Operation: Sexy Claus Challenge Week #1 9.19.11 (Closed Grou

healthydoseofglitter · September 2011

Missed yesterdays: Question for the Day: What is your ideal "size"? I know a lot of people have their ideal size number that they would like to be, so what is yours and why?
My ideal size a 10 or a 12 I just dont want to be PLUS size anymore shopping sucks!

Todays Topic of the Day: Self-image ...... I still see myself has fat, unpretty, and unhappy. There are days that I feel good about myself but sometimes I just let the pressure of being overweight and the stress of it not coming off just get to me. Self-image is really something I need to work on for myself and nobody else. I am truly blessed and I really need to focus on the positive.

1RareJewel · September 2011

I felt disgusted. I did not want to go anywhere or do anything, nothing fit properly and I hated taking pics. I still had male suitors but I was not interersted. I just did not like being me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE THE HELL OUT OF ME, I just didn't like seeing my body and feeling the way I felt.

jreese5226 · September 2011

You're right... this is a deep question. At my heaviest, I felt horrible. All throughout college and early in my career, I felt unstoppable. I am generally an introvert but I consistently made eye contact with people when speaking with them, I carried myself with confidence (shoulders back, head held high, felt confident in my clothes and dressed like a professional), and I knew that I was going places. Opportunity after opportunity was thrown my way. But as I transitioned from active college student to working a desk job, I did nothing to balance the effects that being less active would have on my body. And so the weight gain started. It wasn't over night, but it seemed year after year, I was buying new, bigger clothes. I felt less comfortable in my clothes and in my skin. I didn’t recognize the person in the mirror. My confidence left, I started making less eye contact, I no longer performed at a level at work that put the attention on me because I didn't want people to notice me and my ballooning weight. I lost that drive. I still did my job well, and worked well with my clients, but I didn't go out of my way to be innovative. And then in 2009 and 2010 I noticed that I couldn't even make eye contact with myself in the mirror. I didn't want to be intimate with my husband because I didn't want to have those thoughts of "oh please don't touch me there." I was retreating inside myself and had turned into a very unhappy person, despite all of the wonderful things I had in my life: marvelous husband who loved me no matter what, two beautiful children, and a great career.

So after seeing a photo that was taken of me and my dad in February 2011 and noticing that despite the smile on my face my eyes spoke a whole other story, something finally clicked and I decided that I needed to make a change. And the changes to my emotional well-being seemed instant. After the first week of working out and eating well, I immediately noticed an improvement in my mood and feeling of self-worth. And week after week the feelings kept getting better and better. And while the weight-loss helped those feelings improve, I think it was more that I was giving my body what it had been craving for so long.

Since starting on this journey, my career is back on track. I’ve contributed some significant ideas lately that may hopefully win my company new work. I am back to dressing professionally in my workplace and take more pride in my appearance. As I am typing this now, I notice that I am sitting with better posture, no longer slumping in my chair trying to hide myself. I smile more, play more with my kids, and am more willing to put myself in social situations that I would have otherwise shied away from six short months ago. It’s hard to describe or provide an appropriate analogy, but it feels as though I had been stuck at a gas station for a really long time unable to continue on my journey of life because my tank was empty. I feel now as though my tank is full with no signs of running on empty. (Sorry for the cheesy analogy, but it pretty well sums up how I feel.)

miss_amy · September 2011

when i was at my highest weight post-college, i was in total denial of how bad i really was. i just didn't care. i kind of took myself off the dating market, so i didn't truly care what i looked like at that point. deep down inside, i was miserable. i'd look at pictures of myself and cry. my own family would make comments about my weight. looking back, it was out of love and concern but it really brought me down. looking at pictures from that time, i honestly cant believe that was me. i don't even remember looking like that!

in freshmen and sophomore year of high school, i had a pretty great sense of self-confidence. i was in sports and although i was still bigger than the majority of stick skinny girls at my school, i felt good about myself and who i was. the second i started working and gaining weight was when my confidence slowly started diminishing. i'd have days here and there where i thought i looked good, but it was temporary and it would vanish after looking at pictures of myself when i thought i looked good one night.

i've always struggled with confidence in myself because for a long time, i would only gain confidence when a guy liked me. when i was getting the attention of a guy i liked, i felt great. when i wasn't, i felt so bad about myself. i think many girls struggle with this at some point or another and looking back i think its ridiculous. now that i'm starting to lose weight FOR MYSELF, i am starting to gain REAL, TRUE confidence and it is such a wonderful thing. my friends and family have already made comments that i carry myself differently now. i still have a ways to go, and i still struggle and fight myself some days, but i am getting better and finally starting to repair my tarnished self-image.

cdngrl81 · September 2011

I have liked fall and winter for a few years now, just because it gives me excuses to wear big sweaters and anything that would cover my stomach and not show the pooch. But I actually was pretty psyched this year for summer, I actually wore shorts and didn't flinch in the mirror. I just hope that next summer I can go to the beach or pool in a bikini and flaunt it. :laugh:

maipai21 · September 2011

Ok I missed yesterday's topic! My ideal size is a size 8/10...I don't remember myself at that size but I do believe that would be a size I would be comfortable at!

Today's topic: At my higher weights I felt horrible and disgusting. I suffer(ed) from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which brings about it's own set of challenges with hirsutism, depression, fatigue, and belly fat but I'm fighting through it! I was beyond depressed, I was sad a lot, I never took pride in my appearance and my self esteem was at an all time low. It didn't help that my ex-husband constantly made fun of me and cheated on me numerous times throughout our tumultous marriage.

I used to believe myself as a victim of my own horrible choices whether that was in food, men, or just life in general but now I realize that all of those experiences molded me into the woman I am today. Going through everything that I have been through, every experience, looking back at it now makes me realize how strong I am. I am now the victor in EVERY situation in my life. I am a fighter and I will keep fighting until I get to where I need to be!

I have come a long way! I prayed and believed God for restoration in my life and true to His promise I am receiving it! I divorced the man that treated me like nothing and God has given me someone who is supportive and loves me unconditionally

I just completed my very first race on Saturday- a 10k- and I finished running faster than I'd ever ran before and completing a distance that I had never ran before! I still have some ways to go when it comes to my body image and my self esteem but I know that I will keep fighting until I get there.

Keep pushing ladies!

Stephinow · September 2011

Okay, so my ideal size is a 4. Now, before anybody jumps all over me, let me explain. I am currently a 6. When I lost all my weight about a year and a half ago, I didn't have an ideal size. I thought I had an ideal weight, but one day when I realized I was comfortable where I was and would stop losing weight and start maintaining my weight, I was actually above what I thought was my "ideal weight". I had no idea what size I wore, because when I started losing (this time around) I was a 10-12. All I knew was I had no more clothes to wear because everything was way too big, and I had all my work suits altered so I didn't know what size they were either. My sister-in-law took me shopping and that's when I was shocked to find out that I was a size 4, a nice and comfy 4. So in the past several months, I let a few pounds creep back on and that's why I'm in a 6 now.

By the way, I'm probably more comfortable at that size because I was smaller than a 4 all my life until I took that depo shot, and it was all over.

ontheskinnyroad · September 2011

Well when I was at my highest I was pregnant and it was easy cause I could just say "I'm pregnant". When I had her I felt ugly and ashamed. I didn't want to take pictures or come out the house. I felt sloppy. I hated myself.

Now.... I feel in control of the situation. I'm not were I want to be but I'm a long way from way I was!! I love me now

kiki75243 · September 2011

This is a really good question. It's funny because growing up I always thought I was fat or overweight because I was taller than everybody and a lil bit bigger or shall i say my hips and breast were bigger. So I hated it because I attracted older men and not the boys that I went to school with or wanted to talk to. Now looking back at those pictures I"m like I had such a good shape then because I played sports back then too. I started gaining weight gradually after I graduated high school because of course I wasn't playing sports. Then I joined Jazzercis and Curves and lost some but my highest weight was after I had my second daughter. Before I had them both I was already diabetic and high blood pressure so I was a high risk pregnancy and all of that.

I was weighing in at 270 and even though I was my biggest size then I really didn't have a bad self image. The guys that I'm around prefer thicker women so when I would talk about losing weight they would say there's nothing wrong with your size or your fine like you are. And because I'm tall they didn't think I weighted as much as I did. I would do this whole up and down thing lose 30 gain 20 back and forth until I got tired of it. I hated shopping though because as plus size you have to try everything on and I hated how stuff would look on my stomach which is my trouble area. No that i've lost about 40lbs i'm feeling really good. I love looking in the mirror to see what is changing on my body. I also love when other people notice I think that's the biggest compliment when someone else says hey are you losing weight your looking smaller.

I've been sticking with my lifestyle change for over a year now. A lot of blood sweat and tears but I'm enjoying my journey. I'm learning a lot about myself along the way and I'm so glad I've been able to commit to something and see it through.

nicole00lynn · September 2011

hey ladies! hows everyone doing? i missed yesterdays topic, but im new to this challenge thing, so im still getting familiar with the threads.

I'd say my ideal size is an 8-10, im by no means petite, so anything lower than that is probably unrealistic. I want to be fit, not famished.

As far as how I felt at my biggest and lowest... i dont want to have a pity party but I guess this would be a good time to vent and move forward.

I was always'bigger' than everyone else, taller, thicker, whatever you want to call it. So I always felt different, but it wasnt until high school that I really started thinking that it was weight, or maybe even my looks that was so different about me. Im not sure how I came to that conclucsion, because I realize now that there is nothing wrong with me - but I felt ashamed, and almost embarassed for thinking I was as good as the 'pretty girls', or could get the same boys, or have the same friends, or whatever is so life-changing in high school. I have my bad days where I have horrible self-image issues, but I know that that is what I think of myself, not what anyone else thinks, and thats something that I truly need to work on. When I was at my thinnest, which was a size 10 and by no means "skinny," I felt great because I was active and fit. Thats where I want to be again - confident, happy, and proud to be in my own skin!

Sorry to anyone who didnt want a big, sentimental repsone. If you dont like it, dont read it!

)

Good luck everyone!

punkrawkcutie · September 2011

I am going to start this one off by saying - Krys, of ALL the topics, this one?! on day 3? really?! Do you have something out for me?!
(J/K K! You know I

you!!!)

Truthfully, i felt the same @ 174 as I did @ 145... I may have felt a little better when I was 135, but I was in High School and I was a jock, so it's tough to call that one. Even now, I sometimes look in the mirror and cry...

I have had terrible self image since I was in jr. high and was called terrible nick names like "twinkie" and " rolls on rolls"... Worst part is, I haven't grown since the 7th grade and I only weighted 120 back then... Kids can be so cruel and totally oblivious to the long term effects... and I DEFINITELY take a good part of the blame for it (not the name calling, but the long term effects). I lied to my parents about how school was because I didn't want to disappoint them. I lied to myself, saying I didn't care. i pretended I liked being different and on the outside. I embraced my "alternative" culture - dressed goth, shop lifted, drank and did drugs. But truth was, I carried around the humiliation of not fitting in for the 3 years of jr. high.

By the time I got to high school, I was used to being different and not fitting in. I was a jock who was in band and drama. I stayed in to watch start trek with my family and then would go out to the club. I would sew my pink barbie Halloween costumes while watching football. I thought I had finally become comfortable with just being me.

I however was forever worried about what people thought of me. Not my personality (which I must say is GLOWING! :laugh: ) but of what I looked like.

Confession - I have not worn a swim suit without shorts since I was 10...

To this day, I am terrified of what people think of what I look like. Horrified about the way I look. I play the "In only so many .... (days, lbs, sizes) I will be happy with me" game.

And I never am with who I am physically. And it worries me that once the weight is gone, it will just be something different that I move onto in terms of my physical looks... God willing it will be hair cuts and not anything plastic....

GeminiMel02 · September 2011

I missed yesterday's question. I have a hard time keeping up with these threads...(It's not like facebook where I get a notification when something new is posted).

It's really crazy because at my highest weight ever I was 372+ lbs. I've been blessed with height (6'3) and a pretty high muscle mass so, I tend to be able to carry weight differently than others unfortunately, that's also how I wound up severely morbidly obese. What's crazy to me is that despite, going down several sizes and now beginning to have more visible muscle tone in my arms and legs, whenever I look in the mirror, even at 130+ lbs lighter, I still see the same chunky self I've always seen...

Lots of people around me see this new and improved version of myself but, to me, I 'm still me...just stronger and in better shape. I just keep hoping that one of these days, the person in the mirror will reflect the person I'm working so hard to become. In the meantime, my goals aren't really based solely on how I look (even though it's nice to be able to walk into normal stores and have the choice of buying things because they actually have your size). Honestly, my biggest and ultimate goal is to just be healthy and happy with myself. And, when I get there, I'll ease into maintenance.

whitneysaenz · September 2011

Wow! Your first paragraph is pretty much exactly how I would've stated my self-image earlier in my life!!! I was a competitive cheerleader from age 7 to age 16... I worked out HARD for hours each week. I put my body through hell and was in the best shape of my life... 115 lbs and never once did I feel thin. I'm a muscular person, but I was in fantastic shape. I wish I wouldn't have taken that for granted. I had my son when I was 16 and had to stop cheering, obviously, so my normal routine of working out hours each week was over. I tried to get into dance for a while, less demanding but still something, but never was able to lose any weight.

Over the last 5-ish years the pounds just crept up on me and I went from wearing whatever I wanted, to always staying covered up. I've always been a jeans & a t-shirt type of girl, but the t-shirts definitely got bigger and the jeans did too.. anything to hide my flaws. I'm slowly getting more confident as my shape starts to change, but it's a struggle on a daily basis still.

We are our toughest critic!

Stephinow · September 2011

Ummm, as I think about this question I kind of feel a little ridiculous about how much importance I (we?) place on our appearance. BUT, I also feel that it's okay because my feelings about myself are not based on what others think about me, but how I feel about me. Now, when I was at my heaviest, I felt like I couldn't be myself. I'm an outgoing person, but during that time, I went out of my way to not be noticed, and that affected not only the way I dressed, but also my personality, which is terrible. Now, I feel like I can be myself. I can be who I am and I can dress and act the part. I think it's because I have that confidence in myself I had before, and I'm not self-conscious.

stace0308 · September 2011

Good Morning ladies! LOVING the participation on the thread...it is pleasing to me!

Topic of the Day: Let's talk about self-image...how did you feel about yourself when you were at your "highest" weight vs. how you feel now? I know this may be a deep question for some to answer, however, I have noticed that in my own journey it is also important to tap into these types of questions in order to be truly happy when you do hit your "goal".
[/quote]

Ummm, as I think about this question I kind of feel a little ridiculous about how much importance I (we?) place on our appearance. BUT, I also feel that it's okay because my feelings about myself are not based on what others think about me, but how I feel about me. Now, when I was at my heaviest, I felt like I couldn't be myself. I'm an outgoing person, but during that time, I went out of my way to not be noticed, and that affected not only the way I dressed, but also my personality, which is terrible. Now, I feel like I can be myself. I can be who I am and I can dress and act the part. I think it's because I have that confidence in myself I had before, and I'm not self-conscious.
[/quote]

_CHRISTIE_ · September 2011

So funny how much we all have in common when it is relating to our personal views of our own self image.... I have never had a good self image.... I can't remember a time when I did.... you know what is funny is I have had more issues w/ my weight than the fact that I have a prosthetic leg.... it bothers me more that I'm overweight and I hated the way I looked, and was more self concious over my weight than I've ever been over my leg.... now that being said.... I can always remeber being bigger than my friends... my boobs developed early, and I had to buy my first bra when i was in 4th grade... I was never overly large, just seemed all my friends were smaller than me... in 8th grade I wore a size 9.... and for years I teetered between a 9 and an 11 in juniors...end of my junior year and throughout my senior year I started experiencing alot of health problems... during that time I gained up to a size 16/18... I remember being so self concious... I was dating an awful guy who would constantly tell me how fat I was and how I needed to lose weight.... My prosthesis didn't fit, so my leg would swell... then I'd use crutches, I had a teacher that I was very close to ask me to stay after class...she asked me had the drs ever talked to me about weightloss... I can look back now and see that she thought we were so close that she looked at more as her own child than trying to be offensive...my grandmother asked me around the same time was I sure I wasn't pregnant... so I had a terrible terrible self image due to my weight... when I started college, which was at the beach... it seemed that everyone was smaller than me... so I went to almost having an eating disorder... I drank 6 liters of water a day and ate little to nothing... I went from a size 18, to a size 10 in about 4 months... shortly after that I found out I had to have heart surgery... and I gained a lot of the weight back again...and then I lost it again, this time using weight watchers... then I had leg surgery and gained all of it back again... I think i got to the point where by then I was married.... and I felt like what was the point of trying to lose weight again...everytime I do I gain it right back.... I got to the point where my 18's were getting too tight... I was at my highest weight ever other than when I was pregnant....I was miserable.... I didn't put on make-up.... didn't really fix my hair... and didn't take care of myself at all.... I refused to have my picture taken... I would stand in front of the mirror and just break down into tears.... When I saw my daughters birthday pictures.... I knew I had to do something... I was so miserable,.. I was so embarassed when I saw these pictures... that I had let myself go this far... so I started watching my calories and joined MFP....

FF to now....30 lbs lighter... I still have a long way to go... I'm still not happy with the way that I look.... at all... but I'm much happier than when I started this journey... I have days where I feel awesome... where I can say man...this really worked! look how far I've come! and then I have days where I feel like i'm never going to reach goal, and look how awful my stomach is and how bad I still look....so I'm no where near where I need to be w/ my self image.... I am a lot closer than where I was though... I take much better care of myself... wear makeup again, have my hair fixed.... so me and my self image is a work in progress!

lol that was much longer than I intended

MelL1205 · September 2011

I have always had a very poor self-image. I have been overweight since 2nd grade, maybe that was the major cause of it. I am very harsh on myself all the time, and it takes a lot of effort for me to ever see anything good about myself. It's not even just physical... mentally and emotionally, I do not like myself. Yes, this is an issue. It's really quite bad actually, so I won't go into it because you all will just think I am throwing myself a pity party, when that would not be my intention at all.

Now, 27lbs lighter, I'm a bit more comfortable with myself, but still very much dislike everything. I am hoping when I am my ideal size (which is still on the large side of healthy), I will maybe see something positive...For now, haven't gotten there yet.

SparkleShine · September 2011

I'd love to be a size 8 again. It's been about 8 years! I am currently a 12, so I have some work to do! I have been a size10-14 the last several years. I get to about a 10 and slack off and UP goes my weight, do great again and slack....repeat! So sick of that!

JayandBrensMommy · September 2011

Before I started lossing weight I would always feel ashamed of how I looked and how none of my clothes would fit. Since I have started lossing the weight I feel more confident about myself and about what I am wearing.

On another note, I got to walk today. I walked a little over 3 miles pushing a stroller and then after I had supper I done day 4 of the 30 day shred. 26 more days to go.

AmyByExample · September 2011

At my highest I felt embarrassed because I felt like I was wearing all my faults and weaknesses for the world to see. I felt quite "frumpy" as well as lumpy. Picking out what to wear was quite the chore because fewer & fewer clothes in my closet fit. I found myself avoiding all clothing with zippers and no "stretch".

Now, I feel more calm. More in control. Each week something from my closet fits again! More wardrobe choices

I feel like a better example for my kids, because I am practicing what I preach.

Great topic Krys!

Operation: Sexy Claus Challenge Week #1 9.19.11 (Closed Grou

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