Couples who dont fight.
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My boyfriend and I don't argue or fight.
Not saying we don't get irritated with one another, but we don't fight.
^^same!0 -
We're like that too, though we've been married for almost 9 years.My husband and I have been together since 1989, and we never fight. That doesn't mean we don't have disagreements on occasion, and we talk things out when we disagree about an issue, but we've never had a discussion that rises to the definition of a fight. Argument maybe, but not a fight, and there have been only a handful of those in our 23 years together.
I think some people fight, and some people discuss, I guess we're just discussers. I think people are short-sighted to think/say that people who don't fight aren't passionate, or must not communicate, I think that is probably true for some people. For other people, though, it means we are on the same wavelength usually, and also give each other the benefit of the doubt, and that sort of thing.
I'm trying to think of the last thing we fought on... People "always" fight about money, but I don't think we ever have. I don't even know what'd be to fight about regarding money, honestly. We argue sometimes about dinner-- he's happy to serve the kids junk food, and I like them eating healthier, but we've never really FAUGHT about it. I usually roll my eyes and laugh at his meals, and he does the same at mine. LOL I guess we're easy-going people, but you're ignorant on a number of points if you think that makes our marriage unhealthy.
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Besides...MAKE UP SEX duh..... i like some fights just because of it
I START some fights just because of it. :laugh:0 -
I don't get this couples need to fight thing at all. I have had people in my life I argue with, and they have never lasted in my life for long. I am all for sarcasm and banter, but I simply don't do fighting. If a man shouted at me, he'd be out of my house 30 seconds later. I simply won't have that. Luckily my husband isn't a shouter. Amazingly we have managed to stay together for 16 years without ever having needed to fight or argue. We have things we disagree on, but we discuss them like sensible adults, not brawling children. That's not to say we don't get cross with each other, of course we do, but we avoid each other until we are calm enough to get our point across rather than screaming and stamping our feet.
I think when people hear the word fight they think of screaming and the such, probably because that's what normally accompanies that word. However, what you said is yes the two of you disagree at times, but you are able to identify that you need to calm down before talking with each other if it is something that has truly upset you both. You have managed to stay together for 16 years because you both choose to discuss if you disagree with something, and I applaud that. I think it's important that we separate the definition of a healthy arguement between two people from the definition of the idea of fighting that leads to immature behavior or abuse. Couples can fight over something, but they don't have to do it in a screaming, foot stomping way. That's just nuts and it gets both people nowhere, but the form of communication you and your husband have chose use allows you both to "fight" over something but not allow it to get to a hurtful point. In the end you both come to a comprimise, I'm sure, that works for both of you. By the way, congrats on that 16 years. So many people don't last past the first 5 anymore. Obviously what you're doing is working well for you guys, so I say keep at girl. 0 -
husband and i rarely fight. however, that doesnt mean we dont disagree. To us fighting is yelling and calling each other names. Hurtful stuff.
We disagree on a lot! But weve been married for 10 years and it gets better every year.
I think its all about love and respect. we respect one another even when we dont like the other person.
Yes sometimes I feel like i could punch him in the face but I dont do it nor do I tell him. I love this man and would never intentionally hurt him. Im sure he would like to smother me sometimes too. lol i kid i kid.0 -
I don't get this couples need to fight thing at all. I have had people in my life I argue with, and they have never lasted in my life for long. I am all for sarcasm and banter, but I simply don't do fighting. If a man shouted at me, he'd be out of my house 30 seconds later. I simply won't have that. Luckily my husband isn't a shouter. Amazingly we have managed to stay together for 16 years without ever having needed to fight or argue. We have things we disagree on, but we discuss them like sensible adults, not brawling children. That's not to say we don't get cross with each other, of course we do, but we avoid each other until we are calm enough to get our point across rather than screaming and stamping our feet.
I think when people hear the word fight they think of screaming and the such, probably because that's what normally accompanies that word. However, what you said is yes the two of you disagree at times, but you are able to identify that you need to calm down before talking with each other if it is something that has truly upset you both. You have managed to stay together for 16 years because you both choose to discuss if you disagree with something, and I applaud that. I think it's important that we separate the definition of a healthy arguement between two people from the definition of the idea of fighting that leads to immature behavior or abuse. Couples can fight over something, but they don't have to do it in a screaming, foot stomping way. That's just nuts and it gets both people nowhere, but the form of communication you and your husband have chose use allows you both to "fight" over something but not allow it to get to a hurtful point. In the end you both come to a comprimise, I'm sure, that works for both of you. By the way, congrats on that 16 years. So many people don't last past the first 5 anymore. Obviously what you're doing is working well for you guys, so I say keep at girl.
It's not really that we disagree, though. It's more one of us does something thoughtless, the other gets upset, points it out, and we both think about it and discuss what needs to be adjusted to avoid it happening again. We don't argue about things. We don't have that kind of discussion of opinion. I don't think we actually disagree on much. We very much work with each other, not against.
But thanks. It's nice to be appreciated!0 -
I don't get this couples need to fight thing at all. I have had people in my life I argue with, and they have never lasted in my life for long. I am all for sarcasm and banter, but I simply don't do fighting. If a man shouted at me, he'd be out of my house 30 seconds later. I simply won't have that. Luckily my husband isn't a shouter. Amazingly we have managed to stay together for 16 years without ever having needed to fight or argue. We have things we disagree on, but we discuss them like sensible adults, not brawling children. That's not to say we don't get cross with each other, of course we do, but we avoid each other until we are calm enough to get our point across rather than screaming and stamping our feet.
I think when people hear the word fight they think of screaming and the such, probably because that's what normally accompanies that word. However, what you said is yes the two of you disagree at times, but you are able to identify that you need to calm down before talking with each other if it is something that has truly upset you both. You have managed to stay together for 16 years because you both choose to discuss if you disagree with something, and I applaud that. I think it's important that we separate the definition of a healthy arguement between two people from the definition of the idea of fighting that leads to immature behavior or abuse. Couples can fight over something, but they don't have to do it in a screaming, foot stomping way. That's just nuts and it gets both people nowhere, but the form of communication you and your husband have chose use allows you both to "fight" over something but not allow it to get to a hurtful point. In the end you both come to a comprimise, I'm sure, that works for both of you. By the way, congrats on that 16 years. So many people don't last past the first 5 anymore. Obviously what you're doing is working well for you guys, so I say keep at girl.
It's not really that we disagree, though. It's more one of us does something thoughtless, the other gets upset, points it out, and we both think about it and discuss what needs to be adjusted to avoid it happening again. We don't argue about things. We don't have that kind of discussion of opinion. I don't think we actually disagree on much. We very much work with each other, not against.
But thanks. It's nice to be appreciated!
I think the way ya'll are doing it is great. Definitely shows you both have a respect for each other and your marriage and an understanding of how it should be done for your personalities. Your personalities are definitely meant to be together and your responses have even tought me a few new things today. It's awesome 0 -
Hubby and I don't really fight but we do have disagreements. There was a time that we fought all the time but that was do to In-Law issues. Now we get along fabulously, communicate our concerns and issues without raising our voices and we have a wonderful marriage full of love and respect and we communicate everything. we dont have secrets (except gifts and little secret sweet nothings that we do) but otherwise our marriage is solid. i thnik the key really is to communicate,,, no matter what it may be communication is key to not letting things build up inside of you.0
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I am all for sarcasm and banter, but I simply don't do fighting. If a man shouted at me, he'd be out of my house 30 seconds later. I simply won't have that.
Me too, same if I was sworn at. Ugh. I would not put up with that. We all have our own expectations of a relationship.0 -
My bf & I have been together for about a year & a half and we hardly ever fight. We have only had maybe 1 full blown yelling fight. I honestly reallly credit it to good communication and hearing each other out. I think its super healthy to fight and challenge each other as long as it done with open communication and an open mind. Its HOW you fight that makes a difference. I also think its weird when ppl say they never fight. Your just not being real with each other.0
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me and my fiancé go through phases of fighting/arguing a fair bit, and then we sort it out and go ages and ages with barely a cross word. We're both quite sensitive passionate people though, When we're going through a patch like that it can feel quite hard work and intense, but the vast majority of the time we have an amazing connection and its all smooth and lovely0
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My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and have never fought. Neither of us foresee us fighting in the future. There are several reasons for this: neither of us are "fighters" to begin with, we both value communication more than any other one thing in life, we are ridiculously compatible (but VERY different in personality from one another), etc...
We do occasionally have conflict. We don't always agree. Small or large things, it's always a thoughtful conversation and never an argument and I think there is one key to this: Respect. We have never stopped respecting the other, not even for one second. I don't think you can fight with someone that you respect.
EDIT: You CAN fight with someone that you respect, but in that moment, while you are fighting, you have lost respect for them. Even if you don't realize it. For example, one possible characteristic of a fight, as opposed to a conversation, is raising your voice. Raising your voice to someone who is able to hear you at a normal level is disrespectful. That kind of thing is what I meant.
However - I do not think that only great relationships are those without arguments. If you do have arguments, it is about HOW and WHY you work through them. ("You" meaning each of you as individuals, as well as you together as a couple).0 -
My man friend and I don't fight. We communicate like adults.0
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I think you're all wrong because what works for me is OBVIOUSLY going to work for everyone, in the exact same way.
If your relationship is different than mine, you're bad. And crazy. And headed for divorce. DUH.
I started to gather up the ridiculous overly-blanket statements in this thread and gave up.
Relationships are all different. Some people fight more or less, and you cannot accurately predict how well or poorly any given dynamic is going to work out for the participants.
Example: The Sister Wives. They'll tell you with a serene look and straight face their choice is Perfect for them . I'd rip my hair out. So are they wrong? Or am I?
Or should we ALL JUST GET ALONG0 -
However - I do not think that only great relationships are those without arguments. If you do have arguments, it is about HOW and WHY you work through them. ("You" meaning each of you as individuals, as well as you together as a couple).
Exactly!! We have all fought with our family members at some point. It doesn't mean that we don't love or respect them. It's simply that we are around them all the time and feel comfortable disagreeing with them because we know that an argument won't ruin or devalue the love we have for each other. It's the same way in a relationship. Honest communication is the key, IMO. Even if it sometimes comes out in a tiff.0 -
we RARELY fight...actually i wouldnt call it fights as i would call it mini arguments but they dont last longer than a few minutes then we just stop. ITS HEALTHY to argue and "fight", its the only way to really express when you're to the point of utter frustration! yea its better to communicate but hey, arguments happen, no point in avoiding them, deal with them and move on.0
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I think you're all wrong because what works for me is OBVIOUSLY going to work for everyone, in the exact same way.
If your relationship is different than mine, you're bad. And crazy. And headed for divorce. DUH.
I started to gather up the ridiculous overly-blanket statements in this thread and gave up.
Relationships are all different. Some people fight more or less, and you cannot accurately predict how well or poorly any given dynamic is going to work out for the participants.
Example: The Sister Wives. They'll tell you with a serene look and straight face their choice is Perfect for them . I'd rip my hair out. So are they wrong? Or am I?
Or should we ALL JUST GET ALONG
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I think you're all wrong because what works for me is OBVIOUSLY going to work for everyone, in the exact same way.
If your relationship is different than mine, you're bad. And crazy. And headed for divorce. DUH.
I started to gather up the ridiculous overly-blanket statements in this thread and gave up.
Relationships are all different. Some people fight more or less, and you cannot accurately predict how well or poorly any given dynamic is going to work out for the participants.
Example: The Sister Wives. They'll tell you with a serene look and straight face their choice is Perfect for them . I'd rip my hair out. So are they wrong? Or am I?
Or should we ALL JUST GET ALONG
I think you're right in your response. No two relationships are the same because each relationship has two personalities in it that are different from others. What works for one may not work for others. Your example brought up a good point regarding perception. What I may think is wrong someone else may not and vise versa. I think it sucks though that some people do tend to take a view that if my relationship isn't like theirs then mine must be wrong. On a funnier note though, if everyone just got along it would make for a very dull world, lol.0 -
Yes.So are they wrong? Or am I?
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Yes.So are they wrong? Or am I?
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
perfect!0 -
The only somewhat proven prediction for the failure of success of a marriage is seen in John Gottman's research. He predicted divorce with 94% accuracy. I am not going to explain what he does in full, but he found that marriages are significantly more likely to succeed when the couple's interactions are at a MINIMUM 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative. Extremely happy marriages are close to 20 to 1.
(Those were my own words from what I remember learning about his studies. Here is something from his site!):
The most corrosive negative behavior patterns:
Criticism: stating one’s complaints as a defect in one’s partner’s personality, i.e., giving the partner negative trait attributions. Example: “You always talk about yourself. You are so selfish.”
Contempt: statements that come from a relative position of superiority. Contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce and must be eliminated. Example: “You’re an idiot.”
Defensiveness: self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victim-hood. Defensiveness wards off a perceived attack. Example: “It’s not my fault that we’re always late; it’s your fault.”
Stonewalling: emotional withdrawal from interaction. Example: The listener does not give the speaker the usual nonverbal signals that the listener is “tracking” the speaker.
These predict early divorcing – an average of 5.6 years after the wedding. Emotional withdrawal and anger predict later divorcing – an average of 16.2 years after the wedding.0 -
For a long time, my husband and I NEVER fought. I always thought, well, WOW, this is awesome! I hate fighting or arguing, but something about the fact that we rarely had arguments (meaningful ones, not ones about petty stuff) definitely concerned me. So, one day, I brought it up to my husband and we both pondered it for a while. We figured out that instead of arguing, we usually avoided having difficult conversations. Not to put all the blame on my husband, but out of the two of us, he is the non-confrontational one. So, with that said, it's been a challenge to not necessarily start arguments, but start conversations before the need for arguments arises. We work on it all the time and it gets better. I would definitely have to say that any couple who isn't talking or sharing in disagreements at least on occasion might benefit from talking about it with their partner.0
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Just to clarify again, when I say fighting, I mean disagreeing on something, anything. Having a discussion. Getting irritated with one another. Maybe raising voices, but not something you can't work out, and certainly not something you go to bed angry about.
I do not mean Jerry Springer style fighting, screaming and throwing things and hitting... That's not healthy for any relationship, period.
He and I have an agreement that we never go to bed angry, or even frustrated, and if something is bothering us, we talk it out. Not much to it. But a clash in opinions happens from time to time.0 -
Just to clarify again, when I say fighting, I mean disagreeing on something, anything. Having a discussion. Getting irritated with one another. Maybe raising voices, but not something you can't work out, and certainly not something you go to bed angry about.
I do not mean Jerry Springer style fighting, screaming and throwing things and hitting... That's not healthy for any relationship, period.
He and I have an agreement that we never go to bed angry, or even frustrated, and if something is bothering us, we talk it out. Not much to it. But a clash in opinions happens from time to time.
Definitely agree with what you meant to say. I think disagreeing and butting heads (not literally, of course) is normal and healthy. However, I don't think that fighting that involves being deliberately mean and hurtful is ever healthy for any relationship.0 -
I still think we're all going with different definitions of fighting. If you're talking about raising your voice then no, my husband and I have never fought. I came from an abusive relationship and I can't handle yelling. But we have had plenty of discussions in which we had to explain differing points of view calmly and come to a compromise. So I might say "we never fight" and it would be true if your definition of a fight is yelling etc. but it wouldn't be true if your definition is any kind of problem or disagreement. Maybe your friend is the same way; they may not be bottling up at all maybe they just have a different way of dealing with any issues that come up and they don't call that fighting.0
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My husband and I don't fight. Our relationship is healthy and we talk a lot so we don't get all worked up over stuff.0
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12 years, 4 kids, no big fights. Disagreements, sure, but small ones without drama. We have a very easy relationship, and a natural camaraderie; we enjoy each other's company and we co-parent well. We're supportive of each other's interests, strengths and weaknesses without ever having to discuss it.
Having had difficult relationships in the past, I know this is golden. We are blessed.0 -
12 years, 4 kids, no big fights. Disagreements, sure, but small ones without drama. We have a very easy relationship, and a natural camaraderie; we enjoy each other's company and we co-parent well. We're supportive of each other's interests, strengths and weaknesses without ever having to discuss it.
Having had difficult relationships in the past, I know this is golden. We are blessed. 0 -
I have the occasional spat with my boyfriend. We used to be very good about just talking about things, so I said we never fought, because we honestly never got angry or annoyed with each other. Now that we live together and aren't 1200 miles apart, however, it's not as...necessary to do things that way, so we've gotten into some good ones. We're slowly working on being better about talking about things as soon as they start to bother us, though, rather than letting it stew and getting irritated.
However, I think I know what you mean about it being a "red flag." If a couple doesn't "argue" because they actually talk and don't get annoyed/mad/irritated, that's one thing. But if they don't fight or argue because they never talk about things, that's very unhealthy.0 -
We definitely don't fight or have major blowouts (been together for 2 and a bit years) but we do have little disagreements/arguments here and there.0
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