Couples who dont fight.
Replies
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oh well, if YOU think its abusive, i guess she better go and try and fit into a "normal" relationship that doesnt meet her needs then
You really have no idea0 -
We don't fight often. Usually it's about his parents.
Pretty much all our problems stem from his parents/my parents and how it affects our outlook/attitudes...
However, we fight, we make up... And we have some brilliant times together too... Usually heated but short lived. Have had a few big arguments... but if you make it through them and can be happy most of the time, then hopefully you know you can get hrough most things as a couple. Life isn't easy going, one way of seeing how robust a relationship is how you both react in crisis or conflict. I've had some seriously bad times as has he... him with me, me with him, (cheating! I know! but I forgave him and hasn't happened since - 3 years ago... I know it won't too!), him being out of area on operations in the military, me going through military training, long distance relationship, being messed about with postings. Living 450 miles apart. Not getting along with his step mother... Me getting seriously ill and being medically downgraded and depressed... and here we are STILL...4 years later... 95% of the time happy and comfortable, 2.5% pissed off/bickering and probably about 2.5% screaming at each other!
Love him to bits though!
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oh well, if YOU think its abusive, i guess she better go and try and fit into a "normal" relationship that doesnt meet her needs then
You really have no idea
Sarcastic as always, I see .
I don't just 'think' it's abusive .. It is abusive by definition.
In her own words, she claims she is in a relationship that it's HIS way or the HIGHWAY....inequitably. She has no say in anything, she just has to go along with what ever .. if she wants to stay...or be asked to leave. Did you even READ her post?
THAT in itself screams 'abusive and controlling' ...
You seem to have all the answers .. How do YOU see it?0 -
double post0
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oh well, if YOU think its abusive, i guess she better go and try and fit into a "normal" relationship that doesnt meet her needs then
You really have no idea
Sarcastic as always, I see .
I don't just 'think' it's abusive .. It is abusive by definition.
In her own words, she claims she is in a relationship that it's HIS way or the HIGHWAY....inequitably. She has no say in anything, she just has to go along with what ever .. if she wants to stay...or be asked to leave. Did you even READ her post?
THAT in itself screams 'abusive and controlling' ...
You seem to have all the answers .. How do YOU see it?
Its a D/S relationship!! Thats what its all about. Its a mutual agreement. Just be cause you cant grasp that a person might have a very real need or desire to be dominated, doesnt make it wrong, and if another person has a very real desire to be in control, and they work together and its mutually satisfying and loving, then its noone elses business to judge.
EVERYONE in any relationship acts in mutually defined, agreeable ways to preserve their relationship. We all have boundaries. Some are different to others. If two people dont meet each others needs, they split. Thats not really controlling. It is not up to anyone else to say that because their needs are more specific and possibly more extreme than the norm, that its abusive. A statement that someone will leave a relationship if requirements are not met, is not abusive. Forcing someone to stay against their will is.0 -
since when is being in a mutually satisfying relationship, abusive?
Its only abusive when someone is coerced or forced into it.
We dont all have the same needs.
Do you know ANYTHING about domestic abuse? Are you telling me battered women (which may not pertain to THIS case, but as an example) .. aren't always 'forced' into it .. Neither are those who are emotionally, verbally abused or even economically or financially abused.
Abuse is insidious. You don't have to see physical bruises to know abuse.0 -
I think I did say that exact thing ..You may be a very .. VERY passive or submissive person by nature, he may be very aggressive (mentally & emotionally, not necessarily physically) and this 'type' of relationship MAY work for you. THAT is your prerogative. For what ever reason, you may feel the need to be controlled to such an extent. When a relationship has boundaries like what has been set, it is very unstable, nonetheless it is your choice to take it or leave it.
No one can say how long it will last, or whether or not it's categorically right or not. THAT is objective. Just accept it for what it is ... and go with it, if that's what floats your boat.
Choosing to be in a abusive relationship (like severe dependence) doesn't negate the abusive nature of the 'relationship'.0 -
being in a D/S relationship is NOTHING like domestic abuse.
thats the equivalent of saying that all people who enjoy having sex are being raped0 -
a submissive person in a D/S relationship is absolutely free to leave at any time. In actual fact, its widely accepted that she/he is actually the one in control, because she/he is the one that actually sets the boundaries in the first place.
If a sub is not free to leave, its not a D/S relationship, its abuse0 -
a submissive person in a D/S relationship is absolutely free to leave at any time. In actual fact, its widely accepted that she/he is actually the one in control, because she/he is the one that actually sets the boundaries in the first place.
If a sub is not free to leave, its not a D/S relationship, its abuse
Ok, I see what you're saying .. Don't get it ..but I understand it.
To each their own.0 -
Like I said, you can call it what you like. The relationship as you have described is abusive by definition. You can't change the meaning of the word to suit yourself by denying it.
The moment someone .. ANYONE controls or manipulates your behaviour to THAT extent is the very definition of being 'abusive'. It is not normal to hold affection or emotion hostage. When someone controls your free will, then you are most definitely being controlled much more than in a 'normal' relationship (well at least, as far as "normal" goes). A 'normal' relationship has a level of compromise and respect .. yours does not, by your own description.
You may be a very .. VERY passive or submissive person by nature, he may be very aggressive (mentally & emotionally, not necessarily physically) and this 'type' of relationship MAY work for you. THAT is your prerogative. For what ever reason, you may feel the need to be controlled to such an extent. When a relationship has boundaries like what has been set, it is very unstable, nonetheless it is your choice to take it or leave it.
No one can say how long it will last, or whether or not it's categorically right or not. THAT is objective. Just accept it for what it is ... and go with it, if that's what floats your boat.
If you are a thinking, reasoning being, it takes two to be abusive. If the person is being abused by one's standard, but they do not think they themselves are being abused, there is no abuse. It is a mutually beneficial relationship. And as far as NORMAL goes? THere is no longer a normal in this society. We have created it to be what we need it to be so that everything is acceptable to someone. What you perceive as your normal is a completely foreign and abnormal concept to your neighbor.
Just sayin! 0 -
Like I said, you can call it what you like. The relationship as you have described is abusive by definition. You can't change the meaning of the word to suit yourself by denying it.
The moment someone .. ANYONE controls or manipulates your behaviour to THAT extent is the very definition of being 'abusive'. It is not normal to hold affection or emotion hostage. When someone controls your free will, then you are most definitely being controlled much more than in a 'normal' relationship (well at least, as far as "normal" goes). A 'normal' relationship has a level of compromise and respect .. yours does not, by your own description.
You may be a very .. VERY passive or submissive person by nature, he may be very aggressive (mentally & emotionally, not necessarily physically) and this 'type' of relationship MAY work for you. THAT is your prerogative. For what ever reason, you may feel the need to be controlled to such an extent. When a relationship has boundaries like what has been set, it is very unstable, nonetheless it is your choice to take it or leave it.
No one can say how long it will last, or whether or not it's categorically right or not. THAT is objective. Just accept it for what it is ... and go with it, if that's what floats your boat.
If you are a thinking, reasoning being, it takes two to be abusive. If the person is being abused by one's standard, but they do not think they themselves are being abused, there is no abuse. It is a mutually beneficial relationship. And as far as NORMAL goes? THere is no longer a normal in this society. We have created it to be what we need it to be so that everything is acceptable to someone. What you perceive as your normal is a completely foreign and abnormal concept to your neighbor.
Just sayin!
Yep .. got it.
Keep in mind .. Not all abusive relationships are created equal. There is obviously no way to paint them all with one brush.
Not all abused victims will admit they are being abused, not all of them actually realize they are being abused. Some feel oppressive treatment is "normal" because they grew up in an abusive environment. Then as in 'this' case, there are some who find 'this' type of behaviour is preferable.
It's all about choice .. or lack thereof.
I think that is a defining factor.0 -
oh well, if YOU think its abusive, i guess she better go and try and fit into a "normal" relationship that doesnt meet her needs then
You really have no idea
Sarcastic as always, I see .
I don't just 'think' it's abusive .. It is abusive by definition.
In her own words, she claims she is in a relationship that it's HIS way or the HIGHWAY....inequitably. She has no say in anything, she just has to go along with what ever .. if she wants to stay...or be asked to leave. Did you even READ her post?
babe she is the one who read and UNDERSTOOD my post.
my relationship is in no way abusive, it is what we BOTH agreed to , no it is not a normal relationship by most of sociceties standards, it is an alternative relationship.
THAT in itself screams 'abusive and controlling' ...
You seem to have all the answers .. How do YOU see it?0 -
a submissive person in a D/S relationship is absolutely free to leave at any time. In actual fact, its widely accepted that she/he is actually the one in control, because she/he is the one that actually sets the boundaries in the first place.
If a sub is not free to leave, its not a D/S relationship, its abuse
that depends on the particulars of a relationships, some are not free to go, (this is usually in the case of Master/slave, Owner/property) but again it is known , negotaited and agreed upon before any relationship begins0 -
Been married almost 20 years. Together for almost 23. Never had a fight. Or a loud argument. I don't think it's unhealthy at all. Mature people not only compromise when possible, but realize that when compromise isn't possible then sometimes the point of contnetion goes to one or the other. No keeping score either.
I don't know what my wife's reasoning is, but whenever there is an issue and no compromise seems possible, I weigh it against my relationship. Is this particular thing more important than my marriage? The answer is always No. And, if you don't keep score the importance of the individual intances cannot accumulate.
Personally, I don't enjoy "getting my way" if it makes her unhappy. I'm much happier when she's happy.
Hit the nail on the head0 -
i think if people dont argue or disagree to an extent dont challenge each other.....to not argue to me would be unhealthy
Exactly, I need someone to challenge me. My guy and I have been togehter for over 6 years and have had our fights. In the end we learn to talk more as whatever is bothering us so we do not bottle it up so long that it becomes a huge problem. It's when it's a constant thing that it's unhealthy. A spat here and there is just life. Those who never fight do not communicate and are lying to themselves and those around them. Also, sometimes people see this is the ultimate relationship and if they fight or not they don't admit it!0 -
a submissive person in a D/S relationship is absolutely free to leave at any time. In actual fact, its widely accepted that she/he is actually the one in control, because she/he is the one that actually sets the boundaries in the first place.
If a sub is not free to leave, its not a D/S relationship, its abuse
that depends on the particulars of a relationships, some are not free to go, (this is usually in the case of Master/slave, Owner/property) but again it is known , negotaited and agreed upon before any relationship begins
hmm that makes me uncomfortable. I cant imagine thats a big scene though0 -
Hubby and I never have blown out arguments. We have heated discussion but we don't scream and yell at each other. That is completely unnecessary. I demand respect and I give my husband the respect that he deserves. We are partners in a relationship and we love each other very dearly. I know people that scream and yell and say things that they don't mean and I can't understand it.
That's just how my relationship has worked. I think everyone is different with different personalities, so whatever works for you works. But I think the key is to be as respectful as you can while expressing your difference of opinions. This is someone you love and want to be with, you shouldn't treat them like crap.0 -
My husband & I have been married 25 ys and we don't fight, we may disagree about things, but that isn't fighting.0
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Besides...MAKE UP SEX duh..... i like some fights just because of it
AMEN!0 -
My boyfriend and I don't really fight, but we may have some disaggrements, but we always talk through them as well. So I don't think its unhealthy to NOT FIGHT! As long as youre upset and sit down and sort it out. Things are well. Oh and I agree with that one guy. MAKE UP SEX IS ALWAYS AMAZING! But not till we discuss the matter at hand! lol 0
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I fight with anyone just because I love a good argument :happy: but my brother and his girlfriend a have been together for almost 2 years and haven't had a single argument!! It's absolutely insane how well they get along. They'll have little "debates" but no legitimate arguments! its unnatural!!!!:laugh: even their debates aren't about anything serious anyways...it's about who should have won some game show or which youtube video is better0
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I new my husband was the one after our first fight. We both wanted to resolve it and come back together. We have had 17 years of fights and we still want to make up after each one.0
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me and my husband fight not tons but we go threw times we both fight more (when we are stressed out it seems to be) but we dont have major fights there usually something stupid or something small and we get over it fast but we talk it out and then we are done. We have been together for 6 1/2 years and married for 6 so we are doing great i think its healthy to argue sometimes.0
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My parents never fight. Well, they do. But it's rare and they always sort it out in the end and do the whole "we'll get through it together" thing. It's sweet.0
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If the person is being abused by one's standard, but they do not think they themselves are being abused, there is no abuse.
I don't have an opinion either way on the relationship in question because I don't think I can judge a relationship based on a few online posts.
I don't believe this at all though. For example, a child who provides sexual favours to an adult because to them it is a game and they like the attention. The child doesn't thnk it is abuse, but does that mean it isn't? Ok, so we are talking about 2 consenting adults but if one person craves the other's attention and will do or put up with the unspeakable to get it, does that not mean they are being abused? Even if they are not aware of it?0 -
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We get along so well, and are just two really laid back, similar minded people.
We've never had a fight.
Like...it's just so much better to communicate how you're feeling, and if something is bugging you. In a calm way. That's what I do. And there have been a couple times when things have bothered me, or bothered him, and instead of blowing up at each other, we calmly talk through it, and it's over. It's the most amazing thing, and I am so grateful to have found someone who realizes like me, that there is absolutely no point in fighting and hurting the person you love. Yelling and screaming and calling each other names does what? Let's you vent because you're angry? But at what cost? I argued and fought a LOT with my ex, screaming and all that stuff. It never helped. And with my boyfriend now...I couldn't ever see myself doing the same thing, because I care about him too much, and never want to hurt him.
Does that make sense? And yeah, people have always been shocked/surprised and told me it's unhealthy that we never argue/fight at all. But, I disagree. I'm in the best relationship of my life, and I'm ecstatic and happy. Who cares what other people think you should or shouldn't be doing? Especially something so detrimental to a relationship!
Just because we don't fight doesn't mean we don't disagree or communicate. We are able to disagree and communicate fantastically because we *don't* fight.
Yay!
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My husband and I fight a lot, but we really have only had two "big" fights. I have a friend who swears she never fights with her husband, but she is on the verge of leaving him...I do think some people can be together and not fight, but I can't. I remember one time me and my husband hadn't fought for a while and he sat me down and was like "are you going to leave me, because you aren't fighting with me."0
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I have been married 12 years to my highschool sweethear and we do not fight. Discuss and banter yes but no arguments. There was a timeframe of about 3 years when we did. I was moderatley depressed and loved to pick fights. I was in a bad place. But the past 6 years? All good!0
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My ex and I fought constantly. About everything.
The relationship I'm in now....we hardly ever fight. He is naturally pestimestic, I am naturally optimistic, we balance each other out pretty well. And there's not much to fight about. We have similiar goals/work ethics/opinions. We talk about everything and disagree often, but we've agreed to disagree. He humors me when I'm to tired/lazy to put the laundry away, I know better than to let it sit there too long (if it were just me I would never put laundry away-I don't mind doing laundry, but the folding and hanging just seems like such a waste to me). I humor him when he goes on a political rant, he knows what I'll accept as a rant and what I'll take as offensive. It's about communication and respect.0
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