Tell me if this is creepy, or if I am just overreacting....

crystalslight

It sounds to me that your wife is close to your daughter (since that is where you go your info). I know for me I'm alot closer to my mom than my dad. Maybe she is just more comfortable talking to women.
So if she's more comfortable with your wife. Maybe have your wife talk to her.
Have your wife ask her if she would like for you to get involved. You don't want to do anything that would make your daughter not trust your wife. Have your wife give her some options that you could do. Like talking to the stepdad, helping her block the stepdad. Make sure she knows that you and your new wife have her back.

wannabehotmomma

I have six kids and what I have learned over the years is that gut feelings are usually right!! I know if it was my husband he would put the fear of God in that guy and could careless who would be mad. His kids safety and mine are always top priority!! We love that about him!!

jacksonpt

I only read the OP and the first couple of replies...

There is a A LOT of gray area between it being fine and him being creepy. He's the step father, right? That often has a different dynamic which can be much closer to a friend than a parent, especially if your daughter hasn't really accepted him. My step-mother is much more of a friend to her biological kids than she is a parent. It's caused all kinds of problems, but it isn't creepy or anything like that.

While I agree that parents should be parents and not friends, it doesn't always work out that way. And if it doesn't, that doesn't automatically mean it's creepy.

The fact that he replies/comments so quickly is what makes me scratch my head... not that he is on FB or friends with her and her friends.

How often do you see your daughter? My guess is that you would know if there was something inappropriate going on.

He may be a bit odd/immature, but it doesn't sound like there is anything really wrong going on.

dnsrmr

As her father it is up to you to protect your daughter. There is an option on Facebook where she can remove him from her facebook.
I would also tell her to be careful who she invites onto her Facebook.
Some kids think it's cool to have 800 friends or many friends instead of true friends. They have no idea who most of them are, what their age is, etc.
I would highly recommend talking to your daughter and asking how her private life at home is doing first of all, and how things are going with her step-father, mother and any siblings and friends. Maybe take her out to dinner and talk.
Her step-father may be concerned for her as you are. Facebook can get pretty carried away.
I have a 15yo as well, and no way would I ever allow my child to even have a facebook, twitter or myspace (or any other online chat sites). I have blocks on my computer so he can't access or click on something someone else put on there to lure people to their site.
There are pedophiles, bullies, and impostors, and alot of drama going on with these sites, and I'm speaking from experience as a Fraud Investigator I once was for several years.
It's just better to be safe than sorry.
Protect your daughter if you have any doubts about anyone in her life no matter what anyone says.
It's up to all of us to try to protect the lives of children.

3ball

Wow, nearly 100 replies. MFP is truly amazing.

I have her tonight so I'll talk about it. I'm not quite sure how to go yet as she's a little sensitive. She doesn't tend to talk to me about the deep stuff, but hopefully I can gain some ground there. I think a lot of that has to do with her wanting everyone to just get along.

KendalBeee

Wow, nearly 100 replies. MFP is truly amazing.

I have her tonight so I'll talk about it. I'm not quite sure how to go yet as she's a little sensitive. She doesn't tend to talk to me about the deep stuff, but hopefully I can gain some ground there. I think a lot of that has to do with her wanting everyone to just get along.

good luck!

ASPhantom

She could just make it so he doesn't see her posts. To him it would appear that she doens't post much anymore.
Then he still gets to be her "friend" and she doesn't have to deal with his creepiness.

When she posts, click the lock at the bottom and mark except: his name, then he won't see what she puts on there.

Good Luck.

Being a parent is tough.

i_love_vinegar

i wouldn't be so worried about the Facebook, but what his creepy obsession with befriending 10-12 year old girls on Facebook and cyberstalking your daughter means. o_o He could just really think of your daughter as his daughter...but maybe he's dating your daughter's mom not because he's attracted to her....but your daughter and her friends.

My mom was a single mom and didn't date until I was much older (and still never brought anyone to the house) because she knew child molesters liked single moms for the wrong reasons.

I would personally be concerned. I doubt he'll confess anything when confronted, but maybe do a criminal background check???

Good luck!

Johnnyswife

Go with your gut Dad! You are her father, if you are watching out for her, checking in from time to time, he doesn't need to. YOU are the dad not him.

I don't mean to start drama, but this comment isn't fair. I have a dad and a stepdad. My stepdad is 1000 times the man my "real" (p.o.s.) dad is. Not having anything to do with the OP's intent of this post.....All I'm saying is you can't lump all Dads as the best option and all Stepdads as crap.


and now I've seen the word "dad" so many times it looks funny.....lol

You can if your not sure about the stepfather's intentions or actions. Even if what he is doing seems off and isn't, the OP has a natural right to step in and make sure his daughter is safe. The law would automaticly be on his side if anything screwy was going on. Just being concerened with his daughters safety shows he is a good dad, and therefore shouldn't be lumped as dad is a deadbeat and stepdad is best. :flowerforyou:

SilkeForce

My reaction is that is more than a bit unnatural/creepy.
My inclination would be to
1) ask my daughter how she feels about it and how she would like it to be handled
With her permission I would:
2) have a man to man talk with him to point out to him how it looks to others - it may not have occurred to him

penrbrown

At the least he is trying to connect with her in a non-creepy, non-bad way... at the most he's got serious boundary issues. This COULD be a symptom of something deeper.

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to social networking online. It can be hard (especially for older people) to figure out what the 'rules' are. What IS acceptable behavior on facebook? What isn't? Facebook is a relatively new thing, I don't think it's been around enough for there to be social rules attached to it just yet (beyond the whole don't post statuses that will get you fired - and people even do that! Haha). I would give this guy the benefit of the doubt BUT I would talk to your daughter AND I would talk to the ex.

Don't accuse him of anything. Don't call him a creep. Just say that the frequency with which he posts seems a little odd.

Keep your eyes and ears open. Your job is to protect her but if you go overboard you might make things worse not better.

mlh612

Wow, nearly 100 replies. MFP is truly amazing.

I have her tonight so I'll talk about it. I'm not quite sure how to go yet as she's a little sensitive. She doesn't tend to talk to me about the deep stuff, but hopefully I can gain some ground there. I think a lot of that has to do with her wanting everyone to just get along.

Maybe your wife can sit down with her and have a heart to heart first and then maybe you can "join" the discussion... She may be a little more open. I know my 13 yr step-daughter tends to talk to me more than her dad - not sure why but I just try to be as supportive as I can... Best of Luck!!!!

rml_16

Wow, nearly 100 replies. MFP is truly amazing.

I have her tonight so I'll talk about it. I'm not quite sure how to go yet as she's a little sensitive. She doesn't tend to talk to me about the deep stuff, but hopefully I can gain some ground there. I think a lot of that has to do with her wanting everyone to just get along.

If she's comfortable talking to your wife, then maybe just let your wife handle the conversation to begin with. The important thing is to get to the bottom of the issue. Who does the talking doesn't matter.

Clearly, if your daughter has expressed to another adult that the behavior bothers her, and she's told the stepfather to stop and he hasn't, something is wrong. The question is to what degree is it wrong.

Just make sure your daughter knows this isn't about getting one over on her mother and stepfather, but that you're concerned for your daughter's wellbeing and want to make sure she feels safe and comfortable. Let her know you're on her side and will do whatever she needs you to do and take the heat for it if necessary.

jenny95662

I feel it is very creepy and disturbing. First off if he was on her fb page fine maybe keeping an eye on her, but to be posting that much and always so quick worrys me. Also on her friends pages and stuff does not sound right. I am 29 and i have a few of my friends moms on my FB but i have known then for years and its so different. I feel its odd and if i were in your position i would not like it and be worried also. Also the fact she tells him to stop and he does not for more then a few weeks. I dunno but in my opinion i always stick with my gut feeling and not saying anything is going on or anything is wrong maybe he is a weirdo but it seems so odd to me.

Zombriana

If i were her, I'd be creeped out. If I were you, I'd be creeped out as well!

3ball

I can't thank you all enough for all of the response. :flowerforyou:

KendalBeee

how did it go?

3ball

So-so I guess. I heard "that's just the way he is" a few too many times for my liking. That doesn't make it ok. She said she's told him not to, but he does anyway. She's going to talk to her mom about it tonight. I know they will turn this around on me and talk bad about me, and she knows that is coming. So I told her that she's old enough to know the truth and what they say about me doesn't change what is real. And she agreed and knows. She says there's nothing there, but I don't know. The "that's just the way he is" kind of bothers me.

rml_16

So-so I guess. I heard "that's just the way he is" a few too many times for my liking. That doesn't make it ok. She said she's told him not to, but he does anyway. She's going to talk to her mom about it tonight. I know they will turn this around on me and talk bad about me, and she knows that is coming. So I told her that she's old enough to know the truth and what they say about me doesn't change what is real. And she agreed and knows. She says there's nothing there, but I don't know. The "that's just the way he is" kind of bothers me.

Did you offer to step in and talk to him to take the pressure off of her? Is she just too afraid of the confrontation for that?

What a tough situation. You can only do so much, but as long as she knows you've got her back, she may open up more later.

CaitlinMyers428

I think it is creepy. If it was my daughter I would definitely have a talk with her about it and see how she feels. I'm so glad you're a concerned parent. It would be much better to be a little overprotective than letting this go on. Good luck to you!

betty51

Okay,your the Dad so YOU need to tell him something about this !! It does seem odd for a grown man to be doing this !!!

engineman312

is this your daughters step-father?

3ball

is this your daughters step-father?

Ha! That would be awesome. Phil is great.

3ball

Okay,your the Dad so YOU need to tell him something about this !! It does seem odd for a grown man to be doing this !!!

Anything I say will come off as a threat and will likely only make matters worse.

KendalBeee

So-so I guess. I heard "that's just the way he is" a few too many times for my liking. That doesn't make it ok. She said she's told him not to, but he does anyway. She's going to talk to her mom about it tonight. I know they will turn this around on me and talk bad about me, and she knows that is coming. So I told her that she's old enough to know the truth and what they say about me doesn't change what is real. And she agreed and knows. She says there's nothing there, but I don't know. The "that's just the way he is" kind of bothers me.

That's still good...it's progress. She now knows that you are watching and concerned about it and that she can come to you in the future if need be. Good job, Dad!

3ball

Thanks. I told her that I know it's hard for her to come to me with the deeper stuff and that should could anytime no questions asked. I also let her know that if she needed anything like that and didn't feel like she could come to me that she didn't have to, as long as she would talk to someone.

PlanetVelma

Thanks. I told her that I know it's hard for her to come to me with the deeper stuff and that should could anytime no questions asked. I also let her know that if she needed anything like that and didn't feel like she could come to me that she didn't have to, as long as she would talk to someone.

Great job! I hope her talk with your ex & the stepdad goes well!

3ball

I already know how it is going to go. They are going to bad mouth me a lot and try to turn it around on me and make me the bad guy, like usual. We talked about that a little too, and she knows that is coming as well. But she also knows it isn't the truth, which is good.

CaitlinMyers428

Well I hope the talk with her mother and step-father goes well. They don't need to bad mouth you to her, you're her father. They need to consider her feelings! I'm really glad she knows you're there for her no matter what. I don't talk to my father about deep stuff but I know he's there if I need him and that's a good feeling. Good luck to your daughter! I hope they actually listen to her and that this problem gets fixed asap!

rml_16

I already know how it is going to go. They are going to bad mouth me a lot and try to turn it around on me and make me the bad guy, like usual. We talked about that a little too, and she knows that is coming as well. But she also knows it isn't the truth, which is good.

I just re-read this and my question is what do you have to do with it? I mean, if she has issues with the stepfather posting what he posts, your name shouldn't even come up in her conversation with them about that. If they somehow blame YOU for her being upset about it, they're wacko.

This may be a big step to take and maybe not the appropriate one, but in most states, a child that age can petition the court to live with the parent who doesn't currently have custody. There would probably still be visitation, but at least the contact with such toxic people would be minimal for her if she lived with you.

In many cases, courts will take custody from a parent specifically for badmouthing the other parent. My boyfriend's custody agreement with his ex specifically states they aren't allowed to do that.