MFP Bullying and Negativity needs to stop!

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  • calliope_music
    calliope_music Posts: 1,242 Member
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    Not everyone on the site will have the same goals - most people join the site to loose weight but some people are here to track what they eat in order to stay healthy - I'm talking about maintainers, people who are training and want to hit specific macro 's (protein, carbs etc) and people who are trying to gain weight normally following physical or mental illness. Some people just want to loose (or gain) weight - others want to become super fit athletes or body builders. Some want to have the worlds healthiest diet - others want to simply reduce their calorie intake. Every single one of these objectives is legitimate and I don't believe any of us have a right to judge one objective to be better than another.

    Thank you! I am a maintainer and someone just posted something earlier today about how they were offended that "great looking" people were on here.... I'm sorry, but that offended me. I am working toward a goal all my own, and do not need to feel put down for trying to better myself. Not to mention, my eating and exercise habits have drastically changed since I joined - for the better.


    whaaaaat? all you "great looking" people are totally my inspiration! i wanna look great too!
  • ssdivot
    ssdivot Posts: 193
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    Thanks for the great post. I had been coming across some really boorish and imo childish posting behavior in a few threads over the last week or so, and it kind of soured me a bit on reading the forums.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    Over the last few weeks I've read a number of naive posts from people which have quite rightly been shot down - however the way in which the MFP community has done this has been, in my opinion, negative and in many cases borderline bullying.

    I'm not going to talk specifics but I think it would be good if we could all be mindful of the following things

    Not everyone on the site will have the same goals - most people join the site to loose weight but some people are here to track what they eat in order to stay healthy - I'm talking about maintainers, people who are training and want to hit specific macro 's (protein, carbs etc) and people who are trying to gain weight normally following physical or mental illness. Some people just want to loose (or gain) weight - others want to become super fit athletes or body builders. Some want to have the worlds healthiest diet - others want to simply reduce their calorie intake. Every single one of these objectives is legitimate and I don't believe any of us have a right to judge one objective to be better than another.

    With this in mind - a sensitive poster will state their personal objectives at the start of a post before making a statement like 'should my fridge contain more lard' ... But lets be honest - not everyone is super sensitive...

    When we see a post like this we shouldn't all rush in to tell this person they are an idiot... but ask probing questions like 'have you considered that most people on this site are not looking to increase their lard intake - perhaps you can share your objectives and how will eating more lard help you to achieve them'

    The worst kind of response is where we pick up on an attribute of the poster and use this to belittle them rather than to meet their statements head on with a constructive and logical argument. For example making assumption on something in a profile picture and making comments about it, or picking up on spelling or grammar issues and using this to make people feel stupid. Come on people - that's not what this community is or should be about!


    So - read this then go forth and be nice to each other :) I know its what you all do best.
    :heart:
  • Nana_Anne
    Nana_Anne Posts: 179 Member
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    Thank you. Well said :)
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    Thank you. I think a few more sticky posts with really descriptive titles would help in each section. "Should I eat my exercise calories?" "How do I adjust my protein/carb ratio?" "Plateaus and possible solutions" There are a lot of, as you say, naive posts on these kinds of subjects.
    Yes! There are technical solutions that would go a long way to helping people find information, not ask the same questions, etc.
  • Nancyhusanu
    Nancyhusanu Posts: 65
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    Like X 1000!!!

    This is the reason I hardly ever start a post!!
  • Wileyjoe
    Wileyjoe Posts: 282
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    Most excellent!
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
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    While I agree on some points. I have also seen several times where something was meant to lighten a mood and people go all defensive on it. There is room here for humor as well. take some deep breaths people.

    I agree with the OP's post, but I also agree with this one I've quoted. Don't feel bad when someone doesn't agree with you, or treats you insensitively. Feel good when you are succeeding in life, keep the online stuff in the proper place in your life.

    Have you seen the Toyota commercial where the girl is all proud of herself for signing her parents up on Facebook? She's got hundreds of "friends", and she's feeling pity for her poor parents who only have twenty-something "friends". Meanwhile, the scene cuts away to her parents driving the advertised vehicle on a gravel road with 4 mountain bikes loaded and another couple in the back seats.

    Rhetorical question: In this fictional example, who would you say has a better perspective on life, a better set of priorities, and has the online world in its proper place, the daughter, or the parents?
  • Grokette
    Grokette Posts: 3,330 Member
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    I love what you said.............

    This is where I wish the site would add some categories for people with specific goals, such as:

    Low carbers, Paleo, clean eaters
    Vegetarians / Vegans
    Low Fat, Calorie Counters
    Gaining Weight
    Maintainers
    People with over 100 pounds to lose
    HCG'rs.
    Etc
    Etc
    Etc

    This would give people the opportunity to meet and converse with people that have similar goals in mind and would cut down on a lot of the mud slinging.............
  • Autumn15
    Autumn15 Posts: 213
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    Thank you!!!! What a great post...From someone that is new here it is so nice to see so many nice post from people on this thread. If it wasn't for a few nice people that I actually came across when I first got on here I would have quit after trying to use the forum. I've only tried a couple of times recently and there were so many ugly people who seem to make their daily goal to post hateful remarks on peoples threads. But seeing some of you on here gives me the extra boost I needed today to keep going. Thanks to you all. :flowerforyou:
  • Lesliecs
    Lesliecs Posts: 930 Member
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    Great post! Thank you! I agree. Most members are here for similar reasons, to get healthy and/or to lose weight. We come to this site because we can get motivation, inspiration and information, not negativity and rudeness. What is right for one person, may not be right for another. And once you are negatively attacked (usually for no good reason)...... it lessens that motivation about being at MFP.

    A friend of mine here posted a question the other day.... a valid question which deserved no more than advice from others. Instead she has many very rude and uncalled for posts. She later said she would not post in a forum any longer because she didn't want something to happen like that again. there were no reason for the comments she received and I can understand how she feels.

    If I ask for advice, I expect to have differing opinions, which is normal...... but just because they are not YOUR opinion, doesn't mean that they are wrong or that the person posting the advice or opinion should be attacked.

    Support and motiviation...... that's why were here. Come on people...... let's all just be friends!
  • UnderCoverShyGirl
    UnderCoverShyGirl Posts: 254 Member
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    Great post - thank you! I feel that the "meanies" on message boards are almost inevitable. Sometimes they don't know how their words are taken and are innocent, sometimes they are just errr...well <insert expletive>. But in any regard, this goes back to something i've been thinking about since i read a thread yesterday that felt judgemental (regardless of if it was or not, it made me think). This is an open board with no membership requirements, and people can be here for any reason they want. I totally love this site, not just because people are trying to unite in weight loss, but because it is great for tracking nutrition and having reports. Even if i am not losing weight, i might want to track my sodium, etc...and that should be perfectly okay! And as someone else said, those "maintainers" or people that don't have lots of weight to lose, are motivation for me and often have great advice on how to be heallthy!

    Thanks for daring to post this :-) lol
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    While I agree on some points. I have also seen several times where something was meant to lighten a mood and people go all defensive on it. There is room here for humor as well. take some deep breaths people.

    I agree with the OP's post, but I also agree with this one I've quoted.
    I agree with the OP's post, and the post you quoted, and your post.

    Don't feel bad when someone doesn't agree with you, or treats you insensitively. Feel good when you are succeeding in life, keep the online stuff in the proper place in your life.
    Perspective. Nothing is that serious. Lots of us enjoy humor, heal with humor, poke fun at the absurd. I can laugh at myself. I might also laugh at you sometimes. Doesn't mean I don't care or that I'm "mean."
    Have you seen the Toyota commercial where the girl is all proud of herself for signing her parents up on Facebook? She's got hundreds of "friends", and she's feeling pity for her poor parents who only have twenty-something "friends". Meanwhile, the scene cuts away to her parents driving the advertised vehicle on a gravel road with 4 mountain bikes loaded and another couple in the back seats.

    Rhetorical question: In this fictional example, who would you say has a better perspective on life, a better set of priorities, and has the online world in its proper place, the daughter, or the parents?
    Perspective. (it's a great ad)
  • calmmomw3minimeez
    calmmomw3minimeez Posts: 499 Member
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    I SO love this thread - KUDOS!!!:heart:
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
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    While I agree on some points. I have also seen several times where something was meant to lighten a mood and people go all defensive on it. There is room here for humor as well. take some deep breaths people.

    I agree with the OP's post, but I also agree with this one I've quoted.
    I agree with the OP's post, and the post you quoted, and your post.



    Don't feel bad when someone doesn't agree with you, or treats you insensitively. Feel good when you are succeeding in life, keep the online stuff in the proper place in your life.
    Perspective. Nothing is that serious. Lots of us enjoy humor, heal with humor, poke fun at the absurd. I can laugh at myself. I might also laugh at you sometimes. Doesn't mean I don't care or that I'm "mean."
    Have you seen the Toyota commercial where the girl is all proud of herself for signing her parents up on Facebook? She's got hundreds of "friends", and she's feeling pity for her poor parents who only have twenty-something "friends". Meanwhile, the scene cuts away to her parents driving the advertised vehicle on a gravel road with 4 mountain bikes loaded and another couple in the back seats.

    Rhetorical question: In this fictional example, who would you say has a better perspective on life, a better set of priorities, and has the online world in its proper place, the daughter, or the parents?
    Perspective. (it's a great ad)

    I ultimately agree with you agreement of the subsequent post, however despite my acquiescence to the OP and the end post, it's the intermediate post that I have a trouble reconciling. Savvy?

    Was that my post you are having trouble reconciling? If so, why?
  • CaliGirlinOR
    CaliGirlinOR Posts: 10
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    where's the "like" button when you need it. well said.
    what she said.
    What they said... like, a lot!
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
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    While I agree on some points. I have also seen several times where something was meant to lighten a mood and people go all defensive on it. There is room here for humor as well. take some deep breaths people.

    I agree with the OP's post, but I also agree with this one I've quoted.
    I agree with the OP's post, and the post you quoted, and your post.



    Don't feel bad when someone doesn't agree with you, or treats you insensitively. Feel good when you are succeeding in life, keep the online stuff in the proper place in your life.
    Perspective. Nothing is that serious. Lots of us enjoy humor, heal with humor, poke fun at the absurd. I can laugh at myself. I might also laugh at you sometimes. Doesn't mean I don't care or that I'm "mean."
    Have you seen the Toyota commercial where the girl is all proud of herself for signing her parents up on Facebook? She's got hundreds of "friends", and she's feeling pity for her poor parents who only have twenty-something "friends". Meanwhile, the scene cuts away to her parents driving the advertised vehicle on a gravel road with 4 mountain bikes loaded and another couple in the back seats.

    Rhetorical question: In this fictional example, who would you say has a better perspective on life, a better set of priorities, and has the online world in its proper place, the daughter, or the parents?
    Perspective. (it's a great ad)

    I ultimately agree with you agreement of the subsequent post, however despite my acquiescence to the OP and the end post, it's the intermediate post that I have a trouble reconciling. Savvy?

    Was that my post you are having trouble reconciling? If so, why?

    You aren't asking what I meant, are you? Because I lost track.

    I think I was... I can't really recall...
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    Have you seen the Toyota commercial where the girl is all proud of herself for signing her parents up on Facebook? She's got hundreds of "friends", and she's feeling pity for her poor parents who only have twenty-something "friends". Meanwhile, the scene cuts away to her parents driving the advertised vehicle on a gravel road with 4 mountain bikes loaded and another couple in the back seats.
    I own that car! It's a Venza. I lurve my new car. But I resent the ads and how they seem to focus on older people as their target audience. Or maybe I really am old.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    Have you seen the Toyota commercial where the girl is all proud of herself for signing her parents up on Facebook? She's got hundreds of "friends", and she's feeling pity for her poor parents who only have twenty-something "friends". Meanwhile, the scene cuts away to her parents driving the advertised vehicle on a gravel road with 4 mountain bikes loaded and another couple in the back seats.
    I own that car! It's a Venza. I lurve my new car. But I resent the ads and how they seem to focus on older people as their target audience. Or maybe I really am old.
    at 33? Nahhh, not old:noway: :happy:

    Speaking of that car ad, never in my life had I thought of that commercial as deeply as the person mentioning it above. Wow, I don't know the persons user name that shared their thoughts but wanted to say, you are incredibly perceptive! What you got out of the commercial really made me think... Mom & Dad driving off in the car while the daughter counts up her facebook friends, are the SMART ones!:drinker: They are the ones leaving the house and having REAL FUN together!:heart::wink:
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
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    Have you seen the Toyota commercial where the girl is all proud of herself for signing her parents up on Facebook? She's got hundreds of "friends", and she's feeling pity for her poor parents who only have twenty-something "friends". Meanwhile, the scene cuts away to her parents driving the advertised vehicle on a gravel road with 4 mountain bikes loaded and another couple in the back seats.
    I own that car! It's a Venza. I lurve my new car. But I resent the ads and how they seem to focus on older people as their target audience. Or maybe I really am old.
    at 33? Nahhh, not old:noway: :happy:

    Speaking of that car ad, never in my life had I thought of that commercial as deeply as the person mentioning it above. Wow, I don't know the persons user name that shared their thoughts but wanted to say, you are incredibly perceptive! What you got out of the commercial really made me think... Mom & Dad driving off in the car while the daughter counts up her facebook friends, are the SMART ones!:drinker: They are the ones leaving the house and having REAL FUN together!:heart::wink:

    Wow! You really get me!!! I'm speechless. :~wink~:

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