Say your 15 yr old daughter requests Birth Control

rml_16

If my child was drunk and called me for help, I would be there in a heartbeat. I would never be his/her DD. If my daughter came to me because she was pregnant, I would help her in a heartbeat. I would not provide her with BC.

So you'd rather deal with the pregnancy than prevent it?

I could not morally provide my teenage children with birth control. There are plenty of ways to help your child prevent pregnancy without personally providing BC.

i'm not a parent, but i understand this thinking. i think there is a fine line between guiding your children and endorsing actions or behaviors that you as a parent cannot support. i can see how it would be very difficult to walk that line, and every parent has to determine what is the best course of action for them and their children. it may or may not work. there's always a risk, regardless of which way you choose. no way around that for anyone - just the nature of life. and there are so many different layers and facets and dynamics of child-parent-family relationships that it would be impossible to have a blanket solution to things like this. to each their own.

My ultimate point in all of this is that if your child is at the point of asking for BC because he or she is planning to have sex (and not for medical reasons), then your child is probably going to have sex. You can try to talk your child out of it and MAYBE that will work. But when it's all said and done, if that kid is determined to have sex, he or she is going to have sex.

In that case, while I wouldn't be happy about it and would be very clear about that, I would still prefer to make sure to the best of my ability that my kid would be able to go on and live the rest of his or her life without having to pay the highest price for that decision.

Morals or no morals, I do not want my daughter to have a baby too young (and unplanned) or to get AIDS. Those are bigger concerns than whether I condone the act itself.

sure, i get that.

but do consider that a lot of girls on birth control are readily convinced by their love of the moment that a condom is not necessary. have you ever sat in a high school or middle school sex class recently? it is alarming the number of girls that will not use a condom because their boyfriends tell them it feels so much better. do they know better? yes. do they understand the risks? sure. does it matter? apparently not.

it's tricky business, and just prescribing birth control has the possibility of making things worse, just the same as *not* prescribing birth control could possibly make things worse. there are too many factors involved to say, 'do this, and you won't have a problem'. there is no simple solution.

but, as i stated earlier, i would rather my daughter come home pregnant and disease-free than not pregnant with aids.

A lot of them aren't going to use a condom regardless. I didn't use one and I wasn't on BC, either.

That's why you sit that kid down (boy OR girl) and scare the living crap out of them about STDs.

KimmieBrie

but, as i stated earlier, i would rather my daughter come home pregnant and disease-free than not pregnant with aids.

I would rather my daughter not be pregnant or have a disease. If your daughter got pregnant accidently she also had the potential to contract a disease from unprotected sex and was fortunate not to have. Birth control doesn't mean not practicing safe sex. Even as an adult on birth control - testing after every relationship and making sure your partner is tested before having sex without a condom is a no brainer. Both my husband and I were tested before ever doing that for our own comfort. If you aren't 100% sure of the person you are with - always use a condom at any age. Besides aids there's herpes - which NEVER goes away and all kinds of other nasties floating around out there. This is basic safety stuff people.

chanstriste13

If my child was drunk and called me for help, I would be there in a heartbeat. I would never be his/her DD. If my daughter came to me because she was pregnant, I would help her in a heartbeat. I would not provide her with BC.

So you'd rather deal with the pregnancy than prevent it?

I could not morally provide my teenage children with birth control. There are plenty of ways to help your child prevent pregnancy without personally providing BC.

i'm not a parent, but i understand this thinking. i think there is a fine line between guiding your children and endorsing actions or behaviors that you as a parent cannot support. i can see how it would be very difficult to walk that line, and every parent has to determine what is the best course of action for them and their children. it may or may not work. there's always a risk, regardless of which way you choose. no way around that for anyone - just the nature of life. and there are so many different layers and facets and dynamics of child-parent-family relationships that it would be impossible to have a blanket solution to things like this. to each their own.

My ultimate point in all of this is that if your child is at the point of asking for BC because he or she is planning to have sex (and not for medical reasons), then your child is probably going to have sex. You can try to talk your child out of it and MAYBE that will work. But when it's all said and done, if that kid is determined to have sex, he or she is going to have sex.

In that case, while I wouldn't be happy about it and would be very clear about that, I would still prefer to make sure to the best of my ability that my kid would be able to go on and live the rest of his or her life without having to pay the highest price for that decision.

Morals or no morals, I do not want my daughter to have a baby too young (and unplanned) or to get AIDS. Those are bigger concerns than whether I condone the act itself.

sure, i get that.

but do consider that a lot of girls on birth control are readily convinced by their love of the moment that a condom is not necessary. have you ever sat in a high school or middle school sex class recently? it is alarming the number of girls that will not use a condom because their boyfriends tell them it feels so much better. do they know better? yes. do they understand the risks? sure. does it matter? apparently not.

it's tricky business, and just prescribing birth control has the possibility of making things worse, just the same as *not* prescribing birth control could possibly make things worse. there are too many factors involved to say, 'do this, and you won't have a problem'. there is no simple solution.

but, as i stated earlier, i would rather my daughter come home pregnant and disease-free than not pregnant with aids.

A lot of them aren't going to use a condom regardless. I didn't use one and I wasn't on BC, either.

That's why you sit that kid down (boy OR girl) and scare the living crap out of them about STDs.

sure, fine. i'm just trying to get across that if there were an easy answer, there would be no unwanted pregnancies or contracted diseases. at least, it wouldn't be such a common thing. no one has the perfect answer.

I would rather my daughter not be pregnant or have a disease. If your daughter got pregnant accidently she also had the potential to contract a disease from unprotected sex and was fortunate not to have. Birth control doesn't mean not practicing safe sex. Even as an adult on birth control - testing after every relationship and making sure your partner is tested before having sex without a condom is a no brainer. Both my husband and I were tested before ever doing that for our own comfort. If you aren't 100% sure of the person you are with - always use a condom at any age. Besides aids there's herpes - which NEVER goes away and all kinds of other nasties floating around out there. This is basic safety stuff people.

i agree with you mostly, but you act like all people of all ages who are sexually active think that far ahead or have someone in their life to think that far ahead or have the time or money to go to the doctor for tests or the patience and transportation to get to the health clinic and care enough about their own situation or their partner's or their future that they will do any of these things.

(wow - that was a hell of a run-on)

it's just not that simple.

KimmieBrie

i agree with you mostly, but you act like all people of all ages who are sexually active think that far ahead or have someone in their life to think that far ahead or have the time or money to go to the doctor for tests or the patience and transportation to get to the health clinic and care enough about their own situation or their partner's or their future that they will do any of these things.

(wow - that was a hell of a run-on)

it's just not that simple.

No - I know all people aren't going to or are doing this - especially young people... all you can do is give them the most information and guidance you can and pray for the best! I was just saying - why pick one over the other? I wouldn't want my child pregnant as a teenager OR getting an STD. My preference is neither. And if the child was pregnant obviously there was no protection and the potential to contract something was there as well. Russian roulette with the body.... you just never know.

chanstriste13

i agree with you mostly, but you act like all people of all ages who are sexually active think that far ahead or have someone in their life to think that far ahead or have the time or money to go to the doctor for tests or the patience and transportation to get to the health clinic and care enough about their own situation or their partner's or their future that they will do any of these things.

(wow - that was a hell of a run-on)

it's just not that simple.

No - I know all people aren't going to or are doing this - especially young people... all you can do is give them the most information and guidance you can and pray for the best! I was just saying - why pick one over the other? I wouldn't want my child pregnant as a teenager OR getting an STD. My preference is neither. And if the child was pregnant obviously there was no protection and the potential to contract something was there as well. Russian roulette with the body.... you just never know.

oh, i totally agree with you there - i would prefer neitherfor my non-existant children too! to use your russion roulette image (nice), i guess i feel that even with all of the preparation and guidance, it's still the same game. the odds might be lower, but the stakes are just as high. i can understand people have such opposite views, but still believe they are doing the right thing for their children. and they might be. you really don't know until it's all said and done.

one girl could use birth control as a means to connect with her soul-mate and have a lovely happily-ever-after. another girl might use birth control to connect with someone, but then have sex with a lot of different guys because she feels protected, though she might have been more cautious had she not been on it. you just never know, and i can still see both views of this.

when my husband was in college, he told me about a meeting they held for freshman that advised all girls to get on the pill whether they were planning to have sex or not. i would love to have been a fly on the wall at that meeting!

daffodilsoup

one girl could use birth control as a means to connect with her soul-mate and have a lovely happily-ever-after. another girl might use birth control to connect with someone, but then have sex with a lot of different guys because she feels protected, though she might have been more cautious had she not been on it. you just never know, and i can still see both views of this.

I understand this worry, but I think this is why there needs to be a conversation that comes with hormonal birth control. She needs to understand that the pill/ring/shot/whatever does NOT prevent STDs like HIV, etc, and there's a very real chance that it could happen to her. I am a strong advocate for hormonal birth control, but some posters with opposite views seem to think we would just "throw birth control pills at them". The goal here is not simply to provide her with Birth Control, but to "arm" her with physical protection and knowledge.

I would view the birth control pills as an "excuse" to have an in-depth discussion about sex - STDs, staying safe, etc.

Prozack1964

I have 3 girls and we are all very close I have always been very open and honest with them about everything. My 17 year old asked me about going on birth control so she and I sat down and talked about it, part of it was for medical reasons but the other part was just incase. I told her she could go on them but it wasnt giveing her permision to have sex. We talked about everything to do with it and why. To show you all that a dad can even be just as close to the girls as the sons, she came to me to help her get her first bra and to ask and about personal items

rissuhbissuh

There are other reasons for teenagers to be on the pill. I started it when I was in high school, and it wasn't because I was sexually active (because I wasn't...and still am not) it was because I had terrible acne and incredibly painful heavy irregular periods, the pill does a lot more than just protect you from getting pregnant.

Exactly what you said! I was actually put on the pill because of my period as well. Even when I was on the pill, I didn't actually start being sexually active until years later. It has a lot of benefits in general.

Lauren8239

I have 3 girls and we are all very close I have always been very open and honest with them about everything. My 17 year old asked me about going on birth control so she and I sat down and talked about it, part of it was for medical reasons but the other part was just incase. I told her she could go on them but it wasnt giveing her permision to have sex. We talked about everything to do with it and why. To show you all that a dad can even be just as close to the girls as the sons, she came to me to help her get her first bra and to ask and about personal items

That is so cool.....and so sweet. :flowerforyou:

StatutoryGrape

I'd be 100% okay with it...and glad that she felt comfortable enough to confide in me and be honest.

bigfluffyjujubird

the pill is good for periods, i have a 1 year old daughter so have a while to go but i would chat to her about it, i would definitely tell her condoms too though for stds and also if she forgot to take the pill. Other than that its a chastity belt isnt it really?? ;0) lol

veganbaum

I would hope that the sex talk has happened long before 15 and regardless of whether one has a daughter or son. I mean, all those sons are having sex with someone's daughter, you wouldn't want it to be yours but it could be, so seems like focus should be on educating children regardless of their gender about all aspects of sexual activity and teaching them to have respect for their partner(s). Hopefully that sex talk included information about STDs, as well as non=physical aspects of sex. And hopefully oral sex was a part of that discussion as well, since more and more teenagers don't see that as actual sex and are contracting STDs. If all of that has happened, not just once, but periodically, and you still have a 15 year old who is thinking about having sex, at least you know you have done everything you could to prepare them and to help guide them to responsible choices. Take it as a final opportunity (before their first time, anyway) to remind them of everything you have talked about. At least if they have sex before they are emotionally mature enough they will have all the tools to prevent pregnancy and STDs.

evergreen5

I have 2 girls and 2 boys, all in their 20's. We made sure they were okay with talking about everything from sex, drinking, drugs and smoking. We stressed abstinence but also to be prepared. We made sure they were aware that nothing is fail-safe. We went through the eye-rolling stage, and the "do we really have to talk about this" and the "I know" stages, because every kid thinks they know more than their parents. LOL

I believe knowledge is power and I want my kids to be aware and not to be naive. There are many people out there who will take advantage of the uninformed.

As for being a DD. We always made sure that if they were in a situation they were not comfortable in to call ASAP. I wasn't a great parent but I know the kids knew that no matter what I would be there.

fit4mom

Birth control (Occasionally even condoms) don't prevent disease. HPV is passed on through males. Even the shot that "protects" against it, has not been studied enough and has cost the lives of young women.They need to do more research which is hard to do. It's important that we spend time with them, ingraining in them the valued gift they are and the treasured gift they have to give to their future husband. I think its important to remember that we have more control than we think we do. When you help them to see how important they are to you they will sustain a much needed very important perspective of themselves. They can move on from relationships but they cannot retrieve/ replace the part of themselves they have willingly given away.
Dr. Caroline Leaf
Chemicals are released and exchanged in the male and the female brains when they talk, kiss and touch. These chemicals interchange and react, and a chemical imprint forms in each other’s brains. So there is literally a chemical representation of you in the brain of the one you love.

Rsjessen

I was 16 when I started on birth control. Not because I was sexually active, but because I had extreme pains once a month, that actually made me faint more than once.
Just saying, there's other reasons for wanting them than just sex.
Plus it shows that your daughter is responsible and aware of the fact that she needs some sort of birth control I would sit down with her and explain her that she'd still need to use condoms thou, as they don't prevent STDs. And remind her of the fact that there are consequences to taking the pills, because I, when I started taking them, had to be taken off them again as I had some extreme reactions to them.
I would also explain that they are a relatively new thing, and we still don't know what they do to the body in the long run.

Think of it this way, she's gonna have sex no matter what, if she's already decided there's really not much you can do about, I'm 19 and it's not really that long since I was that age, so I remember .. I rather she was on the pill than I suddenly need to appear on sixteen and pregnant.

fit4mom

I have 16 when I started on birth control. Not because I was sexually active, but because I had extreme pains once a month, that actually made my faint more than once.
Just saying, there's other reasons than just sex, for wanting them
Plus it shows that your daughter is responsible and aware of the fact that she needs some sort of birth control I would sit down with her and explain her that she'd still need to use condoms thou, as they don't prevent STDs. And remind her of the fact that there are consequences to taking the pills, because I, when I started taking them, had to be taken of them again as I had some extreme reactions to them.
I would also explain that they are a relatively new thing, and we still don't know what they do to the body in the long run.

Think of it this way, she's gonna have sex no matter what, rather she was on the pill than I suddenly need to appear on sixteen and pregnant.

This is true but the majority census is that parents would rather avoid their kids "making a mistake" and not about the real issue of their kid out there acting like and adult without actually commiting and yes this means marriage. Some kids do use it as an excuse and parents (I'll say it, not all) to avoid having to have the talk or to avoid consequences. Which their really not because it takes an emotional tole on a girl. I don't really think that being on BC is actually responsible. I think that taking the steps to wait is responsible. Deciding you are worth the wait for the right person and making a commitment is responsible. That is only my opinion and I am NOT dogging on anybody who thinks that BC is a sign of responsibility. Just a different viewpoint that is all. And I do understand that parents are trying to do the best they can. No judgement here because I am a parent to my kid not yours. And just because I disagree does not mean I am judging you. I am simply disagreeing.

Rsjessen

I have 16 when I started on birth control. Not because I was sexually active, but because I had extreme pains once a month, that actually made my faint more than once.
Just saying, there's other reasons than just sex, for wanting them
Plus it shows that your daughter is responsible and aware of the fact that she needs some sort of birth control I would sit down with her and explain her that she'd still need to use condoms thou, as they don't prevent STDs. And remind her of the fact that there are consequences to taking the pills, because I, when I started taking them, had to be taken of them again as I had some extreme reactions to them.
I would also explain that they are a relatively new thing, and we still don't know what they do to the body in the long run.

Think of it this way, she's gonna have sex no matter what, rather she was on the pill than I suddenly need to appear on sixteen and pregnant.

This is true but the majority census is that parents would rather avoid their kids "making a mistake" and not about the real issue of their kid out there acting like and adult without actually commiting and yes this means marriage. Some kids do use it as an excuse and parents (I'll say it, not all) to avoid having to have the talk or to avoid consequences. Which their really not because it takes an emotional tole on a girl.

I don't really have much to say, as I can guess you are an American and our cultures are so different from each others on this subject but in Denmark it's common that a 16-17 year old start becoming sexually active, and it's also accepted in society. I'm currently doing my last year of sixth-form, I'm 19 and most of my friends are 18 and 19 years old, I'm certain the only one in my class of 28 girls that's a virgin, is the only one that's religious (Muslim), and therefore can't be counted into that an average Danish teenager is like.(75% of the Danish population is non-religious)
But being sexually active does not equal sleeping around with a lot of people. Many teenagers are in a committed relationship, some might have tried it once of twice. I don't really see the problem in a teenager exploring things like that. I would rather try it now and learn things than end up married and with no clue what to do and end up having is bad sex-life for the rest of my life.

fit4mom

Birth control (Occasionally even condoms) don't prevent disease. HPV is passed on through males. Even the shot that "protects" against it, has not been studied enough and has cost the lives of young women.They need to do more research which is hard to do. It's important that we spend time with them, ingraining in them the valued gift they are and the treasured gift they have to give to their future husband. I think its important to remember that we have more influence than we think we do. When you help them to see how important they are to you they will sustain a much needed very important perspective of themselves. They can move on from relationships but they cannot retrieve/ replace the part of themselves they have willingly given away.
Dr. Caroline Leaf
Chemicals are released and exchanged in the male and the female brains when they talk, kiss and touch. These chemicals interchange and react, and a chemical imprint forms in each others brains. So there is literally a chemical representation of you in the brain of the one you love.

Sorry I had to fix a word. It wouldn't let me edit and it was bugging me.

fit4mom

I do get where your coming from and It seems you have a very worldly view of things. I don't really expect people to understand where I am coming from. It is a morality and modesty subject as it does ruin lives and cheating these days is at an all time high. Not waiting for marriage sets a presidence of not valuing boundaries. Sex is a matter of valuing ones self and others. I do believe their is one person for everyone out there. More people cheat than you'd think. If you don't set boundaries then it creates chaos. When there is boundaries everyone knows the rules but when you take that standard away then you get things like prostitution of children in foreign countries. When we refuse to cal something moral or immoral then you get people who will take advantage. It's human nature. People will naturally get as much as they can for as little work as they can. Or more for less. Who doesn't love a good sale. You see it all the time in papers and jails and so on and so on. There is a problem with premarital relations purely because when you decide it doesn't have to have a standard it throws the rules out the window and sets someone up to change the rules and make their own. There is a lady that I heard on the radio once who wants to make it law that people are required to divorce split up and move on, it was either every 3 or 10 years because of all the divorce that is out there. Divorce is rampant and the studies done prove that a majority of people who participate in premarital sex end up divorced. I can't change the facts simply see and believe. I'm in no judgement of people who do this, I have the right to see something as wrong even if someone else doesn't. Divorce tears people and society apart as well as, has been documented, causes financial ruin, if not financial stress. Oh and they found that with divorce, the toy industry gets a financial boost from parents and grandparents.

Dreamer1311

There are other reasons for teenagers to be on the pill. I started it when I was in high school, and it wasn't because I was sexually active (because I wasn't...and still am not) it was because I had terrible acne and incredibly painful heavy irregular periods, the pill does a lot more than just protect you from getting pregnant.

I agree with you! Its not just always for protection. I used to have terrible cramps myself. Didn't start taking the pill until I was 17 though.Plus it also shows in most cases that mother and daughter have a good relationship. Its important to talk about everything even the most embarassing things.

Rsjessen

I agree that the idea of marriage has taken a turn for the worse. You mainly see it among celebrities, such as Kim Kardashian who just got a divorce after 70 days of marriage. But I still do not believe having sex before marriage has anything to do with this. As I said it's common in my country to have sex before marriage. Actually, it's uncommon not to have sex before marriage, as people often ridicule the ones who decides to wait. (Which I think you shouldn't, but I'm also aware that they do make it much harder for themselves to find a husband, as no man in Denmark that I know of, would want to marry a virgin.)
26% of marriages in Denmark ends up in a divorce, so I wouldn't say that your statistics apply to us at least.

And it is true that divorces destroys families, but staying in a loveless marriage also does, perhaps even more so. If my parents fell out of love with each other, I'd rather they were divorced and never spoke, than living with them fighting and yelling, or perhaps even just ignoring each other at home. Luckily my parents are still very much in love with each other.

fit4mom

Yes sometimes it is used as medication as it is one of the cheapest forms. I am only replying to the premarital sex par. But if you asked for a consus of teens on BC, as has been interviewed on TV, the majority would say that they not only are on it but are having premarital sex and many parents and teens say that the parents know and they are both in agreement that the BC is to prevent pregnancy. As stated based on the above fore mentioned reasons, I am against premarital and no I don't suspect anyone on BC to have Premarital sex as I have been around the foster system my whole life (adopted not foster but my mom knows people) and the kids are required by the state to be on BC. So I do not judge those on it. But through obtaining info and the risk of divorce that statistically goes with it and all the pain that it causes and the reason a majority are on it and the mentality that does go with it is why I am not for it. But like that if for medical reasons (ovarian systs and the like) as well as pot for cancer (same reason as medication and no I'm not going into that subject just saying there are times these things come into play) I'm not against it. But those reasons are not all that common.

submissivelyserving

i know several girls who were virgins when they married and a few teenagers who have decided to wait for marriage. i think the best thing is to prepare our young girls before they are confronted with the option to have or not to have sex. a fireman prepare to fight fires before a fire, a doctor learns to operate before he has to do surgery. are children are smart and intelligent and some of them do listen. you may have feelings, thats part of life, but you don't have to obey your feelings, you are in control of you actions, your feelings are not in control. we need to teach our children not to get in situations that you can't handle. a lot of kissing and touching may lead you somewhere you don't want to go. if you can't get a grown married man (many of our politicians) to use protection when he is cheating on his wife, can you really trust a teenager to take a pill everyday, just in case. we need to be honest with our children and show the the ugly side of getting pregnant out of wedlock. it use to be shame in it.

bprague

I am a strong supporter of BC. I always think the argument that taking BC makes you more promiscuous, or able to cheat as pretty darned silly. I've been on birth control since I was 17 (22 now). My mom wanted us all to go on it before we were in college- just in case. It helps with my cramps, and I do like that when things got serious between my boyfriend and me I was/am given another level of protection.

Really, if someone's daughter wants birth control, not having it is unlikely to stop her from having sex. Having them would prevent a lot of unfortunate accidents. And it would make the girl more open to discussion about safety. I'd rather be informed than ignorant of my (hypothetical) daughter's life. I would simply inform her that she needs to also use a condom to prevent transmission of diseases. No excuses, use a condom. Heck, my mom helped me find nonlatex condoms when my doc thought I was allergic to the latex. My friend wouldn't go on birth control for fear of her mom finding out- (she's bloody 21) but she is sure as heck having sex. I really feel like if you are accepting of the reality (ie. your kid is probably having sex even if you are uber against it), you can really educate and help them grow into mature and responsible adults.

fit4mom

The statistic for premarital relationships staying married is very low plus. The world in whole has a "as long as it aint hurting anyone, laissez-faire attitude about these things. There is such a lose look at the whole subject of sex that we now have a married 40 something mayor having sex with a 14 year old boy and having his baby. Men having sex with prostitute toddlers, and so on and so on. Yes some go punished but the majority Don't. So while society keeps losing the boundaries and waining on it's view of moralities, the dangers and such in society will continue to get worse. The implications are more than one individual making a choice. When I buy a product, it pays taxes, covers overhead to run the store, puts food on the owners table, employs people to work, to feed their family to pay for the visit to the ER.....
Not just that, but along with devaluing (making sex a non moral issue) you have groups like The North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) who I obviously don't need to explain. The odds stack themselves over all against an individual who does this. It's a matter of pushing the boundaries and becoming a situation where nothing is bad anymore, everyman for themselves. It does all tie together. It's like the fact that people live behind bars (Home windows and locked doors) and criminals walk free. Denmark is actually at 44.5% divorce rate.
http://www.darndivorce.com/divorce-rates-around-the-world/

veganbaum

To equate premarital sex to likelihood of divorce is not a direct line. Sorry, it just isn't. If someone chooses to wait for marriage, they obviously live within a certain culture and they view marriage in a certain way. Someone who chooses to have premarital sex has a different culture and likely a slightly different view of marriage. Some who wait until marriage may not get divorced even if they are extremely unhappy because it goes against their religious values; some who don't wait might get divorced because they didn't take marriage seriously enough to begin with, didn't discuss life goals, money, children, etc (these are just two examples, in no way am I saying this is everyone). The point being, having premarital sex on its own does not increase your chances of divorce, it is your entire cultural value system and situational circumstances that determine that. There isn't a straight line. It doesn't make sense to say - oh, if you have premarital sex you are likely to get divorced. And relationships are changing. The Census Bureau has discussed adding a new category for partners who live together and are not married because those types of relationships are on the rise. And that doesn't mean just young people "shacking up" or whatever you want to call it, that includes partners who have children together and simply have no desire to get married. Just because a couple isn't married, doesn't mean they aren't in a committed and loving relationship that will last for the rest of their lives.

bprague

I don't know that you can blame all this on society loosing it's morals. I mean... prostitution has been around for centuries, infidelity as well. Divorce rates are high probably because there is no longer a huge stigma attached to them. Does not having a divorce make you more moral? My grandparents stayed together because that's what you had to do as a roman catholic but does it make anyone less moral to divorce? And I've had premarital sex but does that mean I'm more likely to divorce my future husband (assuming I have sex with him before marriage). Your facts are correlational (science speak for not proving anything). A higher rate of divorce may correlate with sex before marriage but we cannot deduce the nature of this correlation. I'm not sold.

And I don't think you can say boy/man or otherwise statutory rape situations are "not hurting anyone" situations. Those are clearly situations where people are hurt. I don't think you find anyone but sexual predators who find that just fine.

fit4mom

So at what point do we draw the line being as sex itself is as treated a non moral non ethical issue. With all the crimes that it coexists with. When sex is had before marriage it does dilute the standard of it and thus makes divorce a more viable standard. It treats marriage as an after thought. And divorce causes allot of consequences. It also causes the rise of premarital sex as allot of children incline to have premarital sex when their parents divorce. When the mentality is out there that there is no clear standard it allows us to make up our own rules and that never leads to any good.

Rsjessen

Denmark is actually at 44.5% divorce rate.
http://www.darndivorce.com/divorce-rates-around-the-world/

I'm well aware you don't speak Danish, but not only according to my socialstudy teacher at my college, but also this site:
http://www.psykoweb.dk/parforhold/skilsmisse1.htm
and this site:
http://www.rikket.dk/hvorfor-bliver-saa-mange-skilt-i-danmark-.aspx
Claims for it to 27% And I'd personally rather trust a Danish site about issues in Denmark than an foreign BLOG, that has wikipedia listed as it's source. Although, if you look at your site, you can see that USA has a much higher divorce % than Denmark, as America is the second highest in the world.

bprague

Let me ask: what is the standard of sex? What does it mean to you?

Because it means commitment and love to me. I won't be getting married before I'm 30 at the rate I'm going with school, so is it fair to say that that expression of love and commitment is wrong and off limits? What makes marriage so much greater than a long term commitment?

I also want to point out that it seems like many of these "wait for sex" people get married very young. I would go as far to say that sex is natural and biological urge. Marriage is an institution based on the collective advantage of the families involved. What is more sacred? Love and the physical expression of it, or the legal documentation of it?