Tell me if this is creepy, or if I am just overreacting....
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Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
That was from when they were younger yet. 10-12 range maybe? Far more innocent then for them and how were they to know? As far as I know though, he doesn't post on their pages anymore. But really, is that something you should need to be told to stop doing?
WHY were these kids on FB at that age? My daughter wasn't allowed on until she was 15 and she still had to give me her password. And I was reluctant then.
Everyone's parenting style is different.
Correct. Some parents believe a forum for older teenagers and adults that's full of inappropriate for children content is not a place for 10-year-olds.
Facebook isn't a forum site.0 -
Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
That was from when they were younger yet. 10-12 range maybe? Far more innocent then for them and how were they to know? As far as I know though, he doesn't post on their pages anymore. But really, is that something you should need to be told to stop doing?
WHY were these kids on FB at that age? My daughter wasn't allowed on until she was 15 and she still had to give me her password. And I was reluctant then.
Everyone's parenting style is different.
Correct. Some parents believe a forum for older teenagers and adults that's full of inappropriate for children content is not a place for 10-year-olds.
Facebook isn't a forum site.
You already stated you're a teenager, so I'm going to excuse your lack of life experience.
Facebook, in the traditional sense of the word, is a forum. And it's not an appropriate place for children. Just because other parents allow it doesn't mean it's appropriate.0 -
Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
That was from when they were younger yet. 10-12 range maybe? Far more innocent then for them and how were they to know? As far as I know though, he doesn't post on their pages anymore. But really, is that something you should need to be told to stop doing?
WHY were these kids on FB at that age? My daughter wasn't allowed on until she was 15 and she still had to give me her password. And I was reluctant then.
Everyone's parenting style is different.
Correct. Some parents believe a forum for older teenagers and adults that's full of inappropriate for children content is not a place for 10-year-olds.
Facebook isn't a forum site.
You already stated you're a teenager, so I'm going to excuse your lack of life experience.
Facebook, in the traditional sense of the word, is a forum. And it's not an appropriate place for children. Just because other parents allow it doesn't mean it's appropriate.
All I'm saying is you aren't one to say what is appropriate.0 -
I think there are two ways to look at this situation... he could be "parenting" her... or he could just be the "creepy guy who wants to fit in with the kids"... I had a stepdad from when i was 3 to recently my mother divorced him (im 24). Well, he always befriended my friends, and my sisters. And i always thought it was weird that he did so. I found it strange that he really enjoyed talking to them, or would make random remarks about them. Now, he is engaged to a 26 year old woman, and my sister is 27. It's SO weird for me and my sister to get past the fact that she is OUR age.. So i don't really know what to make of the situation.. you should talk to your daughter though, and just let her know that she can talk to you about whatever, whenever.0
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Go with your gut Dad! You are her father, if you are watching out for her, checking in from time to time, he doesn't need to. YOU are the dad not him.
I don't mean to start drama, but this comment isn't fair. I have a dad and a stepdad. My stepdad is 1000 times the man my "real" (p.o.s.) dad is. Not having anything to do with the OP's intent of this post.....All I'm saying is you can't lump all Dads as the best option and all Stepdads as crap.
and now I've seen the word "dad" so many times it looks funny.....lol0 -
I haven't heard what is probably the most vital part of the story, what is he saying? If he is acting like an adult and parenting, ok. If he is conversing with them on the same level which would mean he is lowering himself to a teenagers maturity, that's just sad, creepy, and sort of dorky. If he is being inapporpriate (sexual) then it's criminal.0
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I would feel that this is creepy. Being on your kid's facebook as friends to periodically check in on them and what not is one thing.. to be constantly "liking" everything and making comments to her and her friends is another. Even if they arent sexual in nature.
A Parent is a parent.. a friend is a friend. The two shouldnt mix.
If this isn't something normal, and she didn't want him doing it. Then yes it would bother me.
All the kids in my family are friends with their parents, and grandparents and aunts and uncles on facebook. So seeing my brother post a biz-zillion times on my nieces facebook page isn't really out of the norm. for my family.
If he is giving you the creeps I would ask your daughter about it. Like ask her about HIM not just the facebook thing. You never know, he could be a good guy...just annoying. Or he might be trying to hard to be her "friend" because he is a step-parent. A lot of times step parents feel like they have to go above and beyond to try and bond with their spouses kids.
I agree with this, although it sounds like this guy has been a part of her life for quite some time. Maybe he is one of those step parents that tries to hard (??). I agree with the other posters, talk to your daughter and keep those lines of communication open.
As for the stepdad & mom bad mouthing you in their house, I would seriously consider getting your daughter into therapy. I went through something very similar and I hated it when either of my parents or relatives would bad mouth the other parent. Perhaps if your daughter started going to therapy and talked to your ex about the bad mouthing (in a therapy type of setting) it would help your ex that the bad mouthing is not good for ANYONE involved. it's probably a long shot, but can't hurt.
It definitely comes off as weird and as a parent you have every right to be concerned.0 -
Creepy. Why doesn't she just unfriend him?0
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As for the stepdad & mom bad mouthing you in their house, I would seriously consider getting your daughter into therapy. I went through something very similar and I hated it when either of my parents or relatives would bad mouth the other parent. Perhaps if your daughter started going to therapy and talked to your ex about the bad mouthing (in a therapy type of setting) it would help your ex that the bad mouthing is not good for ANYONE involved. it's probably a long shot, but can't hurt.
I agree with this as well, my parents did this and it really screwed with me during my childhood and teen years. It wasn't until I became an adult and matured to realize that the best way to deal with it was to tell them ALL to F off.
Sadly, they still try this with their grandchild and closely monitor the things they say to him. 0 -
Go with your gut Dad! You are her father, if you are watching out for her, checking in from time to time, he doesn't need to. YOU are the dad not him. Unless your daughter has a history of making poor decisions that put her at risk she is allowed to have a few boundries. I am a vigilant mom. When my four kids were young I wanted to know where they were going, who they would be with, what they would be doing, and when they would be home, If I didn't have that info they didn't go. So I am not a push over as a parent. Safety is one thing, control and hovering are another, especially from an opposite gender step-parent. Since it bothers her and she has spoken to him about it and it has not changed it is time for you to step up. As her parent you can tell her it is ok for her to block him. Then tell him she has your permission to do so.
this!!!!
+1 to this. Who cares what drama it causes to be honest. its about your kids not about what the adults think.0 -
It sounds to me that your wife is close to your daughter (since that is where you go your info). I know for me I'm alot closer to my mom than my dad. Maybe she is just more comfortable talking to women.
So if she's more comfortable with your wife. Maybe have your wife talk to her.
Have your wife ask her if she would like for you to get involved. You don't want to do anything that would make your daughter not trust your wife. Have your wife give her some options that you could do. Like talking to the stepdad, helping her block the stepdad. Make sure she knows that you and your new wife have her back.0 -
I have six kids and what I have learned over the years is that gut feelings are usually right!! I know if it was my husband he would put the fear of God in that guy and could careless who would be mad. His kids safety and mine are always top priority!! We love that about him!!0
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I only read the OP and the first couple of replies...
There is a A LOT of gray area between it being fine and him being creepy. He's the step father, right? That often has a different dynamic which can be much closer to a friend than a parent, especially if your daughter hasn't really accepted him. My step-mother is much more of a friend to her biological kids than she is a parent. It's caused all kinds of problems, but it isn't creepy or anything like that.
While I agree that parents should be parents and not friends, it doesn't always work out that way. And if it doesn't, that doesn't automatically mean it's creepy.
The fact that he replies/comments so quickly is what makes me scratch my head... not that he is on FB or friends with her and her friends.
How often do you see your daughter? My guess is that you would know if there was something inappropriate going on.
He may be a bit odd/immature, but it doesn't sound like there is anything really wrong going on.0 -
As her father it is up to you to protect your daughter. There is an option on Facebook where she can remove him from her facebook.
I would also tell her to be careful who she invites onto her Facebook.
Some kids think it's cool to have 800 friends or many friends instead of true friends. They have no idea who most of them are, what their age is, etc.
I would highly recommend talking to your daughter and asking how her private life at home is doing first of all, and how things are going with her step-father, mother and any siblings and friends. Maybe take her out to dinner and talk.
Her step-father may be concerned for her as you are. Facebook can get pretty carried away.
I have a 15yo as well, and no way would I ever allow my child to even have a facebook, twitter or myspace (or any other online chat sites). I have blocks on my computer so he can't access or click on something someone else put on there to lure people to their site.
There are pedophiles, bullies, and impostors, and alot of drama going on with these sites, and I'm speaking from experience as a Fraud Investigator I once was for several years.
It's just better to be safe than sorry.
Protect your daughter if you have any doubts about anyone in her life no matter what anyone says.
It's up to all of us to try to protect the lives of children.0 -
Wow, nearly 100 replies. MFP is truly amazing.
I have her tonight so I'll talk about it. I'm not quite sure how to go yet as she's a little sensitive. She doesn't tend to talk to me about the deep stuff, but hopefully I can gain some ground there. I think a lot of that has to do with her wanting everyone to just get along.0 -
good luck!Wow, nearly 100 replies. MFP is truly amazing.
I have her tonight so I'll talk about it. I'm not quite sure how to go yet as she's a little sensitive. She doesn't tend to talk to me about the deep stuff, but hopefully I can gain some ground there. I think a lot of that has to do with her wanting everyone to just get along.0 -
She could just make it so he doesn't see her posts. To him it would appear that she doens't post much anymore.
Then he still gets to be her "friend" and she doesn't have to deal with his creepiness.
When she posts, click the lock at the bottom and mark except: his name, then he won't see what she puts on there.
Good Luck.
Being a parent is tough.0 -
i wouldn't be so worried about the Facebook, but what his creepy obsession with befriending 10-12 year old girls on Facebook and cyberstalking your daughter means. o_o He could just really think of your daughter as his daughter...but maybe he's dating your daughter's mom not because he's attracted to her....but your daughter and her friends.
My mom was a single mom and didn't date until I was much older (and still never brought anyone to the house) because she knew child molesters liked single moms for the wrong reasons.
I would personally be concerned. I doubt he'll confess anything when confronted, but maybe do a criminal background check???
Good luck!0 -
You can if your not sure about the stepfather's intentions or actions. Even if what he is doing seems off and isn't, the OP has a natural right to step in and make sure his daughter is safe. The law would automaticly be on his side if anything screwy was going on. Just being concerened with his daughters safety shows he is a good dad, and therefore shouldn't be lumped as dad is a deadbeat and stepdad is best. :flowerforyou:Go with your gut Dad! You are her father, if you are watching out for her, checking in from time to time, he doesn't need to. YOU are the dad not him.
I don't mean to start drama, but this comment isn't fair. I have a dad and a stepdad. My stepdad is 1000 times the man my "real" (p.o.s.) dad is. Not having anything to do with the OP's intent of this post.....All I'm saying is you can't lump all Dads as the best option and all Stepdads as crap.
and now I've seen the word "dad" so many times it looks funny.....lol0 -
My reaction is that is more than a bit unnatural/creepy.
My inclination would be to
1) ask my daughter how she feels about it and how she would like it to be handled
With her permission I would:
2) have a man to man talk with him to point out to him how it looks to others - it may not have occurred to him0
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