Stranger or Spouse?

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  • Tiff_09
    Tiff_09 Posts: 5,627 Member
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    Can I answer differently? I like it when my husband notices a stranger checking me out and gets jealous! :D

    Yep!! haha Bonus :laugh:
  • jtsmou
    jtsmou Posts: 503 Member
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    And, I'm not trying to tell anyone to not like getting flirted with by a stranger. I'm just sayin' don't discredit what your husband says because he has to... because, really, he doesn't.

    I would have to agree with you. How many of these same people who would say "stranger" come on the boards whining because their husband/wife (mostly husband though) is jealous? (note that I am not singling anyone out here, because honestly I don't care lol) They watch how you react to the flirting of others, and wonder why they never get that same kind of reaction when they say the same thing.

    Just being honest here, you can talk about all the shoulds, and supposed, and justifications and whatnot, but this is how those situations end up getting aggravated.
  • jtsmou
    jtsmou Posts: 503 Member
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    Can I answer differently? I like it when my husband notices a stranger checking me out and gets jealous! :D

    Why?
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    Women see "jealousy" as a sign that men care about us.

    For the record, though, I don't think that sort of thing qualifies as jealousy. I think it's turf protection, and I'm okay with that (to a certain degree). It's what men do.

    Jealousy, to me, is distrust (i.e. assuming that if he isn't watching me like a hawk, I'm going to end up in bed with someone else), and I do not want the man in my life to feel like he can't trust me. Thus, I would never do anything to make him feel that way, such as acting all giddy and excited because some random *kitten* was checking me out.
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,954 Member
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    Women see "jealousy" as a sign that men care about us.

    For the record, though, I don't think that sort of thing qualifies as jealousy. I think it's turf protection, and I'm okay with that (to a certain degree). It's what men do.

    Jealousy, to me, is distrust (i.e. assuming that if he isn't watching me like a hawk, I'm going to end up in bed with someone else), and I do not want the man in my life to feel like he can't trust me. Thus, I would never do anything to make him feel that way, such as acting all giddy and excited because some random *kitten* was checking me out.

    I'd never act like that either and didn't want to argue semantics. I just like my husband and him acting territorial is adorable. I don't purposely try to make him feel like that. In fact, usually he's noticed it and I'm clueless. There have been instances where the situation is reversed and I've gotten all riled up over someone checking him out but he had no idea. We'll be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this year and have never been more in love with each other. But we are both rather "toddler" like: MINE! lol
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,311 Member
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    And, I'm not trying to tell anyone to not like getting flirted with by a stranger. I'm just sayin' don't discredit what your husband says because he has to... because, really, he doesn't.

    Its hard to understand how they can say the same thing to you that they did 100 lbs heavier and have it truly mean something.

    edited to add
    Its difficult mentally and emotionally to accept both of them. do you understand?
  • kristarablue
    kristarablue Posts: 707
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    Well it has been a while, but nothing is better than having the person you married find you so frikkin hot after years together. I mean really, nothing like it. They know you inside and out, they have seen all of your flaws and yet still think you are hot and desirable..NOTHING BETTER!!!! I pray if I am blessed enough to be married again it will be with someone that finds me hot on my worst days as well as my best even after years of looking. I was married to someone that never told me I was hot, beautiful or looked good (not even on our wedding day), it would have been wonderful if he had expressed if he had felt that……but to answer again…spouse totally!!!
  • bunchesonothing
    bunchesonothing Posts: 1,015 Member
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    Its hard to understand how they can say the same thing to you that they did 100 lbs heavier and have it truly mean something.

    edited to add
    Its difficult mentally and emotionally to accept both of them. do you understand?

    Then perhaps their definition of beauty is different than yours. Maybe yours is based on weight and maybe his/hers, is not.

    EDIT: And, IMO, there are some drop dead gorgeous plus sized people out there.

    Still, that is no reason to deny that HE/SHE FINDS YOU BEAUTIFUL.

    I get it, but sometimes, people are so stuck in their own perceptions of themselves, they choose not to believe others.

    Whatever reasoning the person chooses to not believe their spouse over, the answer is just the same. And it stands to be a detriment to the relationship.

    My husband tells me I'm beautiful. I often tell him, "I don't feel beautiful right now." He says, "Let me do the feeling."

    Sometimes, we just gotta trust them and be damned with our own negative perceptions of ourselves.
  • peripah
    peripah Posts: 120
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    Edited because: I kind of suck at posting.
  • peripah
    peripah Posts: 120
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    Well it has been a while, but nothing is better than having the person you married find you so frikkin hot after years together. I mean really, nothing like it. They know you inside and out, they have seen all of your flaws and yet still think you are hot and desirable..NOTHING BETTER!!!! I pray if I am blessed enough to be married again it will be with someone that finds me hot on my worst days as well as my best even after years of looking. I was married to someone that never told me I was hot, beautiful or looked good (not even on our wedding day), it would have been wonderful if he had expressed if he had felt that……but to answer again…spouse totally!!!

    I totally agree with you. The idea that my husband finds me as sexy at 30 as he did when we were 17 makes me happy.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    My husband is a BIG guy. He outweighs me by over 100 pounds. And he's hairy. Not quite "wearing a sweater" hair, but he's a wooly mammoth. And he gets bacne.

    And I think he's absolutely gorgeous. He has amazing green eyes with long thick lashes. A fantastic smile. Great bone structure. Incredible, muscular legs. A wide, strong back. An adorable cleft in his chin, even though it's covered with a goatee at the moment. He's a beautiful person, and whether he's overweight or not, I don't care. I don't look at him and think, "Ew. Fat hairy guy with pimples on his back." I see... my honey. :heart:

    If I'm biased, it's because he's an amazing man who holds my heart. I can't see that as a negative!

    And I know he feels the same way about me. He adored me when I was skinny. He adored me when I was fat. He adores me now that I'm fit, and is proud as hell because he knows how hard I work to be this way.
  • jtsmou
    jtsmou Posts: 503 Member
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    And, I'm not trying to tell anyone to not like getting flirted with by a stranger. I'm just sayin' don't discredit what your husband says because he has to... because, really, he doesn't.

    Its hard to understand how they can say the same thing to you that they did 100 lbs heavier and have it truly mean something.

    edited to add
    Its difficult mentally and emotionally to accept both of them. do you understand?

    This would imply that it must have been a complete lie when they said it at 100 lbs heavier, so of course none of it is true until they get some outside validation.

    But then at that point, the spouse has proven to be an unreliable source, and the relationship becomes threaded with issues of mistrust coming from two directions.
  • jtsmou
    jtsmou Posts: 503 Member
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    From there, the woman starts to see out that outside gratification and attention in ever increasing amounts. She starts to dress different, clothing that accentuates the body she worked hard for. She begins thinking to herself, 'Can I land him? What about him?' it becomes a challenge to feed her own issues of self worth. But soon, even that isn't enough to fill the hole that is inside her. Getting looks, guys flirting, and all that comes with that sort of thing isn't enough any more and she starts compensating with elicit sex, she needs to be wanted, truly desired, and to have that fulfilled. But in the end it's empty, and she keeps having to go further and further just to get that same level of fleeting satisfaction and sense of self worth.

    Soon she starts a career in porn. Oh, it started out innocently enough, and it was a thrill. $200 bucks for a 10 min scene under hot lights, and of course nobody would recognize her under all the makeup and hair. But the thrill didn't last, she had to do more, and why not, the money is good, what's wrong with getting paid for something you enjoy?
    Initially it's all great, but then things start to slow down, and just when she was getting used to the quick money and the power it afforded her. But then things start to slow down, and it's no longer about desire, but maintaining the easy lifestyle she has gotten involved in, not to mention the cocaine habit she has acquired,( besides, she hates men now). She turns to escort services, and a few websites that specialize in discreet encounters. She even flies to Europe at some point and does a few films with a very narrow nich market.

    Now she starts to feel a little dirty even though all the other girls in the industry tell her this is all normal. She even parrots the same phrases they do, helps out the new girls, the flavor of the month. But she is not happy, so she begins using more cocaine till she is cut off. She then turns to craigslist and posts her services disguised at massage ads. She is so empty inside.... Then one night, in a drunken fit and a last cry for attention, she calls everyone she knows and tells them she is done, she doesn't want to live anymore, then she cuts her wrists...

    Then Lifetime buys the movie rights, and several women cry while watching the movie and blame it all on men.
  • Tiff_09
    Tiff_09 Posts: 5,627 Member
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    My husband is a BIG guy. He outweighs me by over 100 pounds. And he's hairy. Not quite "wearing a sweater" hair, but he's a wooly mammoth. And he gets bacne.

    And I think he's absolutely gorgeous. He has amazing green eyes with long thick lashes. A fantastic smile. Great bone structure. Incredible, muscular legs. A wide, strong back. An adorable cleft in his chin, even though it's covered with a goatee at the moment. He's a beautiful person, and whether he's overweight or not, I don't care. I don't look at him and think, "Ew. Fat hairy guy with pimples on his back." I see... my honey. :heart:

    If I'm biased, it's because he's an amazing man who holds my heart. I can't see that as a negative!

    And I know he feels the same way about me. He adored me when I was skinny. He adored me when I was fat. He adores me now that I'm fit, and is proud as hell because he knows how hard I work to be this way.

    :love:

    LOVE this post..
    That is the way it should be.
  • xXxKayleighxXx
    xXxKayleighxXx Posts: 103
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    It can be nice if a stranger says "Hey you look really pretty tonight...you have a great smile....would i be able to buy you a drink or do you have a boyfriend?"

    Very nice and sweet.

    Unfortunately i tend to get a hell of a lot more of *random guy grabs my *kitten** "You're well fit. So are you coming back to mine?"

    Also had the creepy weirdo that grabbed hold of my free hand while i was holding hands with my bf and just stared at me...wtf?

    I really don't like people i don't know grabbing me as a way of showing how i meet their approval Lol.

    Whereas if my bf grabs my *kitten* and says "You're so hot, i can't keep my hands off you" I feel damn good :D
  • kristarablue
    kristarablue Posts: 707
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    My husband is a BIG guy. He outweighs me by over 100 pounds. And he's hairy. Not quite "wearing a sweater" hair, but he's a wooly mammoth. And he gets bacne.

    And I think he's absolutely gorgeous. He has amazing green eyes with long thick lashes. A fantastic smile. Great bone structure. Incredible, muscular legs. A wide, strong back. An adorable cleft in his chin, even though it's covered with a goatee at the moment. He's a beautiful person, and whether he's overweight or not, I don't care. I don't look at him and think, "Ew. Fat hairy guy with pimples on his back." I see... my honey. :heart:

    If I'm biased, it's because he's an amazing man who holds my heart. I can't see that as a negative!

    And I know he feels the same way about me. He adored me when I was skinny. He adored me when I was fat. He adores me now that I'm fit, and is proud as hell because he knows how hard I work to be this way.

    This makes me cry, I love this..how wonderful, you put a huge smile on my face..thank you!
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
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    Some people are really, really weird.
  • lsd007
    lsd007 Posts: 435
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    I don't plan on sleeping with anyone else, so I would say my husband.
  • realtreegirl
    realtreegirl Posts: 101
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    It does make you feel good about yourself when other guys stare and think you look hot, but when my husband says it I know that he means it and that he isnt just saying it because he has to! He just told me over the 4th of July weekend that I looked so hot all weekend!! This made me feel amazing and I am so glad that he still feels this way about me and hope that this never changes!! When another guy thinks I am hot I think to myself "Ya I am a MILF and go ahead and stare but I am taken and my husband is the only man for me" :heart: :love:
  • peripah
    peripah Posts: 120
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    Some people are really, really weird.


    Are you hitting on me??? o.O

    Off topic: My moon crabs are named Bubbles and Sergeant Meowenstein.

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