Free Therapy: Another Open Letter!

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  • furrflys
    furrflys Posts: 84
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    Dear adorable little chihuahua puppy that I inherited from my daughter 'cause you too ugly to live with her,

    I know it is cold outside. I know your little tooter could actually freeze to the ground. But for the love of pete could you please stop taking a dookie in my bathroom, even after I just let you out. Just because I do it in the toilet doesn't mean you do it in front of the toilet. Perhaps if you could figure out how to climb up and get it in the toilet I wouldn't mind as much. But you are only as big as a mouse, and you can't do it. I don't care that it is the size of a tootie roll. It is gross and we have to figure out another way to do this, despite your cuteness and your big tear filled eyes.

    Signed,
    Your chitter picker upper.

    P.S.,, the big dog asked me to remind you to quit humping her nonstop, she isn't interested.



    I haven't laughed so hard in a long time!!! We also have a chihuahua "Chiquita". She is 6 freaking years old and still not house broke! She's hairless, grey, and is the next contestent for the ugliest dog contest. And she used to hump our 100lb nuetered german shepard till he would whine to be let out when she was in heat. He died of old age now she has no one to hump, at least we dont have to explain that to company anymore:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :noway:

    Six years? ARRRRRGHHHHH! I have to go through this for six more years? Isn't it funny how much we put up with from a tiny dog than we do a big dog? Like would it really be cute if she was a Mastiff crapping in my bathroom or humping nonstop? :laugh:
    6 years would be a hopeful wish I fear! I don't know why we tolerate it. I clean my carpets every 2 weeks and it still smells like chi whizz. Maybe we should call Caeser the dog whisperer!
  • sunflower8926
    sunflower8926 Posts: 485 Member
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    I had to comment on the Chihuahua letter...

    We have two Chihuahua crosses, and had a HECK of a time toilet training them. They still make occasional mistakes, but not nearly the way they used to.

    One, the girl, just plain doesn't like to poop outside for some reason. I literally spent up to two hours some evenings walking her, waiting for her to poop, so I wouldn't wake up to it in the morning. It was grueling, and took probably two months of consistently taking NO for an answer (staying out until she finally pooped), but eventually she got it.

    It is certainly no easier to toilet train dogs than children, and I think in some respects it is harder. If you really want to train the dog, you must be relentlessly consistent. If not, buy a kennel just a little larger than the dog, and kennel it at night. (Mine sleep on my bed at night, which is how I solved the night-time problem.)

    Sigh...
  • Hannah_Banana
    Hannah_Banana Posts: 1,242 Member
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    Dear Skinny Skank at the bar who metaphorically represents every person who has ever said this to me and any other woman struggling with their weight.


    I AM NOT: "pretty for my size". I'm pretty enough for me. Get over it. Pretty is as pretty does. I can diet, you'll still be an idiot.

    I AM NOT: "you've got such a nice personality". I've got an awesome personality, not to mention intelligence, grace, style, charm, and tact. You should try buying yourself some of those things."

    YOU ARE NOT: "OMG I am SO fat" in your size 4 jeans. I know you may have body issues and I sympathize but really I feel like you are wanting me to stroke you and say "oh nooo you look great you could be as fat as me wouldn't that suck?" Go sit over there and smuggly eat your King Sized M&M's , slurp your diet coke, while I choke down another rice cake and a my umpteenth bottle of water that is frankly making me feel a little sloshy in the tummy.

    Stick it, stuck up girl,
    Hottie in the making

    Oh... I'm printing that out and carrying in my pocket! :drinker: :bigsmile:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    it's like she's staring into my soul. :indifferent:
    I hear ya!:glasses:
  • KLS10
    KLS10 Posts: 127
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    Dear dumb ***** in Skagit Valley and Snohomish County:
    There is no reason that the police should have to confiscate over 200 purebred puppies in one day. Puppy Mills are one of the worst things on this planet and I can not understand anyone that supports a puppy mill. The dogs are in tiny cages living in their own feces completely robotic becuase they have never had human love. Dogs and cats are human animals and deserve to be loved. Most dogs that are bred have been at puppy mills there whole lives and have never even been hugged by a human, they get shelter shock and go insane sometimes eating off thier own limbs. How can you live in the same house as these poor helpless puppies that you force to have sex with eachother just to make a profit? Some people have no feelings for animals and quite frankly I wish I could meet you so I could shoot you, more so make you be in the most unbelievable pain of your life, stick you in a cage no bigger then a bathtub and walk past you everyday while you **** yourself and I don't care. People that support or run puppy mills need to be killed and I have never hated an industry so much, except maybe the meat industry but that is a whole other story.
    PUPPY MILLS SUCK AND SO DO THE PEOPLE THAT SUPPORT/RUN THEM
    go get shot :smile: then the world would be a better place
    thanks
  • lynniejones
    lynniejones Posts: 1,291 Member
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    Ya um puppy mills suck but so does gun violence.

    Hmm will have to weigh that one out in my mind.
  • KLS10
    KLS10 Posts: 127
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    the difference is, people actually run puppy mills. Yet, I could never shoot anyone... sadly. Until I am a cop and can make up excuses ha ha ha
  • lynniejones
    lynniejones Posts: 1,291 Member
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    the difference is, people actually run puppy mills. Yet, I could never shoot anyone... sadly. Until I am a cop and can make up excuses ha ha ha


    Hehehehe. I'm terrified of guns, so I don't think cop is on my list of jobs I want to take on.

    :laugh:
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,080 Member
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    it's like she's staring into my soul. :indifferent:
    I hear ya!:glasses:

    Hi.
  • KLS10
    KLS10 Posts: 127
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    reply to the lady whos dog pees on the carpet:
    My cat has a problem of peeing on my bed, sometimes when I am gone but also sometimes when I am sleeping. The way I see it, its just a bed. I love my baby girl more then anything so I deal with her pee problems. I would rather have her then my bed anyways plus I can always clean my bed! I put up with her because I love her and I have soooooo much respect for you for putting up with it for 6 years! (it's not awesome she pees but your awesome for putting up with it and not abandoing her!) yayyy for awesome people!
    :smile:
  • sweetassurance
    sweetassurance Posts: 461
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    Dear officer please do not give me a ticket. I did not run a stop light this is true. Please give me a moment to explain. The van that I drive is extremely huge and the manufacturing company only built it with a V-6 engine. When I come to a stop, the weight of the vehicle causes it to be pushed forward. So you see your officer I did not run a stop light the van did.

    In addition, if you have to write a ticket I will understand but please just make it out to the manufacturing company. Thank you.:laugh:
  • heyjude78
    heyjude78 Posts: 160
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    Dear Redlands Citizen Patrol Volunteer,
    I'd like to thank you for your kind attention to my car the other day - I assure you I'm so appreciative of the $135 ticket you left on my car while I was at the gym. You were so attentive in noticing the registration on my car that expired a whole 22 days ago! I'm so excited to go to the gym now that I have to be paranoid that I'll get a ticket every time I go thanks to you... I will add this to my College parking ticket and my toll road violation. These tickets are my highest priority and I will be sure not to pay my rent or my back car payments or my liability insurance- or even eat! in order to pay these tickets. I love my car and especially all of the great attention it gives me- thanks for noticing (how'd you know I was lonely?).

    Yours Truly,
    Future Bicycle Rider:huh:
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
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    Dear Channel 10 Weatherman:

    You suck! If I have to wake up to frost EVERYWHERE for one more morning, I will leave a flaming bag of dog poo on your doorstep the next day.

    Sincerely,

    A (cold!) morning news viewer.
  • Losing_It
    Losing_It Posts: 3,271 Member
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    Dear Income Tax Refund,

    GET IN MY MAILBOX, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That is all!:smile: ,

    Love,

    Anxiously NEEDING to get out of debt!!!
  • nickybr38
    nickybr38 Posts: 674 Member
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    Dear Body,

    Please stop being so tired. The doctor's have checked you over repeatedly and you're perfectly healthy... so stop with the being tired and unwilling to move thing, okay?

    Sincerely,
    Me

    PS: Heart, you can stop doing the whole skip rope randomly throughout the day thing, it's annoying. I get it, you're there, you don't have to remind me.
  • Losing_It
    Losing_It Posts: 3,271 Member
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    Dear Pack rats..I mean neighbors,

    I get it that more than 15 people are apparently living in your 2 bedroom home..and that's ok..I could care less. BUT must you throw your bags of trash out into the yard..without even tying them up? I mean..come on..if your going to bother with putting it in the bag, tie the damn thing, please. I'm sick of having to pick up ALL (almost all---see below) of your trash that blows over here...your mail included. :explode:

    Sincerely,
    The lady who refuses to pick up your dirty feminine products!:sick:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    it's like she's staring into my soul. :indifferent:
    I hear ya!:glasses:

    Hi.
    :glasses: :noway: :wink: :tongue:

    and of course if beans has anything to say about it...this is what she might say: eeek.gif:laugh:
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    Dear Job:

    I am so sick of this love/hate relationship.

    I love that you exist in this terrible economy. I love that you provide me with just barely enough to scrape by, I truly do. And I adore my coworkers. They are the greatest, bar none.

    But I hate you. I am not a banker, so why am I here? I don't understand the subject matter, nor do I care to. And I HATE feeling stupid and unemotional about my work. This should be a career but it's just a job. I just want to find a job where I belong, emotionally and mentally.

    Now I realize this letter shouldn't be addressed to you, dear Job, but to me. Get off your lazy *kitten* and FIND A NEW JOB. One you can ENJOY and feel passionate about.

    Signed,
    Down in the Dumps Me
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
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    Dear Daughter Natalie,

    Farting in public isn't really funny. Can't really blame it on the dog then, can we?

    Put a cork in it,

    Your mother.
  • finallyproud
    finallyproud Posts: 154 Member
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    Dear "So called" friend,

    I realize your car is a piece of crap, and breaks down all the time. I don't mind running you all over town when I have better things to do...really I don't what are friends for? BUT it would have been nice for you to offer me some gas money...is $10 to much to ask? I didn't just get my tax refund back, and I really don't think it's good for my car to be sucking fumes the way it was when I dropped you off today. :grumble: I'm still your friend but next time you need a ride call someone else.

    Your unappreciated friend

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