Dear annoying person

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  • Peanut1026
    Peanut1026 Posts: 85
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    Dear Mrs. "Your Going To Be Fat Forever"

    to put in simply f**k you, just because you failed at your diets does not mean you can degrade somone elses!
  • lucky1ns
    lucky1ns Posts: 358 Member
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    Dear bosses that tricked me into being your secretary,

    Make your own hotel reservations and print your own boarding passes. Print, scan and store your own personal documents. Make your own credit card purchases. I hate it when people think I am your wife. Analyze your clients accounts, you are the financial advisor, not I.

    Quit complaining about every aspect of every trip you take. Most people cannot even afford to go on a trip and you go all the time then complian about the service.

    Quit telling me about how you talk with your wife about me.

    Please quit pitting me and the other admin against each other by saying my "bill rate" is too high to help with the kitchen work.

    Please wash your own dishes.

    Please lay me off.

    Thank you, I feel better now.

    PS-My husband does not want to go to dinner with you and your wives at the restaurant that charges $35 per plate plus side dishes are extra because you are so cheap that we will likely pick up the tab.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    I heard about you and that man. There's just one thing I don't understand? You say he's a liar and he put out your fire. How come you still got his gun in your hand?
    Some people never come clean
    I think you know what I mean
    You’re walkin’ the wire, pain and desire
    Looking for love in between
  • Peque1130deleted
    Peque1130deleted Posts: 309
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    Dear children, please call me once awhile when your world is not falling apart or you're broke.

    *big hug*
  • ennaejay
    ennaejay Posts: 575
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    Dear Annoying Person,
    I am sick. And I need to rest. I can not go outside 10 times a day. I really need sleep so keeping me up all night is not helping the cause. Stop attacking the dog with utensils and locking yourself in the bathroom.

    - Love Mom

    ps. You are the still the cutest thing ever.

    haha THIS. only, we don't have a dog, so <insert little brother's name here>

    p.p.s. you are almost three and I am sending you to live in the Ronald McDonald house if you won't poop in the toilet by then, you demand to do everything else yourself, why not that???
  • poisongirl1
    poisongirl1 Posts: 93 Member
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    Dear cats,

    Learn to play nice! Clumsy I know it's your hormones making you gay for your new little brother, but I'm getting tired of following you around the house to get you to stop biting the kitten's neck and mounting him. Your balls are getting chopped off next week, but if you could try to control yourself a little before then, it'd be great. Also could you cut down on the meowing and trying to crawl under the door to get to the kitten everytime I seperate you two, especially at night, it's cutting into my ability to sleep. Sabby, you need to start catching on soon how much it pisses off Clumsy when you attack his tail. I know it's cute and fluffy, but once his balls are gone and he no longer feels the need to constantly have sex with you, I'm not protecting you anymore and you're on your own. Do not come crying to me when you get body slammed.
  • LegzyK
    LegzyK Posts: 172 Member
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    FUNNY Stuff! Best reply yet by skittybang! PS...love Mike Myers:D
  • lucky1ns
    lucky1ns Posts: 358 Member
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    Clumsy made me laugh out loud at my desk.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Dear People Who Come into my Store:
    Don't come in and stand by the shoes and expect me to read your mind about whether you want to try shoes on or not. I don't know if you're standing there with your thumb up your azz or if you need help. Ask me for help when I greet your dumb self, I don't read minds. In addition to that, if you even look like you have a felony or otherwise look like a non productive member of society, have an obvious serious malfunction, have body odor, are tweaking, shaking, sweating, pupils dilated, smell of alcohol-I WILL NOT answer your stupid questions regarding body armor and I will sure as eff not even humor you when you ask me if I can get you a "po-lices" uniform.
    In addition to my coworkers:
    I run my store alone, you'll have to hold for a minute while I check on whatever you need, deal with it. No, I don't give an eff that your departments use this or that, mine do not. Different cities, different standards. Yes I think you are all full of fecal matter and I don't like any of ya'll, because you guys know nothing and sabotage me at every opportunity.
    The wives and gfs: No, beezy, I don't want your man. I have to touch him to fit him properly. If you want him to get in trouble because his stuff doesn't fit, that's on you. I have a man that I am very happy with, eff you very much.
    Last but not least:
    Do not, ever, eeeevvvver.....ever assume that because I am "thin" I am a biotch. Don't make bi tch *kitten* comments about how I need a hamburger, yes I know I am underweight and I am working on it. Yes, I know I look like Skeletor, am I saying you look like an orca? No.
    Thank you, that is all.
  • indycello
    indycello Posts: 147 Member
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    Dear ghetto neighbors/city of indianapolis/nosey old lady neighbor,

    You all freakin' suck!

    Ghetto neighbors, if I have to listen to your "music" until 2 am on a Saturday night.. one.. more.. time.. I"m going to go over there and shank your face. Red neck neighbors next to ghetto neighbors, your bon fires are annoying and being pregnant and therefore I have a heightened sense of smell.. please take your weekly KKK meetings else where. Ghetto mama living next door, please take your 15 fatherless children and shut the heck up. I do not want to hear you screaming at all hours of the day about God knows what because I can't understand a freaking word you're saying.

    City of Indianapolis, stop picking on us! We live in the ghetto. There are houses on this street in MUCH worse shape then ours. Why must you pick on us?! I'm starting to wonder... its because I'm white isn't it? You just assume I have the money to pay for this crap?! You want me to put a new roof on my garage?! WTF? Where am I going to get 1000 extra bucks?! Ugh! We put on new siding liked you b!tched about last year but really.. we're super low income back the heck off!! This isn't freakin' Carmel!

    Nosey old lady neighbor, I do not appreciate you calling my husband lazy. Just because he doesn't cut the grass two times a week like someone else I know doesn't mean he's lazy.. it means he's working 40+ hours a week at a job that he hates to make sure there is food on the table. Sorry your vag dried up 40 years ago.... and don't call my dog stupid!!!

    With love,
    Hannah
  • linbee83
    linbee83 Posts: 144
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    To my fellow gym goers:

    To the ladies: I can’t believe that you don’t feel a breeze under those short-shorts when your butt cheeks fall out. I know you worked hard for that rockin’ bod, but please, leave something to the imagination. I don’t want to share your assets. Also, for those who are larger in chest, please, a good bra does wonders. Really it does.

    To the men: I am quite impressed that you can do 50 reps with 120 pound weights. What I am not impressed with is when you leave large sweaty, stinky patches on the machines. I am not your mother. I will clean up after myself, using the disinfectant that is 5 feet away, but please, don’t make me clean up after you. It’s nasty, and it’s common courtesy.

    Thanks much,
    Happy gym-goer.
  • jbug100
    jbug100 Posts: 406 Member
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    Dear Viagra and Cialis,

    When I'm watching a football game on CBS or Fox, and trying to get my kids to actually enjoy football instead of playing XBox or Nintendo 3-DS, please take your stupid ads and run them elsewhere. I just don't feel like explaining erectile dysfunction to young children.

    Sincerely,

    Pacmanjack

    P.S. What's with the his-and-her's outdoor bathtubs anyway?


    Omg, I just peed my pants! I'm sure there's a pill for that too! His and hers bathtubs.....I'm dying!

    Omg, I just peed my pants! I'm sure theres a pill for that too!

    P.S.S. You really suck
  • jbug100
    jbug100 Posts: 406 Member
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    Omg, I just wet my pants! I'm sure there is a pill for that too! His and hers tubs.....I'm dying!
  • Jeepinmom4
    Jeepinmom4 Posts: 298 Member
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    Lmfao...poor kitty...:laugh:
  • hollyb9871
    hollyb9871 Posts: 401 Member
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    I've laughed so much reading this it's making me cry!

    Dear Neighbors-

    To the 'old' neighbors-We adore you and you're family and hate that you left. Just because your husband was sent half way around the world for the next year doesn't mean you should have left us!

    To the 'new' neighbors-Where to start! I hate your dogs with a burning passion. They bark their fool heads off, dig under the fence and have reminded my dog that he can bark (we have worked to keep him from remembering this information) and hr will now bark at your yippy dogs until I bring him back in. You have children between the ages of 9 and 4. The oldest should not be responsible for the others and it clearly doesn't work considering the amount of times the youngest is sitting in the middle of the street. Just because your children annoy you doesn't mean you send them outside to annoy me. Keep them out of my yard and my tree, teach them to not go in my garage if I left the door open, to take out whatever toy them seem to be lacking. Try parenting your children, being outside to make sure they don't get run over is a good start. I am tired of hiding out inside my house to avoid having to parent your children to keep them safe.

    whew! Anyone know of a house for sale in the country??
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
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    To my fellow gym goers:

    To the ladies: I can’t believe that you don’t feel a breeze under those short-shorts when your butt cheeks fall out. I know you worked hard for that rockin’ bod, but please, leave something to the imagination. I don’t want to share your assets. Also, for those who are larger in chest, please, a good bra does wonders. Really it does.
    I think I speak for all men when I strongly disagree here. ;)
    To the men: I am quite impressed that you can do 50 reps with 120 pound weights. What I am not impressed with is when you leave large sweaty, stinky patches on the machines. I am not your mother. I will clean up after myself, using the disinfectant that is 5 feet away, but please, don’t make me clean up after you. It’s nasty, and it’s common courtesy.
    I speak for everyone again when I say no one likes a Staph infection.
  • Lisa_222
    Lisa_222 Posts: 301 Member
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    LMAO! this is the best thread!
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
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    dear forementioned co-workers,
    I cannot hear myself think any longer. I don't give a flying flippidy do dah what flavor of jolly ranchers you prefer.
    I always thought Jolly Ranchers were disgusting anyway.

    PS I want my share of our lottery winnings($11)
  • bbygrl5
    bbygrl5 Posts: 964 Member
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    Dear Netflix/Qwikster/lame-*kitten*:

    Aww, you're reporting a loss this quarter? ..too bad you are just now learning the meaning of corporate responsibility! ESAD!!
  • kbrodzen
    kbrodzen Posts: 66
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    I think you guys just made my day!! You are all hilarious.. but I feel you guys!!! Good luck! :drinker:

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