Say your 15 yr old daughter requests Birth Control

melbajane

I have 4 daughters, okay, so they are 7, 6, 3, and 2, and one 11 year old stepson, I have talked to my stepson bout sex and asked him to please be smart and at least hold out till he is 16 or 17. I know I can't stop them from having sex, but I can at least talk HIM into waiting until he is more mature and maybe more grown so that in case he is a slow grower, the condoms will fit him properly. My daughters, I would advise against having sex young , I waited till I was 18, and if they wanted birth control, I would rather go with them and help them do that than have them come home one day when they"re 16 and tell me that I'm gonna be a grandma who will end up taking care of my grandchild because my daughter is still in school.

rml_16

I haven't read all the comments, but the ones I have make me think; what ever happened to teaching abstinence?

I'm a father of three young daughters. Even now I'm working on having a strong enough relationship with them that they feel comfortable enough to talk to me about these things.

No, I'm not so naive to think that just because I encourage abstinence means it's going go happen. If they are open with me and did ask, I'm not sure what I would (will) say. Even now, at least one of my girls is prone to doing whatever 'feels' right, rather than what is right.

I dunno. I'll have to think about it, but it sucks that I don't have much time.

I have absolutely no problem teaching abstinence and I agree I'd rather my child not have sex young or even before marriage (not for moral reasons, but because sex is such a heavy thing). But as I've said, and I think is the sentiment of most of the people here, if your kid wants to do it, despite your best efforts at discouraging, it's better to make sure that kid doesn't pay for that decision for the rest of his or her life.

melbajane

OKay, well imagine she is seeing an 18 year old boy, he is legal, she isn't. Hello, that's statutory rape, it isn't throwing around the word rape, it's true. I agree with the other comment

rml_16

Tell her to keep her legs shut until she finds someone she loves to do it with

Yeah, because this type of approach tends to keep teenagers from doing things. /eyeroll

>I am a teenager
>I have teenage friends
>I have in fact told this to silly sluts before and it magically worked
>You are not a teenager

And none of us who are no longer teenager have ever been teenagers or raised teenagers and certainly have no idea what it's like to be a teenager.

I'm glad this approach worked for you. It may work for others. It will not work for all.

asyouseefit

I'd get them for her and have a long talk about love and respecting yourself and choosing the right person and blah blah. I don't know why people get so freaked out about their teenagers having sex. They do it all the time. I was 16 when I lost my virginity and it didn't turn me into a prostitute. In fact he was one of only two people I've ever slept with. You're raising a person... Not a toy.

I tend to agree with this.

BrettPGH

It's best to avoid a car accident. But we still wear seat belts every time we get in a car.

Nope! I teach my children that they have to be on constant guard when they drive. I feel like if I told them to use seatbelts I'd be telling them it's ok to get in a car accident. I'm raising them to be good drivers. "Keep your eyes on the road!" I tell them. Whatever happened to raising kids to drive well? I have taught them the rules of the road and if they choose not to follow them that's their fault. I won't be paying for any accidents.

I'm hoping if they ever decide to get in a car accident they come and ask my permission first. We're very open with each other.

savage22hp

I'd get them for her and have a long talk about love and respecting yourself and choosing the right person and blah blah. I don't know why people get so freaked out about their teenagers having sex. They do it all the time. I was 16 when I lost my virginity and it didn't turn me into a prostitute. In fact he was one of only two people I've ever slept with. You're raising a person... Not a toy.

I tend to agree with this.

savage22hp

You are raising a child very quickly approaching becoming an adult. They aren't there yet. Talk to them as the most precious treasure that you will ever have , not laying down the law to cause the rebellious nature that we all remember inside of us , but as a loving parent who has been there. You as a parent mold your child's worldview. If you abdicate that role then they will fill the void with " if it feels good just do it" . We teach our children not to play in the street. Our answer is not to put up walls to keep the cars out of the street so our children can play. Tragically children do get hit by cars. Tragically teenagers do engage in sex before they are emotionally able to deal with all that comes with it. Adults treat it as recreation but we as parents should be able to talk to our children in a way that doesn't promote this superficial approach to life.

asyouseefit

So having sex as a teenager is the same thing as getting hit by a car? Well, I certainly hope my kids never see it that way!

BrettPGH

So having sex as a teenager is the same thing as getting hit by a car? Well, I certainly hope my kids never see it that way!

I saw it as an appropriate comparison, for the purposes of protecting your children.

And if I can remember back to my teens there are a few other similarities...

It happens when you least expect it
You're surprised and scared
It's over in a second...

asyouseefit

I don't know... Maybe that's because I'm European or maybe I'm just weird! I don't see sex as evil. If my kids are in a committed relationship when they're 16, I don't see anything wrong with them "getting it on". I don't feel they need to be protected from it, unless you mean using both BC and condoms. Of course, I'd hate to see them sleep around or have sex because they've been pressured to, I'm not crazy!

rml_16

I don't know... Maybe that's because I'm European or maybe I'm just weird! I don't see sex as evil. If my kids are in a committed relationship when they're 16, I don't see anything wrong with them "getting it on". I don't feel they need to be protected from it, unless you mean using both BC and condoms. Of course, I'd hate to see them sleep around or have sex because they've been pressured to, I'm not crazy!

No one thinks it's evil and it has nothing to do with being European. Sex is emotional and there are serious consequences to it. No birth control is 100% and there are lifelong diseases one can contract even with a condom and even in a serious, loving, committed relationship if one or both parties are not already virgins.

It's not a bad thing. I very much enjoy sex and have since I was 16. It's not dirty or wrong. But it's a HUGE responsibility with serious emotional and physical consequences.

I don't think driving is bad, either, but I wouldn't hand my car keys to a 10-year-old.

summertime_girl

So having sex as a teenager is the same thing as getting hit by a car? Well, I certainly hope my kids never see it that way!

No, more like it is comparable to driving a car. It can be fun, it can be freeing, it can be fast and exciting. (it can also be boring and stale if you've been driving the same car for years!)

But it is not without inherent risks. And its best, if you do plan to drive (or have sex) to both be aware of the risks and take steps to mitigate them.

asyouseefit

I don't know... Maybe that's because I'm European or maybe I'm just weird! I don't see sex as evil. If my kids are in a committed relationship when they're 16, I don't see anything wrong with them "getting it on". I don't feel they need to be protected from it, unless you mean using both BC and condoms. Of course, I'd hate to see them sleep around or have sex because they've been pressured to, I'm not crazy!

No one thinks it's evil and it has nothing to do with being European. Sex is emotional and there are serious consequences to it. No birth control is 100% and there are lifelong diseases one can contract even with a condom and even in a serious, loving, committed relationship if one or both parties are not already virgins.

It's not a bad thing. I very much enjoy sex and have since I was 16. It's not dirty or wrong. But it's a HUGE responsibility with serious emotional and physical consequences.

I don't think driving is bad, either, but I wouldn't hand my car keys to a 10-year-old.

Never said having sex didn't come with consequences. And I totally agree you should inform your kids about said consequences!

Edit: I pretty much agree with you and bananavatar, I was reacting to other posts.

rml_16

I don't know... Maybe that's because I'm European or maybe I'm just weird! I don't see sex as evil. If my kids are in a committed relationship when they're 16, I don't see anything wrong with them "getting it on". I don't feel they need to be protected from it, unless you mean using both BC and condoms. Of course, I'd hate to see them sleep around or have sex because they've been pressured to, I'm not crazy!

No one thinks it's evil and it has nothing to do with being European. Sex is emotional and there are serious consequences to it. No birth control is 100% and there are lifelong diseases one can contract even with a condom and even in a serious, loving, committed relationship if one or both parties are not already virgins.

It's not a bad thing. I very much enjoy sex and have since I was 16. It's not dirty or wrong. But it's a HUGE responsibility with serious emotional and physical consequences.

I don't think driving is bad, either, but I wouldn't hand my car keys to a 10-year-old.

Never said having sex didn't come with consequences. And I totally agree you should inform your kids about said consequences!

Edit: I pretty much agree with you and bananavatar, I was reacting to other posts.

There are a lot of people who were raised with the idea that bodies are dirty and sex is wrong except for procreation and I guess that does inform their opinions.

Thankfully, I wasn't raised that way and am not raising my daughter that way. I don't think it's an American/European divide, though. I think it's just more about who raised you and it's sad that anyone has to have that attitude.

Just in biological terms, sex is necessary and it feels good and we're hormonally driven to it because otherwise the species would die out! That's a tough thing to fight against. :-)

SueGremlin

I'm not throwing around the word 'rape'
I'm pointing out the law
If someone has sex with a minor it IS classed as rape
That's not me being insensitive to those who have actually been raped

Not exactly. You have to be an adult who has sex with a minor to be tried for statutory rape. Two minors are not going to fall into that category.
It's fine to advise someone to "keep their legs closed". It's not realistic to expect them to listen to you.

sexforjaffacakes

" In the US, where abstinence-only health programmes blossomed in pre-Obama years, the rate of teen pregnancy is still the highest in the developed world. In contrast, a thorough sex education, based on scientific evidence and a lack of moralising, has a proven positive effect in this area: teen pregnancy rates in the UK are at their lowest since the early 1980s – not that you'd know it in some corners of the press."

Came across this article, thought it might be relevant

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/nov/16/anti-sex-drive-nadine-dorries?fb_action_ids=10150463125678488,2280092594197,10150351748346455,10150929992425212,205045709570358&fb_action_types=news.reads&fb_ref=U-Wf5fj3MYyOzi40Q7IPT6lC-CFCONX01FRS-338xfXXX,U-8iZXFoBB7upR4dMXLsd5iV-CFCONX01FRS-338xfXXX,U-M79l14_Yvn7C4nsjIq1QRb-CFCONX01FRS-338xfXXX,U-233IOrYOXDke4JjMIYN5lU-CFCONX01FRS-338xfXXX,U-7tdz6KwyCYe54FzBIHlWHw-CFCONX01FRS-33d84XXX&fb_source=other_multiline

Solly123

Communication, communication, communication..

I've a son and from the age of 10 I spoke to him about sex and relationships and respect, character, morals etc. I can have a frank conversation about anything with him now. And he will tell me everything about his life and his relationships.

To me, I think he has turned into a confident, proud, respectful young man who is not afraid to go against popular opinion / his peers. He is confident enough in himself to decide what he thinks is the right thing to do..

I think you need to work on childrens characters / personalities from a young age, not protect them from the harshness of life and the badness they will meet. Rather you need to help them have the strength to be able to deal with it when it comes. Because unfortunately we won't be able to protect them from every thing.

My son knows that I am by his side, no matter what happens.. Even if he has made a bad decision or bad mistake, once he tells me, I can work with him to resolve it or stand by him when the s**t hits the fan.. I'll always have his back..

So my advice is, start talking asap. Make sure they are NEVER afraid to tell you anything. They need to be able to come home and say - "Mam, I did something really silly out with my mates last night.. I took cocaine.." Even when you think you can't cope - you will... I stood there and said - well, what was it like.. Inside my head I was in chaos.. But outwardly, I was calm and relaxed.. We discussed it. He knew it was stupid. He said that he could totally understand why people got hooked and that frightened him.. So he wasn't going near it again..

Now he's the one coming home complaining whenever one of his mates takes any drug out at night, when his mates drink too much, when they are drunk and start stupid fights.. His mates are in shock that he tells me everything - they are afraid to tell their parents.. But I'm thinking, those parents don't know what their young men are doing.. I know - I may not like it, but I have to trust that my son is strong enough in character to deal with it.. And so far so good..

So, talk, talk and talk.. Don't preach or rant or go off the deep end. They need sensible conversations. We were all their age at one time.. Let them know the mistakes you made yourself.. None of us are perfect.. Maybe if they can see our mistakes and why we made them and what we had to do to get over them - they will find it easier to tell us when they make mistakes too..

Best of luck...

42hockeymom

There are other reasons for teenagers to be on the pill. I started it when I was in high school, and it wasn't because I was sexually active (because I wasn't...and still am not) it was because I had terrible acne and incredibly painful heavy irregular periods, the pill does a lot more than just protect you from getting pregnant.

^^^This!!^^^

My oldest daughter suffered so badly from heavy painful periods, it was horrendous! She was missing AT LEAST 2 days of school a month because of it. I happened to mention to my doc at my "appointment" that she was having such a bad time. She looked at me and asked why my DD wasn't on BC. "DUH!!!" It's also hormone replacement. Talk about a huge improvement in her life. She fought me tooth and nail not wanting to be on BC because she wasn't sexually active also. But after being on it for a month and seeing a marked improvement she changed her tune.

I can't stress enough it's not always BIRTH control, sometimes it's hormone replacement or hormone regulating. We discussed that while this would and could prevent her from becoming pregnant if used correctly it didn't protect her from STD's, or HIV/AIDS. She was 16 at the time, a time that I thought was good to drill in her head these points (I'd been teaching these things before, but now I brought out the big guns) We discussed that the only way to prevent ALL STD's was abstinence. After that, well then safe sex was what needed to be practiced. I happy to report that my DD is now 21, and while I question some of her decisions, I know that she's pretty damn smart when it comes to these matters.

I wouldn't change a thing other than getting her on it earlier to alleviate her pain. I feel bad about that. Talking to the doc was my "ah ha" moment. Luckily my 14 yo DD is not having these symptoms, but if she were, I'd make sure I'd help her too.

boomboom011

i think this goes back to personal responsibility.

kids need to know that there are consequences for their actions. they need to realize that if they want to go around having unprocted sex then they run the risk of getting pregnant and STDs.

You play you pay.

My husband and I are at odds on this subject though. I say yes to the pill but my husband feels like that is giving her permission to get it on. We stress abstinence abstinence abstinence. However, i know what its like to be a hormonal teenager. We have a tiny bit of time to come to an agreement on this one.

You may want to say to your husband that your children won't wait for your permission to have sex. Did you? Did he? Does any teen?

I said it before, I'll say it again. "Just say no" is ineffective and I view it as lazy parenting. How many of us have told our kids not to touch something, how often do they do it anyway? Now change that child to a teenager and give them raging hormones. MAYBE they won't have sex.. yes it's possible. But it's a really huge risk you're taking with your child's life based on some ideology.

You want to stress abstinence, that's cool. But denying them the tools they need that actually work to prevent pregnancy and disease... well I don't have a very good opinion of that.

i have to disagree. I dont think its lazy parenting. We teach and educate our kids. He is very well aware that kids wont wait. But just because they do it doesnt make it right. I wish someone would have talked to me. No one said a word. We talk openly with our daughter about these things.

Its a moral thing in our house. We dont shame anyone for their choices but they are just that CHOICES. Sometimes you make good ones and sometimes you dont. I think parents these days try to be their kids BFFs and I disagree with that. Kids need to be taught and given guidance. They also have to know about consequences. I am the product of a teenage mother. My mom was 16 when she had me.

Its our jobs to teach our kids and whats wrong with saying No? It happens sometimes.
With that being said we will cross that bridge when we come to it. Until then I will continue to speak openly about sex and things to my kids.
Thanks for your input