Dear annoying person
Replies
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Are you one of my daghters? This is their story. Well written. Sorry, that you are hurting. Excellent thread, everyone.Dear Dad,
You are stressing me the *kitten* out. I think I'm getting physically sick because you REFUSE to help yourself. Why in the world would you not want to get surgery to fix your heart? Do you want to die? AND this whole thing about "healthy food is so bland" .. I don't know what you're talking about my food tastes great. Maybe you should try and change your unhealthy eating habits so that you can live longer and get rid of your diabetes. I'd love for you to walk me down the aisle and at this rate YOU WON'T live that long. WAKE THE *kitten* UP. Stop being so f*cking selfish. If you can't do it for me do it for your grandchildren who LOVE you to pieces. Who CRY because they want to go to your house and spend time with you. Please dad you're only 55 years old.
Love,
Your emotional wreck of a daughter.0 -
This is the most hysterical thread ever. I've started working from home, so mine shall be directed to the newest addition to our family....
My dearest sweet fuzzy bundle of love,
I DO NOT have time to take you outside 20 times a day. It may appear as though I am just sitting here, but it isn't my fault you don't understand the function of a computer. Learn to tell time, dinner is at 6... not 2:30, 3, 3:20, 3:25, 3:58, 4, 4:13, or 5:08 as you insist. I'm quite clear on what you want and banging your food bowl does not increase the likelyhood that dinner will come any faster. Just my migrane.
I do not want to touch your slobbery conglomeration of fuz that used to resemble a fish. So stop putting it on my lap. If you play with your ball by the couch, it will go under the couch. It happens every time. Play with it SOMEWHERE ELSE!
Yes, it is raining. So pee already. Just standing there looking disgruntled is not going to make the rain stop or alleviate your need to use the restroom.
And for the love of all that is holy, stop chewing on the cat.
~ With love, your mother
Awwwww, funny. Welcome to my life...
As for everyone else; THANK YOU for the laughs. Im sorry to laugh at your letters but holy cow they are funny! Many of them I can relate to but I dont write as well as you.
Thanks for this thread. I needed a laugh on this cold rainy New England day...0 -
Dear neighbour children,
Please stop climbing on the fence. Every time you break it I have to go out and fix it again. Now I might claim that effort back as exercise, but I'd really rather be doing something a bit more fun. And, for the love of god, PLEASE get rid of your f'ing trampoline.
Boing...scream...boing...scream...boing...scream...boing...scream...for hour after hour after hour. I wouldn't mind so much if the screaming was of the "help, I'e broken something, please take me to A&E immediately" kind, but despite my hopes and wishes it never is, and why is there always another kid screaming that it's their turn now as well? Just SHUT UP!!0 -
Dear Sibling ~
Thank you for pushing me out of mom's care in her last two years left on Earth. And not calling me when she was in the hospital for 18 days before she died was very thoughtful of you. You did a great job of manipulating me out of the will. Oh, I love how you told mom that I have AIDS (really?) and that all of the money would go to treatment / medication only to have me die in the end, so give it all to you and your kids. But did you have to tell her that I had stolen the guns and jewelry to pawn for money, when you were the one who took/sold them? Honestly, did you expect a reply after 8 years of no communication? What the *kitten* did you mean by "miss you"? From my point of view, you missed nothing: the house, the camp, the vehicles, the bank accounts and all the stocks / bonds our parents worked so hard to save.
~ Your sister
PS ~ If the guilt is too much of a burden, you may issue me a check for $438,000 to help ease your conscience.0 -
Dear downstairs neighbors,
I miss the girl who used to live in your apartment. I'm SICK AND TIRED of you keeping me up until all hours of the morning because you have sex all night. Every night. Oh, yes, I can hear you getting it on in the evenings, too. Can you turn down the volume a little bit? If I wanted to listen to sex, I'd turn on some porn. This cold I have? I think it's lasting longer than it should since I CAN'T GET ANY SLEEP! There's a reason I haven't met you yet, after a month, and it's because I might punch you in your f***ing faces.
Sincerely,
Your pissed off neighbor
PS My roommate says, "If you're going to be so loud, why don't you just videotape it while you're at it so we can watch, too"0 -
Dear children, please call me once awhile when your world is not falling apart or you're broke.
Love this
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Dear Girlfriends Dog,
Yes you are by far the most adorable dog in the world, who would have know a half german shepard half dashund could be so confused. But you need to learn to hold your stuff in. I love that you are so excited to see me, especially cause Im the only one who takes you on walks, but when you pee everywhere as soon as you see me (or anybody for that matter) I hardly want to pet, cuddle, or play with you. Just aswell, when we took you to the company picnic and you instantly **** and pissed all over yourself, that was great.... If you could work on that, Im sure we could be much closer friends,
Thank you for your time0 -
Dear Viagra and Cialis,
When I'm watching a football game on CBS or Fox, and trying to get my kids to actually enjoy football instead of playing XBox or Nintendo 3-DS, please take your stupid ads and run them elsewhere. I just don't feel like explaining erectile dysfunction to young children.
Sincerely,
Pacmanjack
P.S. What's with the his-and-her's outdoor bathtubs anyway?
P.S.S. You really suck0 -
Dear Stuck up Mom at the Bus stop,
WTF is your problem? Do you not speak? Or just not to "lower" people then yourself? I hope you realize how farkin rude you are and how annoying it is to have someone stand 15 ft behind you and not say a word. Btw, You should try keeping your "*kitten* trophies" away from the street... they are suppose to be ON the bus, not under it...
*rolls eyes*... some kid's parents.......0 -
Dear Viagra and Cialis,
When I'm watching a football game on CBS or Fox, and trying to get my kids to actually enjoy football instead of playing XBox or Nintendo 3-DS, please take your stupid ads and run them elsewhere. I just don't feel like explaining erectile dysfunction to young children.
Sincerely,
Pacmanjack
P.S. What's with the his-and-her's outdoor bathtubs anyway?
P.S.S. You really suck
bwahhahahaaha - totally agree!0 -
Dear new neighbors,
Keep you fu(king kids out of my yard. You daughter dug another hole in my yard...wtf is she alowed to have a shovel for in the first place?? I know you don't give a crap about you yard,but I do! Ohh and if I have to get off my rider one more time to pick up YOUR kids' s**t I'm going to start keeping there toys!! Try looking out the window once in a while and you'd see them destroying MY yard! Not that you'd give a damn,you really need to go back where you came from.
PS. I'm STILL waiting for you to repay me for the screen your daughter slit!!!!!!!0 -
Dear Moofey,
That sound is me trying to scratch my butt. My stomach and love handles are in the way and I can't reach around and get it, so I have to drag my butt across the carpet.
Please be more understanding.
LMAO0 -
Bump................ I love this thread!0
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Dear Office Trolls,
Why must you sit in the cube next to me and fart and burp and act like no one notices? Why must some of you fight over the dumbest **** everyday as loud as you can? Why does one of you think it is ok to talk on your cell phone to anyone that calls all day as loud as you can but freaks out if someone eats a freaking chip in the office? Why do you think it is everyone else job to find the deals that you lost or are most likey in your desk because your lazy *kitten* never even bothered to look? Why do you kiss so much *kitten* that you can do whatever you want whenever you want but the rest of us have to work?
There is more but that is all for now.
You annoy me and I really don't like most of you.
Carry on,
Lisa0 -
Dear idiots walking on the sidewalk, move over and let me use it too!0
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Wow. .. .reading these makes me seriously happy about getting to work at home. . The only person right now that can annoy me would be me. .. And that could happen lol. . .
I am only sharing a workspace with the dog and my cats today.. . .
May everyones annoyances get better today. . . May someone or something come near you that makes you smile or laugh. . . Take it easy.
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I'm very grateful that I work alone in the office. My heart goes out to each of you 0
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Dear idiots walking on the sidewalk, move over and let me use it too!
YES! Or please have your pow wow somewhere else, or move HALF A FOOT so I can squeeze through. It's hard to go around you considering I don't want to get hit by a car.0 -
Dear Deadbeat Parent,
Pay your ****ing child support. If after paying said child support and your child still cannot afford FREE lunch, then get a second damn job to take care of your seed. Just because she/he married someone who can now take care of them does not absolve you of your responsibility.
Hope that is not asking for too much!!!0 -
So starting a blog on things that annoy people....
Place to rant!0 -
Dear Mrs. "Your Going To Be Fat Forever"
to put in simply f**k you, just because you failed at your diets does not mean you can degrade somone elses!0 -
Dear bosses that tricked me into being your secretary,
Make your own hotel reservations and print your own boarding passes. Print, scan and store your own personal documents. Make your own credit card purchases. I hate it when people think I am your wife. Analyze your clients accounts, you are the financial advisor, not I.
Quit complaining about every aspect of every trip you take. Most people cannot even afford to go on a trip and you go all the time then complian about the service.
Quit telling me about how you talk with your wife about me.
Please quit pitting me and the other admin against each other by saying my "bill rate" is too high to help with the kitchen work.
Please wash your own dishes.
Please lay me off.
Thank you, I feel better now.
PS-My husband does not want to go to dinner with you and your wives at the restaurant that charges $35 per plate plus side dishes are extra because you are so cheap that we will likely pick up the tab.0 -
Some people never come cleanI heard about you and that man. There's just one thing I don't understand? You say he's a liar and he put out your fire. How come you still got his gun in your hand?
I think you know what I mean
You’re walkin’ the wire, pain and desire
Looking for love in between0 -
Dear children, please call me once awhile when your world is not falling apart or you're broke.
*big hug*0 -
Dear Annoying Person,
I am sick. And I need to rest. I can not go outside 10 times a day. I really need sleep so keeping me up all night is not helping the cause. Stop attacking the dog with utensils and locking yourself in the bathroom.
- Love Mom
ps. You are the still the cutest thing ever.
haha THIS. only, we don't have a dog, so <insert little brother's name here>
p.p.s. you are almost three and I am sending you to live in the Ronald McDonald house if you won't poop in the toilet by then, you demand to do everything else yourself, why not that???0 -
Dear cats,
Learn to play nice! Clumsy I know it's your hormones making you gay for your new little brother, but I'm getting tired of following you around the house to get you to stop biting the kitten's neck and mounting him. Your balls are getting chopped off next week, but if you could try to control yourself a little before then, it'd be great. Also could you cut down on the meowing and trying to crawl under the door to get to the kitten everytime I seperate you two, especially at night, it's cutting into my ability to sleep. Sabby, you need to start catching on soon how much it pisses off Clumsy when you attack his tail. I know it's cute and fluffy, but once his balls are gone and he no longer feels the need to constantly have sex with you, I'm not protecting you anymore and you're on your own. Do not come crying to me when you get body slammed.0 -
FUNNY Stuff! Best reply yet by skittybang! PS...love Mike Myers:D0
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Clumsy made me laugh out loud at my desk.0
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Dear People Who Come into my Store:
Don't come in and stand by the shoes and expect me to read your mind about whether you want to try shoes on or not. I don't know if you're standing there with your thumb up your azz or if you need help. Ask me for help when I greet your dumb self, I don't read minds. In addition to that, if you even look like you have a felony or otherwise look like a non productive member of society, have an obvious serious malfunction, have body odor, are tweaking, shaking, sweating, pupils dilated, smell of alcohol-I WILL NOT answer your stupid questions regarding body armor and I will sure as eff not even humor you when you ask me if I can get you a "po-lices" uniform.
In addition to my coworkers:
I run my store alone, you'll have to hold for a minute while I check on whatever you need, deal with it. No, I don't give an eff that your departments use this or that, mine do not. Different cities, different standards. Yes I think you are all full of fecal matter and I don't like any of ya'll, because you guys know nothing and sabotage me at every opportunity.
The wives and gfs: No, beezy, I don't want your man. I have to touch him to fit him properly. If you want him to get in trouble because his stuff doesn't fit, that's on you. I have a man that I am very happy with, eff you very much.
Last but not least:
Do not, ever, eeeevvvver.....ever assume that because I am "thin" I am a biotch. Don't make bi tch *kitten* comments about how I need a hamburger, yes I know I am underweight and I am working on it. Yes, I know I look like Skeletor, am I saying you look like an orca? No.
Thank you, that is all.0 -
Dear ghetto neighbors/city of indianapolis/nosey old lady neighbor,
You all freakin' suck!
Ghetto neighbors, if I have to listen to your "music" until 2 am on a Saturday night.. one.. more.. time.. I"m going to go over there and shank your face. Red neck neighbors next to ghetto neighbors, your bon fires are annoying and being pregnant and therefore I have a heightened sense of smell.. please take your weekly KKK meetings else where. Ghetto mama living next door, please take your 15 fatherless children and shut the heck up. I do not want to hear you screaming at all hours of the day about God knows what because I can't understand a freaking word you're saying.
City of Indianapolis, stop picking on us! We live in the ghetto. There are houses on this street in MUCH worse shape then ours. Why must you pick on us?! I'm starting to wonder... its because I'm white isn't it? You just assume I have the money to pay for this crap?! You want me to put a new roof on my garage?! WTF? Where am I going to get 1000 extra bucks?! Ugh! We put on new siding liked you b!tched about last year but really.. we're super low income back the heck off!! This isn't freakin' Carmel!
Nosey old lady neighbor, I do not appreciate you calling my husband lazy. Just because he doesn't cut the grass two times a week like someone else I know doesn't mean he's lazy.. it means he's working 40+ hours a week at a job that he hates to make sure there is food on the table. Sorry your vag dried up 40 years ago.... and don't call my dog stupid!!!
With love,
Hannah0
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