When a man cheats, is it the woman's fault?

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  • Mkleder
    Mkleder Posts: 289
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    The OP's question is totally unfair and unreasonable - it's NEVER that clear cut. It takes two people to make a marriage work. In the situation given, neither party did all they could to keep their marriage together.

    While the female friend in this case didn't "cause" her husband to cheat, she certainly set him up for it -- kinda like knocking him senseless and leaving him on the tracks in front of an oncoming train. She drove a nice guy to the breaking point. That being said, I don't think anyone in this conversation knows how he actually treated HER in private. Does she treat other friends and family as disrespectfully? If not, there could be issues here we know nothing about.

    The man in this case, needed to gather together enough self respect to get out of a bad situation and walk away with his integrity.

    IMHO two people took a vow here and two people broke it.
  • Sh1tsRainbows
    Sh1tsRainbows Posts: 1,227 Member
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    I'm just saying you can't blame a guy because he married a hott girl and she grew into a fat old hag. Same thing for women, they marry an athlete and he turns into a couch potato, can't blame her for checking out other guys. Its natural. Don't like it? Take better care of yourself - one less thing you'll have to worry about ;)

    VAIN MUCH???????
  • SusM321
    SusM321 Posts: 141 Member
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    No; it's not the other persons fault. No matter the circumstances there is no justification for cheating. If we aren't happy in our relationship the it's time to leave then move on to another. No one makes us do or feel anything, it's our acceptance of the behavior or treatment by others. We only hurt ourselves & only we can make ourselves truly happy. We are responsible for our own behavior!
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
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    1. depends
    2. No, but sometimes a relationship is already dead before it is literally over. It's immature behavior, although I have to say the first person deserved it if they were a douche.
  • elliecolorado
    elliecolorado Posts: 1,040
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    I understand where people are coming from when they say to end the relationship before sleeping with someone else, but it isn't always that easy. I completely believe that cheating can be justifiable sometimes, it just depends on the situation.

    My last relationship was with an alcoholic who sometimes could be the most loving and sweet man in the world and on the other side was a controlling abusive ****. And while yes, I probably should have ended the relationship long before I actually did. But it is never easy to leave an abusive relationship (and honestly if it hadn't been for him going to jail and me getting a restraining order on him, I'd probably still be with him). However I also cheated on him, several times. Yes I should have left him first, but I couldn't leave him at that time in my life. I cheated for a variety of reasons. I cheated just because it was nice to have a guy treat me right sometimes, I cheated because it was the only thing I could do to hurt him as bad as he hurt me, I cheated because I hoped that whoever I cheated with would 'save me' from the situation. Do I think that he deserved to be cheated on, yes I do.

    However that was one of the very few non-open relationships that I have ever had and I definitely wouldn't be in a 'monogamous' relationship again. Every 'monogamous' relationship I have been in was terrible and every open relationship I've been in has been great.
  • Kalbright79
    Kalbright79 Posts: 65
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    I AGREE!!! :)
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
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    No. It was his fault for not confronting their issues as opposed to hopping into bed with someone else.

    If you are not happy-either sort it out or leave. NO EXCUSES for cheating. I hate it.
  • rmartin72
    rmartin72 Posts: 1,094 Member
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    cheating is just wrong, It is not the other persons fault. There is no reason to be cheat in the first place. I honestly agree with you!!
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
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    maybe a woman is physically unable to have sex and he still loves her deeply but has needs.

    and this would be the woman's fault?
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
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    Cheating shouldn't happen. End of story. Period. If someone is that unhappy they need to end the relationship first. My ex cheated on me after 10 years of being together...it wasn't my fault at all. It was his downfall however...he lost the house, the dogs, and more importantly his daughter. I have full custody both physical and legal custody because of the things he did during our marriage. Cheating is what fully ended things but I was treated badly and I still stayed married to him and I never strayed.
  • FitJoani
    FitJoani Posts: 2,173 Member
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    There is NO excuse for cheating. If it isnt working..END IT! It is not only disrespectful and hurtful, but in an can be unsafe(un-protected sex). It's never anyones fault in particular, some people are hardwired to cheat
  • elliecolorado
    elliecolorado Posts: 1,040
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    Some people deserve to be cheated on! *see last post*
  • whatwentwrong
    whatwentwrong Posts: 228
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    i think it's silly to assign blame for something like that. she did some crappy things, he did some crappy things, it ended. unless i'm hired as their divorce attorney, it's not really up to me to decide :/

    also, you do realize that sometimes women cheat, and sometimes men don't wanna have sex, right? you gave a specific example, but your thread title suggests that when men cheat, their partner MUST be doing something wrong.
  • Scoobies87
    Scoobies87 Posts: 379
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    maybe a woman is physically unable to have sex and he still loves her deeply but has needs.

    and this would be the woman's fault?

    Have a wank instead. This disgusts me.
  • voltigeur
    voltigeur Posts: 2
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    I'll go out on a limb here.

    I think when there is cheating in a relationship both are at fault. I used to work as a dance teacher and saw lots of cheating with couples. The relationships were disfunctional from both sides. And further in my experience I have only seen one or two times that one spouse was cheating on the other. In the vast majority of cases both were cheating on each other. The one who got caught first was the one blamed.

    I try not to judge it just is what it is. People who make thier relationships a priority and treat each other well usually don't have problems.

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