Say your 15 yr old daughter requests Birth Control

CoraGregoryCPA

lol. Im typing from my cell. Its not worth it to try to edit. Did you see how i just changed my mind in my last qoute? I did that because if i agree with people then it wont make them as mad, then i can say how i really feel and they usually wont get as mad as if i would have said "15 year olds shouldn't be having sex..period"

The one thing I'm we all can agree on...


We need to learn to edit our incessant quoting!

:laugh:

modernfemme

So many replies, not even sure if this will get read. BUT -

The real reason kids come home pregnant is because we a) don't talk to them about sex or b) we hand them condoms and give them birth control. Kids are already confused as hell at that age. They don't need us making it worse.

The pill can be used for a lot of things other than protection. Acne, PPMD, regulation of cramps/period just to name a few. If my child was struggling I would definitely consider this.

Now, if she wanted to have sex, yeah - I would be concerned. I remember when my parents used to ask me where I was going, drive me there, pick me up, meet the parents. The kid really shouldn't be in a situation where they can have sex. Parenting isn't handing a kid a condom just in case. Parenting is a bit more involved than that

happy_vegan

Since I have no daughter, I feel comfortable in saying this.

1) buy a gun
2) invite her boyfriend over for dinner
3) spend the entire night cleaning and checking the site
4) overreact

Good thing you don't have a daughter, then. That's an unrealistic and unhelpful attitude. She would end up getting pregnant because of unprotected sex.

everyone has sex, that's why we're all here. women begin to menstruate at 13 so we can become pregnant, it's normal to want to have sex at that age. (obviously although our society has changed, but physiology hasn't).

I waited until i was 18 but I just didn't want to get pregnant and didn't have parents who were supportive of the pill.
i'm not sure why sex is often viewed from the stance as a problem/taboo.

KMSForLife

Since I have no daughter, I feel comfortable in saying this.

1) buy a gun
2) invite her boyfriend over for dinner
3) spend the entire night cleaning and checking the site
4) overreact

Good thing you don't have a daughter, then. That's an unrealistic and unhelpful attitude. She would end up getting pregnant because of unprotected sex.

everyone has sex, that's why we're all here. women begin to menstruate at 13 so we can become pregnant, it's normal to want to have sex at that age. (obviously although our society has changed, but physiology hasn't).

I waited until i was 18 but I just didn't want to get pregnant and didn't have parents who were supportive of the pill.
i'm not sure why sex is often viewed from the stance as a problem/taboo.

Sex is not a problem. A 13 year old having sex is a problem. It is a problem. It is a problem.

Alyshahmr

If your daughter is thinking about having sex, first sit down and have a very long talk about all the emotions that come with sexual relationships. The best thing my dad ever told me is that I was going to get to an age when my mind was going to say NO, NO, and by Body was going to say YES, YES. Whether we face it or not you are dealing with nature and nature does not always think logically and into the future. Love her and listen.

rockieschick

This is coming from my experience. Not as a mom (my daughter is only 16 months). As a kid, my parents were very very informative. I had my first period at 9 years old. I had lots of questions! I ask to be on birth control at 13, even though I wasn't having intercourse. My parents informed me about everything there was to know. I knew about pregnancy and STDs and I was so terrified to catch anything NO boys/men would have gotten away from Not wearing the rubber! Ha! I say, listen to your kids and let then be informed. Now ask me again when my daughter is 15! I'll say buy a gun! Lol

Switzenheimer

You trust her! shes putting trust in you to ask, educate her on why condoms are still necessary, its not the end of the world. teens have sex, that's just how it goes, better to be safe and smart about it. I think its just stupid when parents don't allow, or help their teens to get the products necessary to be safe about the choices they are making.

Qarol

Lots of discussion. I've read most pages, admittedly not all. Here's a direct answer to OP's question. Your 15 year old daughter has come to you asking for birth control. What do you do?

I would guess my first response would be to ask her why. Say she does want it to have sex and not get pregnant. Regardless of how I felt about her having sex, I would find that very mature of her, to be thinking of the consequences now. And how grateful would I be that she came to me.

What do you do? You cannot possibly monitor her habits 24/7 to prevent her having sex. What if she's going to do it anyway? Are you still against helping her get BC? I'm not against having a long talk with her about it. Preferably, we've had these sorts of conversations before.

But at the end of the day, you may not be able to stop it. She may not even agree with you, if you think it's wrong. I remember 15. I may have been under my parents' responsibility, but there wasn't much they could force me to do or not do. And they sure couldn't force me to believe as they did. The fastest way to get me to do something was to forbid it.

Alyshahmr

Well my answer to your statement about self control when it comes to sex or our weight is we don't do so well. You are not your daughter and don't know if she would be able to always say no. When you love a person, it is very hard not to want to be with them sexually. It does not mean that she is weak or has poor morals, it means that she is human. Give her all the tools, including birth control, if that is what is needed. If we could always have will power we would not be such fat *kitten*. That is all I have to say on this subject.

livnlite

Since I have no daughter, I feel comfortable in saying this.

1) buy a gun
2) invite her boyfriend over for dinner
3) spend the entire night cleaning and checking the site
4) overreact

Good thing you don't have a daughter, then. That's an unrealistic and unhelpful attitude. She would end up getting pregnant because of unprotected sex.

everyone has sex, that's why we're all here. women begin to menstruate at 13 so we can become pregnant, it's normal to want to have sex at that age. (obviously although our society has changed, but physiology hasn't).

I waited until i was 18 but I just didn't want to get pregnant and didn't have parents who were supportive of the pill.
i'm not sure why sex is often viewed from the stance as a problem/taboo.

Sex is not the problem .. It's the stuff that accompanies it is the problem. Physically and emotionally. We aren't living in prehistoric times .. it is not just a primal instinct. It comes with consequences. A child of 13 doesn't have the maturity to deal with what is happening .. even if it's been explained to them.

Sure hormones control the brain into thinking it has to procreate .. that's natures way .. But, we are not animals .. we are human beings living in a modern day civilized society. We live our lives constantly fighting what we feel we want or need to do. We all have to exercise self control.

Like, yesterday when some moron cut me off on the highway, almost causing me to swerve into oncoming traffic .. I 'wanted' to hunt him down and punch him in the weiner .. but .. Did I ? Nooooo, I didn't .. because THAT would be stupid.

If we didn't exercise some level of self control there would be no monogamy either .... Or are we making too much of a deal about that too?

heathersmilez

If she asks BEFORE she is in a monogamous relationship I'd be worried.

You are supposed to be on the pill 1 month before it is it's most effective therefore if she's been dating for a few weeks (which seems like forever in high school so I'd consider that a 'serious' relationship) and can't wait 1 more month to take it to the next level then there are serious promiscuous issues there, especially for the first time.

That being said, do you really want to be a grandmother and ruin both your life and your daughter's? I'd be more pissed if my daughter came home preggo than if she was a slut.

Alyshahmr

Yes, you are living with your head stuck in sand. I hope you won't mind helping raise your new addition to the family because you are unwilling to realize that this is NOT 1950. Hell, even if they were 25 right now they couldn't find a job. I can tell you this, I am not a bad person, I have a college degree, I work two jobs, and I started having sex at 14. Not a wise choice looking back as an adult. I was on the pill. I put myself on it and when my mom found out she asked if I needed it and she helped me get to the clinic on a regular basis so that I did not get pregnant.

LuckyLeprechaun

I'd be more pissed if my daughter came home preggo than if she was a slut.

really? we're going there? :huh:

Are you just being provocative for kicks? A 15 year old girl who has sex is labeled a slut because.........?

macpatti

We need to learn to edit our incessant quoting!

Look what I can do, Brett!

BrettPGH

Look what I can do, Brett!

Very nice Patti! Now for the real test. Can you quote this post but remove your original quote from it? Because that's where all the huge amounts of quoting come from.

Again, sorry for the thread derail, but there's 15 pages of this nonsense, no one is changing their minds. But if one person learns to cut out massive amounts of quotes I feel progress has been made!

macpatti

Very nice Patti! Now for the real test. Can you quote this post but remove your original quote from it? Because that's where all the huge amounts of quoting come from

We've made progress!

WifeNMama

I knew the consequences of having sex, knew I could buy condoms, knew I could go to a doctors office and get the pill if I wanted. I made an informed decision at 12 years old, well into puberty and raging hormones, that I would not be having sex until my wedding night. I kept that promise to myself because I respected myself, my family, and the potential children that could have resulted if I had sex. Teenagers are not mindless genitalia with feet. I think we do them a great disservice when we say "well, they're just teenagers." I would be discrediting myself if I taught my sons values that I want to pass down, and then hand them a box of condoms because they won't listen anyway. If they think they're grown up enough to handle sex, and the emotional, psychological and social ramifications of having sex, then they are grown up enough to buy their own protection.

And if their girlfriends do get pregnant, I will be more than happy to set them up in the guest bedroom and babysit for them so they can finish school or college, if need be. Just because I don't agree with them, doesn't mean I can't support them when they've made mistakes.

sexforjaffacakes

this! and...
I have a 12yo daughter, I am dreading this day as she just began menstruating. I would have to have a serious talk about the intense adult ramifications involved with sex and to lighten it up I would give her an aspirin to keep in her purse. When with a boy and feels the need for birth control, she is to hold the aspirin between her knees until the treat has passed. This is effective protection against STDs and pregnancy!

Yeah, I don't understand the joke...I don't understand what she's actually saying

I don't get this?

I think it was a joke. She said, "To lighten it up ..."

Yeah, I don't understand the joke...I don't understand what she's actually saying

livnlite

this! and...
I have a 12yo daughter, I am dreading this day as she just began menstruating. I would have to have a serious talk about the intense adult ramifications involved with sex and to lighten it up I would give her an aspirin to keep in her purse. When with a boy and feels the need for birth control, she is to hold the aspirin between her knees until the treat has passed. This is effective protection against STDs and pregnancy!

Yeah, I don't understand the joke...I don't understand what she's actually saying

I don't get this?

I think it was a joke. She said, "To lighten it up ..."

Yeah, I don't understand the joke...I don't understand what she's actually saying

Yes, it was a joke .. a very old joke. Are you guys serious about not 'getting' it? Do I need to splain it to you?

BrettPGH

We've made progress!

We have indeed Patti. Now go forth and teach others. Clearly this is an issue many need to learn of.

42hockeymom

this! and...
I have a 12yo daughter, I am dreading this day as she just began menstruating. I would have to have a serious talk about the intense adult ramifications involved with sex and to lighten it up I would give her an aspirin to keep in her purse. When with a boy and feels the need for birth control, she is to hold the aspirin between her knees until the treat has passed. This is effective protection against STDs and pregnancy!

Yeah, I don't understand the joke...I don't understand what she's actually saying

I don't get this?

I think it was a joke. She said, "To lighten it up ..."

Yeah, I don't understand the joke...I don't understand what she's actually saying

You keep your knees together.... no sex.... I got a good chuckle from it. Cute, and I'm guessing that the poster was doing just that, joking.

I'm a huge advocate of abstinence. And I preach it non-stop to my daughters. However, I've also said to them, that if they find themselves in a situation where they've decided to have sex, to please remember to have safe sex and explained to them what that entails in these times, because it was different when I was their age.

However, just because a 15 yo girl is on birth control does not automatically mean she's having sex. There are MEDICAL reasons for them to take it. My oldest daughter was one of them. Let's not stigmatize all girls who take hormones for medical reasons as girls who are having sex willy nilly.

Now, if my 14 yo came to me and asked to be put on the pill for birth control only, 1) I'd be happy she came to me because she knew she could talk to me; and 2) DISCUSS DISCUSS DISCUSS why. Here is what it boils down to in my house and how I've presented this to my daughters. Your virginity is something that should be treated as a gift, because you will NEVER get that back. So MAKE SURE the man you give your gift to is worthy, otherwise, move on and find the one who is and who will understand what he is getting. I'm also one who doesn't make talking about sex dirty, my husband finds it uncomfortable and likes to defer to me when he can, but steps up when it's his time to. We're not perfect parents, sadly, the girls don't tell me EVERYTHING but they've come to us and can talk to us. For this I am very thankful.

daybyday

Not an ideal situation, but I prefer having my 15-year old on the pill than come home pregnant!

^^ This. I have 2 sons (18 & 14) and I threaten them with an inch of their lives that they better not get a girl pregnant and make me a grandma in my 40s. Seriously, I would rather have them protected. Better safe than sorry!!

macpatti

Not an ideal situation, but I prefer having my 15-year old on the pill than come home pregnant!

^^ This. I have 2 sons (18 & 14) and I threaten them with an inch of their lives that they better not get a girl pregnant and make me a grandma in my 40s. Seriously, I would rather have them protected. Better safe than sorry!!

But, are YOU willing to provide that protection?

valeriebpdx

Seriously, I would rather have them protected. Better safe than sorry!!

But, are YOU willing to provide that protection?

I sure as hell am. I really don't understand the distinction you're making here. You acknowledge they'll probably have sex and you hope they might be responsible enough to get their own condoms and it's all cool as long as you're not involved? It has been proven thousands of times that teenagers' brains aren't finished developing, and the part that's not done is seeing how one's current actions will affect one's future. If I have to be the one to bridge that divide for my sons with some proactive prophylaxis, it's a whole lot better than just taking my chances and seeing what happens. Amen.

calibri

Wow, the claws didn't come out for awhile; pretty surprising.

sexforjaffacakes

Yes, it was a joke .. a very old joke. Are you guys serious about not 'getting' it? Do I need to splain it to you?

Thanks for the patronizing there, no, what I don't get is the aspirin bit

"I would give her an aspirin to keep in her purse. When with a boy and feels the need for birth control, she is to hold the aspirin between her knees until the treat has passed. This is effective protection against STDs and pregnancy!"

"hold the 'aspirin' between her knees until the 'treat' has passed" <--- 'these bits' I do not get.

daffodilsoup

You keep your knees together.... no sex.... I got a good chuckle from it. Cute, and I'm guessing that the poster was doing just that, joking.

Anyone who thinks you can't have sex with your knees together needs to buy a copy of the Kama Sutra

Also, this is a little bit of a branch off the original topic, but I guess I'm just one of "those types", but what is the big deal about sex? If both the boy and girl are responsible, safe, and smart about it, why does it matter? Yes, there is a pretty miniscule chance that birth control will fail, but the pill/ring/whatever combined with condom use pretty much seals the deal. Also, the conversation that would come with my hypothetical daughter going on Birth Control would include this. Granted, I don't ever plan on having kids, so maybe I'm not the best person to answer this.

I believe that sex is always BETTER with someone you love, but even if you're not in love with someone, it still feels pretty great. I guess I don't get why kids are always taught that sex is only 'permissible' when you're in a monogamous relationship. How many people really only have sex with one person, or date one person in their whole life?

micls

How many people really only have sex with one person, or date one person in their whole life?

Me....well that's the plan anyway. However, I also agree with everything you've said.

suzycreamcheese

if youre made to feel bad about having sex with more than one person in your life, then its a big risk youll end up sticking with the wrong one. Im so glad im not married or still with the first guy i ever fell in love with, let alone had sex with

caramkoala

Not an ideal situation, but I prefer having my 15-year old on the pill than come home pregnant!

My girls are 6 and 7. I hope I can stay calm long enough to chat with her about it, and make her that appointment. I figure if I get to this point, I've already done a lot of things RIGHT, so why stop now?

I work in a high school, with 14-15 year old kids this year, and after the health teacher leaves there are always questions, I find they appreciate honesty more than anything.