Tell me if this is creepy, or if I am just overreacting....
Replies
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I don't think it's creepy...but I do see how it could come off that way. There's a way to set facebook so it sends a message to your phone is someone posts something so thats probably what he has... he's probably not sitting at a computer waiting for her to post. He might just want to make sure she isn't posting something she shouldn't be and thats why the messages are sent to his phone in the first place. My mom has a facebook and is ALWAYS commenting or liking my stuff. If it ends up being a real issue, ask her to change her privacy settings. There's a way to make it so specific people can't post. She can still be friends with him and he can still see things, but he can't comment on anything.
I don't know the situation either, obviously, but I wouldn't be too worried about it
some people just like to know what their children, or in this case step-children, are doing. My mom used to add all my friends and i was 18! I think the fact that she's so young is a big part of it too. He might just be trying to look out for her
I'm with this. I would certainly investigate - talk to your daughter and find out if he does anything else that's bothering her. But many of my "friends" on FB are teenagers because *they* befriended me. I have friends who are my ex-boyfriend's (we didn't even live together) kids and *their* friends. I don't go onto their pages often & "like" things, but they even text message me from time to time. Granted, I'm a woman, and pretty much everyone who meets me thinks I'm fun and crazy. But with that said, consider the nature of his personality in that way as well and the nature of his friendships IRL. Your daughter should set some filters so that all of her posts don't include him.0 -
Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
Probably because they think he is "cool" and don't want to be left out of the loop. Also its more about popularity and having a ton of friends on FB, not mattering who said friends actually are. I work with a bunch of teenage girls. Trust me the reasoning for most of the crap they do isn't sound, haha....as I am sure many parents of teenage girls can attest too!
I'm a teenager myself, and I don't add anyone I don't know. I really wish this generation would realize that popularity isn't everything life should be about.
Amen!!!! But, sadly your attitude is rare and for a lot of teens its all about popularity and social networking sites just add fuel to the fire.0 -
ICK! yes that is very very Creepy! I def think you should do something!0
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Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
Probably because they think he is "cool" and don't want to be left out of the loop. Also its more about popularity and having a ton of friends on FB, not mattering who said friends actually are. I work with a bunch of teenage girls. Trust me the reasoning for most of the crap they do isn't sound, haha....as I am sure many parents of teenage girls can attest too!
I'm a teenager myself, and I don't add anyone I don't know. I really wish this generation would realize that popularity isn't everything life should be about.
Amen!!!! But, sadly your attitude is rare and for a lot of teens its all about popularity and social networking sites just add fuel to the fire.
Thank you.
I enjoy being different. As long as I have my fiance and my close friends, I'm fine. I don't need a bunch of teenage drama queen brats in my life. 0 -
I'm a teenager myself, and I don't add anyone I don't know. I really wish this generation would realize that popularity isn't everything life should be about.
Very well said.0 -
I would find that creepy as a parent. I'm friends with my mom & dad and step mom along with various other relatives...HOWEVER I'm 25...I have a kid...I'm an adult. My mom comments on my stuff and vice versa but not like how you're describing.
True Story
One of my younger brother's friend's Dad friend requested me once on facebook and I've babysat for him and his wife before and taken their daughter shopping with my younger step sister (I'm 6yrs older than my brother and 10yrs older than my step sister). I thought it was a little odd that he friend requested but I accepted the request....now mind you this was last year, so I was 24. Then I started noticing him liking a bunch of my pictures and posts ALL the time. I started getting emails about my posts and THEN he crossed a line. This married man who I've known him and his wife for like 10yrs informed me that his wife works nights and that he could figure out a way to make sure the kids were out of the house and I was welcome to come over for some safe, no strings attached fun....WTF?!?! I was horrified! I promptly deleted him....after ripping into him about how that's disgusting and he should work on his marriage & blah blah blah0 -
CREEPYYYYYYYYY0
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It seems creepy to me. It obviously bothers your daughter. Have you talked to her mom about it? If so, what does she have to say about it? Or, maybe as others have suggested, talk to him directly, or maybe to be really smart about it, sit down and talk to her mom and the stepdad together.
Bry for the win. Def creepy.0 -
If it was my daughter, I'd be concerned. I work with teenagers daily, but don't get involved with posting on their facebook. Creepy.0
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You need to talk to him. It seems creepy on the surface, but maybe his intentions are good. In his mind he could be trying to be the cool parental figure or something.0
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Go with the daddy gut feeling. Talk to your daughter. Gotta keep the creeps from creepin. Make them wise to it.0
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There are so many reasons why he could be posting on her FB - I think most of them have been covered: wanting acceptance, making his presence known, keeping tabs, he's a socially awkward internet geek, or maybe he's a total creep. Also, please weigh your daughter's level of uncomfortableness with the knowledge that teens are uncomfortable acknowledging they have parents at all, let alone parents that hang out on FB.
First thing first, I'd talk to your daughter and see what kind of reading you can get off of her level of discomfort when at her mom's house. How she REALLY feels about this guy, etc. If he's been in her life since she was a year old, then he's kind of like a father, even though he's legally only step... so I mean, it's not like the guy just showed up a few years ago and is making everything all weird ... if he's always been kinda creepy, see how she feels about him and then start panicking if you get any bad vibes.
Just be careful with accusations, okay? It's important to protect your daughter if something bad is going down, but if this man is wrongly accused it could ruin his life.
And I'm not talking out of my *kitten* here, I have a 15 year old daughter myself. Two and a half years ago things got real crazy and she moved 500 miles away to live with her dad, whom she had never lived with before. It was a tough decision and I had a lot of worry, but in the end it worked out that we are all better for it. It's still hard to go a day or more without hearing from her, knowing she's so far away that I couldn't help immediately if something sh!tty went down.0 -
Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
That was from when they were younger yet. 10-12 range maybe? Far more innocent then for them and how were they to know? As far as I know though, he doesn't post on their pages anymore. But really, is that something you should need to be told to stop doing?
WHY were these kids on FB at that age? My daughter wasn't allowed on until she was 15 and she still had to give me her password. And I was reluctant then.0 -
I understand that he may want to act like the protective step father however, that's a lil too extreme! And second with all the child molestation you hear of I'd be questioning that situation bc people are sick! I don't like the sounds of that. Sounds kinda like he wants to be friends with teenagers instead of being a father figure to one! Kinda odd to me.0
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it definitely depends on what he is saying. I'm now an adult, but I've always had a laid-back relationship with my mom's husband, and he was a friend during the crazy teenage years. Ok, so Facebook didn't exist back then, but I felt I could talk to him about things if my mom (or dad) wasn't around.
Granted that was me, if your daughter is uncomfortable, then it should stop. Otherwise, like other people said, he may just be trying to build a relationship with his step-daughter, in a non-creepy but maybe "uncool, grown-up" kind of way.
My Advice? Talk to your daughter.0 -
I agree with everyone telling you to talk to your daughter and get her feelings on the subject. Also, he does seem to come off as creepy, but again I agree that the Facebook stalking could be his clumsy way of trying to relate to her...maybe you need to have a heart to heart with him as well. Just let him know that you are watching over your daughter and all. He should get the message and back off.0
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Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
That was from when they were younger yet. 10-12 range maybe? Far more innocent then for them and how were they to know? As far as I know though, he doesn't post on their pages anymore. But really, is that something you should need to be told to stop doing?
WHY were these kids on FB at that age? My daughter wasn't allowed on until she was 15 and she still had to give me her password. And I was reluctant then.
Everyone's parenting style is different.0 -
I'd think a comment on her page occasionally is no big deal. But all the time is creepy, plus his interactions with her friends. If it were my daughter, I'd step in right now as the father and make it known to this guy you're watching him.0
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Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
That was from when they were younger yet. 10-12 range maybe? Far more innocent then for them and how were they to know? As far as I know though, he doesn't post on their pages anymore. But really, is that something you should need to be told to stop doing?
WHY were these kids on FB at that age? My daughter wasn't allowed on until she was 15 and she still had to give me her password. And I was reluctant then.
Everyone's parenting style is different.
Correct. Some parents believe a forum for older teenagers and adults that's full of inappropriate for children content is not a place for 10-year-olds.0 -
I would feel that this is creepy. Being on your kid's facebook as friends to periodically check in on them and what not is one thing.. to be constantly "liking" everything and making comments to her and her friends is another. Even if they arent sexual in nature.
A Parent is a parent.. a friend is a friend. The two shouldnt mix.
If this isn't something normal, and she didn't want him doing it. Then yes it would bother me.
All the kids in my family are friends with their parents, and grandparents and aunts and uncles on facebook. So seeing my brother post a biz-zillion times on my nieces facebook page isn't really out of the norm. for my family.
If he is giving you the creeps I would ask your daughter about it. Like ask her about HIM not just the facebook thing. You never know, he could be a good guy...just annoying. Or he might be trying to hard to be her "friend" because he is a step-parent. A lot of times step parents feel like they have to go above and beyond to try and bond with their spouses kids.0 -
Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
That was from when they were younger yet. 10-12 range maybe? Far more innocent then for them and how were they to know? As far as I know though, he doesn't post on their pages anymore. But really, is that something you should need to be told to stop doing?
WHY were these kids on FB at that age? My daughter wasn't allowed on until she was 15 and she still had to give me her password. And I was reluctant then.
Everyone's parenting style is different.
Correct. Some parents believe a forum for older teenagers and adults that's full of inappropriate for children content is not a place for 10-year-olds.
Facebook isn't a forum site.0 -
Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
That was from when they were younger yet. 10-12 range maybe? Far more innocent then for them and how were they to know? As far as I know though, he doesn't post on their pages anymore. But really, is that something you should need to be told to stop doing?
WHY were these kids on FB at that age? My daughter wasn't allowed on until she was 15 and she still had to give me her password. And I was reluctant then.
Everyone's parenting style is different.
Correct. Some parents believe a forum for older teenagers and adults that's full of inappropriate for children content is not a place for 10-year-olds.
Facebook isn't a forum site.
You already stated you're a teenager, so I'm going to excuse your lack of life experience.
Facebook, in the traditional sense of the word, is a forum. And it's not an appropriate place for children. Just because other parents allow it doesn't mean it's appropriate.0 -
Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
That was from when they were younger yet. 10-12 range maybe? Far more innocent then for them and how were they to know? As far as I know though, he doesn't post on their pages anymore. But really, is that something you should need to be told to stop doing?
WHY were these kids on FB at that age? My daughter wasn't allowed on until she was 15 and she still had to give me her password. And I was reluctant then.
Everyone's parenting style is different.
Correct. Some parents believe a forum for older teenagers and adults that's full of inappropriate for children content is not a place for 10-year-olds.
Facebook isn't a forum site.
You already stated you're a teenager, so I'm going to excuse your lack of life experience.
Facebook, in the traditional sense of the word, is a forum. And it's not an appropriate place for children. Just because other parents allow it doesn't mean it's appropriate.
All I'm saying is you aren't one to say what is appropriate.0 -
I think there are two ways to look at this situation... he could be "parenting" her... or he could just be the "creepy guy who wants to fit in with the kids"... I had a stepdad from when i was 3 to recently my mother divorced him (im 24). Well, he always befriended my friends, and my sisters. And i always thought it was weird that he did so. I found it strange that he really enjoyed talking to them, or would make random remarks about them. Now, he is engaged to a 26 year old woman, and my sister is 27. It's SO weird for me and my sister to get past the fact that she is OUR age.. So i don't really know what to make of the situation.. you should talk to your daughter though, and just let her know that she can talk to you about whatever, whenever.0
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Go with your gut Dad! You are her father, if you are watching out for her, checking in from time to time, he doesn't need to. YOU are the dad not him.
I don't mean to start drama, but this comment isn't fair. I have a dad and a stepdad. My stepdad is 1000 times the man my "real" (p.o.s.) dad is. Not having anything to do with the OP's intent of this post.....All I'm saying is you can't lump all Dads as the best option and all Stepdads as crap.
and now I've seen the word "dad" so many times it looks funny.....lol0 -
I haven't heard what is probably the most vital part of the story, what is he saying? If he is acting like an adult and parenting, ok. If he is conversing with them on the same level which would mean he is lowering himself to a teenagers maturity, that's just sad, creepy, and sort of dorky. If he is being inapporpriate (sexual) then it's criminal.0
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I would feel that this is creepy. Being on your kid's facebook as friends to periodically check in on them and what not is one thing.. to be constantly "liking" everything and making comments to her and her friends is another. Even if they arent sexual in nature.
A Parent is a parent.. a friend is a friend. The two shouldnt mix.
If this isn't something normal, and she didn't want him doing it. Then yes it would bother me.
All the kids in my family are friends with their parents, and grandparents and aunts and uncles on facebook. So seeing my brother post a biz-zillion times on my nieces facebook page isn't really out of the norm. for my family.
If he is giving you the creeps I would ask your daughter about it. Like ask her about HIM not just the facebook thing. You never know, he could be a good guy...just annoying. Or he might be trying to hard to be her "friend" because he is a step-parent. A lot of times step parents feel like they have to go above and beyond to try and bond with their spouses kids.
I agree with this, although it sounds like this guy has been a part of her life for quite some time. Maybe he is one of those step parents that tries to hard (??). I agree with the other posters, talk to your daughter and keep those lines of communication open.
As for the stepdad & mom bad mouthing you in their house, I would seriously consider getting your daughter into therapy. I went through something very similar and I hated it when either of my parents or relatives would bad mouth the other parent. Perhaps if your daughter started going to therapy and talked to your ex about the bad mouthing (in a therapy type of setting) it would help your ex that the bad mouthing is not good for ANYONE involved. it's probably a long shot, but can't hurt.
It definitely comes off as weird and as a parent you have every right to be concerned.0 -
Creepy. Why doesn't she just unfriend him?0
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As for the stepdad & mom bad mouthing you in their house, I would seriously consider getting your daughter into therapy. I went through something very similar and I hated it when either of my parents or relatives would bad mouth the other parent. Perhaps if your daughter started going to therapy and talked to your ex about the bad mouthing (in a therapy type of setting) it would help your ex that the bad mouthing is not good for ANYONE involved. it's probably a long shot, but can't hurt.
I agree with this as well, my parents did this and it really screwed with me during my childhood and teen years. It wasn't until I became an adult and matured to realize that the best way to deal with it was to tell them ALL to F off. Sadly, they still try this with their grandchild and closely monitor the things they say to him. 0 -
Go with your gut Dad! You are her father, if you are watching out for her, checking in from time to time, he doesn't need to. YOU are the dad not him. Unless your daughter has a history of making poor decisions that put her at risk she is allowed to have a few boundries. I am a vigilant mom. When my four kids were young I wanted to know where they were going, who they would be with, what they would be doing, and when they would be home, If I didn't have that info they didn't go. So I am not a push over as a parent. Safety is one thing, control and hovering are another, especially from an opposite gender step-parent. Since it bothers her and she has spoken to him about it and it has not changed it is time for you to step up. As her parent you can tell her it is ok for her to block him. Then tell him she has your permission to do so.
this!!!!
+1 to this. Who cares what drama it causes to be honest. its about your kids not about what the adults think.0
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