Free Therapy: Another Open Letter!
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Dear Jeff:
Kiss my *kitten*.
Amanda
PS....Don't EVER, I mean EVER threaten me again.:explode:
Ya! Go girl!:flowerforyou:0 -
OH MY GOD I hate it when people go out thinking they are something of the greatness and they have nasty breath and or body odor. There should be a law agaist body odor and bad breath.Dear Venti Non Fat Iced Chai,
Will you forgive me for this sudden abandonment? I love you more than words can ever say. The 2 or 3 times we spent together every single day really meant alot to me. You will forever have a spot in my heart. It's not you. It's me. Oh wait maybe it is you. You are packed with sugars which I cannot have. In a few weeks I shall think about returning. My tummy is sad without you. My head has been giving my pains ever since our last time at Starbeezy. I miss you Iced Chai!!!!! Do you know I even have a half empty cart in the fridge stiil because I cannot bear to waste you and throw you in the trash.
Love,
Iced Chai Lover
My handsome boy,
This attitude you have developed has really got to calm down. The screeching and telling me "YOU MEAN" " MOMMY YOUR ARE SOOO MEAN..SOO SOO MEAN" or the one that bugs me the most "MOMMY I DON'T LIKE YOU THEN" have all got to stop. Mommy loves your lil butt and when you say things like that tomommy it hurts her heart. When I come home from work please do not be rude with me 5 minutes after we hug. You cannot always have your way. When mommy is driving you better stop un-buckling your seat belt and then quuickly re-buckling. I have told you a million times that mom knows everything you do. Please stop taking all your clothes off and using the excuse "I'M HOT'
Oh, and remember that mommy is on a diet and she cannot eat your food. So stop bringing me things I cannot eat. Please stop asking for "manilla milk from tarbux" Be nice to daddy too.
Your loving mommy
Dear Smelly People,
Seriously. Do you honestly not know that you smell? Whether it is your breath or your frikkin body. Please correct this problem. Take a shower. Brush your teeth two times a day or even just once for starters. I cannot stand being face to face with s***breath any more. I will not tell you but I did assume the disturbing look on my face and thet way I back away from you when we are standing face to face talking would let you know something is wrong. It is a big problem. Please just brush your teeth. This has been bothering me for some time now. I just do not know how to tell you. Yo breath smells like crap!! Wash your armpits and your booty. If I walk by you and I smell you...how the heck do you not smell yourself??? This boggles my mind. Seriously. Wake up. Take a shower brush your grill and change your dang clothes. And underwear. It's very easy and even convenient. Billions of humans do it everyday.
Respectfully,
Tryin hard not to breath
Dear Boss,
Please stop you frikkin bit*****.KNow what you are talking about before the rude emails and phone calls come in. You are too grown for that behavior anyhow. You are a bit over weight and you may just give yourself a mild heart attck one day. Call me nicely. I am not your lil bi***. I am your employee. I do not want to hear garbage about others in this company either. It is not my business. I enjoy you when you are pleasent. Let's keep it that way. No one likes to be yelled out or belittled. Everything is always under control. Except for your coping skills because you do not have any!!!!!!!
The Book Keeper
hahahaha this was fun!!!0 -
Dear Year One (classic car parts dealer):
Hurry up and send me my damn car door so I can drive again!
Bite me very much,
A disgruntled customer:mad:0 -
Dear Tummy Roll,
We have had this talk before, but please, when I say suck in, you suck in. This does not mean that you suck in until I sit down and then pop out like the squished part of a balloon. Also, quit pulling my shirts up. Its unattractive, NOBOBDY wants to see you. I don't even like you. Please go and make friends with 10 malnourished people who need you, you stupid parasite.
Signed,
The Rest of Very Angry Body.
Dear Bag of Cheetos,
I am on to you. I have heard you and Tummy Roll conversing while I am fixing dinner. This conspiracy will not be tolerated any longer! Know that your services are not required. Whispering longingly from the top of the cubord no longer works. If you do not cease your obnoxious interference in my new life, I will open you up and let you go stale.
Signed,
Stubborn Healthy Person0 -
:laugh: These are just hilarious!!! I love them:laugh:
-Adrienne
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Dear Property Tax Assessment Authorities,
Thank you for seeing the need, with the shaky economy, to de-value our recently-purchased home by $10,000 this year. It was just what I was hoping for.
And thank you, powers that be, for notifying us that property taxes may now have to be INCREASED PROPORTIONATELY, due to the devaluing of all the homes in our area. (Heaven forbid that YOU should have to work with less, like the rest of us!)
Yes, that's right, our house is worth less, and we are being taxed more! Yea! I can hardly contain myself.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! In a year or two, when the market rebounds, and our property value goes back up - guess what? Our proportionally adjusted taxes will ensure that we will pay EVEN MORE than we would have if you had just left things alone! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you....:grumble: :grumble: :grumble: :grumble: :grumble:0 -
Dear Cats,
You, the Siamese, stop throwing up right next to my bed. You know I have to get up to potty at night. I read you my letter I posted on the ZZZZZZZZZ thread where we discussed our sleep habits and you know it must be dark for me to sleep. You also know from my reading to you that I don't wear socks, can't wear socks - they are hot. And that I can't sleep if I am too hot or too cold. So now you put your little cold wet *whatever* just where my foot will land. This wakes me up and after I turn on the light to clean up, I may as well stay up - since I am now WIDE awake.
You, the black one. There is not room on the chair for both of us. I have lost as much weight as I am going to lose to solve this problem. Now it is your turn to get on the elliptical and cut back on your late night snacking. It is just arrogance for you to push up on my elbow with your rear end, assumably trying to move my arm.
Respectfully,
Your servant and housemaid.0 -
dear alcohol,
it's been a week now since we have seen each other.
i miss you. i miss you very badly and part of me really wants you back in my life so i can be with you every night like we used to be.:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:
but, i think i'm a better person w/out you. you seem to take over any situation we are in together and i'm not happy w/ that. we tried to just see each other a little bit over time, but that did not work.
i love you too much.
i see in my personality that i want to have you w/ me a lot or not at all.
~no in between.
we need to stay apart
Dear Alcohol,
It's only been about 24 hours since we last met. Thank you for making me look like a fool last night by doing the following: taking too many pictures, falling flat on my butt leaving a GINORMOUS bruise which will only get bigger with time, losing my sweater and my phone, and making my adoring boyfriend take care of his puking girlfriend for hours. I would also like to thank you for my pounding headache I had all day long and for the 15 hours of sleep I have gotten because you made me lazy (an extra thanks for not letting me get my workout in today).
I know I say this every time I see you, but our relationship is over. Your presence is too intoxicating for me to handle.
Love,
Drunk and in Love0 -
dear alcohol,
it's been a week now since we have seen each other.
i miss you. i miss you very badly and part of me really wants you back in my life so i can be with you every night like we used to be.:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:
but, i think i'm a better person w/out you. you seem to take over any situation we are in together and i'm not happy w/ that. we tried to just see each other a little bit over time, but that did not work.
i love you too much. i see in my personality that i want to have you w/ me a lot or not at all.
~no in between.
we need to stay apart
Dear Alcohol,
It's only been about 24 hours since we last met. Thank you for making me look like a fool last night by doing the following: taking too many pictures, falling flat on my butt leaving a GINORMOUS bruise which will only get bigger with time, losing my sweater and my phone, and making my adoring boyfriend take care of his puking girlfriend for hours. I would also like to thank you for my pounding headache I had all day long and for the 15 hours of sleep I have gotten because you made me lazy (an extra thanks for not letting me get my workout in today).
I know I say this every time I see you, but our relationship is over. Your presence is too intoxicating for me to handle.
Love,
Drunk and in Love
That is so funny...I mean sad...I mean funny......been there. Thankfully not for many years - but definitiely when I was your age! Take care. Kick that third drink to the curb next time. Keep the sweet BF, though.
:glasses: (Dark glasses for the headache.)0 -
Dear landlord,
I know that you know that I know that our rent is the cheapest in the neighborhood. . .
Still that doesn't excuse the fact that for the past three years straight, when there's a heavy buildup of snowfall, my bedroom ceiling leaks onto my bed. (and how does it know to only do it at four in the morning?)
What you've doing to "fix" it obviously isn't working. I've heard about this thing called a "roofer". . .which is a professional individual you call for problems like these. It's time for you to call one. I've seen your really nice house, and I'm guessing your roof doesn't leak icy cold water on your feet in the night.
For the love of god, fix it.
S.V.P, et Merci.0 -
I love this thread.0
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giggle0
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Dear fat coworkers,
Can you guys please stop bringing fatty suggary snacks to the office, none of us need them seriously!! I hate that they are right in front of my desk and that i have to see them and smell them all day long. We don't really need heart shaped cookies and chocolates, its still january!
Love,
fat coworker!0 -
Father of my child
you are a jerkfaced reject!!! How dare you get your gf to call me up and tell me how horrible of a mother I am because your child had a PB&J sandwhich for dinner, because he has holes in his snow pants, and because i sent him to a friends house last weekend because i needed to paint the living room. Perhaps if you paid your child support that i havent seen in the past 6 years maybe i could afford new snowpants and shrimp... and maybe if you would come get your kid when you are supposed to i wouldnt have to send him to other peoples houses so i could get stuff done. I am sick and tired of your gf telling me what a f-ing C*** i am ... i will no longer take this verbal and mental abuse.... You have threatened to call Childrens Aid on me go for it!!!! you threaten to take custody of him... go for it!!!! I would love to see you try!!! you really think they are gonna give him to you when you cant pick him up every second weekend and you cant pay your child support? :laugh: your an idiot .... It was also nice that your gf said you will no longer be picking him up cuase your gonna go to court first... but hey its all good I dont need you nor have i ever!! I can do it all by myself .. i have been for the past 8 years!!!
sincearly yours the
f-ing C***
ahhh that felt good lol0 -
To the father of Jackeh's child,
WHAT SHE SAID!!!
Go girl:flowerforyou:
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to the GF of my ex,
When you talk you sound like the teacher from Charlie Brown woaaa woaaaa woaaa waaaaa.... seriously now just shut up...
I like you so much i can feel it in my colon
jackie0 -
to the GF of jackeh's ex,
What she said.:explode:
sincerely,
cmr0 -
Ya gotta love some free therapy
Dear Snow:
For the love of all that is holy, go away. You depress the heck out of me, you make it hard to get to class, out of my driveway, and generally around in life. I hate you, yet you keep coming back to me. Stop now please, leave for this season. P.S. Time heals all wounds, I'm sure I'll miss you a little before next winter.
Sincerely,
Kelly
Dear Body:
Please, please, please co-operate with me. I'm feeding you right, we keep going to the gym, I bought you new presents, please start dropping the weight.
Sincerely,
The girl that loves you despite all our differences
Dear Multiple Sources of Stress in my life:
You know what you are made up of, and you know what your doing to me. Please stop. I will reward you with happiness and that smile that keeps seeming harder to summon.
Sincerely,
Kelly0 -
Dear Buttox, Arms and Stomach,
Stop being lazy and lift up already! I've been exercising for 2 year now. You should be in good shape by now! I'm doing my part; now it's your turn. Just because the breast are sagging doesn't mean you have to do it, too. I'd appreciate some cooperation here, OK????
I expect to see some results soon!
With some distain,
Susan
Yeah, the same goes for mine!
Also with some disdain,
Betty0 -
To the father of Jackeh's child,
WHAT SHE SAID!!!
Go girl:flowerforyou:
Yeah, I second that!
Signed, Single mom too. (Betty) :flowerforyou:0
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