Tell me if this is creepy, or if I am just overreacting....

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  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    At the least he is trying to connect with her in a non-creepy, non-bad way... at the most he's got serious boundary issues. This COULD be a symptom of something deeper.

    There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to social networking online. It can be hard (especially for older people) to figure out what the 'rules' are. What IS acceptable behavior on facebook? What isn't? Facebook is a relatively new thing, I don't think it's been around enough for there to be social rules attached to it just yet (beyond the whole don't post statuses that will get you fired - and people even do that! Haha). I would give this guy the benefit of the doubt BUT I would talk to your daughter AND I would talk to the ex.

    Don't accuse him of anything. Don't call him a creep. Just say that the frequency with which he posts seems a little odd.

    Keep your eyes and ears open. Your job is to protect her but if you go overboard you might make things worse not better.
  • mlh612
    mlh612 Posts: 311 Member
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    Wow, nearly 100 replies. MFP is truly amazing.

    I have her tonight so I'll talk about it. I'm not quite sure how to go yet as she's a little sensitive. She doesn't tend to talk to me about the deep stuff, but hopefully I can gain some ground there. I think a lot of that has to do with her wanting everyone to just get along.

    Maybe your wife can sit down with her and have a heart to heart first and then maybe you can "join" the discussion... She may be a little more open. I know my 13 yr step-daughter tends to talk to me more than her dad - not sure why but I just try to be as supportive as I can... Best of Luck!!!!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Wow, nearly 100 replies. MFP is truly amazing.

    I have her tonight so I'll talk about it. I'm not quite sure how to go yet as she's a little sensitive. She doesn't tend to talk to me about the deep stuff, but hopefully I can gain some ground there. I think a lot of that has to do with her wanting everyone to just get along.
    If she's comfortable talking to your wife, then maybe just let your wife handle the conversation to begin with. The important thing is to get to the bottom of the issue. Who does the talking doesn't matter.

    Clearly, if your daughter has expressed to another adult that the behavior bothers her, and she's told the stepfather to stop and he hasn't, something is wrong. The question is to what degree is it wrong.

    Just make sure your daughter knows this isn't about getting one over on her mother and stepfather, but that you're concerned for your daughter's wellbeing and want to make sure she feels safe and comfortable. Let her know you're on her side and will do whatever she needs you to do and take the heat for it if necessary.
  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
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    I feel it is very creepy and disturbing. First off if he was on her fb page fine maybe keeping an eye on her, but to be posting that much and always so quick worrys me. Also on her friends pages and stuff does not sound right. I am 29 and i have a few of my friends moms on my FB but i have known then for years and its so different. I feel its odd and if i were in your position i would not like it and be worried also. Also the fact she tells him to stop and he does not for more then a few weeks. I dunno but in my opinion i always stick with my gut feeling and not saying anything is going on or anything is wrong maybe he is a weirdo but it seems so odd to me.
  • Zombriana
    Zombriana Posts: 764 Member
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    If i were her, I'd be creeped out. If I were you, I'd be creeped out as well!
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
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    I can't thank you all enough for all of the response. :flowerforyou:
  • KendalBeee
    KendalBeee Posts: 2,269 Member
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    how did it go?
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
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    So-so I guess. I heard "that's just the way he is" a few too many times for my liking. That doesn't make it ok. She said she's told him not to, but he does anyway. She's going to talk to her mom about it tonight. I know they will turn this around on me and talk bad about me, and she knows that is coming. So I told her that she's old enough to know the truth and what they say about me doesn't change what is real. And she agreed and knows. She says there's nothing there, but I don't know. The "that's just the way he is" kind of bothers me.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    So-so I guess. I heard "that's just the way he is" a few too many times for my liking. That doesn't make it ok. She said she's told him not to, but he does anyway. She's going to talk to her mom about it tonight. I know they will turn this around on me and talk bad about me, and she knows that is coming. So I told her that she's old enough to know the truth and what they say about me doesn't change what is real. And she agreed and knows. She says there's nothing there, but I don't know. The "that's just the way he is" kind of bothers me.

    Did you offer to step in and talk to him to take the pressure off of her? Is she just too afraid of the confrontation for that?

    What a tough situation. You can only do so much, but as long as she knows you've got her back, she may open up more later.
  • CaitlinMyers428
    CaitlinMyers428 Posts: 151 Member
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    I think it is creepy. If it was my daughter I would definitely have a talk with her about it and see how she feels. I'm so glad you're a concerned parent. It would be much better to be a little overprotective than letting this go on. Good luck to you!
  • betty51
    betty51 Posts: 52
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    Okay,your the Dad so YOU need to tell him something about this !! It does seem odd for a grown man to be doing this !!!
  • engineman312
    engineman312 Posts: 3,450 Member
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    is this your daughters step-father?

    tumblr_kqhpslKlBJ1qzjcnfo1_500.jpg
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
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    is this your daughters step-father?

    tumblr_kqhpslKlBJ1qzjcnfo1_500.jpg

    Ha! That would be awesome. Phil is great.
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
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    Okay,your the Dad so YOU need to tell him something about this !! It does seem odd for a grown man to be doing this !!!

    Anything I say will come off as a threat and will likely only make matters worse.
  • KendalBeee
    KendalBeee Posts: 2,269 Member
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    So-so I guess. I heard "that's just the way he is" a few too many times for my liking. That doesn't make it ok. She said she's told him not to, but he does anyway. She's going to talk to her mom about it tonight. I know they will turn this around on me and talk bad about me, and she knows that is coming. So I told her that she's old enough to know the truth and what they say about me doesn't change what is real. And she agreed and knows. She says there's nothing there, but I don't know. The "that's just the way he is" kind of bothers me.
    That's still good...it's progress. She now knows that you are watching and concerned about it and that she can come to you in the future if need be. Good job, Dad! :smile:
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
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    Thanks. I told her that I know it's hard for her to come to me with the deeper stuff and that should could anytime no questions asked. I also let her know that if she needed anything like that and didn't feel like she could come to me that she didn't have to, as long as she would talk to someone.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,231 Member
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    Thanks. I told her that I know it's hard for her to come to me with the deeper stuff and that should could anytime no questions asked. I also let her know that if she needed anything like that and didn't feel like she could come to me that she didn't have to, as long as she would talk to someone.

    Great job! I hope her talk with your ex & the stepdad goes well!
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
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    I already know how it is going to go. They are going to bad mouth me a lot and try to turn it around on me and make me the bad guy, like usual. We talked about that a little too, and she knows that is coming as well. But she also knows it isn't the truth, which is good.
  • CaitlinMyers428
    CaitlinMyers428 Posts: 151 Member
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    Well I hope the talk with her mother and step-father goes well. They don't need to bad mouth you to her, you're her father. They need to consider her feelings! I'm really glad she knows you're there for her no matter what. I don't talk to my father about deep stuff but I know he's there if I need him and that's a good feeling. Good luck to your daughter! I hope they actually listen to her and that this problem gets fixed asap!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I already know how it is going to go. They are going to bad mouth me a lot and try to turn it around on me and make me the bad guy, like usual. We talked about that a little too, and she knows that is coming as well. But she also knows it isn't the truth, which is good.

    I just re-read this and my question is what do you have to do with it? I mean, if she has issues with the stepfather posting what he posts, your name shouldn't even come up in her conversation with them about that. If they somehow blame YOU for her being upset about it, they're wacko.

    This may be a big step to take and maybe not the appropriate one, but in most states, a child that age can petition the court to live with the parent who doesn't currently have custody. There would probably still be visitation, but at least the contact with such toxic people would be minimal for her if she lived with you.

    In many cases, courts will take custody from a parent specifically for badmouthing the other parent. My boyfriend's custody agreement with his ex specifically states they aren't allowed to do that.

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