Say your 15 yr old daughter requests Birth Control

castadiva

i'm not a parent either, but my concern would be that if she's on birth control, then guys could easily talk themselves out of using a condom. too many std's for that.

edited to add: i think i would prefer my daughter to come home pregnant than to contract aids.

Er, this really doesn't make sense. If she's at risk of coming home pregnant through failure to use a condom, she's equally at risk of coming home with HIV/AIDS. Both pregnancy and STDs/HIV are the product of unprotected sex. Being on birth control reduces the risk of the former (though not 100%) but failure to use a condom can lead to either. As for "guys talking themselves out of using a condom", that's not just their choice - I sincerely hope tat your guidance and support as her parent would leave your putative daughter with the knowledge, confidence and self-esteem to insist that her partner wore a condom whether she was on birth control or not.

As for the initial question, if your teenager requests birth control, male or female, for heavens' sake, make sure they get birth control! Be glad they are sensible and responsible enough to think about their choices and decisions, and to take steps to avoid the potential negative repercussions, and are comfortable enough with you to ask someone they can trust for help with this sensitive and sometimes embarrassing subject. If they have decided to have sex they will do so, without necessary protection if you prevent them from getting it - teenage pregnancy and STD statistics prove this only too well. It may also be that your daughter/son has no intention of becoming sexually active right now, but wants to be prepared when she/he does, which I personally think is laudable! There may also be a curiosity factor, or wanting to keep up with his/her peers, or subconsciously, a desire for you to acknowledge them as an adult, sexual being. Whatever the cause, an ounce of prevention is worth a tonne of cure. You can't make their life-choices for them, so make sure they're equipped to handle the choices they make.

castadiva

And I do mean emotionally as well as physically equipped. Whatever the choice that is being made, there will be emotional repercussions, including for those teens who choose abstinence, or have that choice made for them, by whatever social, parental or medical force is relevant . The emotional and physical challenges they face will be different from those faced by sexually-active teens, but make no mistake that they will face challenges of their own - I say this from experience. Not making the 'popular' or 'typical' choice can be harder, and the repercussions just as problematic.

Having now read this entire thread, I have just a few words for the parents who would not provide their children with birth control of any sort, on moral or ethical grounds. That is your choice, and your belief-system and I respect it. However, please do not actively prevent your teenagers from acquiring birth control (by which I mean all forms, male and female). If they ask, feel free to tell them that you are uncomfortable with the choice they are making, and why, and that you will not aid and abet them to make a choice you believe is wrong, but please make sure you also tell them that if they decide to go down this path, you trust them to be responsible as adults for the adult decisions they are making. Tell them where/how to get the supplies, if it's not blindingly obvious, and if you can, point them towards someone trustworthy they can have an open discussion with about their options. You needn't provide any further support or information, but actively standing in the way of their decisions and their choices, and preventing them from taking responsibility for their own bodies and health will only ever backfire on you.

umachanxo

I would sit down and talk to my daughter about safe sex and birth control. I'd want her to feel that she can be open to me about having sex, so that she doesn't sneak around and make any mistakes. (Which might happen anyway, but I think it's more likely if she feels like I will only get angry with her).

Personally, 15 seems a little young for sex. I'd make sure that she understood how big a deal it is to have your first time. Personally, I was on birth control at 16, but had no intentions of having sex. I was on it because I have awful cramps and it helped out with that. A 15 year old girl might only be on it because her friends are doing it.

I've only been with my fiance, and I was on the pill at 16. So, requesting birth control doesn't necessarily mean that she will be having sex.

The important thing, for me, when I'm a parent, is to not over react about sex. I want to be able to make sure she understands consequences and understands how to protect herself.

engineman312

...

suzycreamcheese

Still counts!!

rml_16

So, I think the real question is not whether you would be the DD, but would you help your child if he or she found himself or herself in immediate need of that help.

That's a better analogy.

If my child was drunk and called me for help, I would be there in a heartbeat. I would never be his/her DD. If my daughter came to me because she was pregnant, I would help her in a heartbeat. I would not provide her with BC.

So you'd rather deal with the pregnancy than prevent it?

rml_16

So many replies, not even sure if this will get read. BUT -

The real reason kids come home pregnant is because we a) don't talk to them about sex or b) we hand them condoms and give them birth control. Kids are already confused as hell at that age. They don't need us making it worse.

The pill can be used for a lot of things other than protection. Acne, PPMD, regulation of cramps/period just to name a few. If my child was struggling I would definitely consider this.

Now, if she wanted to have sex, yeah - I would be concerned. I remember when my parents used to ask me where I was going, drive me there, pick me up, meet the parents. The kid really shouldn't be in a situation where they can have sex. Parenting isn't handing a kid a condom just in case. Parenting is a bit more involved than that

My parents talked to me about sex. I took sex ed in elementary, middle and high school. I did not take birth control or use condoms.

I came home pregnant at 17.

Kids come home pregnant because they have raging hormones and an attitude of invincibility.

ThinspiredButterfly

im almost a mommy, & if my daughter/son asked for the pill or condoms, id be happy to get it!! im 18 & out of school; but i chose to have this baby young [13 weeks ]. i wouldnt want my daughter/son to become parents from 1 mistake. kids have sex whether u like it or not, so would u rather by the pill or diapers? i say the pill!!

macpatti

[/quote]

If my child was drunk and called me for help, I would be there in a heartbeat. I would never be his/her DD. If my daughter came to me because she was pregnant, I would help her in a heartbeat. I would not provide her with BC.
[/quote]

So you'd rather deal with the pregnancy than prevent it?
[/quote]

I could not morally provide my teenage children with birth control. There are plenty of ways to help your child prevent pregnancy without personally providing BC.

gentsevetzak

macpatti

Not cool.

daffodilsoup

Not cool.

I thought it was funny.

macpatti

Not cool.

I thought it was funny.

Ridiculing someone's religion is funny? It added nothing to the discussion.

daffodilsoup

Ridiculing someone's religion is funny? It added nothing to the discussion.

It's not really "ridiculing". Don't take things so seriously.

castadiva

If my child was drunk and called me for help, I would be there in a heartbeat. I would never be his/her DD. If my daughter came to me because she was pregnant, I would help her in a heartbeat. I would not provide her with BC.
[/quote]

So you'd rather deal with the pregnancy than prevent it?
[/quote]

I could not morally provide my teenage children with birth control. There are plenty of ways to help your child prevent pregnancy without personally providing BC.
[/quote]


End quote

While I understand that this is your code of belief and respect that, I'm afraid I simply don't understand this thinking. You are endlessly willing to help with the outcome, but not to take practical steps to help your child prevent him or herself getting into that situation in the first place? Treat the effect, but not the cause? Trying to understand your logic, rather than criticise.

Not sure why the quote mechanism doesn't seem to be working on this - sorry!

SarabellPlus3

I was on BC really early, because it helps with other things-- for instance regulating your periods. So honestly, I think I'll put my 3 girls on the pill pretty early, with that as the motivation, and reiterate to them that it's not because I expect them to have sex. Also, the fact that the pill only protects from pregnancy anyway, of course, not STDs.

Though I suspect my husband will do something like this, and I can't say I'm not OK with it:

Since I have no daughter, I feel comfortable in saying this.

1) buy a gun
2) invite her boyfriend over for dinner
3) spend the entire night cleaning and checking the site
4) overreact

LOL

BlueLikeJazz

My co-worker recently went through having to make this decision, not at her daughter's request, but at her daughter's doctor's suggestion because of very painful menstrual cramps. Her daughter has had a couple of boyfriends and they've talked openly about birth control in the past: my co-worker has always requested that her daughter let her know when she plans to start having sex and they would put her on the Pill.

I tend to agree with her approach. If your daughter comes to you requesting to get on the Pill, it's pretty likely she's going to have sex one way or another, if she hasn't already. I know once I was ready, I was READY, it was happening for sure. I think it needs to come with a serious talk about the need to always use a condom along with the Pill. I'd also encourage her to wait, tell her that she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to, that sex comes with a lot of baggage, but let her know that I'm honored she could confide in me. I was 18 by the time I became sexually active, but there's no way I would have been able to talk to my mom about getting on b.c. if it had happened when I was still a minor because it just wasn't a topic that was discussed in our household. I hope my daughter will be able to come to me with things like this.

KimmieBrie

Although not the orginal question - I also would not be the designated driver. I would absolutely go pick them up no questions asked if they were in an unsafe situation, but never would I offer to drive anyone around so they could drink to excess. I'd rather teach moderation, self control, and how to program the local cabs # into your phone - this all once they are the legal age to drink. I can't do anything to make the drinking safer, can only ensure they make it home in one piece and you don't have to be a DD to do that. They and their friends should come up with a DD amongst themselves. That is the beginning of being resposible.

That is a completely different story than birth control. Those who don't believe in birth control for strictly religious reasons aren't going to be for it if their child is 15 or 25. People who don't believe in premarital sex won't think it's ok at 15 or 35....

chanstriste13

If my child was drunk and called me for help, I would be there in a heartbeat. I would never be his/her DD. If my daughter came to me because she was pregnant, I would help her in a heartbeat. I would not provide her with BC.

So you'd rather deal with the pregnancy than prevent it?

I could not morally provide my teenage children with birth control. There are plenty of ways to help your child prevent pregnancy without personally providing BC.

i'm not a parent, but i understand this thinking. i think there is a fine line between guiding your children and endorsing actions or behaviors that you as a parent cannot support. i can see how it would be very difficult to walk that line, and every parent has to determine what is the best course of action for them and their children. it may or may not work. there's always a risk, regardless of which way you choose. no way around that for anyone - just the nature of life. and there are so many different layers and facets and dynamics of child-parent-family relationships that it would be impossible to have a blanket solution to things like this. to each their own.

castadiva

Although not the orginal question - I also would not be the designated driver. I would absolutely go pick them up no questions asked if they were in an unsafe situation, but never would I offer to drive anyone around so they could drink to excess. I'd rather teach moderation, self control, and how to program the local cabs # into your phone - this all once they are the legal age to drink. I can't do anything to make the drinking safer, can only ensure they make it home in one piece and you don't have to be a DD to do that. They and their friends should come up with a DD amongst themselves. That is the beginning of being resposible.

That is a completely different story than birth control. Those who don't believe in birth control for strictly religious reasons aren't going to be for it if their child is 15 or 25. People who don't believe in premarital sex won't think it's ok at 15 or 35....

Still off-topic, but too good a debate to leave! While I agree that a DD would be best found from among a person's peer group, and that it is an indicator of responsibility, it's not necessary to drink to excess to require a DD - depending on body size and what you're drinking, as well as local laws, legally 'over the limit' can be very little - one and a half glasses of wine in some cases, which is hardly immoderate. Assuming you would rather your child didn't get behind the wheel if they were a risk to themselves or someone else, legally of drinking age or not, and a suitable peer DD couldn't be found - perhaps your child was going to a function without their friends where they knew they would have more than one drink, or they didn't trust the nominated DD to stick to soft drinks - and a cab wasn't an option for financial or safety reasons, wouldn't you rather offer to pick them up/be the DD and be sure they, and other road-users were safe? You're hardly "driving them around so they can drink to excess" if they're going to have two glasses of wine with dinner, or a couple of drinks to celebrate a graduation or birthday!

WifeNMama

Ridiculing someone's religion is funny? It added nothing to the discussion.

It's not really "ridiculing". Don't take things so seriously.

Uh. It's making fun of an essential part of the Christian faith. If you made similar jokes about other religions, you'd get the same reaction or worse. You're not supposed to talk about religion in the public forums anyway.

rml_16

If my child was drunk and called me for help, I would be there in a heartbeat. I would never be his/her DD. If my daughter came to me because she was pregnant, I would help her in a heartbeat. I would not provide her with BC.

So you'd rather deal with the pregnancy than prevent it?

I could not morally provide my teenage children with birth control. There are plenty of ways to help your child prevent pregnancy without personally providing BC.

i'm not a parent, but i understand this thinking. i think there is a fine line between guiding your children and endorsing actions or behaviors that you as a parent cannot support. i can see how it would be very difficult to walk that line, and every parent has to determine what is the best course of action for them and their children. it may or may not work. there's always a risk, regardless of which way you choose. no way around that for anyone - just the nature of life. and there are so many different layers and facets and dynamics of child-parent-family relationships that it would be impossible to have a blanket solution to things like this. to each their own.

My ultimate point in all of this is that if your child is at the point of asking for BC because he or she is planning to have sex (and not for medical reasons), then your child is probably going to have sex. You can try to talk your child out of it and MAYBE that will work. But when it's all said and done, if that kid is determined to have sex, he or she is going to have sex.

In that case, while I wouldn't be happy about it and would be very clear about that, I would still prefer to make sure to the best of my ability that my kid would be able to go on and live the rest of his or her life without having to pay the highest price for that decision.

Morals or no morals, I do not want my daughter to have a baby too young (and unplanned) or to get AIDS. Those are bigger concerns than whether I condone the act itself.

castadiva

Ridiculing someone's religion is funny? It added nothing to the discussion.

It's not really "ridiculing". Don't take things so seriously.

Uh. It's making fun of an essential part of the Christian faith. If you made similar jokes about other religions, you'd get the same reaction or worse. You're not supposed to talk about religion in the public forums anyway.

I'm a Christian and found it quite amusing - certainly wasn't offended by it anyway - it's a credible response from a man whose supposedly-virgin bride is pregnant! For my money, it's situational comedy rather than malicious ridicule, and in the context of this thread, a logical, if unecessary, addition. But yes, no religion on the main threads please!

chanstriste13

If my child was drunk and called me for help, I would be there in a heartbeat. I would never be his/her DD. If my daughter came to me because she was pregnant, I would help her in a heartbeat. I would not provide her with BC.

So you'd rather deal with the pregnancy than prevent it?

I could not morally provide my teenage children with birth control. There are plenty of ways to help your child prevent pregnancy without personally providing BC.

i'm not a parent, but i understand this thinking. i think there is a fine line between guiding your children and endorsing actions or behaviors that you as a parent cannot support. i can see how it would be very difficult to walk that line, and every parent has to determine what is the best course of action for them and their children. it may or may not work. there's always a risk, regardless of which way you choose. no way around that for anyone - just the nature of life. and there are so many different layers and facets and dynamics of child-parent-family relationships that it would be impossible to have a blanket solution to things like this. to each their own.

My ultimate point in all of this is that if your child is at the point of asking for BC because he or she is planning to have sex (and not for medical reasons), then your child is probably going to have sex. You can try to talk your child out of it and MAYBE that will work. But when it's all said and done, if that kid is determined to have sex, he or she is going to have sex.

In that case, while I wouldn't be happy about it and would be very clear about that, I would still prefer to make sure to the best of my ability that my kid would be able to go on and live the rest of his or her life without having to pay the highest price for that decision.

Morals or no morals, I do not want my daughter to have a baby too young (and unplanned) or to get AIDS. Those are bigger concerns than whether I condone the act itself.

sure, i get that.

but do consider that a lot of girls on birth control are readily convinced by their love of the moment that a condom is not necessary. have you ever sat in a high school or middle school sex class recently? it is alarming the number of girls that will not use a condom because their boyfriends tell them it feels so much better. do they know better? yes. do they understand the risks? sure. does it matter? apparently not.

it's tricky business, and just prescribing birth control has the possibility of making things worse, just the same as *not* prescribing birth control could possibly make things worse. there are too many factors involved to say, 'do this, and you won't have a problem'. there is no simple solution.

but, as i stated earlier, i would rather my daughter come home pregnant and disease-free than not pregnant with aids.

chanstriste13

Ridiculing someone's religion is funny? It added nothing to the discussion.

It's not really "ridiculing". Don't take things so seriously.

Uh. It's making fun of an essential part of the Christian faith. If you made similar jokes about other religions, you'd get the same reaction or worse. You're not supposed to talk about religion in the public forums anyway.

I'm a Christian and found it quite amusing - certainly wasn't offended by it anyway - it's a credible response from a man whose supposedly-virgin bride is pregnant! For my money, it's situational comedy rather than malicious ridicule, and in the context of this thread, a logical, if unecessary, addition. But yes, no religion on the main threads please!

ditto! this thread is too fun to get shut down!

macpatti

While I understand that this is your code of belief and respect that, I'm afraid I simply don't understand this thinking. You are endlessly willing to help with the outcome, but not to take practical steps to help your child prevent him or herself getting into that situation in the first place? Treat the effect, but not the cause? Trying to understand your logic, rather than criticise.

Not sure why the quote mechanism doesn't seem to be working on this - sorry!

Where did I say I do not "take practical steps to help my child prevent him or herself from getting into those situations in the first place"?

macpatti

I'm a Christian and found it quite amusing - certainly wasn't offended by it anyway - it's a credible response from a man whose supposedly-virgin bride is pregnant! For my money, it's situational comedy rather than malicious ridicule, and in the context of this thread, a logical, if unecessary, addition. But yes, no religion on the main threads please!

I certainly don't speak for all Christians, nor do you, and even within Christianity we have different denominations and beliefs. I am Catholic, and take the Virgin Mary very seriously. I find it offensive to ridicule. I'd enjoy continuing to discuss this issue, without making fun of someone's belief or non-belief.

castadiva

I mean by offering to be the DD if necessary or arranging a safe lift/safe cab, and providing guidance about where to access birth control of all sorts if you are not comfortable personally providing it. Things like this, not necesarily these specifically, that are practical, concrete, rather than theoretical/talking-based, ways to prevent your child being in an unsafe situation with alcohol or coming home pregnant. Just not quite understanding how you differentiate between being happy to help when a negative consequence occurs and yet being unwilling to take active steps to prevent it in the first place. Genuinely not intended to be critical, just trying to understand your thinking.

macpatti

I mean by offering to be the DD if necessary or arranging a safe lift/safe cab, and providing guidance about where to access birth control of all sorts if you are not comfortable personally providing it. Things like this, not necesarily these specifically, that are practical, concrete, rather than theoretical/talking-based, ways to prevent your child being in an unsafe situation with alcohol or coming home pregnant. Just not quite understanding how you differentiate between being happy to help when a negative consequence occurs and yet being unwilling to take active steps to prevent it in the first place. Genuinely not intended to be critical, just trying to understand your thinking.

I don't understand how not providing my daughter with a birth control pill is being unwilling to take active steps to prevent it in the first place. As I said, I believe there are many ways to take active steps to prevent it in the first place (I'll stick to the subject of BC so we don't get caught up in comparing different scenarios).

castadiva

I'm a Christian and found it quite amusing - certainly wasn't offended by it anyway - it's a credible response from a man whose supposedly-virgin bride is pregnant! For my money, it's situational comedy rather than malicious ridicule, and in the context of this thread, a logical, if unecessary, addition. But yes, no religion on the main threads please!

I certainly don't speak for all Christians, nor do you, and even within Christianity we have different denominations and beliefs. I am Catholic, and take the Virgin Mary very seriously. I find it offensive to ridicule. I'd enjoy continuing to discuss this issue, without making fun of someone's belief or non-belief.

You're absolutely right - we do have immensely varied views within the Christian community. I'm sorry you were offended by the post. I would never claim to speak for all Christians, but as the posted feedback to the post was predominantly negative on religious grounds, I felt justified in adding my two cents - that to me this was not offensive, though others were offended by it. I felt that the person who posted this was entitled to know that although some found it offensive, others appreciated what he or she presumably thought was light-hearted, topic-appropriate humour. I do agree however that this is not the forum for that to be discussed.

Re. active steps, I guess we are going 'round in circles on this. I just don't see the logic in saying that you'd be happy to help if your daughter came home pregnant - the need for 'help' implies that this is a dangerous or negative situation - but that you are unwilling to help her before the fact with the most reliable tangible (other than abstinence, which is a laudable, but intangible, non-concrete solution - humans are fallible, and teenagers more so than most!) form of prevention. To me, this seems illogical. Maybe I am missing something - I'd love to understand.