What do you make of my date?

vladikavkaz

Granted I'm coming from a male perspective here, but it's the first date, right? He may well have been nervous and shown you the bill in a 'what are we going to do here, shall we split it?' kind of way. When you put down the $20, he may have seen that as you'd pick up that, and he'd get the rest. If you felt put out, you should have said there and then. What harm's it going to do?

Saying that, as a keeper of chickens I can categorically state that they aren't vegetation, and 'greasy burgers' usually contain high meat content as well.

I've always paid for first dates though, but I don't think he is a total French shower as a lot of people are making out. Perhaps a douchette...

amarie35

Oh my!!! Girl, you just met a complete JERK! If I was you, I might have went dutch and paid 10 on the meal, but there's NO way I woud've paid for the entire ticket....especially not on a 1st date.

I hope your next blind date goes much smoother. Good luck!

Kolohe71

I had a similar date once.

I picked her up for dinner and asked if she had any preference as to where we went. She said "I doesn't matter, whereever you want to go is fine". So I suggest Black Angus (a steak house) which was close by, and she said "That's fine".

We get there and have to wait almost an hour for a table. Conversation was good and things were going rather well.

Then we get to the table, get our menu's and without even opening and looking at hers she says "Oh, I don't eat red meat". WTF? Why didn't you mention this BEFORE agreeing to go to a steak house?

I did what any other self respecting meat eater would do in this situation: I ordered a prime rib, rare, and watched her face in disgust as I mopped up the bloody juices with my bread.

Needless to say, I did as you should and never called her again.

shelleilei

No 2nd date and make sure to bring smaller bills with you from now on! :drinker:

rml_16

Wow. I'm kind of in awe right now that he exists.

You shouldn't have posted the bad dates topic last week. You jinxed yourself.

And you should have pointed out (after he kept your change!) that chickens are animals and you kind of have to kill them to eat them. At least I hope it's not clucking around in his stomach.

cartern1

haha! how is it these guys exist and get dates but I don't - it blows my mind

mikeyml

I say go on another date and then come tell us about what happens. :laugh: I've thoroughly enjoyed the pre-date thread (Dating Disaster Stories) and this thread. It would only be fitting to chronicle the entire experience. In fact, you should try to post from his point of view too so we have the full story. :laugh:

All that being said, I think it's a little over-the-top to label the guy as a "jerk," "douche," "d*ck head" or "a**hole" based off this limited information. He made a couple mistakes (not picking you up, not splitting the bill, and weird topic of conversation) but he could have just been nervous. In fact, it sounds like he was being sarcastic with the dead animal thing since he "wasn't up for a greasy burger." And since the rest of it was "really a perfectly, lovely date" I'd say give him one more shot. Just go some place free, like a park lol.

odusgolp

I will say, he did know he was keeping the change... He actually shrugged at me b/c it was a $10 instead of two fives. This was not nerves. I could tell. I don't mind paying my half, but the $3 tip and keeping the change bothered me. As far as him having decided it would be a last date, that is not the case. He immediately texted me before getting out of the parking lot "You're absolutely beautiful. I'm so glad we met. I can't wait to see you again." But perhaps he just needs another free meal :huh:

For the record, when I ask a guy out, I always pay.

And I'm the type that likes having the door opened for me on a date... not all the time with someone I'm "dating" as that would drive me a little nuts. *LOL* But I'm also a loud mouth and would let someone I'm dating know those types of expectations :bigsmile: To each their own... Honestly, everyone is different. I just found this "out of the norm" in my last three years of dating...

I hate being single again. But I'm so glad to be single again.

odusgolp

I say go on another date and then come tell us about what happens. :laugh: I've thoroughly enjoyed the pre-date thread (Dating Disaster Stories) and this thread. It would only be fitting to chronicle the entire experience. In fact, you should try to post from his point of view too so we have the full story. :laugh:

That, is a FINE idea

All that being said, I think it's a little over-the-top to label the guy as a "jerk," "douche," "d*ck head" or "a**hole" based off this limited information. He made a couple mistakes (not picking you up, not splitting the bill, and weird topic of conversation) but he could have just been nervous. In fact, it sounds like he was being sarcastic with the dead animal thing since he "wasn't up for a greasy burger." And since the rest of it was "really a perfectly, lovely date" I'd say give him one more shot. Just go some place free, like a park lol.

I actually do agree with this to an extent. I'm his second date ever since his divorce. And he may just be really out of touch, nervous, etc. He did talk about his ex-wife being really restrictive - not allowing him to go places b/c the gas prices, etc. So.... who knows.

ItsCasey

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he had a brain fart and didn't realize what he had done due to first date jitters.

I'm going to have to go with this.

And why aren't women cheapskates if they don't pay or do this? It seems strange to me to hold men to this standard, but sounds like I'm one of the few with this opinion... then again, it seems strange and makes me uncomfortable to think about going on a date and just assuming someone will pay for my dinner. Uncomfortable and selfish, actually. Not that I don't appreciate it when it happens, I just don't expect it or assume it will happen.

I say, give him another chance.

Sometimes I think the differences in how women view stuff like this relate to what part of the country we grew up in. Being a Southern woman, it would never in a million years occur to me that a man expects me to pay when he asks for the privilege of taking me to dinner. Yes, I said "privilege" because that's what it is. It is also my privilege to be taken to dinner by a real man, and he will be rewarded for doing so ... not with sex (that would make him a "customer," not a "date") but with me treating him the way a real man should be treated ... with respect and appreciation and a willingness to go the extra mile to show him how I feel about him and the way he treats me.

I just believe that, as a woman, if a man asks you out and you consider it "selfish" to expect him to pay, you are devaluing yourself, and, in an indirect way, you're devaluing him because you're robbing him of the chance to do something he WANTED to do for you. If you asked him out, by all means, bring your wallet with you.

ilookthetype

I had a similar date once.

I picked her up for dinner and asked if she had any preference as to where we went. She said "I doesn't matter, whereever you want to go is fine". So I suggest Black Angus (a steak house) which was close by, and she said "That's fine".

We get there and have to wait almost an hour for a table. Conversation was good and things were going rather well.

Then we get to the table, get our menu's and without even opening and looking at hers she says "Oh, I don't eat red meat". WTF? Why didn't you mention this BEFORE agreeing to go to a steak house?

I did what any other self respecting meat eater would do in this situation: I ordered a prime rib, rare, and watched her face in disgust as I mopped up the bloody juices with my bread.

Needless to say, I did as you should and never called her again.

I want to date you.

rml_16

If you give him another chance and he doesn't pay for the meal, write him off.

Not necessarily because a guy SHOULD pay but because you already bought him dinner. It's his turn.

redraidergirl2009

Why did you throw a 20 out? I wouldn't have lol. That was your mistake.
As for him, sounds crazy, no second date.

Avalonis

So this is MY experiences with dates.

Whoever asks, pays. Unless the other person grabs the bill and refuses to allow the other to take it.

What always happens for me is I pay. Always. I have had times where I went out with a girl and it was very obvious she was only in it for the free meal... so I paid anyhow. Its the risk you take when you start dating.

If you can't afford a meal, you can't afford a woman, so start working more to earn more so you can afford to go on dates.

Once you have been dating awhile, its then acceptable to take turns paying, depending on who can afford it. If neither can afford it for long... start making dinners at her or your place. Its sexy when a man cooks for a woman... they love it.

And as far as "Not taking the date seriously", it still doesn't matter. Even if you aren't feeling it, and never want it to continue, you still need to show some freaking class.

Give her respect, show proper manners, and pretend you aren't a ghetto thug or a hoodlum, for one freaking date. After that, feel free to not go on another date with her.

Even if you are just looking to get laid.... acting like a douche isn't gonna get you that. So show some respect again, and you're odds of getting said action just increased from "virtually nothing" to "slim to none".


Bottom line - Pay for your date, no matter if you are "feeling it", or are actually serious about her.

Dumbasses. Seriously, I need to start teaching men how to charm, because in my experience most men don't have the faintest idea how to get laid or get a real relationship with a decent girl.

Avalonis

I had a similar date once.

I picked her up for dinner and asked if she had any preference as to where we went. She said "I doesn't matter, whereever you want to go is fine". So I suggest Black Angus (a steak house) which was close by, and she said "That's fine".

We get there and have to wait almost an hour for a table. Conversation was good and things were going rather well.

Then we get to the table, get our menu's and without even opening and looking at hers she says "Oh, I don't eat red meat". WTF? Why didn't you mention this BEFORE agreeing to go to a steak house?

I did what any other self respecting meat eater would do in this situation: I ordered a prime rib, rare, and watched her face in disgust as I mopped up the bloody juices with my bread.

Needless to say, I did as you should and never called her again.

I want to date you.

Hell, that is so badass there, If I was a rainbow I'd date him too

frostiegurl

I've had some pretty bad "first" dates after my divorce but yours is up there. Ugh, sorry you had to go through all of that.


From the very first date and all the way up to now (5+ years later), my boyfriend has always paid whenever we go out aside from a handful of times when I've had a bit of extra cash. You see, I'm a poor college student and, even when I was working, his salary was at least 5-6 times what I would take home.

I don't necessarily believe that a man should always pay but, if he was the one doing the asking, it only seems to be the right thing to do for the date rather than putting in a piddly $4.

odusgolp

FYI: I ordered a cob salad complete with chicken and bacon. mmmm..... bacon.

brewingaz

Dang, I always paid when I was dating. If I would have known women pay too, that would have been way cheaper! *slaps forhead*

tmarie2715

He's a douche. And you didn't tell me he didn't like the whole killing animals thing. GOOD LORD. Have your way with him and move on.

What she said, only without the have your way with him. He doesn't deserve any booty after that ridiculous, *kitten* move. And a $3 tip? I hope you added more once that idiot left.

I_give_it_2_u_str8

didnt read any of the replies but:

you asked this guy out - took him out to a cheap lunch date, and are complaining for paying his 10$ tab after he offered to pay first?

lol - if the tables were reversed and a guy did this, women would be saying this is an instant red flag.

tmarie2715

Why did you throw a 20 out? I wouldn't have lol. That was your mistake.
As for him, sounds crazy, no second date.

Maybe all she had? I would've fully expected that idiot to think I was a progressive woman and willing to pay for my HALF of the bill. It was a blind date, so maybe they were set up and one didn't ask the other... So I would've gone in thinking I would be paying my own way.

frostiegurl

didnt read any of the replies but:

you asked this guy out - took him out to a cheap lunch date, and are complaining for paying his 10$ tab after he offered to pay first?

lol - if the tables were reversed and a guy did this, women would be saying this is an instant red flag.

He asked her out.

sarad777

Been so many years since I've dated, however, this guy seems inappropriate and beyond cheap. Hope you didn't kiss him goodnight!

kennie2

lol you shouldnt have put that $20 there.

odusgolp

didnt read any of the replies but:

you asked this guy out - took him out to a cheap lunch date, and are complaining for paying his 10$ tab after he offered to pay first?

lol - if the tables were reversed and a guy did this, women would be saying this is an instant red flag.

Dude, even if you didn't read any of the replies did you even read my very first post?? I sincerely don't think you did.

I didn't ask him out.
He didn't offer to pay.
I didn't actually complain at all in my first post. I laid out facts.

Would you like me to bend over so you can kiss it now or should we save that for later?

I_give_it_2_u_str8

i wouldnt have even left a tip - you dont sound like much of a catch. sorry.

odusgolp

lol you shouldnt have put that $20 there.

I really don't mind paying my half. I always anticipate I will be hence the nice new crisp $20s in my wallet *LOL*

mikeyml

Would you like me to bend over..... ?

giggity

rml_16

i wouldnt have even left a tip - you dont sound like much of a catch. sorry.

Aren't you a ray of sunshine.

redheadmommy

RUN!
Honestly this guy is not a catch for sure. First of all he is a big hypocrat making the huge big speech about killing animal is bad then ordering chicken and make a comment on that he won't eat steak. HELLO! Chicken are animal too!

I am a meat eater, but I understand and respect other people views. I have quite a few friends who are vegetarian, because they can not stand the fact that animals are slaughtered for us to eat. I am fine with that. I invite them to our house and cook vegetarian for them. In fact, I keep one side of our grill free of meat all the time just make sure when they come over once or twice a summer I can serve them food from a BBQ that never touched any animal product.
So either not eat ANY animals ( and never wear leather shoes/belt/bag) or do not give me the speech of slaughterers. That just irks me.

I also do not expect a guy to pay on first dates. However I expect the guy to offer to pay on the first date just because it is politeness. i actually like the system where I buy the ticket for movie/theater/ whatever activity and the guys to pay for the food. This is a personal choice , but making a women pay on the first date is just yikes!

Are you desperate for companionship? If not, why are you considering a second date with a guy who is recently divorced, a cheapskate, a hypocrat and obviously you are not that into if you are second guessing yourself and asking other people opinion about it on a forum.