When does the abuse stop?

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  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    I am so so sorry that happened to you. Keep on keeping on. They will get theirs!
    THIS! Sorry, and hang in there. Karma is a bi+ch...and so were those girls apparently!
  • MikeSEA
    MikeSEA Posts: 1,074 Member
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    I was out walking this evening and as a car drove passed one of the girls in it shouted fat ***** at me. This is not the first time this has happened in my life, 10 years ago i actually had a car stop in the street so that the people in it could shout abuse at me, it was shortly after this that i stopped going out and gained most of my weight.

    I am at a point in my life now where I am trying to boost my confidence and start talking to girls, when things like this happen it does make me wonder if i should bother yet.

    Anyone else had experience with abuse or bullying because of size?

    Rich

    Rich, the people who say things like that, say them to everyone regardless of size. For those people it will never stop because it's about sadism. if it wasn't size, they'd make fun of someone for being too smart, or wearing glasses, or not wearing the right clothes.

    Be an awesome person and other awesome people will be happy to be with you....even during times when you don't think you're so awesome.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    Honestly. It doesn't. Because people aren't commenting on you, they are just lashing out from their own inadequacy. When I weighed 118 lbs I a couple of times had people shouting fat f*** at me, or telling me I was dog ugly. I wasn't. I looked pretty good, actually. I never had that when I was bigger, oddly enough. It's an attack, probably because they are envious in some way, or at east trying to feel better about themselves. It is no reflection on you or your actual weight.
  • danibee79
    danibee79 Posts: 144 Member
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    Rich I'm so sorry to hear what happened. Some people are idiots who really have nothing good in their lives so they have to make themselves feel better by being rancid to those they see as easy targets. You've had so many positive comments on here, so weigh it up, who would you rather listen to? Your MFP supporters of course! Keep up the good work mate.
  • Artemis_Acorn
    Artemis_Acorn Posts: 836 Member
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    I'm so sorry that you had an encounter with such immature and obnoxious people.

    A very wise person once said: He who takes offense when offense is not intended is a fool. He who takes offense when offense IS intended is a greater fool.

    I have tried to live by that creed. A person only has power to hurt me if I give it to them. I recognize that in reality our human emotions and insecurities do get in the way, but in the end, it is your choice as to how you respond, and the only response I recommend is to a.) ignore stupid people and b.) look in the mirror and tell yourself how awesome you are, how great you are doing.

    Accept that the person you are TODAY is lovable and of worth. Your worth is not changed (either diminished or enhanced) by your weight, your fitness or your appearance. It is an internal recognition of your worth that you are working on your health and your appearance. Talk to the girls dude. They are just people like you.
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
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    The abuse does not stop. Ignorant and insecure people will always try to lift their egos by demeaning other people - whether it be about weight, sexual orientation etc. etc.
    If you let them get to you - they win! I have suffered indignity like this in my life and the one thing I kept repeating to myself that really helped was...
    "I have no control over what other people do, the ONLY control I have is what I DO."

    Wow. My point exactly. Good work.

    People abuse others always. If they can't find a reason they invent one. Abusers are usually motivated by increasing their power. Because they feel they lack power.

    Any physical or psychological trait can be targeted. Religious, political, social, cultural things are also common targets. Sad.
  • lururu
    lururu Posts: 123 Member
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    I'm in Newport in Wales and I get this a lot too. It sucks. But you just gotta think that they have taken time out of their life to think about you :) Don't use up anymore of your life thinking about them!

    Don't let it put you off tho! Don't give them that power over you, take it back and use it for yourself!!
  • bluemist248
    bluemist248 Posts: 207 Member
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    I've had at least two cases of that happening that I remember (I think my mind blanks out most of the fat comments I've had in life!) Both instances were in cars, I always find irony in that. If I'm so fat and lazy, shouldn't I be the one driving and them walking?!

    Screw 'em, every guy that's said that to me has looked about as intellectual as an amoeba and every girl that's ever said that to me has had crap hair and an orange face, I may be fat but at least I'm 100% natural, have a brain and I'm doing something about my weight :smile:

    In fact, we all are, thus we are ALL better than them people!
  • loki3981
    loki3981 Posts: 249 Member
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    I am so sorry this happened to you! Stay positive and push forward and know that there are people that support you know matter what!
  • stephaniev07
    stephaniev07 Posts: 59 Member
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    I am sorry that is aweful! For that reason (not that it's right) I walk after dark and stay close to my house. I am so self conscience about it that when I began jogging a little bit I always watch out for people in their driveways garages in case they can see me. If a car starts to come i immediatly start walking. It's horrible I know but that is my current feelings.
    The only thing that keeps me going when people are mean or rude is that I know I can and will lose the weight but they will ALWAYS be mean and ugly inside And outwardly an *kitten*. Hope that helps a little bit. :)
  • DiamondInTheDirt
    DiamondInTheDirt Posts: 117 Member
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    This happened to me and my friend...my friend infact is much more over weight than me, so im a lil smaller...and these..i dont know they were like 14 or 15 years old, and i dont know which one of us they said this to...but they shouted out fat panda.you fatty etc. and i was so hurt i wanted to curl up in a ball and die. but tbh...im looking at myself and thinking..i aint even fat. lol so i thought later on 'haters gonna hate'. From your pictures, youre not even fat, and even if anyone is overweight they dont deserve to be called such horrible things. I hope those two girls that said that ridiculous lie to you, i hope they get the taste of their own medicine. But i understand how you must feel, and you need to keep positive and speak to more girls! There are lovely girls in this world...dont let two stupid immature people ruint hat for you.
  • KarenWas
    KarenWas Posts: 19
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    I experienced this many times when I was 100 lbs overweight. I just told myself that I'd show them when I was healthy and skinny. I always say revenge is a good motivator.
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
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    heck, I am a size 4 and when I was running I once heard a guy say ...it<s only a fat one. They were looking at girls running on the bicycle path. Never stopped me going on that path and run. Do not let the *kitten* dictate your life.
  • butters1
    butters1 Posts: 1,540 Member
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    I was out walking this evening and as a car drove passed one of the girls in it shouted fat ***** at me. This is not the first time this has happened in my life, 10 years ago i actually had a car stop in the street so that the people in it could shout abuse at me, it was shortly after this that i stopped going out and gained most of my weight.

    I am at a point in my life now where I am trying to boost my confidence and start talking to girls, when things like this happen it does make me wonder if i should bother yet.

    Anyone else had experience with abuse or bullying because of size?

    Rich

    Rich, in reponse to your question when does the abuse stop? It stops when you stop taking it as such :flowerforyou:

    I had this happen recently on a jog/walk. Apparently a group of 4 teenage boys slowed way down so one in the back could hurl fat *** comments at me. Luckily they were going slow enough i could manage to hurl back at great big spitball right onto his lap. Then i informed the driver i knew exactly who his mom was (i don't) and they couldn't have driven away any faster. At the time all i could think was too bad, i was mad enough to teach them a real lesson:laugh:

    Just mho, but most likely your insulters were just kids being stupid.
  • Leanne_fat2fab
    Leanne_fat2fab Posts: 73 Member
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    I am so sorry that happened to you!! Some people will never know what it's like to struggle with your weight and confidence. I'm sure this isn't something that could be brushed off easily but some people just have no class, and no respect for others. There will always be people who judge you because of your weight. Once your happy with yourself and comfortable in your skin you could just look at them and see someone who needs to bring others down the make themselves feel better or show out to others. Ive been made fun of because of my weight ever since I was a little girl. It never got easier, until I realized the person who's making terrible comments about me is troubled. Troubled people look for other troubled people to bully. It's the sad truth, BUT everytime that happens I would let it simmer and boil and be sad because some stupid idiot was bored and wanted to pick on me. Those things WILL make you stronger! Don't ever lose hope!
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
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    I think these people will pick on just about anyone, and I find it pathetic that these people only ever seem to be in "packs" and driving away in their cars (or picking on someone much physically weaker...aka me legal midget here).

    I've had strangers pick on me throughout my life...from when I was a kid till this day. All ages, usually people older than me though -- kids are generally kind to me.

    I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this, but the one thing that makes me feel better is that the people who have teased me usually look pretty darned bad (uneducated, poor, ugly).

    There are a lot of horrible people out there. I have had guys block my path, follow me in their cars and cuss me out when I ignore them, women ram into me and give me nasty looks...Had a guy start laughing at me like I was stupid because I was speaking with someone at the front desk asking a question at my school. Had a woman old enough to be my mom start screaming at me for wearing a skirt. Some hobo said I was too pale. Another hobo said my hair was bad. In Japan had a group of guys, "Hellllooo" in English because I am white :(

    Well...as you can see...
    These people will make fun of you for ANYTHING. There is no getting away from it, and if they aren't making fun of you with words, they will harass you physically.

    I would just use this as motivation to be "that guy they don't want to mess with." Good luck :)

    ps: it makes me really upset too...i am very sensitive and will cry when i get home sometimes...just know that these people will pick on any little thing. Before braces i was made fun of for that. Ex made fun of me for having lines near my eyes when I smile...There is no escaping it...just when it happens...remember they are just trying to find any little thing...>.< And nobody is perfect...so they will always find a flaw...it does not mean you are ugly or something...>.<
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
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    I'm sorry that this happened to you and I know how you feel. I remember leaving a party once and a guy just felt the need to say hey fat a**. I was never bothered by comments until that moment. If it is at all possible try to think of your weight loss journey as a game. super mario brothers perhaps...your objective is to save the prince (in your case) from diabetes, heart failure, etc but in order to do this you must eat healthier and exercise. this journey is not easy and the game has to give you distractions and fire breathing dragons that you must pass. the girl in the car was one of them. They want you to quit, give up, and lose focus so that you can't save the prince. well,,,step on their heads, jump over them, just like in the game to conquer your mission. even if you mess up, you still have another chance,

    also to the other person who said that they don't run anymore,,,get back in the game.

    Really well put. Thank you for sharing this!
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    People abuse others to feel better about themselves. Be the stronger person - you are doing this for you and it is a wonderful, positive thing. I know it hurts, but know that you are a better person than they are.
  • HealthyJess88
    HealthyJess88 Posts: 199 Member
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    The fact is, kids are cruel and mean. They probably have been yelling that at everyone they pass, overweight or not. Don't take it personal, and don't let them make you feel that way. In 10 years they will be on MFP trying to figure out if they should be eating their exercise Calories.


    I love this!
  • suegmune
    suegmune Posts: 81
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    Eh, little f*ckers are everywhere. Ignore them. Some people raise little sh*ts, and then they get in a group of people and they all become the same way. I always think people do this and other stupid *kitten* just to get attention. If they don't get the attention/response from you, they'll look for another target (someone skinny, someone in glasses, in a wheelchair, etc)...its just obnoxious. I really hope my kids never act this way. There is no need.

    Just steer clear. You have better things to do and spend your time on. You've come a long way and you should be proud.

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