Tell me if this is creepy, or if I am just overreacting....

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Replies

  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
    As another man, I would definitely be worried.

    That's just weird. I wouldn't accuse him of anything, or assume he is doing anything besides being a creeper... but he clearly has social issues if he spends all his time on teens facebook pages.
  • amberlineilene
    amberlineilene Posts: 153
    That is creepy. Maybe he gets her updates buzzed to his phone, that would make sense as to how he replies to quickly no matter what time of day..
  • Fit4_Life
    Fit4_Life Posts: 828 Member
    Yes, that would creep me out as well, as a parent AND a daughters' point of view. Does the mother think it's weird at all? I'd be a bit suspicious of this guys behavior. (This guy doesn't have a video camera in hidden areas, does he?) I'd be having a little chat with this guy....

    I am on my son's FB, but I don't add stuff to it to make him uncomfortable.

    Hope things work out.
  • Pristess
    Pristess Posts: 19 Member
    You may be overreacting. He may just really want her approval, so he’s trying too hard. I wouldn’t assume the worst just based on facebook. Does it creep out your daughter, or just embarrass her? If your daughter doesn’t feel uncomfortable, then there is nothing to worry about. Ask her and just keep your eyes open for real world clues, just in case.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    It seems creepy to me. It obviously bothers your daughter. Have you talked to her mom about it? If so, what does she have to say about it? Or, maybe as others have suggested, talk to him directly, or maybe to be really smart about it, sit down and talk to her mom and the stepdad together.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Definitely creepy.

    It may be that he's just emotionally stunted and wants to relive his youth through these kids, but it may be something else.

    My advice is listen to your gut and have a talk with your daughter to see what she says and find out if there's anything you truly need to worry about. If not, leave it alone. If so, then you'll need to step in.
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
    Odd at least.

    What does her mom say about it?
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    It seems creepy to me. It obviously bothers your daughter. Have you talked to her mom about it? If so, what does she have to say about it? Or, maybe as others have suggested, talk to him directly, or maybe to be really smart about it, sit down and talk to her mom and the stepdad together.
  • I_give_it_2_u_str8
    I_give_it_2_u_str8 Posts: 680 Member
    talk to him mono-a-mono. dont be overly aggressive, just let him know you're watching this situation closely. there's no need for him to be threatened if its innocent and he means well
  • Sweetcheeks278
    Sweetcheeks278 Posts: 356
    I agree - CREEPY. Why is he friends with her friends ??? Even if he is doing it to check on her why does he need to do that? He would still be able to see her page and all the comments without having to "friend" them. Have you talked to your ex wife about it? Especially since your daughter has told you that is bothering her. Maybe she should just block him.
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
    I don't think she will block him just for the drama it will create in her house. I don't want to block him so I can see when he posts on her page all the time.

    I've thought about saying something on her page after he does as I feel he's pretty much a stalker at this point, but I worry about what that will do to her at home.
  • Jessbostock
    Jessbostock Posts: 6
    this is creepy! im 18 and have my mum and stepdad on facebook, but i dont think they have either commented or liked anything of mine, unless i mention them in a post or something,
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    Talking to the mother and your daughter is the best advice. He's just going to get defensive. The mother will likely do the same.

    If he claims he's doing it to keep an eye on her that should be the mother's job. Step-parents have boundaries. He's way beyond his.
  • Mom2rh
    Mom2rh Posts: 612 Member
    I'm "friends" with my 16 yo and a couple of friends (and his girlfriend). But I rarely post anything to them.

    I guess probably what I would do is help her set boundaries with him. Or at least show her how to block him from seeing certain things (as long as she doesn't block you too! ;) ) I think she needs to talk to him. Also, can't she delete his comments? She can delete hers. Maybe if the boundary setting doesn't stick, every time he comments she can just delete her status and maybe he'll get the hint.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I don't think she will block him just for the drama it will create in her house. I don't want to block him so I can see when he posts on her page all the time.

    I've thought about saying something on her page after he does as I feel he's pretty much a stalker at this point, but I worry about what that will do to her at home.

    A grown man creating drama over his stepdaughter blocking him on Facebook is beyond ridiculous and makes this situation seem even more creepy to me.

    I wouldn't go to him or your ex directly yet. Like I said above, talk to your daughter about it first and if she wants you to step in or you get the feeling from her that you should, then do.

    I have a daughter in high school. She wasn't allowed to have FB without friending me, but I don't comment constantly on her stuff. A few of her friends friended me and I accepted because I thought it would be a good way to keep an eye on things sort of incognito, but I never requested them and I rarely comment on their pages. They're 16 and 17 years old. I'm 34. They're my child's friends, not mine.

    I don't think it's creepy for a child and her stepfather to be FB friends. It's the way they interact that's an issue.
  • Hoppymom
    Hoppymom Posts: 1,158 Member
    Go with your gut Dad! You are her father, if you are watching out for her, checking in from time to time, he doesn't need to. YOU are the dad not him. Unless your daughter has a history of making poor decisions that put her at risk she is allowed to have a few boundries. I am a vigilant mom. When my four kids were young I wanted to know where they were going, who they would be with, what they would be doing, and when they would be home, If I didn't have that info they didn't go. So I am not a push over as a parent. Safety is one thing, control and hovering are another, especially from an opposite gender step-parent. Since it bothers her and she has spoken to him about it and it has not changed it is time for you to step up. As her parent you can tell her it is ok for her to block him. Then tell him she has your permission to do so.
  • HollyTsiaussis
    HollyTsiaussis Posts: 415 Member
    You are not overreacting at all. I find that very strange, to be honest. You should definitely give your daughter's stepfather a call, and ask him what's going on. Don't think you're overreacting because something really may be going on. Maybe you should talk with your daughter about it first.
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
    A little background: Her mom and I split before she was 1. She was with this guy before the ink hit the divorce papers. I do not speak to her mom unless absolutely necessary. I have never spoken to him. I know he runs his mouth about me to my daughter all the time. Sometimes she stands up for me. Sometimes her mom runs her mouth about me too. I hear about that second hand as she has someone she will talk to about it that she knows will talk to me, as it is very hard on her of course. I never, ever talk about them to her in a bad light. She's getting old enough now to see that on her own.
  • LycosNyctereutes
    LycosNyctereutes Posts: 61
    Dang it, I totally misread your post and am starting over on my reply. Now there are 2 pages of replies, but anyway... Is he a total geek that spends 24/7 online socializing? That's creepy enough by itself, but I would be concerned about a grown man being interested in socializing with teenage girls. I guess one could argue that he's trying to communicate with her (as a father figure) the only way he can, after all, she is 15. Clearly I don't know her, but when I was 15 I would rather die than talk to my parents, but that's a whole other story.
    If it were my daughter, I would talk to her about it first of all. About how he treats her when they're alone. Do you get to see them interact together much? Is he too hands-on? Is your daughter overly depressed or acting out? I know she's 14-15, so that's totally subjective. By all means investigate. Do you have access to his computer? Probably not, but if so, check out his browsing history etc. Call DHS if you need to. And tell her that you are there for here if she needs help with anything or anyone. Try to get across the point that she CAN come to you about things.
  • millionsofpeaches
    millionsofpeaches Posts: 372
    My vote.... Extremely creepy.

    Have you talked to your daughter about it??? Perhaps asked her to talk about why it bothers her and suggest that she talks to her mom about it saying something like this... "Mom, I know that you want to keep an eye on me but I need to have some sort of freedom... It really bugs me when "step-dad" comments on everything on my facebook and friend requests my friends."

    I totally get parents wanting to keep an eye on their kids internet activities... In my opinion it is your responsibility and her mom's...

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