Confession - Moralistic people please drop it...

Sunny_Lexie

Thanks Cris. Your post is not moralistic, just brutally honest

kimber607

Didn't read all the responses but u act as if your actions are beyond your control......like a puppet

you are a big girl.. if you are so guilty....and u know this is so wrong.....stop it
and if the guy doesn't have kids with his wife...what are his reasons for not being a man and doing the right thing...not easy,but leave his wife rather than have his cake and eat it too

I just broke it off with my husband ... who I thought was my BF after dating for 16yrs, married for 12yrs, and 2 kids.....after I found out he had several side relationships over the past 3 yrs
I blamed him 110% though...he was my husband and the person who was supposed to remain faithful to me..these women didn't know ....I didn't feel like they owed me anything

I didn't contact them, or rat them out to their husband..I actually felt sad for them
I think someone who feels could about themselves would demand or expect more from a man or relationship than what a married man has to offer (and if he says he isn't being intimate with his wife..he is probably lying

It was hard for me though not to understand how another human being, a woman, a mom could have ZERO respect for my family ....and the institution of marriage

I think you need to work on yourself, and understanding why u invited this into your life...how this is OK with you
If it really isn't than do something about it
good luck
Kim

SuperMoniMonk

Been in your shoes before , I had a four year relacionship with a guy things ended but he keep looking for me ..he then got married and he still would want to see me I had a really low self steem back then and still had feelings for him . One day I spotted him and his wife at a shopping center ...

I was tired of putting up with the emotional stress, he would always come back even if I pushed him away , so I was determined to tell her about us that day at the mall. And you know what he did ?

He saw me as I walked towards her ...somehow he got close enough to me with out her seeing him.. and he begged me whispering " PLease don't tell her ..Please Don't tell her "



Some men will just play you like a fiddle when you don't respect yourself . don't settle for this drama and abuse.


I walked next to his wife and just whispered softly to her " Tell your man not to ever come near me again" and kept walking...
She just froze...
it was my way of ending things for good...but guess what ? He was calllling me again two weeks later...Never again !

Guilt and emptiness = Spiral emotions = Eating urges or not eating .

Good luck to you

crisanderson27

Thanks Cris. Your post is not moralistic, just brutally honest

I'm so glad to see you understand my reasons for posting. I do genuinely care...about your situation I mean...and about the issue in general. I don't want to see you hurt, and I think your guilt is genuine...and because of that, you will continue to hurt until you do the right thing.

It's one of those things that moralistic people like you and I have to go through when we screw up =p.

I walked next to his wife and just whispered softly to her " Tell your man not to ever come near me again" and kept walking...
She just froze...

Good for you! Too bad the idiot never learned =(.

Cris

sbilyeu75

I hear what some people say, that I have a self-esteem problem, which is partly true. The thing is, he is actually treating me so much better than my previous fiance. He is treating me like I always thought I deserved to be treated. So is he doing that because I am not the wife? Maybe, I will have to figure this one out! And I dont say that because of any plan. I just think it will make me understand things deeper.

I always thought it was funny how some (myself included) thinks, "Well, he treats me better than (insert any name here) or does." and we seem to settle with that.

Him cheating on his wife should let you know, he's not a nice guy. I'm sure she's got some blame in the relationship problems too. It's never just one person's fault. The truth is, there are nice guys out there. Sometimes, it's not from where you expect. But you can never know if someone is really a nice person, until you know all of them. You're not able to do that while sharing him with his wife.

Painten

You can not trust a man that will cheat on his wife. He is a liar and a cheat. To have an affair he is proving to you that he is a cheat, to keep it from his wife he has no doubt told her a zillion lies to keep it from her. You don't know what he is doign with her and what he is telling her. For all you know she might be under the impression that she is in a happy marriage and when hes home with her they could have great discussions about their future together. I know someone who believed her marriage was great and had been planning their future, discussing what kind of area they'd be looking at houses in in the near future etc till one day her husband left her and their kids to move in with another woman. He never once said he was unhappy, never even so much as hinted that he was thinking of anything else but their future together.

What you are doing is wrong. You put this out there on a public forum and expect nothing but what sympathy? understanding? Forget it and forget him.

janalayn

If you really want to control your emotional eating you need to first LOVE YOURSELF and take care of yourself ... I hate to say it but you need to look at your self esteem. If you don't think you deserve someone who loves you and only you, maybe you dont think you deserve to be healthy and thin. I was in an abusive relationship with food and with my ex-husband because of low self-esteem. You need to take a break from this guy and any others and work on yourself.

Sunny_Lexie

Painten, as I said in my original post, I knew some people would hate me. I posted anyway because I was ready to confront that. I did not expect (only) sympathy!

LLaDonna

Painten, as I said in my original post, I knew some people would hate me. I posted anyway because I was ready to confront that. I did not expect (only) sympathy!

Confess publicly that you are having an affair with a married man. check.
Let anonymous forum contributors "help" you confront your underlying self-esteem issues. check.
Tell them that you are also an emotional eater. check.
Deny that are you seeking sympathy. check.
Believe that they care and will befriend you so that you will have virtual friends when you live your physical home... check???

Sunny_Lexie

Believe that they care and will befriend you so that you will have virtual friends when you live your physical home... check???

I have already two friends in the *real* life that know about that, and they are very helpful, and trust me they are not always compassionate about this situation.
But on MFP people truly understand what impact emotions can have on dieting or eating healthy in general.

As for spilling things out to perfect strangers, isn't it what everyone here does? When people post progress pictures, when people confess their traumas and how it led them to eating disorders? How people have depression issues?

This website was meant to support people to achieve their goals, and all of them have an emotional background that made them gain weight. I fall in this category, and I don't think that people openly talking about, for example, their anti-psychotics, are acting weird or ridiculous. It takes a great deal to accept what is wrong with us.

So probably you would never talk about your personal life to total strangers, that is fine. But I am no exceptional person, I am just a normal girl having some issues and making mistakes.

wilyz

*kitten*

Danthewatcher

Is the situation helping you acheive your goals?
What are your goals?

Shouldn't your goals be about you and not about what someone else is doing, not doing, potentially doing, going to do, taking advantage of?

If you are seeking answers, the only place you need to firstly understand is within yourself.
Only then can the question begin to make sense.

What are your goals?
What do you want out of YOUR life?

Good luck

Sistasarita

Miss Bunny_Lexie,

I'm glad I came on this post after you posted edits. You got some *kitten* to deal with for real girlfriend and I mean that with all my Sista love. :flowerforyou: I did not read all of the other posts because well, hell, I just didn't want to. The best advice I can give was given to me years ago - "Do it till YOU can't do it no more, baby girl." It is your life girl. You are the one living it. I am not sure what is taking you out of the country. My only hope is THAT situation will not add to your stress. Sounds like you know what is true for you.

To address your eating concerns my suggestion would be to damn near obsess about the food diary. Ok, maybe not obsess but allow it to be your constant. Like an anchor to ground you to YOUR choice of being good to your body...to your choice of making good choices for YOU. Each meal for me is a mini celebration of something I did right every day.

To address the emotion driven part...how bout an emotional journaler, an emotional pushuper, an emotional blogger, an emotional jogger ??? ( I added that last part cuz it rhymed).

Be well Mizz Bunny! :glasses:

Sunny_Lexie

Love your post, Sista!

You are right, I need to focus on ME and treat me right. I love the guy but I can find better... And hell yea, journal my emotions instead of eating them to make the disappear.

Cheers and hugs!

krizstyling

You are right, Skinnywithin. However having so many different points of view helped me to have clearer ideas. Even the moralistic people, they actually reflected my own morality, the one that makes me hurt so much (I am not a monster for heaven's sake!!).

Everyone makes mistakes and it is certainly not said as an excuse, but as a way to cool down and consider every angle of the situation.

It is clear that it has to end, whether we start from new together one day or not. I am freaking out about that dilemma, but I will also give myself to understand how he works, if it is a "pattern" for him or not. I still believe that in the end everyone needs to be forgiven.

I hear what some people say, that I have a self-esteem problem, which is partly true. The thing is, he is actually treating me so much better than my previous fiance. He is treating me like I always thought I deserved to be treated. So is he doing that because I am not the wife? Maybe, I will have to figure this one out! And I dont say that because of any plan. I just think it will make me understand things deeper.

He's treating you better because he's getting all of the benefits of a relationship without having to commit at all, in fact, he can tell you any and everything about his "other" life and you listen and deal with it.

Brandicaloriecountess

I know how much heartbreak sucks, and emotional stress is a killer.

I think at this point you should cut your losses, and focus your attention on yourself. Engage in healthy activities like eating right and exercising.

busygirl1

BooHoo to you lady! YOUR emotional stress, YOUR emotional eating, I didn't eat for 2 months after my husband up and left the day before my exams, he left me crying on the floor to go be with his girlfriend who I had shouted at on the phone. A week before we had been looking at houses!
Like you his girlfriend has 'self esteem' issues, she is on married man number 2! You know what her tells me about HER when he comes knocking on my door (which in my emotional state I opened for him for some time) "she's frigid" "she's scared of growing old alone (she is 35 with no kids)" she cries when she has a glass of wine because I don't love her like she loves me" (he has cheated on her WITH ME for the first year of their relationship) "she thinks her boobs are too small and she is always worried about her weight and its annoying". Yes lady, you think he will respect you when its all done? I think he should leave his poor deluded wife for you and then YOU can wash his clothes, clean the house, organise the bills............. I rejoiced in the day my kids said "Katie doesn't tell daddy off for being messy anymore she just picks his stuff up"- Wonderful- welcome to MY LIFE for the last 10 years, you can HAVE IT!!!!!!!!
:drinker:

busygirl1

Just to clarify I don't hate this woman, I pity her. Just yesterday my soon-to-be-ex husband took me out for lunch (which her lied to her about) to discuss our divorce which he is throwing every delay possible at and was telling me how their relationship was not going well and he going to buy a house of his own when we are divorced. Bare in mind hun, that this woman has had a conservatory built on her house so that her study could be converted into a children's room to accommodate MY kids, and has ordered a new car because her sporty number (which my husband really liked by the way) is too small for all the kids stuff. This is while HE is telling ME that things are BAD. He's doing exactly the same thing to her has he did to me, pretending everything's fine. This poor woman wont know what's hit her when he walks away.
Run away, run far far away........

Sunny_Lexie

I will...
But what you are telling me about her self-esteem issues is soooo far from me! :noway:

My boobs are small to medium and i'm fine with that, my booty is generous and I'm glad it is, i'm not frigid, and i know i am intelligent (i am in the best place i could be in this world). Most of all i KNOW that guys find me pretty even if slightly "fleshy". It is something I understood well with time, so I am not looking desperately for *any* man that will be nice with me!! :huh: The idea of dating a married guy always schocked me, it's the first time. The problem is somewhere else

Concerning what happened to you, well he's a huge coward, not a man! But why did *you* let him cheat on her with you? Revenge or else? I hope you feel better now!

busygirl1

I let him cheat on her with me in part for revenge and in part because we had been together for 10 years and I missed having his arms around me and in part because Iike sex.
You are missing the point, the point is that if you believe that if he leaves his wife to be with you, do you not think that he will tell her all kinds of bulls**t about you the way he probably has to you about her. He will simply do the same to you and probably the girl he leaves you for.
As for me, I am fine. If he ever stops stalling the divorce (which I am sure he is telling her is MY fault) I will be a happy woman. I ended our 'affair' because I didn't want to be his bit on the side. You have to make your choice now. I pity you also.

sitstaygimmeeakiss

Bunny_Lexie, I read most of the responses here - have to say I agree that you know this is morally wrong & it will affect your eating. I won't go into that any more, as I think people here have it pretty well covered. I feel very, very strongly about violation of trust, cheating spouses, etc., but everyone else said their share, and I don't think it would help to add to it, only would end up bashing you, and that isn't productive.

Thing is - are you hearing what they are telling you, and ready to take action, or are you going to continue to be in denial about what you are doing, what he is doing?

I also agree that there is some self-esteem issue that is keeping you from walking away. Get counseling NOW, hon, and make sure it's with someone who is trained in some aspect that can help you take action, not just stare at your belly button for years & years.

I stuck with two different men, two different situations for too long. Fortunately (at least I don't believe) neither cheated on me - but both were wrong, very wrong - first was a marriage of 17 yrs. Granted I had four kids, but this guy was abusive and had mental issues. Finally found the strength to leave ONLY when he was hospitalized (psych unit) and was able to step back & recognize that I, too had a problem - and my children were in danger. Thing is, I thought I loved him so, so much - fairytale love. Wanted to do everything for him. Know what? I ended up doing just that - he never stopped demanding & ended up, after all the yrs, demeaning me so much... I also felt I had nowhere to turn.

My son once said something that was very wise. I can't remember his exact words, but basically it's that a woman abused is a woman exists with her brain imprisoned. I can't describe how bad my feeling of helplessness was - but it didn't just start with him. My upbringing, for whatever reason, led to this.

After I finally divorced, I established a second relationship that was not abusive, but it was wrong for me. He was a good guy, but so not for me on so many levels. Part of the reason I ended up w/him was security, but another was my poor self image. {So ironic - when I reread what I wrote, I had to edit. This started out as security for me - we lived together & I ended up supporting HIM for yrs, w/me on disability. He moved in with ME - I look back & remember how I didn't want him to move in, but I was headed for a serious operation, was in horrid pain & just did not know how to say "no"!! Talk about denial....]

I stayed with him for 10 yrs, but remained a friend & talked to him on the phone daily. Strangely enough both my ex's passed away last year. I miss him, even though our only communication for a few yrs was talking ton the phone.

I strongly encourage you to get help fast. You know what you are doing is wrong - and you CAN get out of this relationship.

Don't waste your years. I look back & realize how I wasted so many years - although my ex-boyfriend was really a good guy, I could have been with someone who was RIGHT for me, but I emotionally, psychologically I felt I couldn't get myself out of my mistake, and held on for 10 long years. (Believe me, they go by in an instant - I'm now 58. How many years could I have had with the RIGHT man?)

The years go, and you cannot get them back.

Get help now, please - you CAN walk away - SHOULD walk away - and if you think you can't, and don't want to start counseling right away (which I think would be a big mistake for YOU), then I suggest something: buy a plane ticket, go to where he lives. Find a way to accidentally meet his ex & just talk to her for a bit. No big deal. I can't see how you can continue to hurt her (for that is what you are doing, even if she is unaware) if you could see her face, know her as a person.

p.s. I would also have a Lorena Bobbit moment, I think, if anyone, husband or bf was cheating on me. Just sayin'

DustinReiner

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for "FREE"?

If he lies to her, I bet he's lieing to you!

Interesting you’ve having troubles dealing with it, and you post it on here? This isn’t a social network, it’s a diet network. Obviously you’re looking for some for some acceptance in this situation. Most likely because you’re not finding it anywhere else.

I’m a single male in my 40’s I’ve always lived by the rule, “Don’t mess with another man’s woman!” That has served me well over the years. I’ve been tempted from time, to time but always thought of that rule I made 25 years ago.

It’s easier to “date” a married person, not much commitment involved and it’s kind of secretive and thrilling. But it will bite you in the end.

Karma, comes in many forms and BITES hard!
.
I’m sure you don’t want to hear any of this, to bad then you shouldn’t of posted a social problem on a diet specific site. Deal with it!

Sunny_Lexie

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for "FREE"?

If he lies to her, I bet he's lieing to you!

Interesting you’ve having troubles dealing with it, and you post it on here? This isn’t a social network, it’s a diet network. Obviously you’re looking for some for some acceptance in this situation. Most likely because you’re not finding it anywhere else.

I’m a single male in my 40’s I’ve always lived by the rule, “Don’t mess with another man’s woman!” That has served me well over the years. I’ve been tempted from time, to time but always thought of that rule I made 25 years ago.

It’s easier to “date” a married person, not much commitment involved and it’s kind of secretive and thrilling. But it will bite you in the end.

Karma, comes in many forms and BITES hard!
.
I’m sure you don’t want to hear any of this, to bad then you shouldn’t of posted a social problem on a diet specific site. Deal with it!

If you didn't understand that the topic in my post is related to my eating disorder coming back, read it again, Mr-No-Mistake...