Too large for a seat, did the venue respond correctly?

justimogen

Someone who chooses to overeat constantly and sit on their couch 24/7 doesn't deserve special perks. Nor do I deserve to have to deal with their rolls overflowing into my seat on a plane or at a concert. And rewarding them for letting themselves go to that exrtreme by upgrading their seats while all of us who work to maintain our weight within a reasonable rate get lesser seats for the same price is just wrong, besides being absolutely ridiculous. Maybe the venue was afraid of a lawsuit - does that mean I could threaten them with a lawsuit because I'm nearsighted and forgot to bring my glasses, so I couldn't see so well? I'll bet most of you wouldn't go for that, so why the pity and special treatment for someone who is obese? Obesity is a choice - I ran a diet program for years and I have yet to see anyone who can't lose weight if they follow a sensible eating program.

Wow. Just...wow. This post literally brought tears to my eyes.

If anyone thinks for one second that all (or even MOST) obese people chose this condition, please think again.

I grew up with body dysmorphic disorder and began dieting as a young girl of a normal size. I dieted my way to over 300 pounds. The more perfect I tried to become, the more damage I did to my body.

Mental disorders were not my choice.
Food sensitivities were not my choice.
Failing to lose the weight, even with the well-meaning guidance of medical professionals, was not my choice.
Motor vehicle accident injuries that caused me to lose the ability to exercise as I used to were not my choice.
Being treated like a lower-classed member of society because I was overweight was not my choice.

Continuing to try again, time after time, WAS my choice. That is why I am here.

As others have pointed out: We have no way of knowing this woman's story. What if she had lost 40 pounds and was trying to get healthy, felt good about herself for a change and this was the first time she'd left her house in 10 years?

The fat person whose rolls are overflowing into your seat may have a lot more going on than you know. Everyone's got issues but only some of us are unfortunate enough to wear ours as rolls of fat, visible to the world, every day of our lives unless (UNTIL?) we can figure out how to help ourselves.

Michelle_H

I hope none of you experience a disability of any sort that puts you in a position for special consideration.... it sucks and people hating on you doesn't help.

Having a disability that allowances need to be made for is irrelevant to this thread. Had this lady been disabled she would've contacted the venue to make alternative arrangements and no doubt would've been abely assisted in this. Likening obesity to a disability is wrong; it is not a disability, it is a personal failing to take responsibility for something that is, in essence, down to the decisions and actions that a person has for themselves. The fact that we now have larger seating and larger clothing just gives us an excuse to keep being irresponsible.

I watch my kids in theatre performances and six months ago felt shoehorned into my seat by the lighting and sound engineer. That was when I thought "Bloody hell, I'm filling this seat! Time to take action honey!" I was there again this past weekend and the seat was fine (though I'm 6kgs lighter), which is when I found out I'd been put in the 'emergency' seats last time because mine was a last minute booking and they - quite literally! - squeezed me in, lol.

The venue was right to make the lady more comfortable in this instance as it seems she tried to adjust to her seat and I'm sure that being moved to the VIP area, whilst nice, was pretty embarrassing for her, I know it would've been for me. Or perhaps it's a scam they pull at many venues, who knows? At the end of the day whilst you were a bit miffed by it, it didn't impact on you in any way, shape or form and you got what you paid for and should be content with that. I note it was her friend that complained and not her. Perhaps this will be the wake-up call that she needs.

Losingitin2011

This is a very tricky situation. From a business standpoint, they did what was easiest for them. It was easier to move her and her friend than to risk her friend going completely off the handle about it.Their solution quickly diffused a potentially volatile situation, and that is the main job of customer service. They can't please everyone, but turning her away, or making her stand would be a discrimination lawsuit in the making.

I honestly think I would be a little jealous about it though. I hate thinking the worst of anyone, but it is a completely reality that she could have done it on purpose. There are a lot of people out there who do those types of things on purpose! It is not as though people who are overweight don't KNOW it. A lot of times they either don't know what to do to change it, or just don't care. There are a few, and I mean a few, who can't change it.

I often wonder about how society would react if we stopped treating obesity as a "disability" and something to tiptoe around to avoid offending someone or hurting someone's feelings?

Oh and before it can even be said. I'm a horrible person, catty and evil and blah blah blah. I don't care.

---

You are not a horrible person, catty, etc. Fortunately we are discussing ideas and not creating law here on mfp.

It has taken a long, LONG time for people with [what I would consider "valid] disabilities to find their place in this world. And it's not nearly enough yet. We see teens "acting out" in public..not even considering he might have autism; we see adults with apparent cognitive delays, and wonder "how" they can be working in a supermarket [when they might be capable of lots more than that.. but it's the only place someone would give him a "chance"]. These disabilities are not things someone can make a mental decision to change. They can not go on a "diet" and no longer have Down's Syndrome. My concern is that if obesity is seen as a disability, the positive attitudes JUST BEGINNING regarding folks with disabilities, could be sabotaged.

Ok..getting off my soapbox now.

That's exactly it. I have disabilities, and it infuriates me to see people who made poor choices get better treatment than I ever do. I am expected to just get over it, or pop pills and have it be all better. But heaven forbid we say the blunt answer of "put down the fork" or whatever. That would be offensive. But take pills or just get over it is perfectly ok. It's effed up.

daisy89

Most obesity cases are hardly due to genetics.

Citation needed.

fridayjustleft04

I'm sorry, but I can't feel bad about her possible embarassment over the situation. Excessively heavy people know they're excessively heavy. Plain and simple. If you take up a cushion and a half on your own couch, you're not going to fit comfortably (if at all) in a public seat. As for posting seat dimensions, are you kidding me? If you have to measure your butt before you go out just to make sure you fit, you already have a pretty good idea about what the answer is, don't you? At my heaviest, sitting in a chair with arms was pretty snug, but you know what? That drove me to do something about it. I never asked to be given special treatment because I let myself get so big. I didn't expect people to just do things for me. I put myself in that situation and I was the only one who could fix it. If you can't do everyday things because you let yourself get too fat, that's on you. Don't expect me to pity you.

That_Girl

I chose to be fat. Yes, I had and have issues that cause me to gain weight easily. At the time (before surgery) I had so much pain, I used that as an excuse not to ever move unless I was going to work.

I chose to eat and eat and eat and feel bad for myself. I chose it. I was not disabled. I was depressed and I let myself get fat.

Losingitin2011

Most obesity cases are hardly due to genetics.

Citation needed.

http://wellnessword.com/blog/health-wellness/childhood-obesity-not-just-genetic-but-learned/
http://www.tjclarkinc.com/d_genetic_obesity.htm

Just because one may be genetically more likely to become obese does not mean they should just give up and not try to live healthy. Genetics play a role in how your body stores fat, they don't determine how many servings of food you're eating. Ever wonder why obese parents often have obese children at fast food restaurants? Probably not just genetics there.

fridayjustleft04

I chose to be fat. Yes, I had and have issues that cause me to gain weight easily. At the time (before surgery) I had so much pain, I used that as an excuse not to ever move unless I was going to work.

I chose to eat and eat and eat and feel bad for myself. I chose it. I was not disabled. I was depressed and I let myself get fat.

Amen!

hstallings13

bump

Lauriee2014

I hope none of you experience a disability of any sort that puts you in a position for special consideration.... it sucks and people hating on you doesn't help.

Having a disability that allowances need to be made for is irrelevant to this thread. Had this lady been disabled she would've contacted the venue to make alternative arrangements and no doubt would've been abely assisted in this. Likening obesity to a disability is wrong; it is not a disability, it is a personal failing to take responsibility for something that is, in essence, down to the decisions and actions that a person has for themselves. The fact that we now have larger seating and larger clothing just gives us an excuse to keep being irresponsible.

I watch my kids in theatre performances and six months ago felt shoehorned into my seat by the lighting and sound engineer. That was when I thought "Bloody hell, I'm filling this seat! Time to take action honey!" I was there again this past weekend and the seat was fine (though I'm 6kgs lighter), which is when I found out I'd been put in the 'emergency' seats last time because mine was a last minute booking and they - quite literally! - squeezed me in, lol.

The venue was right to make the lady more comfortable in this instance as it seems she tried to adjust to her seat and I'm sure that being moved to the VIP area, whilst nice, was pretty embarrassing for her, I know it would've been for me. Or perhaps it's a scam they pull at many venues, who knows? At the end of the day whilst you were a bit miffed by it, it didn't impact on you in any way, shape or form and you got what you paid for and should be content with that. I note it was her friend that complained and not her. Perhaps this will be the wake-up call that she needs.

---

Agreed!

That_Girl

That's exactly it. I have disabilities, and it infuriates me to see people who made poor choices get better treatment than I ever do. I am expected to just get over it, or pop pills and have it be all better. But heaven forbid we say the blunt answer of "put down the fork" or whatever. That would be offensive. But take pills or just get over it is perfectly ok. It's effed up.

I can't even count how many times someone has told me to pop a pill. Sorry, pills don't work-- maybe a morphine drip! Maybe. People can't see my problems so they don't exist. My husband is now starting to understand (after my surgery) but most of the time, people just assume because I look ok that I am ok. lol. Believe me, if there was a diet to make me get rid of severe Endometriosis, I'd gladly go on that diet!!!

(Sorry it was off-topic!!)

When I was in HS, I was very skinny. Too skinny. Friends and people would tell me to eat something or tell me my body was 'disgustingly boney'. I wasn't allowed to get upset about that because I was thin. However, if you say, "Put the fork down", that is very offensive.

Losingitin2011

That's exactly it. I have disabilities, and it infuriates me to see people who made poor choices get better treatment than I ever do. I am expected to just get over it, or pop pills and have it be all better. But heaven forbid we say the blunt answer of "put down the fork" or whatever. That would be offensive. But take pills or just get over it is perfectly ok. It's effed up.

I can't even count how many times someone has told me to pop a pill. Sorry, pills don't work-- maybe a morphine drip! Maybe. People can't see my problems so they don't exist. My husband is now starting to understand (after my surgery) but most of the time, people just assume because I look ok that I am ok. lol. Believe me, if there was a diet to make me get rid of severe Endometriosis, I'd gladly go on that diet!!!

(Sorry it was off-topic!!)

When I was in HS, I was very skinny. Too skinny. Friends and people would tell me to eat something or tell me my body was 'disgustingly boney'. I wasn't allowed to get upset about that because I was thin. However, if you say, "Put the fork down", that is very offensive.

YES YES YES YES YES!!! It is nice to know someone actually GETS what I'm saying! I was super skinny in HS. A lot of my body image issues stemmed from that. :-)

Andythefitfamilyman

You can't tell me she didn't know the seats were going to be small. Now I'm a big guy I'm 5 7 and started my new life style at 320, and I never expected anyone do anything for me. We live (especially in America) where god forbid you hurt some one feelings. Could she have some medical reson for her weight? Maybe, but that don't give anyone the right to say complain at a venue that the seats are to small. If you don't like it get a refund.

justimogen

I chose to be fat. Yes, I had and have issues that cause me to gain weight easily. At the time (before surgery) I had so much pain, I used that as an excuse not to ever move unless I was going to work.

I chose to eat and eat and eat and feel bad for myself. I chose it. I was not disabled. I was depressed and I let myself get fat.

There are choices we have all made to get ourselves to where we are, but we don't get a say in the obstacles we face and just how difficult they are to overcome. I would never, ever in a million years choose to have my physical and mental problems and I have worked every day of my life, for as far back as I can remember, to overcome these issues. Unfortunately, if you look at me, you might think that I sat and watched tv and ate 24/7.

Do I want pity? Heck no. I've never even felt sorry for myself. Every time I think about the cards I've been dealt, it makes me try harder.

As your sig says: "Fall seven times, stand up eight." (One of my favourite quotes, by the way. )

Maybe this woman was just starting to get up for the eighth time?

Michelle_H

Most obesity cases are hardly due to genetics.

Citation needed.

Well I believe I'm predisposed to laying down the fat as apparently, due to the latest research, being fed crappy 1970's freezer food and hot chips gave me fat stores as a child that will be there for life.

So now I know it's my genes I guess I need not do anything about it. None of that using my willpower nonsence, none of that half hour of daily exercise, none of that good nutrition - plenty of vegetables, few carbs, small protein, nooooo, I can let myself eat whatever I fancy because it's all been there from a young age and there's nothing I can do about it. Hey, ho... can you point me in the direction of the nearest KFC please?

How many diabetics say, 'You know what, I'm on medication so I don't need to eat regular meals and keep healthy as if it all goes a bit wobbly I'll just rely on my medicine. After all I was born this way so I can't help it." Yes genes play a part but excessive food and lack of daily exercise play a far bigger roll and if you know that genetics play a big part then you have to take responsibility for that by being active and eating healthily. You cannot blame your genes alone.

That_Girl

I chose to be fat. Yes, I had and have issues that cause me to gain weight easily. At the time (before surgery) I had so much pain, I used that as an excuse not to ever move unless I was going to work.

I chose to eat and eat and eat and feel bad for myself. I chose it. I was not disabled. I was depressed and I let myself get fat.

There are choices we have all made to get ourselves to where we are, but we don't get a say in the obstacles we face and just how difficult they are to overcome. I would never, ever in a million years choose to have my physical and mental problems and I have literally worked every day of my life, in some way, to overcome these issues. Unfortunately, if you look at me, you might think that I sat and watched tv and ate 24/7.

Do I want pity? Heck no. I've never even felt sorry for myself. Every time I think about the cards I've been dealt, it makes me try harder.

As your sig says: "Fall seven times, stand up eight." (One of my favourite quotes, by the way. )

Maybe this woman was just starting to get up for the eighth time?

Maybe she is. Maybe we all are, no matter how we look on the outside.

Do I think overweight people in general should be treated special or have special accommodations? No.

The majority of us here on MFP knew we were fat. We knew we had to do something about our weight. We are here because we are getting up for the 8th, 9th, 10th, 100th time. Maybe she HAS lost weight and is losing weight, or maybe she's like many people and doesn't want to be bothered with working towards being healthy. I don't know-- none of us know. But it doesn't matter. The fact was she couldn't fit into the seat, so she was given better seats to accommodate her obesity. I don't think that's right.

BrandiPants

For a bunch of people with weight problems I don't find a lot of you very charitable. There, but for the grace of God, go I.:sick: :sad:

It's not a matter of charity, it's a matter of personal accountability, which is sadly lacking in many people these days. I've worked very hard to never get more than 20 lbs over my ideal weight, and I'm working very hard to get back to it. Someone who chooses to overeat constantly and sit on their couch 24/7 doesn't deserve special perks. Nor do I deserve to have to deal with their rolls overflowing into my seat on a plane or at a concert. And rewarding them for letting themselves go to that exrtreme by upgrading their seats while all of us who work to maintain our weight within a reasonable rate get lesser seats for the same price is just wrong, besides being absolutely ridiculous. Maybe the venue was afraid of a lawsuit - does that mean I could threaten them with a lawsuit because I'm nearsighted and forgot to bring my glasses, so I couldn't see so well? I'll bet most of you wouldn't go for that, so why the pity and special treatment for someone who is obese? Obesity is a choice - I ran a diet program for years and I have yet to see anyone who can't lose weight if they follow a sensible eating program. They may never get stick thin because of genetics or a medical probelm, but they won't be morbidly obese. Enough of this mollycoddling people who make really poor lifestyle choices. Hold people accountable for their choices, and stop punishing people who actually work toward goals and follow the rules.

Wow, just wow. This response hurts my heart. I really hope you never have to endure the pain of being labeled purely by your appearance. I am morbidly obese and I do not constantly over eat nor do I sit on my couch 24/7. I have lost 65 pounds, but if you just met me, I guess you might think I'm just another fat, lazy person.

Artemis_Acorn

The venue very likely has a pre-determined policy for situations such as this, and if they followed their policy, which very likely factored in legal aspects, customer service / reputation concerns, the comfort and viewing ability of other patrons and potential damage to the standard seating etc., then they did exactly the right thing. It is entirely possible that they gave them the option of a refund or paying the difference to be seated in the other area - we know nothing about the transaction other than the visual evidence. Everything else is speculation.

All of these lofty principles of accountability and fairness are great concepts that I believe in but honestly, is a little compassion so out of order? The good old 'golden rule' is a great way to gauge the appropriate response - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." If you found yourself in a predicament where for whatever reason, (gifted tickets, wrong information, didn't think of it, WHATEVER) you discovered when you got to your designated seat that there was a problem, would you hope for some help and assistance that might salvage your outing, or would you be content with humiliation and disappointment. How would you want them to treat your mother? Your grandmother?

A mature response would be happy to see another's problem resolved so easily and with little disruption to anyone. Resenting them because it didn't feel "fair" is a very human response, but certainly not a great example of taking the high road.

_beachgirl_

The venue very likely has a pre-determined policy for situations such as this, and if they followed their policy, which very likely factored in legal aspects, customer service / reputation concerns, the comfort and viewing ability of other patrons and potential damage to the standard seating etc., then they did exactly the right thing. It is entirely possible that they gave them the option of a refund or paying the difference to be seated in the other area - we know nothing about the transaction other than the visual evidence. Everything else is speculation.

All of these lofty principles of accountability and fairness are great concepts that I believe in but honestly, is a little compassion so out of order? The good old 'golden rule' is a great way to gauge the appropriate response - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." If you found yourself in a predicament where for whatever reason, (gifted tickets, wrong information, didn't think of it, WHATEVER) you discovered when you got to your designated seat that there was a problem, would you hope for some help and assistance that might salvage your outing, or would you be content with humiliation and disappointment. How would you want them to treat your mother? Your grandmother?

A mature response would be happy to see another's problem resolved so easily and with little disruption to anyone. Resenting them because it didn't feel "fair" is a very human response, but certainly not a great example of taking the high road.

Very, very well said!

BrandiPants

The venue very likely has a pre-determined policy for situations such as this, and if they followed their policy, which very likely factored in legal aspects, customer service / reputation concerns, the comfort and viewing ability of other patrons and potential damage to the standard seating etc., then they did exactly the right thing. It is entirely possible that they gave them the option of a refund or paying the difference to be seated in the other area - we know nothing about the transaction other than the visual evidence. Everything else is speculation.

All of these lofty principles of accountability and fairness are great concepts that I believe in but honestly, is a little compassion so out of order? The good old 'golden rule' is a great way to gauge the appropriate response - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." If you found yourself in a predicament where for whatever reason, (gifted tickets, wrong information, didn't think of it, WHATEVER) you discovered when you got to your designated seat that there was a problem, would you hope for some help and assistance that might salvage your outing, or would you be content with humiliation and disappointment. How would you want them to treat your mother? Your grandmother?

A mature response would be happy to see another's problem resolved so easily and with little disruption to anyone. Resenting them because it didn't feel "fair" is a very human response, but certainly not a great example of taking the high road.

Very, very well said!

Agree!