Tell me if this is creepy, or if I am just overreacting....
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Talk to him about it, because it does send off creepy vibes. Straight up say, "you're a step parents, not a BFF. Your comments are freaking out some of the younger kids and you possible good intentions are coming out horribly wrong." This way, you aren't accusing, but making it clear the behavior needs to stop.
If it doesn't, have your daughter put privacy controls on him. I've got some "friends" that can read what i post, but dont have the ability to comment.0 -
I already know how it is going to go. They are going to bad mouth me a lot and try to turn it around on me and make me the bad guy, like usual. We talked about that a little too, and she knows that is coming as well. But she also knows it isn't the truth, which is good.
I just re-read this and my question is what do you have to do with it? I mean, if she has issues with the stepfather posting what he posts, your name shouldn't even come up in her conversation with them about that. If they somehow blame YOU for her being upset about it, they're wacko.
This may be a big step to take and maybe not the appropriate one, but in most states, a child that age can petition the court to live with the parent who doesn't currently have custody. There would probably still be visitation, but at least the contact with such toxic people would be minimal for her if she lived with you.
In many cases, courts will take custody from a parent specifically for badmouthing the other parent. My boyfriend's custody agreement with his ex specifically states they aren't allowed to do that.
I know a lot of people who's custody agreements state that the other party aren't allowed to talk negatively about the other party in front of the kids.
I don't understand why parents do this, my kids haven't seen their bio-dad in a looooong time.
I NEVER, EVER talked negatively about him in front of them. Sure I have some resentment towards him but I remember vivdly how that impacted me when my mom and her family would talk negatively about my dad. Even when I would tell them that it hurt my feelings and he was still my dad I was basically told "too bad"
Eventually I moved into my dad's house (looooonnnng story on the WHYs on that one).....he made less money, had a smaller house and was a horrid alcoholic. To make a long story short, it was picking the lesser of two evils.
At the bare minimum you are there physically AND emotionally for your daughter, I'm sure that means a lot to her especially being a teen!0 -
Believe me, I would take her living with me in a heartbeat. I don't think it is a very winnable case at this point though. Unless there is more to the OP than I know.0
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I'd say that's a little creepy. Maybe you should ask your daughter.0
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Believe me, I would take her living with me in a heartbeat. I don't think it is a very winnable case at this point though. Unless there is more to the OP than I know.
Wow....It sounds like this has been brewing for quite some time.
Have you thought about talking to an attorney? What could it hurt to speak to a family law attorney to see what their take is on this situation? At least to get their feedback and you can be somewhat prepared if the *kitten* hits the fan...
Just a thought....0 -
Have you thought about talking to an attorney? What could it hurt to speak to a family law attorney to see what their take is on this situation? At least to get their feedback and you can be somewhat prepared if the *kitten* hits the fan...Believe me, I would take her living with me in a heartbeat. I don't think it is a very winnable case at this point though. Unless there is more to the OP than I know.
It might be something to talk to your daughter about- let her know it's an option. You said earlier that she's comfortable talking to your wife, right? Not sure what your circumstances are that you think it wouldn't be a winnable case, but even if you can't do that, maybe she can come live with you next summer as a sort of "trial run" to see if she likes it.0 -
She knows that I'd like her to come and live at my house. She's too worried about hurting her mom's feelings though, so it will never happen.0
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Never say never! LOL I never thought I would've moved in with my dad and I SPLIT (circumstances were waaaay different though).
Good luck, I hope it all works out for the best!0 -
It's definitely poor judgment, and probably but not definitely creepy. I try not even to "like" my kid's posts because I don't want her or her friends to remember I can see her wall.
As to why the kids friend him -- a lot of kids that age are collecting all the friends they can, plus there's the classic reason of wanting to see what he's posted. (That's another reason I ignore friend requests from my daughter's friends -- I have a lot of pictures of her from when she was younger, and I don't tag her or friend her friends because I'm not sure she wants them passed around).
It's generally bad judgment to be too buddy buddy with a bunch of teenaged girls -- you want to know what's going on in your kid's social life, but you don't want to insert yourself in it.0 -
So she is no longer friends on FB with her step-dad. She also is no longer friends with my wife. I guarantee they made her do that. That basically sums up their parenting skills.0
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I would definitely be concerned.0
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I'm pretty sure they took her phone away from her too. By asking her step-dad to stop creeping on her FB profile so much, both step-parents have been removed as her friends on FB and she gets her phone taken away from her. Can someone please explain to be how that is good parenting coming from her mother's house?0
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I'm pretty sure they took her phone away from her too. By asking her step-dad to stop creeping on her FB profile so much, both step-parents have been removed as her friends on FB and she gets her phone taken away from her. Can someone please explain to be how that is good parenting coming from her mother's house?
is her phone her way of communicating with you???0 -
We don't communicate too much when she isn't at my house. I try to let her be as her mom texts her all the time when she is at mine, which I find a little rude considering how little she's here. Basically though, yes. They don't have a home phone.0
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I understand parents being on facebook and commenting on children's pages (my mom comments on mine every once in a while) but that's a little too much...it's going over the creepy line0
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We don't communicate too much when she isn't at my house. I try to let her be as her mom texts her all the time when she is at mine, which I find a little rude considering how little she's here. Basically though, yes. They don't have a home phone.
As long as they let her use their phone to contact you. It's in my parenting plan with my ex that we cannot interfere with phone calls. I despise my ex but I would NEVER do what your ex is doing. And I don't talk sh** about him either. My kids NEED their dad. Period. Just as your daughter needs you. This is complete BS what they are doing. Pisses me off. She's almost 15 right? She should be at the age where she can decide where she wants to live. Or if she wants to increase her visits with you.0 -
They are punishing her for this though. I can't even begin to explain how upset I am at this. I have to get her out of that house.0
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They are punishing her for this though. I can't even begin to explain how upset I am at this. I have to get her out of that house.
Which is why this is BS. Her step dad is creepy. I'm a high school teacher, and your original post sent red flags out all over to me. If anything, it's incredibly inappropriate. She should have just been able to say, "It makes me uncomfortable that you post and comment all the time on my fb page. Can you please stop?" She has that right. The fact that they took away her phone to punish her for, what, being honest is ridiculous. She needs to be able to talk about things without fear of being punished. It's called letting her grow up. Ugh. I'm angry for you.0 -
This all makes me very happy to have an ex-husband that doesn't completely suck.
That is all.0 -
Thanks. She has asked him before to stop, and he would for a little bit, but would always come right back in a couple of weeks. Now that I've been brought in to it, all hell breaks loose and she gets punished. Horrendous parenting, IMO.0
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Creepy for sure0
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So sorry they're doing this to her. I wish this were an easier situation.0
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Do me a favor, before they make her unfriend you and before they make her remove all his posts off her Facebook page. Hightlight and copy and paste everything you can or take screen shots of every comment he's made as proof..At any point in the future if you do try to get custody of her, you'll have proof of this creeper's actions.They are punishing her for this though. I can't even begin to explain how upset I am at this. I have to get her out of that house.
I'm not sure why it would be impossible to have her at your home more if not all the time, especially if you can prove her mom isn't taking care of her. she sounds like she puts her husband first over her daughter. Punishing her for speaking out over something that makes her feel unsafe makes me sick!
It really makes me apperciate my husbands ex so much more. She mostly sounds like your ex's twin, except if my step daughter said something about one of her boyfriend's making her feel unsafe, she would kick them to the curb as soon as possible. She is a REALLY good mom!! Your ex, not so much...Sorry your daughter has to deal with this.
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I finally heard from her. Her school pictures are tomorrow so she was allowed to call to ask what I wanted for those. I asked her how she was doing, but her mom was right next to her so I just told her we could talk or text later and she said yeah.
Good idea on getting screen shots. Thanks.0 -
I'd say if your gut feels its creepy. its creepy. I dont have any teens yet, but believe me i would & will be all up in there business, knowing pw & things to their fb, but not fb stocking them!0
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What state are yall in? In Texas if the child is 12 or over & both houses are suitable for parenting. then the child gets to choose where she lives.0
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If she don't like him commenting, he can be "unfriended". It sounds creepy, but maybe he's just trying to be "cool" . If he acts weird other then that, then I'd be concerned & talk to you daughter. I have removed "friends" cuz they got too weirded out.0
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Do you pay for her phone? I believe if you do the law is on your side. My little step sister in law had this happen to her and her narcissistic father got in BIG trouble with the cops because he took it away. I highly suggest speaking to a lawyer and coming prepared with specifics.
FYI my SSIL is 15 and no longer has to visit the narcissistic B*****d per the judge and court appointed therapist.0 -
Creep! Enough said! Trust me. I've seen the unfortunate results at work first hand.0
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Bad mouthing you is one thing (she's old enough to recognize it for what it is), unfriending both step parents on fb to "remove" the problem is stupid, but when those a-holes think they can cut off or monitor all communication with you, THAT crosses the line.
It's time to get serious and talk to an attorney. I went through a divorce in the past year and was hoping not to have to get an attorney involved (did you know that they are really expensive?), but I was glad I did. You have more parental rights than this. And your daughter is at the age where her choices matter.
Dude, if money is an issue, I will gladly donate a couple bucks. It might not be enough to do much good, but from the fact that there are so many people following your story on this thread, I have a feeling I wouldn't be the only one.
How do you think this stress is affecting your daughter??? It has to be taking a big toll on her. :frown:0
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