What age is appropriate for you kid to start dating?
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Anything before is just childish crushes, saying you are boyfriend and girlfriend, when you have only maybe held hands, never talk to eachother, whatever.
Seriously, where do you live, the fifties? I'm thirty now, and there are a number of people I went to school with who have teenage children by now. They were most definitely not just holding hands and sending Valentines at 15...0 -
I am the father of 7. 5 in college, 1 high school and one graduated. All have done well and are well behaved people.
The quick answer is 16. If there was some fancy dance a month or so before their 15th birthday, I would make an exception, but not for anything else. AND at 16 its double or group date ONLY.
At 18... single dating still discouraged, but not forbidden, and no I don't care that they are adults then I am the Dad and I have the wallet '-)
Good grief! Five in college and you still have something in the wallet? Must be bright kids!0 -
When Ive asked her when is she finally going to give boys a chance to get to know her, she replies, she is very busy and wouldnt have time for a relationship. I just hope she doesnt turn into a 40 year old virgin.
lol The other day my sister asked if K (my girl) is ever going to date. I said, "I'm pretty sure K is going to end up as a virgin spinster with 30 cats."0 -
My 16 year old son had his first date last weekend. It was his homecoming dance. The girl he took was nice enough...but her mother kept calling me in the days/week prior to the dance with tidbits like..."your son isn't talking to my daughter"....."he doesn't send her long text...just one word responses"....what's a mom supposed to do with that information? I apololgized to her if her daughter had higher expectations, but that's just my son....he's got alot to learn....and nerves to get over...but he's only 16.....I think we have some time!! I think he's the best thing since sliced bread......
Can you imagine having that woman as your mother-in-law? what a nut case!0 -
I currently have 2 boys, plan to have more kids in the future. I will let them have chaperoned 'dates' as soon as they start asking, as long as the other parent is fine with it and I get to talk to them first. Might turn out to be more like a double family outing. LOL As far as any 'private' time is concerned, I haven't decided on when that will start yet. They are going to have to sit through a lot of discussions about sex, feelings, reproduction, not trusting birth control since every method aside from abstinence has a real failure rate, how easy it is to get a girl pregnant and what happens afterward and to come directly to me and their dad if it happens, etc first before they gain my approval for private dates. I don't have a specific age in mind, I'd like them to wait as long as possible to do any serious dating b/c I don't want it to interfere with their school, but realistically I know that teenagers get interested in dating way before they are done with school so we'll take one day at a time.0
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Anything before is just childish crushes, saying you are boyfriend and girlfriend, when you have only maybe held hands, never talk to eachother, whatever.
Seriously, where do you live, the fifties? I'm thirty now, and there are a number of people I went to school with who have teenage children by now. They were most definitely not just holding hands and sending Valentines at 15...
Its all about the parenting at that point. Im saying with good parenting, thats as far as it gets0 -
Good grief! Five in college and you still have something in the wallet? Must be bright kids!
It amazes me too! lol
(Hint: Post graduate science majors get FREE schooling AND get paid for working in the lab!!)0 -
Anything before is just childish crushes, saying you are boyfriend and girlfriend, when you have only maybe held hands, never talk to eachother, whatever.
Seriously, where do you live, the fifties? I'm thirty now, and there are a number of people I went to school with who have teenage children by now. They were most definitely not just holding hands and sending Valentines at 15...
Its all about the parenting at that point. Im saying with good parenting, thats as far as it gets
Good parenting aside, by that time kids have a mind of their own. Believe me. I had amazing parents and definitely made my own decisions.0 -
I think it really depends on the child and the parents. My son had a g/f when he was 13 but of course they didnt go places alone. He didnt always want to be with her. They behaved like friends. They would go places with the family. More or less hanging out, but the real dates didnt start until he was 16 and driving. My now 13 year old daughter doesnt even seem interested yet so we will see!0
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I so don't want to think about this right now. She's only 2. I'm gonna go with 15/16 though.0
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Its all about the parenting at that point. Im saying with good parenting, thats as far as it gets
Wow, that's really presumptious. I had a friend with excellent parents, she just happened to be extraordinarily willful and started sneaking out at 12, sex at like 13.0 -
... because, lets be honest, she'll probably do it behind our backs if we put an age restriction on her ...
WOW... if you start with that attitude you have already lost! Did my kids do things behind my back? Maybe, but that never stopped me from setting REASONABLE rules and enforcing them. We are parents and need to act like parents. NEVER be afraid of setting limits.
On the other hand, a wise man and successful father told me, "Never say "NO" to your kids unless you have a good reason." And folks, sometimes just having a bad "feeling" about it IS a good reason.
One more bit from me, a father of 7.... I always allowed my children the option of buying out of trouble. If they were grounded for bad grade, all they needed was a note from the teacher saying the grade was improved and the punishment ended. Other things required special extra service (work) around the home or in the community to buy a pass.
It is easy for younger parents/parents of young children (such as myself, I have a toddler and preschooler) to fall prey to cynical attitudes. I find it immensely reassuring to hear you report otherwise.0 -
I've let my children determine their own readiness for "liking". I pay attention to them and we play it by ear.
At age 11 my older son (who's almost 14 now) had a girlfriend...in the absolute broadest sense of the word. She was a girl with whom he walked home after school. Their relationship consisted of holding hands and giving one another a hug when I went out to meet him halfway and she had to go in her direction. I was comfortable with this. At 13, he has had many "girlfriends." He is only allowed on public dates with them (to the movies with his brother and other friends). They have yet to last over 1 week. They mostly consist of Facebook chatting, and text messaging when he has a cellphone (I refuse to pay for one for him, so it's up to his dad to keep up with that).
At age 11, my younger son still has no interest in dating.
Kids are really fickle. In my highly unprofessional opinion, it's best for parents to set good examples of healthy relationships with their partners/spouses, to keep an open line of non-judgmental non-accustory communication with their children, and to monitor their children's social activities.0 -
Im thinking my daughter can start dating at about 35-40...0
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It is a standing joke at my home that our daughter will not date until she is 30 and marry when she is 40...but in all honesty I see the horrors and heartbreak of too many, girls especially, who "date" and give their hearts away to end up heartbroken. My goal is to guide my daughter through this process to the best of my ability and maintain an open and honest conversation with her. Something that I did not have growing up.
I have read many books with many teenagers on the subject and had open dialogue with them. Some don't see the harm in dating early, others see a strong need to wait. The ones that wait have a clearer idea of who they are looking for in a mate rather than looking for someone to make them feel as if they are not alone. For my daugher, I will share all of what I have learned from watching other teenagers, my own experience as a teen and guide her in her decision making process. Whatever age we as parents choose to begin to allow her to date, her very first date will be with her dad. As parents, we want her to understand what it means to date and how she is to be treated. The standard will be high and God willing she will see the wisdom in all of it.
I know that this does not answer your question with an actual age, but not all kids are mature enough to handle the responsibility of dating at the same age. I only have to look at my own life experiences to know this is true. I had two sisters who had their first babies at 16 & 17. As for myself, I had been married for 13 years and was 34 before my first daughter was born.
On a side note...I am considering looking into courtship vs. dating...I know some families who have taught their children this method and I love their children and their approach to the whole "dating" idea. Have not done any research into it yet...my daughter is only 5, but I am considering it
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I don't have children.
I had a boyfriend at 14. We were kissing/above the belt at 15.
Sex at 16.
It depends on the child.
Curious... I agree that kids are different, no doubt. But do you think your parents were really engaged and "supervising" you and you just were sneaky? or??
I really am curious.0 -
my daughter will be 9 in another month...i'm scared sh!tless. Up until recently the theory that boys were gross was working. Now she tells me about "eric" and "austin"...yesterday after school she was playing with friends and told me that the boy in the black t-shirt likes her. OMFG.
My parents didn't have a rule about dating. by time i was in grade 7 i was hell on wheels and every rule they made was broken before they finished making it. I pulled every trick in the book. I know what i was doing by time i got to high school...she's just like me only worse--i'm in for one hell of a ride.
i will never suffocate my child with rules...she will only rebel harder. I can just try and teach her to respect her body...and hope she talks to me about stuff before there's a real problem. birth control and safe sex...and respect for her mother or i will beat her *kitten* regardless of how big she is.
I would be okay with "group" dates in grade 7...and a "single" date in grade 9 or 10. all i can hope for is that she stays off drugs and doesn't end up pregnant before she makes it out of high school...college would be great...little steps.0 -
I'll allow my boys when they're 16, but their father says 14. It's a compromise we'll have to meet in the middle at since we are no longer together.
No daughters, but if I did have one she would not be allowed til she was 18. I was an ill behaved teenager and was always up to no good so I tend to trust the boys more than the girls.0 -
As a 20 year old, really dating in my opinion, as a guy, shouldnt happen until 16, when you can drive yourself places. Anything before is just childish crushes, saying you are boyfriend and girlfriend, when you have only maybe held hands, never talk to eachother, whatever. Everything before, getting drove by your parents, etc is not only akward for the kids, but really akward for the parents too.
As a mother of two sons..one is 20, one is 5, I agree with this statement, COMPLETELY. I don't have daughters but I am one. I think I went on my first date when I was 15. The boy was 17, and completely vetted by my parents. They liked him, so naturally we never went out again.0 -
Good grief! Five in college and you still have something in the wallet? Must be bright kids!
It amazes me too! lol
(Hint: Post graduate science majors get FREE schooling AND get paid for working in the lab!!)
Oh, I am taking that to heart. I was just reading Tom Brokaw's column today about the need for a new "three R's", and wondering how my children will aqcuire education like that.0
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