Free Therapy: Another Open Letter!

jackeh

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Girlmom282109

Dear daughter,

You are only two and half years old, you still need a nap. Not only to make you happier but so mom can get a break. You are a very smart child and you talk non stop all day long and sometimes I just need some quiet time to myself. :sad: :sad:

Also, Could you please try to wear something else besides your blue princess dress? :noway:

Your Loving Mamma, "the queen" :laugh:

Umeboshi

Dear weather,
This is getting ridiculous. You're so fickle with me and it's wreaking havoc on my emotions. One day you're frigid towards me and the next you're warm and inviting. Make up your mind and stop tempting me with happiness. :sad: You know my seasonal depression can't take this!!

Dear Mom and Dad,
I love you dearly and you're so supportive of me, but can you try to realize I'm an adult? I know you're working on it, but I'm 19 in two weeks, in college, and living on my own. When I meet you for dinner I don't need you to nag me about my homework. I meet you because i respect you as friends and like to catch up.

Dear Girlfriend,
Stop whining when fast food places put cheese on your sandwich or their fries aren't good or you get a salad you weren't expecting but it has cheese or anything but lettuce and ranch on it. It's not that big of a deal. You don't even like food all that much and you've said yourself you only eat for nutrition and that food isn't your thing like it is mine. I'm the one paying for the food to begin with, too.
It gets on my *#$@%&$ nerves because you act like a spoiled 10 year old. You are 10 years older than me and you should know better!!!

Also, don't whine or procrastinate when I want you to do the dishes around the house. You are living here 1/2 the week for free, and the other half you spend at your parent's house where your only chore is to clean your cat's litter box. You are 29 and if the only responsibility I give you is to do the dishes, I think you can handle it. Don't complain. Especially since you are doing nothing else all week since you don't have a job!!!!

You can't live off unemployment forever. And you need to seriously talk with your parents about helping you pay for your last year in college so you can get a decent job and take care of us when we get married and etc.. I'm going to be pissed if I finish college before you do.

Also, please understand that I'm depressed and have no $** drive. Not to mention i have no attraction to women. I support you being Transgendered completely and i'll help you in any way possible but please don't expect me to have attraction to you as a female. You're HOT when you dress as a guy, but as a girl I just am not into you in that way.... The whole situation is really hard for me too.



Whew. I feel better already.

cmriverside

Dear Mom,

I love you dearly and you're so supportive of me, but can you try to realize I'm an adult? I know you're working on it, but I'm 19 in two weeks, in college, and living on my own. When I meet you for dinner I don't need you to nag me about my homework. I meet you because i respect you as friends and like to catch up.

My words EXACTLY when I was 40! Good luck xxSleepyKittenxx

mello

Dear Economy,

Please, please, for the love of peace and sanity right yourself. You know how hard it's been to come to work every day and you know how quickly my job has changed over from the financial sector to being a hand holding therapist. I'm tired of telling people that it's going to be ok, that we're going to recover but deep down wonder myself if and when that will be.

Dear Everyone Who Lives Outside Their Financial Means,

Please stop spending more than you make, if you make $60K a year, you CANNOT afford a $250K home no matter what the bank allows you to borrow. You work up to having the pleasure of owning toys such as boats, swimming pools, ATV's etc, you don't have to start out in your young adult life with them. Our parents and grandparents worked to earn what they have, maybe if we start doing the same we can help right this mess.......

I'm not trying to be political....I just had to vent. It's better to do this than go in the bathroom and cry from stress.:explode:

A dedicated employee who's having a bad day

Marla64

Dear Economy,

Please, please, for the love of peace and sanity right yourself. You know how hard it's been to come to work every day and you know how quickly my job has changed over from the financial sector to being a hand holding therapist. I'm tired of telling people that it's going to be ok, that we're going to recover but deep down wonder myself if and when that will be.

Dear Everyone Who Lives Outside Their Financial Means,

Please stop spending more than you make, if you make $60K a year, you CANNOT afford a $250K home no matter what the bank allows you to borrow. You work up to having the pleasure of owning toys such as boats, swimming pools, ATV's etc, you don't have to start out in your young adult life with them. Our parents and grandparents worked to earn what they have, maybe if we start doing the same we can help right this mess.......

I'm not trying to be political....I just had to vent. It's better to do this than go in the bathroom and cry from stress.:explode:

A dedicated employee who's having a bad day

Dear Washington politicians, from both parties, who are so very clueless--

Please, please, please heed this dear young lady. We don't need handouts. We need personal responsibility. Please stop enabling this insanity--

cmriverside

Dear Stupid Banks and Greedy Mortgage Sharks,

Twenty years ago I sold Real Estate. There were RULES for lending. Apparently now it is me, me, me.

1. Don't lend people more money than they have. i.e. 28% of their income (NET income - AFTER their other financial commitments) for a mortgage.
2. Don't give people credit cards when they just filed bankruptcy and proved they cannot manage credit. People aren't too bright. When you give them a way to spend money - they will.
3. Don't be so greedy to make that $40 million dollar BONUS, Mr. CEO, that you bankrupt thousands of people and pretty much cripple the entire world economy. Don't try putting all your assets in an offshore account or say it is your wife's money. Pfffft. And if you do these immoral and illegal things, have the courtesy to give the money back: or jump off a building.
4. If you know you are about to go belly-up, let your stockholders know. Alright, that may be asking too much. Jump off a building.
5. Once we get to THIS point, figure out a way to keep those people in their homes. Lower their interest rates. Stop the foreclosures. You made the mess. Clean it up.

Or jump off a building.

lotusfromthemud

Dear young whippersnappers,

I get it. . .you are geniuses. You know everything. You, who have never had a weight problem, know that the solution is "just work out and then you can eat whatever you want."

Also, you are absolutely correct, you DESERVE an A in my course for merely showing up and proving that you can breathe in and out.

Also, I'm so proud of you that you're capable of listening to the lecture it took me an hour and nearly 20 years of education and experience to prepare AND texting what you want to do after class to your BFF. (I can hear the beeping. . .and I know what you're doing under your desk.)

I submit to you. . .you are brilliant, entitled to everything you've ever wanted (without having to work for a thing) and, of course you do not have to respect anything or anybody.

Congratulations on knowing and deserving everything the world has to offer!

I now invite you to perform an impossible act of self-love.

Truly,
XO,
V.

p.s. GET OFF MY LAWN.

Phoenix_Rising

I now invite you to perform an impossible act of self-love.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

3babybeans

I now invite you to perform an impossible act of self-love.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Ditto. That was hilarious. :laugh:

lotusfromthemud

I now invite you to perform an impossible act of self-love.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Ditto. That was hilarious. :laugh:

You can thank my Grandpa for that one. He fought in WWII, and taught me all manner of vulgarity when my mom and grandma weren't looking I like to think that every time I use one, he smiles in heaven.

stephaneyh

:grumble: Dear husband,

Stop playing 'avoidance' games and take the dog out in the evenings. I am responsible for our big pit bull from 7am until 7pm and I am getting tired of doing your ONE promised trip outside with her for a pee-break at 9pm. You think if you tip toe around and don't wake her up where she sleeps in a crate in the kitchen, or at the very least don't make her aware that there are humans still downstairs, you can escape upstairs to bed and whatever happens is on ME. Yesterday, I woke to find her bedding soaked because she couldn't hold 'it' anymore and she'd been left to sleep in that condition for up to 5 hours. SHAME ON YOU! I should put YOU in the crate from 7pm until 5am and see how YOU hold yours!

And, I'm sick and tired of hearing that you have a job to report to everyday and I don't. BIG DEAL. I'll guarantee you that if I was still working, I'd STILL have to do everything for our dog with no help from you.

You say you think she's the smartest, best dog you've ever owned in your entire life, so PROVE IT. It's just one lousy trip outside with her and won't take you more than 5 full minutes. She loves you more than me, though why I have no idea.

stephaneyh

:noway: :grumble: :mad: Dear son,

Remember all those promises you made to us if we let you bring home the tiny pit bull puppy? Remember the promise to pay for all her needs, the promise to take her outside for a pee-break just before you go to bed every night, which is usually around 2am?

Well, guess what? YOU AIN'T DOIN' ANY OF IT WITHOUT A HASSLE!!

Your dad has paid for part or all of her last 3 medical needs, you've taken her to the vet, yourself, only once in her 6 months, you've spent time with her exactly 3 times in the last 6 months, so, why do we have this dog? Maybe you can refresh my memory. I was perfectly OK with our old dog before you convinced us that you've always wanted a pit bull. Now our old dog has to stay crated to feel safe from the playful 'horse' your dog has become.

I do everything for both dogs while you are at work and college and while your dad is working, so, why can't you let me and your dad go to bed confident that YOUR dog will get adequate attention before I get up in the mornings? You will do what you promised me if I stay on your back about it, which is called nagging and you and your dad, both, hate nagging.

What would you do if I and your dad weren't around anymore? Would you take up the slack and be responsible for your dog or would you be trying to find someone to take her off your hands, asap?

The dog loves you to death, I guess because you are around her so little. You are the only one she will obey when she's off the leash outside, so, with all this special consideration from HER, why can't you give her some regular special attention, yourself?

P.S. Let me remind you, also, that what I said about strapping her to your back when you move away from home, still goes. I don't work and I'm having to get up anywhere from 3am to 7am every morning to check on this dog's well being because no one else does what they're assigned to do, so, believe me, I can't wait to be ENJOYING being out of work and sleeping late, which, by the way, is something you and your dad enjoy every single weekend. Me? I'm the 24 hour dog sitter.:huh: :yawn: :explode:

Losing_It

Dear Self,

Turn off the flippin' Food Network already!!!!! It's making you crazy..all that ooey, gooey, goodness that Paula Deen shows you how to make. Did you NOT learn your lesson watching "Unwrapped" and seeing those DELICIOUS Brownies form SimplyDivine.com????? Next time you want to watch TFN, turn it over to the Travel channel and watch the guy eat weird stuff...like bugs & guts...ewww!!!! I bet you won't want to order 2 boxes of THOSE!!!

Signed,

The part of you that DOESN'T want to want all that yummy stuff!:bigsmile:

Phoenix_Rising

Dear Self,

Turn off the flippin' Food Network already!!!!! It's making you crazy..all that ooey, gooey, goodness that Paula Deen shows you how to make. Did you NOT learn your lesson watching "Unwrapped" and seeing those DELICIOUS Brownies form SimplyDivine.com????? Next time you want to watch TFN, turn it over to the Travel channel and watch the guy eat weird stuff...like bugs & guts...ewww!!!! I bet you won't want to order 2 boxes of THOSE!!!

Signed,

The part of you that DOESN'T want to want all that yummy stuff!:bigsmile:

The Food Network.
The source of many a late night binge for me.

lynniejones

Dear me,

I know you are stuck alone in a hotel room surrounded by all the food you love. It must be quite lonely and I am positive you are homesick. Must you try to eat it all at once making yourself physically sick? STOP IT! I commend you for not going out to eat one time since you arrived at your destination, but you are being faced with some serious issues all dialed down into one room and you are failing miserably. You have two more weeks on the road to go, so GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY!

prayerfulmom

Dear worn out Kidney,
I know your getting tired. I'm trying not to stress you by limiting the sodium and protein as prescribed by the doctor and nutritionist. I'm doing my part. I thought it would please you to know how much I pamper you. Its really ok not to hoard water. It would be so kind of you to let it go. I hope you decide to reward me for all my hard work and next weeks weigh in is an unbelieveable amount of loss that catches me up from the last two weeks of eating great moving a ton.
Your body

Phoenix_Rising

Dear Tummy,

We are headed to Buffalo Wild Wings here shortly.
I invite you have order whatever you like.
I do not think we should eat ALL of it though.
I think we should save half of it tomorrow.
I hope you see what I'm saying and agree.

Love,
The Head

Phoenix_Rising

Dear Tummy,

We are headed to Buffalo Wild Wings here shortly.
I invite you have order whatever you like.
I do not think we should eat ALL of it though.
I think we should save half of it tomorrow.
I hope you see what I'm saying and agree.

Love,
The Head

Dear Tummy,

Um, good try?
No, I know better. You did that on purpose.
The entire wrap. AND the chocolate cake.
I'll forgive you and thank you for at least choosing water.
But please remember next time --- all that terrible food makes me (the head) ache.

Love,
The Head

Marla64

Dear My Life--

I really, really hate you lately. Yes, I know you could be worse. But, you could sure be a helluva lot better, too. I'd like to be thankful for something good rather than always having to find the silver lining in the crappy dark clouds that you're always putting over me-- enough stress-- Lay off, already, will ya?

:noway: :noway:

Phoenix_Rising

Dear Mr. Headache:

GO AWAY.

Signed,
Lauryn

---

Dear "Desktop Services":

I appreciate that you have your own separate line you force me to call to get additional tech support for my work equipment. I appreciate you have your own voicemail box so that my calls are directly routed to those who can service my needs. I DO NOT APPRECIATE TWO UNRETURNED VOICEMAILS IN TWO DAYS. DO YOUR FRICKIN' JOB. If you don't wanna do it, ther are are hundreds who will gladly jump at the opportunity.

Signed,
Pissed off analyst in charge of getting the printer issues fixed for the entire group of 12 other pissed off analysts

---

Dear Daughter,

I love you to death. There is nothing better than the snuggles of a 3 year old, honestly. It's like pure sunshine being poured upon me.

But if you drag another dozen stuffed animals into my bed at 3am and hit my in the face with them one more time, I swear they will be shish-kabobed by that evening.

And while we are at it, SLEEP IN YOUR OWN BED. I enjoy my SPACE!!!

Love,
Mommy

---

Headache,

For real. Get lost.

Me

Mireille

Dear Gym Members,

There are only 2 stair masters at the gym.
One is mine. Please stay away from it.

Thanking you in advance,
Mireille

Phoenix_Rising

Dear Gym Members,

There are only 2 stair masters at the gym.
One is mine. Please stay away from it.

Thanking you in advance,
Mireille

Oooooh, THAT is what the sign reading "THIS BELONGS TO MIREILLE, STAY AWAY OR I KILL YOU" meant. I see!

Mireille

Dear Gym Members,

There are only 2 stair masters at the gym.
One is mine. Please stay away from it.

Thanking you in advance,
Mireille

Oooooh, THAT is what the sign reading "THIS BELONGS TO MIREILLE, STAY AWAY OR I KILL YOU" meant. I see!

Exactly! You understand, why can't other members understand that simple note.

3babybeans

Oh oh oh! I have one for the gym members, too!

Dear gym members,

Just b/c you wear the skimpiest clothes & have your hair all cute does NOT mean that you should be at the front of the class. You are clumsy & I hope you fall. :flowerforyou:

Signed,

The chick at the back of the room in the baggy clothes that can actually DO the routine!
AKA - bitter that I don't look good in spandex. :bigsmile:

Mireille

Oh oh oh! I have one for the gym members, too!

Dear gym members,

Just b/c you wear the skimpiest clothes & have your hair all cute does NOT mean that you should be at the front of the class. You are clumsy & I hope you fall. :flowerforyou:

Signed,

The chick at the back of the room in the baggy clothes that can actually DO the routine!
AKA - bitter that I don't look good in spandex. :bigsmile:

Yes, I totally agree with this one.

Here's another:

Dear stuck up gym member,

You not better than me so get off your high horse. So when I say hello or good morning, I except your skinny *kitten* to respond.

Signed,
I am better than you

Unknown

This content has been removed.

jackeh

ugh i have another gym one....

dear ladies in the change room,
Please do NOT strike up a conversation with me while you are standing there naked with your tatas and chacha fully exposed! you start swinging your arms when you talk not only are you gonna poke your own eye out you are gonna hit me with something id rather not be hit with. It makes me very uncomfortable when you start a conversation with me as i dont know wether to look at my shoes or at your face... but when i look at your face i still see them swinging everywhere out of the corner of my eye... Please stop talking to me..
Blinded by the headlights
Jackie

Unknown

This content has been removed.

soon2bgaudet

ugh i have another gym one....

dear ladies in the change room,
Please do NOT strike up a conversation with me while you are standing there naked with your tatas and chacha fully exposed! you start swinging your arms when you talk not only are you gonna poke your own eye out you are gonna hit me with something id rather not be hit with. It makes me very uncomfortable when you start a conversation with me as i dont know wether to look at my shoes or at your face... but when i look at your face i still see them swinging everywhere out of the corner of my eye... Please stop talking to me..
Blinded by the headlights
Jackie

.....eeewwwwww.....:indifferent: