped me to have clearer ideas. Even the moralistic people, they actually reflected my own morality, the one that makes me hurt so much (I am not a monster for heaven's sake!!).
Everyone makes mistakes and it is certainly not said as an excuse, but as a way to cool down and consider every angle of the situation.
It is clear that it has to end, whether we start from new together one day or not. I am freaking out about that dilemma, but I will also give myself to understand how he works, if it is a "pattern" for him or not. I still believe that in the end everyone needs to be forgiven.
I hear what some people say, that I have a self-esteem problem, which is partly true. The thing is, he is actually treating me so much better than my previous fiance. He is treating me like I always thought I deserved to be treated. So is he doing that because I am not the wife? Maybe, I will have to figure this one out! And I dont say that because of any plan. I just think it will make me understand things deeper.0 -
That's my point. I know I should not do that. And yet I can't release my grip.
'Can't' in this situation is an excuse. You're an adult...you can do whatever you choose to do. I 'can't' let me kids be taken to Arizona to live with the people that sexually, emotionally, and physically abused my ex. That is something where 'can't' applies.
Not choosing to leave someone who is clearly not good for you...planning on keeping his wife two more years, and using you behind her back (during that two years?? Yeah...he's a GREAT guy!)...is a choice. There is no 'can't' about it.I can't imagine wanting a man that would cheat on his wife....I would never ever trust him. There has to be some underlying reason that you got involved with a man who was not free. Get some counseling, get away, don't look back.
These guys pick women who are incapable of a rational choice...that's how they get mixed up in the first place. They are charismatic, and appeal to the sympathy instinct that is in those women. She isn't capable of looking at things with perspective.
But...that being said, here's my last shot at restoring some 'perspective' for her:
If your male friend chose to go out in the evenings and run over kittens...would he still be a good guy? I mean...he's no different around you...he treats you the same...he still 'loves' you (whatever THAT means in this situation)...so he's still a good guy, yeah??
Would you stay with him then?? Would you justify it???
Ask any of these women...who were on the other side of your fence there. They were JUST AS HELPLESS and DEFENSELESS to save themselves from their husbands actions as that kitten crossing the road. They had just as much control over the betrayal they were handed as that kitten. And I'll be honest...having been on both sides of this...as the person on the side being fooled, and the person at home being cheated on...the kitten is by FAR the luckier of the two.
If you can't look at this clearly, and if you call this 'moralistic'...then I don't know what to say. If you can't think of her feelings...think of YOURSELF. Clearly this guy is bad for you...I don't care how 'nice' he is..
He's NOT a great guy...he's a liar, user, and cheat. And he's doing it all with a free ticket from you.
Cris0 -
You are right, Skinnywithin. However having so many different points of view helped me to have clearer ideas. Even the moralistic people, they actually reflected my own morality, the one that makes me hurt so much (I am not a monster for heaven's sake!!).
Everyone makes mistakes and it is certainly not said as an excuse, but as a way to cool down and consider every angle of the situation.
It is clear that it has to end, whether we start from new together one day or not. I am freaking out about that dilemma, but I will also give myself to understand how he works, if it is a "pattern" for him or not. I still believe that in the end everyone needs to be forgiven.
I hear what some people say, that I have a self-esteem problem, which is partly true. The thing is, he is actually treating me so much better than my previous fiance. He is treating me like I always thought I deserved to be treated. So is he doing that because I am not the wife? Maybe, I will have to figure this one out! And I dont say that because of any plan. I just think it will make me understand things deeper.
You're getting there hun. I hope for your sake you can walk away cleanly, and sever all ties!0
This discussion has been closed.
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