Couples who dont fight.

niknak0508

I was recently having a conversation with a friend about a small fight my boyfriend and I had over the weekend. It was silly but necessary, we heard each other out, apologized and moved on.

She was alarmed-- "You've only been together a few months! You guys fight?!"

Yep. We do. Infrequently, and usually they're pretty short-lived but we definitely have arguments.

She proceeded to tell me "Well, me and Hubby never fight. I don't know what I'd do if we had arguments like that."



Really? Never? Are there couples that dont fight at least on occasion? To me that sounds like a red flag. Maybe because my previous relationship was spent, on my part, by walking on eggshells so we Nevermind fought either.

My relationship is the healthiest and happiest I've ever had-- I think arguing is good for us every now and then. Couples who never fight worry me.

I'm interested to know what you guys think.

I think arguments are very healthy. My BF and I have been together for almost 2 years (Nov 16th), we didn't have our first "real" fight until about 4 months in. Now and then we bicker and argue..... mostly silly things. But like you and yours we apologize and get over it quickly. Neither one of us EVER go to bed angry at the other. I don't like to argue, but it happens. We are open and honest and say it like it is!

ElizabethRoad

Hardly ever. People who get up in my business and tell me how my relationship should work, that bugs the crap out of me.

When I told her we fought on occasion you would have thought I'd confessed to being behind 9/11. I think she secretly wanted to sneak me into a battered women's shelter.

You're acting the same way though. I don't appreciate you telling me that it's a red flag to not have fights. Might be true for you, but that doesn't make it true for me. Why can't you just accept that people are all different?

Not sure at one point I announced that all people and couples must be identical, but draw your own conclusion I guess.

I stated my reason for thinking not fighting was a red flag. And I know we are all different-- thats why I asked.

How do you not see what I am saying? You say that ANYONE who doesn't fight, that's a red flag. But that is simply not true. You are just trying to apply your own experience to EVERYONE. This thread is ludicrous. You change your story every time you post something.

jumperchick

me and my bf [of 1.5yrs] dont fight. we sometimes get annoyed about something,but we never yell or anything like that. we are both good at comunicating with eachother and comprimising if we need to.

auntdeedee87

Just to clarify, when I say 'fight' I mean have a disagreement. In our worst there were tears and a raised voice here and there, but only out of frustration and not violence. We are nowhere near violent.

Well I'm sorry to tell you this, but "fight" and "disagreement" do not mean the same thing. Words have meanings. You don't get to just make up whatever definition you like.

Okay. I'm gonna stop responding to you now since it is clear all you wanna do is argue. Maybe someone else will take you up on it. Have a good night.

stef_3

I agree that it depends on what you think of as a fight. My husband and I disagree plenty and we talk it out and come up with solutioins. We've never been in shouting matches with each other. I think our relationship is healthy and I'm glad we don't shout at eachother because we have 2 kids that are always around and hear and repeat everything.

auntdeedee87

me and my bf [of 1.5yrs] dont fight. we sometimes get annoyed about something,but we never yell or anything like that. we are both good at comunicating with eachother and comprimising if we need to.

Communication is key. And if its not in your nature or your boyfriends to argue, then it works. It all just comes down to how yoy choose to communicate, I guess.

AmberLiscous

i love that me and my husband never fight.....i don't know how this seems unhealthy but i guess it just depends on the person....we have never raised our voices to each other and we have four kids who try our patience all of the time...but we don't take it out on each other

I have been with other men who have degraded and talked down to me....not fun and would not want to do that again

we have been married almost 12 years and he has never made me feel bad or even made me cry......i feel fortunate that i found someone who i didn't have to walk on eggshells around

abby459

I dont think its unhealthy NOT to fight....I have been with my bf for 5 years and we have probably only had actual arguements 3 times...that being said we have an amazing relationship!! We both have the attitude that if its something that we wouldnt still be angry about the next day, then it isnt worth fighting over. I feel that way with friends too!! We communicate well about everything and rarely ever fight. And we are not ignoring feelings or "walking on egg shells" around each other.....and frankly I think its insulting to say that it isnt a good relationship because we dont fight! Everyone and their relationships are different and all ways can be healthy and happy.

juliecat1

Just to clarify, when I say 'fight' I mean have a disagreement. In our worst there were tears and a raised voice here and there, but only out of frustration and not violence. We are nowhere near violent.

Well I'm sorry to tell you this, but "fight" and "disagreement" do not mean the same thing. Words have meanings. You don't get to just make up whatever definition you like.

Okay. I'm gonna stop responding to you now since it is clear all you wanna do is argue. Maybe someone else will take you up on it. Have a good night.

right?? I have a hard time believing someone so argumentative has a marriage where theres no fighting. Sheesh

Anyways.... I agree. if theres no disagreeing/arguing, either one party doesnt care enough anymore to take a stand or the communication is gone.

auntdeedee87

i love that me and my husband never fight.....i don't know how this seems unhealthy but i guess it just depends on the person....we have never raised our voices to each other and we have four kids who try our patience all of the time...but we don't take it out on each other

It definitely depends on the person. I think why it bothered me was the person who was telling me she and her Hub never fight...is an EXTREMELY confrontational person who makes her feelings known. I've seen her with her husband and she's like a different person. And that concerns me because I fear that she is swallowing her own feelings to keep a man happy. That's where the red flag pops up.

audigal2008

My ex husband and I never fought, but it was because we didn't communicate....

We are now divorced.

My current boyfriend and I have had some pretty intense fights/arguments, and we worked through them. We have a much stronger relationship because of it.

People who don't fight are ignoring issues and not dealing with them.

Before my hubby had an early mid life crisis, we never fought! We were Best Friends! We started dating when I was 14, he was 15. We got pregnant when I was 15 and thats been stressful but we r now married going on 10 yrs ( 18 yrs together) and when he f**ked up, I am having a hard time, we fight now :sad:

Iamfit4life

It's part of communication. Sometimes necessary.
We don't fight often, but when we do we get important stuff off of our chests.

Johnnyswife

Hardly ever. People who get up in my business and tell me how my relationship should work, that bugs the crap out of me.

When I told her we fought on occasion you would have thought I'd confessed to being behind 9/11. I think she secretly wanted to sneak me into a battered women's shelter.

You're acting the same way though. I don't appreciate you telling me that it's a red flag to not have fights. Might be true for you, but that doesn't make it true for me. Why can't you just accept that people are all different?

Not sure at one point I announced that all people and couples must be identical, but draw your own conclusion I guess.

I stated my reason for thinking not fighting was a red flag. And I know we are all different-- thats why I asked.

How do you not see what I am saying? You say that ANYONE who doesn't fight, that's a red flag. But that is simply not true. You are just trying to apply your own experience to EVERYONE. This thread is ludicrous. You change your story every time you post something.

Oh my goodness...take a freaking step back and take a chill pill. She was ASKING for other people's opinions. If you can't give one and think the topic is so "ludicrous", than just stay out of it. Stop trying to start a fight.

My husband and I fight, but not all the time. Its stuff that needs to come out and once the air is cleared, its cleared. We rarely fight about the same thing twice. My parents stopped fighting, and thats when things seemed to go downhill. Its like they stopped fighting for the marriage, once they stopped fighting.

NiciS72

I think a lot of people equate fighting to yelling and screaming and thus they don't fight. I think a better way to phrase it would be do they disagree. I find it AWFULLY hard to believe ANYONE who says they NEVER disagree in a relationship.

That said, HELL YES WE FIGHT. I'm IRISH CATHOLIC for God's sake... it's in my blood much to his chagrin! Oh and I'm ALWAYS RIGHT!

audigal2008

i love that me and my husband never fight.....i don't know how this seems unhealthy but i guess it just depends on the person....we have never raised our voices to each other and we have four kids who try our patience all of the time...but we don't take it out on each other

I have been with other men who have degraded and talked down to me....not fun and would not want to do that again

we have been married almost 12 years and he has never made me feel bad or even made me cry......i feel fortunate that i found someone who i didn't have to walk on eggshells around

sigh U are 1 lucky gal!

knittnponder

We've been married 20 years as of last month. We fight less than we used to but we do still fight. Not yelling matches or anything but disagreements are normal.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

Well what we have are more like discussions-- no one raises their voice, we are respectful, we have a rule not to bring up things we've already settled. But there are disagreements, which we settle with rational conversation. I don't think it's good to suppress things and walk on egg shells-- hubby and I have a full disclosure policy. Maybe you and she have different definitions of the word fight. Anyway if you're happy with your relationship and she's happy with hers then it's all good, right?

spammyanna

My ex husband and I never fought, but it was because we didn't communicate....

We are now divorced.

My current boyfriend and I have had some pretty intense fights/arguments, and we worked through them. We have a much stronger relationship because of it.

People who don't fight are ignoring issues and not dealing with them.

This is exactly what I was thinking.. couples who don't fight aren't talking at all. It doesn't have to be a knock out drag out and no, not a physical "fight".. but you are going to disagree. Even if at the end, you only agree to disagree as long as you listen to each others side and respect the others opinion than it is perfectly healthy.

Disagreements and dealing with issues does not have to equal fighting. Why do you think everyone's relationship has to function the same as yours? This is so insulting. How dare you tell me that we aren't talking at all? How exactly would you know? Ugh. I can't stand know-it-all "experts" like you.

Whoa, hold yer horses there bucko! I didn't mean to insinuate that everyone has fist fights with their SO's. I've never personally had one. We have had arguments, and disagreements, and that's what I mean by fights.

And just from my experience, and in my opinion (I'd don't recall stating that I was an expert) people who don't argue/disagree even once in a while, tend to not be communicating in a healthy way.

Phew. Okay, done now.

goobergop

I think...red flag. Really no fights? Passive? Or is she passive aggressive? Fighting, esp the small spats are sometimes necessary and help u grow as a couple!

warmachinejt

me n my girl well we used to fight....but won't nemore cause she not alive

lols j/k i don't argue with anyone not even family and have no couple :P